Disclaimer: Initial D and its characters belong to Shigeno Shuichi. Vampire Hunter D and its characters belong to Hideyuki Kikuchi. The characters in this fic are fictional. The unicycle specs are based off of the corresponding motorcycle name. I purposefully chose to follow the storyline for Bloodlust because I thought it'd be easier for readers to recognize what I'm trying to do with this parody.



The Left Hand

Ryousuke said that he was on call. He wasn't.

He arrived at the house in no time thanks to a dimensional portal. He stepped out of his FC and took off his sunglasses. He walked in measured steps to the courtyard. His black trenchcoat billowed in the wind as he walked.

"That's far enough," cried out the son of the man who had summoned him. Ryousuke stopped. The man described the situation: his sister had been taken by a vampire.

"I'll take the job, but ten million is not enough," Ryousuke said.

"What?" exclaimed the son. Guns cocked.

"Stop!" cried the old man. He seemed to know the skill of the vampire hunter. "Now tell me, if you find my daughter 'changed,' can you promise to grant her a swift and merciful death?" Ryousuke nodded. "Very well then. I'll double the fee to twenty million, but you'd better hurry. I've also hired the Marcus brothers."

Ryousuke took the money and returned to his FC. He revved up then drove towards the Barbarois. The vampire stated was Count Meier Link. He was a relatively young vampire and would undoubtedly turn to the Barbarois for protection.

"Phew, did you hear that? The Marcus brothers! I hear they're good," said the left hand of Ryousuke. Ryousuke preferred his laptop to the parasite. When he stopped for gas (high octane, of course), he pulled out his laptop, checked the profile of the Marcus brothers to refresh his memory, and ran several simulations. "You know, I'm every bit as good as that laptop," the left hand of Ryousuke said. Ryousuke didn't respond. Miffed, the left hand of Ryousuke fell silent for the rest of the trip.

They passed a town of zombies, but the zombies were already slain. Undoubtedly, as per the simulation, Meier Link had arrived first, and the Marcus brothers had arrived in time to take care of the dirty work. Most likely, the Marcus brothers were still present. Ryousuke drove his FC up the hill. 3. 2. 1. He screeched his FC to a halt. The silver bolt just barely missed the hood of the car. Ryousuke stepped out and stood on the hilltop. He was an imposing figure when dressed all in black.

One of the Marcus brothers clapped. "Very good stranger. I commend you."

Ryousuke didn't feel like wasting time on these idiots. Unlike D, he had a timelimit of one night for his kills. Without further conversation, he got back in his car and continued in pursuit of the carriage.

"Gee, and I thought D was unconversational," said the left hand of Ryousuke.

Ryousuke concentrated on his driving. They arrived at a rest house, a large cubical structure that blended in with its surroundings. Ryousuke stopped his FC just short of the defense mechanisms of the rest house. He tried to use his laptop to take the lasers offline, but his laptops infrared beam was reflected by the cube's surface. Ryousuke sighed. He'd have to use the old-fashioned methods. He stepped out of his FC and picked up several rocks. As he approached the cube, he used the rocks to deflect the laser fire. Once he was next to the cube, the lasers were unable to detect his location.

"I need you to find the opening," Ryousuke said to his left hand.

"Sure, no problem." Ryousuke circled the rest house with his left hand up against its smooth surface. "Hm, not here. No. Are you sure there's an entrance somewhere here?" said the left hand of Ryousuke. Ryousuke didn't answer and kept circling the rest house. He knew his left hand was just trying to draw him into conversation. "Wait, no, not here either."

The sun had been slowly setting. Its last rays were disappearing behind the horizon. Ryousuke heard the sounds of a 1157 cc, 4-cylinder, DOHC 16-valve Suzuki engine. He turned his head but kept his hand to the cube. One of the Marcus brothers had followed him. She was on a Suzuki Unicycle Bandit 1200S. As she neared the rest house, she armed herself with a bazooka and dodged the laser fire. The sun finally set. Above them, at about the center of the rest house, a door appeared. Horses neighed and galloped toward the Barbarois, and drawn by the horses was the carriage that Ryousuke sought.

"There!" yelled the left hand of Ryousuke unnecessarily.

"You're mine," said the Marcus sister. She fired at the carriage. She'd miscalculated. A return shot knocked her from her Suzuki. She was wounded.

Ryousuke had not yet taken his doctor's oath. He was still completing med school. However, he still felt obliged to help a person in need.

"Looks like she's not going to make it," said the left hand of Ryousuke. "A pity too. What a waste. A waste of good blood that is!" The left hand laughed raucously. "Come on, Ryousuke, don't tell me you aren't tempted!"

"Mother," the woman said faintly.

Ryousuke took the first aid kit from the trunk, the only thing that could fit in his FC's trunk.

"Don't tell me you're going to help her," the left hand of Ryousuke said incredulously. Ryousuke said nothing. He opened her shirt and dressed her wound. Once he was finished, he turned to leave. At that moment, she stirred.

"Hey!" she yelled. "What? You think you can rip the clothes of any woman you find? Is that it?"

Ryousuke ignored her and got back in his car. In fact, he did have the right to do such a thing. She had been unconscious when he'd helped her. Technically, an unconscious patient was considered to be consenting. Of course, once the patient regained consciousness, the patient could request to not be treated.

"Heh, well, D could never understand, but I know you'll understand if I say you have a mother complex," the left hand of Ryousuke said. It laughed. "Hah! That's your weakness, you know."

Actually, it wasn't. Ryousuke didn't bother arguing. His left hand was always trying to find ways to compare him to D. Ryousuke sped after the carriage. Mechanized horses were fast, but his FC was faster. Ryousuke passed the carriage and pulled in front of it. The horses panicked and reared. Ryousuke was quick to come out of his car with his sword. If he didn't, the vampire might attack the car in his panic instead of the driver.

Meier teleported out of the carriage. He attacked Ryousuke, as expected. Ryousuke blocked. The vampire used his right hand as metal claws for attack. Ok, I got it, Ryousuke thought. Ryousuke attacked the vampire's more vulnerable left side. Meier's defense was to bring his right hand to his left side, and he tried to use his cloak to block him from Ryousuke's attack. Ryousuke twisted his sword stroke and neatly cut off Meier's right hand and a sizable chunk of the cloak as well.

"Meier!" cried the girl in the carriage.

Ryousuke stabbed the vampire. Blood dripped from his shoulder.

Meier's eyes widened. "Why did you miss my heart?" he asked.

"She said your name," Ryousuke said. "She must not be changed. I surmise that the two of you are truly in love." He withdrew his sword from the vampire. "I have nothing against killing the Dead, but I'll make an exception for this situation. I'll need to take her ring. Her father will take that as a sign that I've done the job." Ryousuke didn't dally. He retrieved the girl's ring then sped back to the house to take the other half of his vampire hunter fee.

On the way, the left hand of Ryousuke said, "Well, you're one unfriendly guy, but I'll give you one thing: you sure do finish the jobs efficiently."

"From what you've said, I think that D's personality must be similar to my brother Keisuke's," Ryousuke said. "Both act out of instinct and rarely stop to think. Regardless, D was skilled, and I'm surprised he was such a good vampire hunter despite his lack of strategy."