Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek. I'm not old enough.
I didn't know what I needed. On the outside I was stoic and emotionless, just as I should be. Inside, however, was a torrent of conflict and overbearing thought.
Rage. Terror. Sadness—no, it was more than that. It was withdrawal, almost, but not as humans would think of it. I suppose restlessness, also.
But of those, rage—anger that flowed through my veins nearly unchecked—was without a doubt the most predominant.
It was so unlike my Vulcan side was used to, but it seemed oddly...peaceful. To let emotion run wild, to let reason topple out of the most important place in my mind.
Mother. Mother was dead. I would kill him! I would strangle him with my bare hands. I could, too. If I could get to him. Somehow, I would have the upper hand. He would never be able to stop me.
Vulcan. My world. My home plant. It was gone, forever. Nearly six billion people dead. The mourners would not even have bodies to bury. Even if they had, there would be nowhere to bury all of them, anyways. Many of the survivors were in physical as well as mental shock, and the Elders were just beginning to heal them.
I, however, was far from being healed. The Elders could not help me, for they could not know my pain. They suppressed feeling and therefore forgot how to feel. Even my father was unable to truly put my soul at peace. I hated the one who had done this, and hatred was illogical. I knew no other Vulcan would be able to comprehend.
Humans could not help me either, because I had withdrawn into logic. They did not realize how calming reason could be. Of course, they also would never have to restraining it could be. Neither would the Elders.
I was in between. I am half-human, and that side of me wished so much to turn lose upon that Romulan—Nero—and make him feel my pain. Was that not logical? it screamed. My Vulcan side responded with cold reason, the one thing above all that could keep emotion in check. Reason told me to follow orders to meet with the rest of the fleet in the Laurentian system. Together, all of our starships could stop Nero and bring him to justice, it insisted. But the human half of me, the part that housed raw emotion and animalistic instincts, did not want him brought to justice.
It wanted him dead.
I looked at the human in front of me and sighed inwardly. I could not let those thoughts control me. I had to let reason guide my actions as a Vulcan should.
So I said what was expected of me.
"I need everyone to continue to perform admirably."
