I don't know if this is any good, but I really wanted to write a fic about Sherlock and John, so here's the first chapter. The title of the fic is a song by Shania Twain which I've been listening to and all I can see is John and Sherlock whilst listening to it.


It'll be three years in exactly one week. Three years since I lost you. Three years since my whole world shattered. In one week it will have been three years since I saw you, three years since I heard your voice. Three years later and I can still see you. I can still smell you and feel you, but you're not here. You haven't been here for a long time now. I've moved on, living a different life. Of course it's not as fun as the life I had with you, but I'm happy. Well, I'm doing okay and I suppose that's all that matters. I have a new girlfriend, I say new, I've been with her over a year now. She's nice, you'd hate her.

John hadn't written in this journal for nearly two years. The year following Sherlock's death he wrote in it every day, telling Sherlock what was new in his life. He had moved out of 221B Baker Street just a week after Sherlock's death, there were too many memories and he couldn't deal with the presence of Sherlock that still lingered in the flat, it was all too much for him. He moved in with Molly, but that was only temporary. He told Sherlock he missed him every day and he talked about how life was boring without him. Once he wrote a letter in the journal he wouldn't read it again, he couldn't look back. He'd already done that enough without reading what he wrote over and over again.

When a year had passed, John decided he needed to move on, he needed to find a new life. Got a job, find some new friends. When that first year had passed he'd eventually moved out of Molly's and found a new flat that was on the other side of the city to his old one, he needed to get as far away from the memories and his old life as he possibly could. When he decorated it he made sure it looked the complete opposite to the one he shared with Sherlock. Nothing could remind him of Sherlock, because it was too painful. He also stopped talking to Mycroft and Mrs Hudson, because he said he couldn't have people in his life who would constantly remind him of the man he lost. It proved very difficult moving on to start with, trying to start a new life wasn't exactly easy, especially when all he wanted was his old life back. He eventually found a job, working with newspapers, he wrote the advice column and it was pretty popular with its audience.

His life was going well and he was starting to smile a little bit more as time went on and life seemed to get easier. John started dating again, but he was never really good at that to begin with. Before it was because of Sherlock and now it was just because he was scared of getting hurt again, he couldn't go through all the pain and sadness he did with losing Sherlock, but he knew he had to make the most of his life.

Jess eventually came into his life and they got on from the get go. She's was nice and she was beautiful. She was just a bit smaller than John, she was pale, had bright green eyes and long, red, wavy hair. He didn't know why he found it so easy to get on with Jess, maybe it was because she was different from any other woman he'd ever dated. She wasn't possessive, she let John have his own space and he let Jess have hers. They rarely argued and life was easy, he was happy. He loved her, but he wasn't in love with her, although that didn't change the fact there was no one else alive he'd rather spend his time with. They were friends as well as lovers and that just made the relationship that tiny bit better.

They moved in together after being together for six months. John realised it was starting to get serious and that made him smile a little, made him feel like he was finally living a normal life and even though he found a normal life boring, it was simple and easy and nothing like the life he had with Sherlock. His and Jess' relationship will be passing it's on year marker in 21 days. It has been a good year and he has smiled a lot, even felt genuinely happy for the most part of it and he had Jess to thank for that.

He read over his words again, smirking slightly at the end; she's nice, you'd hate her. It was true, Sherlock would hate her. He hated every woman John had ever dated. He had gone two years without writing in his journal, but since it was getting close to being three years all his feelings and emotions came flooding back. It took everything him in not to write in it around this time last year, but now he felt like he needed to, because he had come so far in the past year and he knew Sherlock would be happy for him, even though he would find John's new life extremely dull.

He couldn't write anymore, it was starting to hurt too much. What more could he possibly write? Sherlock would never see it anyway, he'd never see John again or the life he now lives. His eyes were stinging from the tears that threated to fall, but he stopped himself from getting even more emotional over Sherlock Holmes. He stood up, shoving the journal into the bottom drawer of his desk and making his way to the kitchen, sighing heavily as he poured himself a glass of water. He took a large gulp, before letting out a shaky breath. He was glad Jess wasn't home to see him like this, he hated being vulnerable in front of people, even if it was the woman he loved.

John had four days to himself, because Jess had gone to Paris earlier that day to visit her brother. Being alone was the hardest, but he'd decided to get some work done and focus his attention away from the upcoming anniversary which will be another one of his toughest days he'd have to face, where everything seemed broken and impossible. He wouldn't let himself get down and depressed again. Seeing a therapist for the first 8 months of Sherlock's death proved ineffective, he still couldn't talk to people. He barely talked to his therapist, but the anti-depressants worked and he started to overcome his depression, but he was always scared he'd slip back into it.

As the day got darker and his eyes got heavier he decided to crawl into bed before putting a film on, so the noise drowned out his thought, making it easier for him to sleep alone. His thoughts were always around, they were never quiet, never gave John any peace or quiet and the nights were the worst. His thoughts where even louder on a night and nothing he did ever made them go away. Drowning out the noise was the best he could do, the only thing he could do. He eventually fell asleep, hoping he'd have a decent night's sleep before he had to get up and face the world again.


Reviews are welcome! Let me know if you want me to carry on with this story.