A/N: 5th installment of my Hogan's Heroes series. I'm back after a hiatus, but I'm very excited about continuing my narrative. All previous warnings still apply. I am sticking with the format I introduced in "Movies Are Your Best Escape" - that is, chapters alternate between a first person POV from Hogan, then Klink. We begin with Hogan...

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I make no profit.

Top Hat, White Tie, and Bomb Sights

A few days after we successfully smuggled the film detailing the plans for the German Fourth Army, we received an important transmission from London, top priority. It seemed that communication had broken down between London and a local Underground agent by the name of "Willie" who was working at the Hausnerhof Hotel in Hammelburg. London was desperate for us to alert him to cancel a weapons drop as a trap was suspected.

They provided a recognition code for us to use: "Do you know Lili Marleen?" The response had to be: "Yes, can you spare a cigarette?"

I decided I would handle the job, as it was quite risky. With a suspected trap, that meant a suspected leak, and the source was not yet identified. I told my men that I would go out the emergency tunnel the next night as a civilian and attempt the contact in Hammelburg. I gave London's warning to Kinch to encode into a message to be slipped into a cigarette pack. That way, after "Willie" made his request for a cigarette, handing him the package would be perfectly natural.

"Civilian," I mused dreamily, "what a beautiful word...next to girls." This war has gone on far too long...

Newkirk's voice brought me back to earth, "Colonel, don't you think of anything else but dames?"

"'Course I do! But I fight it!"

The next morning brought bitter cold at roll call, and an unexpected construction project around the perimeter fence. Soldiers were busy digging a trench, and none of the guards, not even Schultz, were willing to talk about it. The danger, of course, was if they dug deep enough, they might break into one of our critical tunnels.

I complained to Schultz that we were standing in the cold for an unreasonable length of time. Schultz began protesting that he knew nothing for the delay in the roll call when Klink emerged from the Kommandantur bellowing, "Report!"

"All present and accounted for!" announced Schultz with his usual gusto.

"Good," Klink nodded at Schultz, "now gentlemen, I have ordered this formation for the purpose of telling you - "

I decided to break into Klink's speech to avert listening to one of his boring diatribes, "Colonel, I'd like to volunteer my command for work on the construction, outside the wire."

"How very kind of you, Colonel Hogan," Klink replied with a smile, seemingly unbothered by my rude interruption. "Do some useful work and find out exactly what we are doing there, am I correct?"

"Well, that did cross my mind," I acknowledged.

"Of course," Klink replied, "but that won't be necessary. I have called this formation for the purpose of telling you what is happening. Now, prisoners I wish to inform you that the wire surrounding this camp is being electrified."

Klink paused while grumbling ran through the ranks. I was rather surprised myself. Why would he bother to do that with his perfect record?

"That's not so amusing, eh?" Klink continued, "The perimeter wire and the gate will carry enough voltage to electrocute anyone who touches it. Now let a word to the wise be sufficient! Stalag 13 remains escape proof!"

"Thank you Mr. Wonderful," I said sarcastically.

"Dismissed!" announced Klink refusing to react to me. He saluted Schultz and tromped off with that peculiar, hunched swagger of his.

My men quickly huddled around me, LeBeau was the first to begin.

"Electrified fence! That's terrible!"

"Another first for Stalag 13," I sighed, already trying to come up with ways to deal with this new development.

"At least now we can get fried without drinking," put in Carter, chuckling.

I love Carter for his endless optimism and good humor, but just then I wasn't in the mood. I quelled him with a look.

Kinch put a hand on my shoulder, "You won't be able to use that emergency tunnel now, Colonel."

"Sure he will," scoffed LeBeau, "they aren't digging deep enough to find it."

"Yeah," I acknowledged, "but they'll be guarding their equipment. I'll have to get out some other way."

I lead the men back to the barracks to think it over.

As we approached the door to Barracks 2, one of the guards exited the premises. We all gave each other puzzled, concerned looks. It was highly unusual for the guards to go in when we were away at roll call. Searches were usually conducted with us present, it allowed for them to identify the guilty owner of any contraband with more certainty.

We went in the front door and paused, nothing looked immediately amiss.

"Carter, check out here," I said, heading for my quarters followed by Kinch, Newkirk and LeBeau. My door was ajar. I couldn't remember with certainty if I had left it so. I usually closed it behind me. I was immediately suspicious. I began looking at the items on my table, trying to determine if they had been disturbed or if anything was missing.

It was the quick, experienced eye of Kinch that caught the first sign of trouble, he pointed at my overhead lamp. It was swinging back and forth. Not dramatically, but more than the slight drafts of our movements could cause. Kinch then pointed at the extraneous wire which was now wrapped around the hanging cord.

A bug!

Kinch tilted the diffuser up so I could get a better look underneath. Sure enough, there it was.

I quickly motioned to the others to keep quiet and look for more. After carefully sweeping both rooms we congregated in the outer barracks, away from the listening devices. Several were in my quarters, but none had been planted out there. Obviously, the installation had occurred while we were out at roll call being lectured by Klink about the new electrified fence.

I found myself unexpectedly furious with Klink. A small, reasonable part of my brain tried to tell me I had no business feeling angry and betrayed. After all, we had taps on his phone and bugs in his office. In fact, we had almost completed our tunnel into his quarters! Why did I expect him to respect my privacy, when I had no respect for his?

He's the enemy. He's seeking every possible advantage, just as you are with him. All's fair in love and war, after all.

In spite of this, I found I was still unreasonably disappointed, but I forced myself to think coolly.

"So, we tear out those microphones?" asked LeBeau.

"No, hold it a minute," I said thinking. Maybe I can let him hear things he will come to regret hearing.

"We may be able to use them to our own advantage," I continued. Ha! I think I can engineer this into a trip into Hammelburg!

I snapped my fingers, "Gentlemen, Stalag 13 Theatre of the Air is about to have its world premiere!"

Klink will rue the day he decided to spy on me...

A/N: As usual, I'm humbly begging for reviews. Next chapter will be from Klink's POV...