Title: Like Father, Like Son?
Chapter 1 – Confession isn't Good for the Soul
Summary: Ed battles with his own internal misgivings and parenting skills when he finds himself angry over Clark's future choices and envying Dean's. Based on a scene from eppy 4.18 'Slow Burn'
Disclaimer: Ah you know write? Ed's with me and well yeah that's about it…lol
A/N: Okay so by now I'm guessing and hoping that everyone has seen the amazing season finale and so figure its safe to post this. It's kind of a speculation piece and yes most know I don't like them b/c they are usually wrong on my part lol but this little bunny just wouldn't leave Alice alone and so we went after it. Based on the scene between Clark and Dean but of course involving their fathers.
"Words in italics and double quotes – directly from the eppy."
"I don't remember this." Dean mentions as he and Clark stand by the tree near the lake shore the afternoon of the annual SRU Team picnic.
"We came down once before you guys moved. I mean, my dad said your mom wasn't really into the whole police thing, but..." Clark's voice dies out as he looks over at Dean.
"Yeah, I haven't told him," Dean confesses.
"What?" Clark asks.
"My dad. I want to be a cop," Dean admits to Clark's surprised expression.
"Aw man, no you don't," Clark insists.
"Yeah, man, I do," Dean nods firmly.
"Really why?"
"It's cool…I mean…you don't? Really? Why not? Your dad is cool."
"My dad's never around," Clark sighs as he looks over at a group of adults.
"Well I mean I haven't seen mine hardly in what…ten years? But the job…hey you get to carry a gun," Dean laughs and Clark smirks. "So what do you wanna do?"
"Anything but that."
"Have you told your dad that?"
"No," Clark looks over with an uncertain expression.
"Bummer," both of them state at once and then go back to talking about school in general.
Ed looks up from his discussion with Wordy and Raf and glances over at Clark and Dean and smiles; happy that Dean was back and the two of them had literally picked up as close friends from where they had left off when they were little. But as Clark looks up and gives his father an uneasy smile and quickly looks away, Ed's fatherly instincts take over and instantly he feels his stomach tighten and a strange feeling of nervous anxiety settle upon him.
The inner agitation continues to fester as he watches Greg pull away from Marina and head over to the two boys and start to easily talk with them, Ed's face trying to hold back a frown as he politely excuses himself from the adults and heads toward Greg and the boys; wanting to join in the somewhat lively discussion. But as soon as he approaches he notices Clark slightly stiffen and that inner agitation edges upward.
"What's goin' on?" Ed asks with a wondering expression.
"Talkin' sports my friend. You know Eddie here's going through some pretty bad withdrawals without hockey being on."
"I tried to get him to convert…" Clark shrugs as Ed gives the group a small smile.
"Basketball?" Ed asks weakly. "Hey I'm trying."
"Yeah right dad when he went around two players you said he should be called for a two line pass," Clark groans and the small group laughs as Ed shrugs.
The conversation slowly dwindles until Ed watches Clark and Dean pull away, talking in low tones to each other so that it's just him and Greg left by the tree. "And then there were two," Ed mutters as he turns to leave.
"What's on your mind Ed? Talk to me."
"Boss…it's nothin'," Ed resigns with a heavy sigh as he turns back with a somewhat defeated expression.
"You helped me today…let me return the favor."
"I have nothing to tear up," Ed counters.
"Why not try."
"It's just Clark…as of late. I thought that we had come to somewhat of a better understanding a few months back," Ed pauses as his mind reflects to the discussion he had after he had caught Clark down by the river with a group of teens that was nearly killed by another teen on a mis-guided revenge mission. "Now it seems like he doesn't want me around…at least poking my nose in his life."
"He's a teenager my friend."
"Dean doesn't give off that vibe."
"This is all new to him. Yeah it's great that my son actually wants to be in my life but I keep waiting for the novelty to wear off."
"Maybe it won't," Ed suggests with a shrug.
"Maybe," Greg agrees as they watch the two teens laughing a short distance away. "Maybe it's a girl and you know Clark doesn't wanna talk about it."
"Maybe."
"Sure that's probably what it is," Greg pats Ed on the back, forcing a bigger smile from Ed's lips. "Come on…let's not worry about it okay. Have you tried one of Marina's cupcakes?"
Ed allows Greg to guide him over to the dessert table, only halfheartedly listening to his friend's eager explanation of his girlfriend's dessert making skills but watching his son with quick sideways glances, not wanting to seem that he was bothered by his son's somewhat distant attitude as of late but also wanting to see if something indeed was going on.
Maybe it is a girl…maybe just male teenage hormones and he's worried I'll over react. Maybe it's school…maybe it's a job….and on it went, his mind making up a few plausible scenarios to keep himself from drowning in emotional melancholy. Even on the ride back, Clark's one word answers or outright silence in favor of listening to his iPod was a bit disconcerting to his concerned father.
"So…have fun today?" Ed asks as he pauses in Clark's doorway just before it was time to go to sleep.
"Yeah. Was nice to have everyone together again. Dean liked it too."
"Nice to see you two getting along so well."
"Yeah," Clark nods and Ed frowns as he enters his son's bedroom and eases himself down on the edge of his bed.
"Clark, everything okay?"
"Yeah, why?" Clark looks up with a shrug.
"You just seem…a bit distant as of late. I thought we had worked through everything."
"Everything's fine…nothing wrong," Clark replies with a small frown.
"Okay," Ed nods, his lips adding a weak smile before he playfully messes Clark's hair and then stands up to leave.
"Hey dad…"
"Yeah?" Ed turns back in haste.
"If I didn't want to be a cop, you'd be okay with that right?"
Ed looks at his son, his mind literally screaming at him to paste on a fake smile if needed, nod in agreement and bite back any disappointed remarks about bragging like father like son. He'd only get part of that right.
"I um…why?" Ed asks as he sits back down. "I thought we had talked about this. Thought you wanted to be a cop?"
"Well that was before but I'm not into it anymore."
"Okay…any reason in particular?" Ed continues, cursing himself for finding it easier to get the truth out of a hardened felon than to coax an answer out of his own son.
"I think I might wanna go into engineering or something. I got the grades for it," Clark tries to explain.
"Engineering," Ed ponders more than questions before he looks back at Clark and shrugs. "Sure…yeah if that's what you want."
"It's okay right?"
"Yeah it's okay."
"Really?"
"Clark, it's your future. I always had hoped…thought, you'd wanna follow me but…yeah sure, it's fine. Course it is."
"Well I did but um…I'm not one hundred per…" Clark rushes and Ed quickly scolds himself for the guilt-laden remark he had unwittingly uttered.
"Hey it's okay…I get it. And I just want you to know no matter what you do I'll be proud of you and support you."
"You will? Really?"
"Sure," Ed answers with a less than genuine smile as he pats Clark on the back. "Do you um…know which school you want to go to?"
"No, not yet," Clark shakes his head as he looks away. "Just thinkin' you know?"
"Okay," Ed agrees as he too looks down at his fingers as they nervously fidget with the bottom edge of his tee-shirt. "Well if you wanna you know…discuss options I'm here okay?"
"Sure dad," Clark looks up. "I mean we have career day and such but you know maybe you can help me with the financial choices?"
"Just ask okay," Ed tries to assure Clark as he squeezes his shoulder and then slowly stands up, watching Clark pick up his iPod and get back to what he was doing before, Ed leaving his room under a cloud of mental anxiety. He heads into his own bedroom, offering his wife an uneasy smile before heading into the bathroom to splash some cold water onto his face and tell himself that maybe this was just a phase and he'd come to his senses. Who's senses? Ed's mind argues back as he exhales heavily and looks at his own uncertain reflection.
"What did I do wrong?" Ed mutters to himself before he turns off the light and heads back into his bedroom.
XXXXXXXX
"Eddie you're in early this morning," Greg remarks as he enters the quiet workout room to see his team lead running on the treadmill. "What accounts for all this early morning energy? Izzy finally sleeping through the night?"
"Yeah something like that boss," Ed grunts, giving Greg a small nod before turning back toward his imaginary finish line.
"So you and Clark talk about how career day went?"
"Kinda," Ed replies as he keeps going, his back still his boss and friend.
"Ok-ay," Greg mouths as he near Ed, noticing the look of tension and fatigue on his face. "Rough night?"
"Boss, I'm fine," Ed insists as he watches Greg offer him an inspecting gaze. "Okay so Izzy was up. Okay?"
Greg stares at Ed for a few seconds before pulling back. "You telling me what I want to hear or what is the truth?"
"You calling me out?" Ed stops and looks at Greg directly with a small scowl and Greg merely shakes his head.
"Nope, merely asking."
"And I'm telling you it's fine. Boss I'm just tired okay? Nothing more…tomorrow will be better, trust me."
"Okay Eddie," Greg replies with a smile, "I trust you. Maybe too much secret sauce at the picnic?" Greg tosses just as Sam and Spike enter and friendly banter ensues.
"I'll blame the icing in the cupcakes," Ed retorts.
"Ouch," Greg offers with a mock groan.
But as Ed watches Greg walk away he knows things aren't going to get better, not as long as Clark wasn't interested in following in his footsteps – at least professionally. How could he not want to? An engineer? Really? Why? Is this really my fault? Is he doing this to get back at me? Ed's mind would swirl with questions when it wasn't occupied by work during the day. Thankfully a hot call came in and his mind was distracted by the job; the one thing he could count on to be the same, for the most part.
After offering a few casual words to the rest of the team after the tense call, Ed heads home, hoping tonight will offer him a bit more peace of mind before bed than the night before. But upon getting home, Sophie tells him that Clark is upstairs on the Skype with Dean and he should go call him for supper; his plan was about to be rendered moot.
"So did you actually apply?"
"Yeah today. Told my dad tonight…he was pretty stoked for me. What'd your dad say? You told him last night right?" Dean asks, forcing Ed to stop in his tracks and listen.
"Same old stuff…he'll help me with whatever. I think he was kinda mad I don't want to be a cop."
"He ask why?"
"Sort of…but like I said, he's never around. I don't really want that kinda life," Clark confesses and Ed feels his heart sink as he tries to swallow. "I thought maybe engineering or something,"
"Yeah you get good grades and stuff. Just thought we'd do the cop stuff together you know?"
"I'll think about it okay."
"Hey you gotta do it for you."
"Damn now you sound like your dad and mine."
"And that's bad," Dean chuckles and both of them laugh.
Ed turns and heads for the stairs, waiting a few seconds before calling out to Clark and pretending he had just got to the top.
"Coming!" Clark calls out as he ends his real time convo with Dean and heads down for supper. The talk around the table focuses on Clark's day at school with some passing mentions about his future professional plans, it being career week but nothing cemented about his actual choice or why he wasn't interested in following in his father's footsteps.
"Clark mention anything to you about career week?" Sophie asks as they linger around the kitchen table after supper, Clark already left the table and gone to his room.
"Engineering," Ed grumbles as he leans back in his chair and looks at his wife with a frown. "What did he tell you?"
"That or a lawyer," Sophie replies, recalling her conversation with her son. "I know that look. Did you tell him you're disappointed?"
"I…no," Ed resigns as he leans forward, folding his hands on the table. "I know it's his choice but I followed my father and I always thought…"
"Like father, like son?"
"Yeah…something like that," Ed sighs as he looks past her at the clock. "Getting late."
"I get that you not opening up is also something your father did, Clark's not like that and for that I am glad. Talk to him Ed."
"You know Sophie…I'm trying."
"Try harder," she replies with a firm but kind tone. "If you can talk a man off a ledge surely you can try to get your son to tell you why he wants to choose a calculator over a gun."
But it was late and by the time Ed went up to see Clark, his lights were out and it wasn't the time to wake him up and have a sobering heart to heart about why he didn't want to be just like his father – at least in his professional choices. So with another night ahead of inner turmoil, Ed offers a small curse in his own name, praying he'll just fall asleep instead of tossing and turning like the night before. His prayer wouldn't be answered.
XXXXXXXX
"Now didn't Wordy warn you a few years back about breaking that thing," Greg greets Ed early the next morning in the workout room. "Two in a row, I'm gonna start to think things."
"You know what…go ahead," Ed grunts as he pulls back from the punching bag, his fingers unsuccessfully trying to pull the gloves off.
"Hey…what's going on?" Greg's fingers rest on the top of each hard leather mit, forcing Ed's arms to stop moving and his tormented sapphire orbs to lock with Greg's deep brown searching ones. "Talk to me Eddie…I know it's not just sleep that's doing this to you. So what is it? You've been like this since the picnic. What happened?"
Ed looks at Greg and frowns before his mind shouts 'YOUR SON WANTS TO BE LIKE YOU AND MINE HATES ME'! but simply shakes his head and pulls away.
"Gotta have clear heads out there Ed, you know that."
"Okay just some stuff at home…its nothing…really it's nothing boss and I'm fine."
"You know starting right now I'm gonna dock you twenty bucks for every fine you tell me that's hiding a lie."
"Twenty? Kinda steep," Ed sighs as he looks at Greg and just shakes his head. "Stuff with Clark…you know growing pains. He's growing up and…and it's taking me by surprise but it's all good. Boss I'm good really."
"Ten for the I'm good," Greg winks.
"It's something that the two of us hafta work out, okay?"
"Okay I'm trusting you to be on your top game out there."
"You'll have it," Ed assures him as Spike enters the room.
"Morning gentleman. Hey Greg heard the good news."
"What good news?" Ed inquires.
"Was just about to tell you. Dean told me his plans to go to University and then join the force," Greg answers proudly.
"That's um…that's great," Ed nods with a fake smile; hiding his gritted teeth and telling himself to just turn around and walk away now. But the verbal onslaught was just starting. Sam, Jules, Raf, even Winnie all of them telling Greg how great it was that Dean was going to follow in his footsteps and how proud he must be, his son being just him; Ed's brain yelling at him to play the political game and try not to hold ill will or resentment toward his friend and boss. But that plan was quickly rendered dead in the water when Dean arrives to pick up something he had left over the night before. And then it starts all over again.
"Hey Dean, Greg just told us all the great news," Jules offers the young man an enthusiastic hug, the rest of them crowding around, Dean all rewarding them happy smiles in return. But it's the look of pride that Greg offers the crowd that forces Ed's inner resentment to start to seep into his soul.
"That's great news Dean," Ed states as he steps in closer and offers his hand. "I know Greg is proud."
"I think what you guys do is great and…and um cool for sure so was honestly an easy choice," Dean smiles up at Ed as Greg steps in his hand on his sons shoulder giving it a squeeze.
"See your old man did something right," Greg teases, garnering as nod from his son.
"Certainly something to be proud of Greg," Ed comments, Greg turning and looking at Ed's rather strained smile.
"Ah well at least our boys will be doing it together right?" Greg adds, not seeing Ed's fingers curl into tight fists at his sides.
"Actually Clark doesn't want to be a cop," Dean adds, figuring it was old news now, especially after his conversation last night with Clark.
"Oh," Greg looks at Ed who shrugs back and then pulls away thankful for Spike's distraction. However, the growing inner discontent is not lost on Greg as he watches Ed heading for the locker room, his fist hitting the wall just as he rounds the corner and disappears. But if it was Clark's future career choice and that quiet anger was brewing inside his team leader he knows that unless Ed gets it all out – confronts it head on, he's a ticking time bomb and he wasn't about to let that go into the field unchecked.
"Excuse me," Greg mentions in a quite tone to Dean as he goes in search of Ed, heading into the quiet locker room and observing Ed trying in vain to put something away. "Works better if you twist it to the right."
"You know what…you do it," Ed shoves the part into Greg's hands as he tries to push past. But Greg merely counters his step, blocking his path and holding his angry gaze. "I have a team meeting to get to."
"Since I'm the chair I'll understand if you're late," Greg answers in a calm tone. "Why don't you really tell me what's bothering you."
"You're the genius you figure it out," Ed tosses in sarcasm before he bites his tongue and steps back. "Boss, I'm sorry…it's no big…"
"Deal?" Greg finishes as they both untense a bit. "Your son not wanting to choose your career path can be a big deal; actually for you I think it is."
"Fine, it's a big deal."
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"As I said…really it's no big deal."
Greg folds his arms over his chest and watches as Ed turns his back and just shakes his head. "Around here we talk about big deals until they are no longer deals at all."
"Greg…just…stop okay?" Ed turns back with a small anguished expression. "If you expect me to just pour out – everything, you know that's not me."
"I do know that's not you and unfortunately my friend for you at times, like now, that's not a good thing and I know that too."
"So Clark wants to be an engineer…he's not sure…but whatever right? It's his choice."
"But it would be better if it was your choice right?"
"I'm happy for you and Dean."
"Eddie, it's not a personal failure on your part, you know that right?"
"Sure boss," Ed retorts with a tight lipped smile and Greg knows cracking through this self-hardened shell isn't going to be easy or fast.
"But you don't believe me?"
"What can I say? My son doesn't want to be a cop, whatever," Ed offers as he tries to get past Greg once more. "I'm done talkin' about this."
"Come on Eddie…don't make me pull rank. You going out there like this…not good and you know it. You tell the team cool heads and now I'm reminding you of that. Have you talked to Clark about it?"
"I have a little and it's his choice and I told him I'd support him no matter what."
"Okay so then why don't you tell me what's really bugging you?" Greg continues to push. "Eddie I can't send you out like this. I know you aren't the lay your feelings on the line kinda guy but even the strong silent type gotta confess once and awhile. Whatever it is is eating away at you and I guarantee you'll feel better when you tell me what's really wrong."
"See, that's just it – I guarantee it won't," Ed corrects pointedly.
"Okay so how about you just tell me and we'll go from there - let me decide if it will or not," Greg urges in a kind tone.
"Fine you wanna know what's really bugging me?"
"I do."
"You."
"Pardon?" Greg asks, taken aback by his team leads strained confession. "Me? Why?"
Ed looks at Greg and for a few seconds his mind flashes images of Dean graduating and joining the force and Greg proudly boasting 'that's my son' ; images of Greg talking about Dean's first partner, first patrol route, first arrest and first possible undercover case and then…the SRU? The images fly at him fast and furious until it all comes to a sudden stop when Ed sees himself without his own son to boast about.
"Because there hasn't been a day since I met you that I envied your life in any way – until today."
And with that sobering thought left hanging as a thick cloud between them, Ed finally pushes his way past and leaves the room, Greg standing fixed in time, mouth slightly agape and mind racing for the appropriate comeback, which in that moment there was none.
A/N: Okay so had originally planned this as only a one shot (and leave it there-but figured you'll all kill me if I didn't at least add a second part) so the ending of sorts is coming. However, I could be wrong and you wouldn't mind me leaving it there since it is a speculation piece. Now it's up to you – my dear readers. So would love your reviews for this angsty little piece before you go and let me know to leave here or add another chappy b/c as you know it keeps us writing more and faster for you all. Thanks so much in advance!
