The Fields of Hades

1: Optics

There was something definitely wrong with the beautiful brunette, though appearance-wise, he was the definition of perfection. His almond-shaped caramel eyes, gently-narrowed and glaring at L's person were magnificent, his creamy skin glowed and his long legs were so lovely, L wished To-oh had no uniform at all so that this apparition that currently sat casually in his office chair was naked.

"...Kira."

"Huh?" muttered L stupidly when sweet voice interrupted his mental undressing on the brunette.

"My name," repeated the fairy again, slowly this time, as if his audience was a group of small children, "is Kira."

L didn't hear a word of it; he just watched the brunette's cherry lips make pretty sounds.

"...Fifteen million dollars?" the creature tried again, and L only nodded dully, blinked and crawled closer to the edge of his bed to get a better look at his visitor.

"Still no? Come on, come back to earth, seriously!"

No? 'No', coming from such a pretty person was a horrible word, so horrible that it should be illegal. The only words the brunette should be allowed to say were 'yes,' and 'now,' and 'of course L, floor sounds great.'

"What's wrong with you?"

"Hmm?"

The brunette let his chest rise and fall in a frustrated sigh and his brilliant eyes narrowed even further.

"If you aren't going to listen to me, I'll just leave."

L's head snapped and his shoulders tensed.

"I am listening to you very closely."

"My name is Kira."

"Yes, of course," L nodded, still staring at those pretty legs.

"Now, what is my name?"

Aha! A test. L knew it. If L got enough answers correctly, the brunette would undress.

"Your name is Kira."

"Good." Kira looked pleased that he was getting somewhere.

"Now, Ryuzaki," Kira paused to make sure L was still with him, "I have a proposition for you."

Here it is! L's toes curled in delight at the mare thought of touching the beautiful thing.

"I am listening to your proposal very closely, Kira-chan."

"Call me 'Kira-chan' one more time, and I'll grab one of these surveillance cameras you got there and take a picture of your colon," said Kira sweetly.

"I am listening to your proposal very closely, Kira-kun."

"Well, you and I are going to steal fifteen million dollars from Yotsuba."

"Yes?" L waited patiently but Kira didn't say anything else, "Sex? What about sex?"

"What?"

"Sex! Are we going to have sex or not?"

"What? No!"

"No?"

"No!"

"But...!"

Kira looked outraged.

"Hmm," muttered L sourly, "this isn't how my dreams normally go."

"You think I'm a dream?"

Hell yes, L thought Kira-chan was a dream. If the beauty of the brunette had earthy origins, the fact that he pretty much teleported into L's chair was not reality-based at all. L had surveillance in his dorm room, the paranoid freak that he was. He had an alarm on his door and windows, motion sensors in the walls and cameras that captured every inch of his bedroom and kitchen. Nothing could get in or out without setting an alarm of one kind or another.

And if somehow Kira managed to get into his dorm undetected, he was still a dream. L supposed that if such a creature strolled the hallways of To-oh (judging by Kira-chan's To-oh uniform), L would surely have noticed him.

L remembered seeing the brunette once, somewhere, where and when though were questions he couldn't answer, and when there was something he didn't know, it was normally during sleep because despite what everyone thought, L did not dream about physics equations and Greek philosophy.

Hence this gone-terribly-wrong sex dream.

"Yes, I think Kira-kun in a dreamy apparition, now if he would kindly get in bed and skip the formalities..."

"I'm real, you god damn idiot! So's the money!"

"What money?"

"Yotsuba's fifteen million!"

"But I don't fifteen million, I just want sex," L objected.

"For fuck's sake! I did not plan this for a year only to find out you're a sex-crazed idiot with severe paranoia issues!" Kira huffed and tossed around in L's chair, sending angry glares at random pieces of L's furniture. L could tell his guest was getting annoyed, so he decided to approach the situation rationally.

"Alright, Kira-kun, let's suppose you are as real as that chair you are sitting in."

"Let's."

"You somehow snuck though my defense system undetected to ask for my help."

"Exactly."

"You," L pointed and the lovely brunette and poked his own chest, "want me to help you steal fifteen million dollars from the Yotsuba Corporation."

"Correct."

"This seems like a logical plan, but it has one flaw: in order for this to be the reality, you must be sitting in my chair and asking for my help."

"I am."

"You aren't," and when Kira opened his pretty mouth to protest, L raised a hand and signaled that he wasn't finished yet, "you are not sitting in that chair because for one, light has a property to bounce off solid objects."

Kira raised an eyebrow.

"The light is not reflecting properly off of you, Kira-kun, and you are, or aren't, sitting directly in the beam of my desk light."

Kira's chocolate eyes narrowed and his features became angry. He stood up and silently walked over to where L sat, pulled out a red maker and told L, "fine. If I'm not here, you wouldn't mind my vandalizing your property."

"Be my guest, Kira-kun," L resigned, realizing he would get no sex anyway.

So under L's admiring stare, Kira swayed his hips slightly as he marked up L's wall.

KIRA WAS HERE.

and then in smaller letters, just under it,

MY NAME IS L LAWLIET AND MY BRAIN IS IN MY DICK.

L's name, spelled correctly in obnoxious capital letters officially proved Kira's inexistence.

"Have a good night, I'll be back tomorrow," said the apparition and left though L's door without setting off any alarms.

L really hoped next time he'd see sweet Kira, the brunette would be appropriately undressed.

---

The writing on L's wall did not disappear in the morning, or after his morning class, and not even after he purposely stalled coming back into his room for another few hours by sitting in front of the library and creeping out random students.

When the obnoxious writing refused to fade after L dined on a torte, L decided to bring in backup.

"Wow dude, you really pissed her off, man."

"So Matt-kun can see the writing on my wall also," L confirmed gravely.

"Is she hot? Come on man, tell me, I haven't seen a naked girl in like, forever. Well, besides the porn..."

"Matt-kun is high, now could he please describe what he is seeing?"

"Some pissed-off chick, and apparently she walked in when you were doing another dude," slurred Matt thoughtfully, "nice."

L stared at Matt and decided to use the approach Mello had taught him in case he needed to talk to Matt, ever.

"Can Matt-kun read?"

"Hell yeah, I can read."

"I do not believe Matt-kun."

"I can fucking rea-"

"Would Matt-kun prove his reading abilities by reading the writing on my wall?"

"Fine, 'Kira was here. My name is Elle Loli- La...' uh... I can read, okay?"

L rubbed his eyes in frustration and showed Matt to the door.

This was ridiculous.

L checked the surveillance: there he was, in all his perfect glory, one Kira sitting in his chair. There he was, walking in and out of his room, setting off no alarms. There he was, undeniably there, and undeniably gorgeous.

L whistled.

Either it was the lack of sleep, sugar overdose or suspicious fumes coming though the wall from Matt's dorm, L was totally wrong. Hmm. L shoveled a forkful of cakey substance into his mouth and pushed the empty plate away; it was time to do some research.

Hacking To-oh's student database took as much effort as walking down to the local bakery. Fussy, but necessary.

Kira, Kira...

Just as he'd thought.

To-oh had one hundred and four Kira Somethings, and all of them were girls. L narrowed his search down to nameless males within the age groups of sixteen to twenty five, and manually went though each of their photos.

No pretty brunette and worse yet, no pretty brunette posing for the camera in sexy lingerie.

No Kira.

L supposed Kira's To-oh uniform could have been borrowed, stolen or tailored, and if all else was true as well, someone who wanted to steal 15 million dollars wouldn't mind wasting a few hundred on a fake uniform.

L had no intention of helping out the brunette. He'll make sure to tell him that. After he convinced him to take off his shirt.

Gently screwing with the little criminal's mind was much more entertaining than lying in bed and trying to fall asleep. L's latest episode of insomnia started only a few days ago, and already L was ready to crawl up a wall an die inside the ceiling fan. And it would only get worse before in a few days L would simply collapse somewhere; campus med room was all too familiar with his poor sleeping habits.

Not that he could help it.

Kira-chan... sounded fun. L dusted off his office chair, hopped onto his bed and waited for Kira to poof into existence. No Kira at three. No Kira at four, either. Five, six... L counted the even ticking of his clock, and slowly the groups of people outside became smaller, sky became darker and the noise of the passing cars subsided until there were none left to pass his window. L's eyes drifted pleasantly shut.

"L, mmh..."

L jumped up, alert.

Kira sat on the edge of L's bed, only a foot away. Well, 'sat' was the wrong word. Sweet Kira was leaning backwards on his elbows, the top few buttons of his shirt were undone and the red tie lay across his half-necked chest. His legs, though still clothed, weren't crossed and looked so inviting...

L reached.

"Don't touch." L blinked. Dream? Not dream? Kira's caramel eyes lost their lustful gaze, but only for a brief moment. "...I can do that myself."

Dream.

Dream, dream, dream, dream. Touch. No, don't touch.

Things generally went better if L let them do what they wanted.

Kira fall back on L's bed completely and his hair fall in complete disarray and L squealed when a creamy hand glided down over the half-open shirt, grasped where the shirt was neatly tucked into offending pants and tugged on it until the upper garment came free and creamy belly skin glistened in the artificial lighting of the room.

The light still did not reflect off Kira properly, but to hell with that. Long, perfect fingers traced the toned abdomen and lifted the shirt higher and higher as they traveled upwards and Kira's face became pink and bothered.

"L..." the brunette mouthed the letter with his pink lips and L inched closer. The caramel eyes became slits of brown and Kira's other hand trailed down and started fiddling with the zipper of his pants.

L reached for the beautiful face, but the apparition gave him a warning glare before he went back to his ministrations.

Kira-chan was fussy.

"I can do that for you so much better," L offered, licking his lips.

"Oh L, you want me..."

"Yes, yes I do."

The brunette arched his back and L almost jumped him then and there.

"Tell me..."

"I want Kira-chan very much," Kira paused for a split second before grasping needely at the hem of his pants and pulling them as low as the belt would allow. "Oh god you're beautiful."

"Ah, L you want me!" L grabbed the creamy hand.

Or at least he thought he did.

He saw stars.

And it weren't the good kind of stars.

More like, the kind of stars L got from walking all over the carpet and then pawing at a doorknob.

Static.

Kira vanished.

L blinked.

Did he wake up or something?

No Kira on the bed, no Kira under the bed... No Kira. L pinched himself. It hurt.

He was definitely awake.

Damn it.

"Ahh, Kira-chan! Ohh, let me make sweet love to you..! Please Kira-chan…!" came from somewhere to his side, and when L turned, he saw one non-bothered fully dressed Kira in his chair making fun of him.

L blinked.

"Kira-chan, have sex with me now! God Ryuzaki, you are as gay as they get!" Musical laughter with a defined note of cruelty rang in L's ears like bells.

"Kira-kun would be too if he'd seen what I just saw," L resigned and made his slight boner more comfortable but sitting cross-legged.

"Nice," the brunette commented.

"If Kira-kun doesn't plan on doing anything about it, I suggest he gets used to it."

Kira relaxed then, understanding L's drift. Good. He wasn't dull.

"So you're going to help me."

L allowed himself one last long look at the brunette before letting the last remainders of his dream slip away.

"Perhaps," Kira looked like he was prepared to make an offer.

"Firstly though, I must confess to you I do not believe you are after fifteen million dollars. Whatever you want from Yotsuba, it isn't money.

"Money is along the way, Ryuzaki, we can grab it as well."

"I suppose Kira-kun will not tell me what it is that he's really after."

"Nope."

"Alright then," L stretched. "What made Kira-kun believe I will help him?"

Brunette hair moved gently as the pretty brunette leaned lazily into L's chair.

"You're bored out of your mind."

I nodded.

"Fair enough, yet I was going to refuse your offer."

"The sex dream changed your mind?" Kira laughed again.

"Yes," L muttered darkly.

"I will be back with plans. This is highly illegal, do keep it quiet," and the brunette was leaving.

"Hang on, I have conditions."

Kira rolled his eyes and turned his head slightly, and L admired him from behind.

"We do this my way."

"Half-way your way."

"Alright."

"You get half."

"I also get to sleep with you."

"You most certainly do not."

"Then I am afraid there is no deal."

"Take more than half."

"If there is no sex involved, I refuse to take part in it."

"You seem under the impression that you will do everything yourself."

"Will I not?"

"I planned it out, L, for a year. I even figured out your name, you know, your name from England? I'm more than capable of doing this myself."

"Why does Kira want my help if he is so confident?"

"I have my reasons."

"Alright. I still want sex."

L did not like the stubborn turn this conversation was taking. He did not like to be kept in the dark, he didn't like his name being known, and yet he was helplessly trapped staring at the brunette's long legs. It was all the fault of the insomnia. He will regret this, he knew it.

"...well," Kira seemed to consider sex. "As a celebration treat, I suppose."

L cheered.

"Anything, anything bad or awful or anything I don't like though, and the deal's off. Try to touch me before that and I will kill you, and then the deal'll be off, too."

Kira was making a false promise. L figured he'd try that.

"Alright. Meanwhile I will get to see Kira-kun in various states of undress."

"You can't be serious!"

"From what I gather, Kira-kun is in desperate need of my help, and I intend to exploit this situation however I see fit."

"I won't sleep with you! Why can't you just ask for money like a normal person!"

"Various. States. Of undress, Kira-kun," L spelled it out, praying the gamble would pay off.

Kira sighed with his back still turned to L. For a brief moment, he looked helpless.

He must really, really need L's help to be this desperate.

"Fine."

L felt bad.

"I won't touch you, if that helps."

Kira snapped.

"Don't make such a big deal out of it; I'll strip for you a few times, whatever. I'll see you soon."

And he was off.

Kira-kun was a proud bird.

L considered what he'd just gotten himself into for a brief moment, and went back to sleep, hoping to catch the same dream again.

The light still did not bounce off Kira correctly.

----

A/N: Studying can go and fuck itself. 12 projected chapters. Wooo.