After Hair and Farewell …..

Mac: Will you always be there??

Harm: Yes.

Mac: The you need to know what the doctor told me.

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After Mac told him all about her endrometriosis and what the doctor had told her about her possibilities of having a child… Harm was speechless.

"So, what do you think?"

Harm couldn't think, he didn't know what to say, how was he supposed to make her feel better when he wasn't feeling any good in that moment…

"Say something." – Mac was getting nervous, usually Harm always had something to say, he always said something to make her feel good… if that was possible in right now. But in there he was, quiet… looking down at their hands.

Finally he talked…

"How can I help you? Can I do something for you?"

"There's nothing you can do. I just have to rest and wait to see how am I recovering." – Mac looked at him - "But thanks."

They sat there in silence for few minutes, till Mac felt a little cold…

"We should go in, it's getting cold here." – Mac stood and started to walk to the door, but noticed that Harm didn't follow her..

"Are you coming?"

"I think I'll stay here for a while. It's a beautiful night." – He was cold too, but right now he had many things in his head, many things to think about.. he couldn't go to that room full of people… not now.

"Ok." – Mac entered the house again leaving Harm sitting in that bench lost in his thoughts. She didn't know how he was feeling, but she knew that it wasn't the right moment to talk.

Few moments later, the admiral who had decide to leave the party early, left the house and noticed someone sitting in the porch.

"Hey, what are you doing here?"

"Thinking." – He smiled at her CO… or ex- CO. – "Are you leaving? The party wasn't that good?"

"No, and don't even say that. If Harriet hears you say that she might feel hurt." - Both man smiled. They knew how much Harriet loved planning all those events and she always did a good job.

"You don't look too good. Never imagined you'd be so sad because of my retirement."

"No, it's not for that."

The admiral looked at him with a questioning look..

"Mmm.. I mean, it's not that I like that you're leaving, or that don't feel bad about it.. it's.." – Harm tried to explain.

"Don't worry. I know I know!" – After all this years he still had the power to make the great Harmon Rabb nervous.

"So, what's bothering you?"

"I just had a bad day."

"Are things with Ms.Grace ok?" – The admiral knew that if Harm had problems, it had to do something with Mattie, since he and Mac seemed to get along well lately.

"Yes. Well… she has reconciliated with her father. And I think she'll move soon to live with him again. Tom has done a great job and it's now capable to take good care of Mattie. " – He was trying to convince himself there, not the admiral. He couldn't understand how Mattie had decided to go back to her old house with her dad instead of being with him.

"No matter what happens she will still be part of your life. Big part of you're life."

"I know, but I was getting used to have her in the next door. It was complicated at first.. living with a teenager.. a GIRL-teenager… I guess, I'll just miss her."

"What you did for her was amazing Harm. And you are going to be a good dad. Just ask for a son! It's probably easier!" – The admiral smiled and even laughed a little, but the man by his side was even sadder now… Mattie moving with her father again couldn't be his only problem.

"That day may never come."

"Why not? You'll find the one, if you haven't found it yet…" – Both knew he was talking about Mac.

"No, I just can think of having children with one woman, and that's… impossible."

"The colonel?" – He knew the answer, but it was time for them to talk man to man about that. When Harm didn't answer..

"C'mon, I'm not your CO anymore." – Harm nodded.

"I have to admit that I feared the day you two would enter my office saying you took your relationship to the next level."

"What would have you done?"

"After yelling at both of you, I would probably made many calls and ask many favours to try to keep both of you under my command."

Harm needed air, after all this years one of the biggest obstacles in their relationship was work… How many times had he told himself that it just couldn't be.. that they worked together. That the admiral will kill them! And now.. he found out that he would have been… happy! And he would have find some solution for them, something to keep them close… like he had done with Bud and Harriet.

"Can I ask you a personal question?" – The admiral finally spoke again.

"Sure."

"What happened in Paraguay?" - The look in Harm face wasn't good, it was like a very painful memories had come to his mind again. "I mean, you seemed so sure of yourself when you left my office. You gave up everything to go to Paraguay to look for her, and I just thought you two would finally get everything right."

"I don't know.. I wish I knew, but I don't know." – Harm was nervous and angry now. He looked desperate.

"Don't worry. I know you'll get through this. You always do."

"No this time." – He left out a snore – "And even if we make things better between us… we will never be more than…"- He breathed. - "…friends, and surely we will NEVER have kids together. " – He closed his eyes, it was even more painful to hear it out loud.

Before the admiral spoke again…

"She had an endrometriosis… she doesn't have many possibilities to have children."

"What? Why I didn't know about that?"

"She just told me, but I guess no one knows about it.."

"I'm sorry." – He didn't know what to say. Harm was clearly affected about that.

"We had a deal you know…" - The admiral decided to be quiet for a while and listen to what Harm needed to get out of his chest.

"We made a deal the day AJ was born.. that if in 5 years neither of us was in a serious relationship.. we'll have a kid… together.."

"AJ's birthday is in few weeks."

"I know, and tonight I talked to her about that… of course I didn't know about the surgery and all.. And then I didn't know what to say to her.. I was shocked. I'm a fool"

"I'm sure Mac knows you didn't mean to push her. And I know you'll be there if she needs anything. Just give her time."

"Yeah, I know. But how am I supposed to make her feel better?"

"All you have to do is being there."

"I can do that."

"Good. Now I'm going, and you should go inside and keep an eye on that marine, make sure she is ok." – Both men stoop up and shacked hands.

"Thanks sir. For everything. It was a pleasure working under your command."

"Thanks to you Harm. I know last year wasn't easy for us, but you are a good man, keep being like this."

They said goodbye and the admiral left to his car and Harm walked in again, joining the party.

First thing he saw when he crossed the door, was Mac smiling and talking with Jen and Harriet. 'God, this was going to be hard.'

Mac waved at him and few minutes later he was by her side asking is she was ok.

An hour later Mac asked if he could take her home, since she had arrived in a cab, and of course he agreed to take her home immediately.

The drive home was quiet. They didn't want to break the silence. And when they arrived Harm insisted in walking Mac to her door, just to make sure he was ok one last time.

"Call me if you need anything, ok? ANYTHING."

"Yes, stop worrying.. I'm ok."

"Good night Mac."

"Good night Harm."

He smiled, turned around and started walking away… away for the woman he desperately loved… away for his dreams… away for the only thing he needed right now..

All he wanted was to hold her and tell her that everything would be all right and heard her telling him the same… But that had to wait.

TBC

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AN: I have another chapter, about how Mac and Harm get along now that he is trying to find other ways to have a child and trying to make her feel better, and she just is mad at him and not feeling too good. Of course not knowing that the fact that she can't have kids have affected him too.. and more than she ever thought… maybe more that it had affected her!

So.. should I post it??? 

Please review!!! Thanks for reading!