A/N: This is a rewrite of a story I had started a while back. I took it down in order to work on it and complete it. I hope you enjoy the ride. Though it is a little bit angsty in the beginning, don't worry, things are not all what they seem. There are 16 chapters in total plus the epilogue. Everything is written out, except for the Epilogue. It's written but only in my head..
Please review. I truly appreciate all the comments and constructive criticism. However, if you don't like the story or hate my writing style, then just don't read it. Flamers are not wanted and won't be tolerated. Your comments will be deleted.
Timeline: Assume Cannon up to 6x22. 6x23 never happened.
Disclaimer: They aren't mine. I'm just playing with them in my sandbox.
'Cause the Sun is low,
And I yet have still so far to go,
My lonely heart is beating so,
Tired of the wonder.
But there's a sign ahead,
Though I think it's the same one again,
And I'm thinking 'bout my only friend,
And so I find my way home.
When I need to get home
You're my guiding light,
You're my guiding light.
Foy Vance – Guiding Light
She was quiet, so very quiet, as she crouched low, her legs up to her chest, her back against the rough bark of the tree, the leaves she had piled around her serving to further camouflage her from any outside viewers. No one would find her here. She was sure of that. Daddy said she was the best "hide n' seeker" in the world. She heard voices calling her name, but she didn't answer. She giggled at her cleverness for finding the best hiding spot.
She was getting cold though. Her nose was cold. Her toes were cold, but still she did not move. The late afternoon autumn sun was beginning to set and the wind was starting to pick up. It would be dark soon. It was scary in the woods after dark. Maybe everyone had given up. It had been a while since she heard anyone calling her name. What if everyone had left her behind?
There was a swing set just a little down the way. She would go there. Daddy would know to look for her there. He would find her. He would never leave her behind.
Katie loved the swings. She jumped on, quickly taking three steps back then launching herself forward, legs swaying back and forth, propelling her higher and higher. She griped the chains tightly as she leaned back, her face upturned to catch the last dying rays of sunshine. It felt so good on her face.
The voices were back, calling her name. "Here I am, Daddy." She wanted to call, but no sound came from her lips. The light was getting brighter too. It was starting to hurt her eyes. "Daddy, Daddy," she cried out screwing her eyes tight.
"Katie! Katie! Wake up, darling. That's it. Open your eyes."
"Daddy, the light is hurting my eyes. Make it stop." Kate's eyes fluttered open to the see beam from a tiny flashlight being waved in front of her face by a tall man in a white coat standing over her.
"She's coming around." The man in front of her spoke. Her eyes lids felt so heavy. She just wanted to close them again and drift back into the darkness.
"Come on, Katie. That's my girl. Don't leave us again. Open your eyes."
'Dad?' She tried to turn her head to the sound of his voice. He sounded worried, scared. Why was he scared? She felt him squeeze her hand.
She wanted to squeeze back, but her arms felt like lead. The fog was threatening to take her back. She was so tired.
She tried desperately to focus on what the man in front of her was saying, but it was so much easier just to let go and let the darkness overtake her... and so she did.
She was drowning. That was the only way to explaining the sickening feeling. A crush weight on her chest holding her down under water.
Kate gasped trying in vain to gulp in those few precious particles of air. Suddenly the pressure released and she was floating to the top again.
She could feel rather than see the hand that reached for her. And a deep baritone voice that called to her. She knew that voice; she recognized that voice, her anchor against the raging storm.
"That's it, Kate. Come on, wake up for me." She almost made it that time, before the pull of the darkness dragged her back.
The back and forth draw between wakefulness and slumber continued. And with each episode Kate's awareness of her surrounding increased.
She sensed the presences around her. Muffled whispers and soft touches, fine circles being drawn against her hands; they were comfort and love urging her to the surface only to have it taken away at the last possible second.
And then it was over. Her eyes were open and she was staring at pair of brown eyes looking down at her.
"Kate. Try and stay with me. I'm Dr. Jones. Don't try to talk. Blink if you understand."
She blinked, not that she could even speak if she wanted too. Her mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton and her throat was on fire.
"Good. Kate, you are in the hospital. You were in an accident. If you understand me blink."
She blinked.
"Excellent. You've been in a coma for 2 weeks. Do you know who this is?" The doctor asked as Jim came to stand directly behind him.
"Blink twice if you recognize him." It took an extraordinary effort to turn her head, a slight smile parting her lips as she gazed into her father's face.
She blinked, twice.
"That's good, Kate. You are a very lucky woman, Ms. Beckett. "
Kate closed her eyes once more. Images swam past her closed eyelids. The scenes replaying in her mind like a soundless motion picture.
A loud crash, metal scraping, glass breaking... Rick? Castle had been with her. She remembered telling him to leave the radio alone. She remembered the pout on his face at her reprimand.
Castle? She mouthed the question to her father.
He looked down, not answering, his eyes not meeting hers.
A single tear escaped the corner of her eye at the realization of what her father's non comment meant. She closed her eyes welcoming the sheltering blackness.
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It continued like that for several days with Kate slipping in and out of consciousness as her body worked to expel the drugs that had kept her sedated while the swelling in her brain worked on healing itself. And each time, Kate welcomed the escape into that abyss, seeking to flee the memories that haunted her days.
She had been recently moved from ICU into her own private room. So it would seem that she was getting better.
Not that she really cared at this point. She felt the despair creeping back in and closed her eyes now, willing for the blackness to engulf her, aching for a release, but there was to be no such relief today.
A tap at the door jarred her from her thoughts. Apart from her father, she had been reluctant to see any visitors.
She just couldn't deal with their sympathetic faces or the concern they were sure to express. She should've known the reprieve would not last. 'Why won't everyone just leave me alone? Go away, please.' She thought to herself as she closed her eyes hoping to feign sleep.
"Katherine?" She heard the click of the heels and smelt that familiar Chanel No.5 even before she sensed her approaching the bed. "Oh, my darling, look at you." Martha cooed brushing a soft hand down the side of her bruise and battered face.
Kate thought she must be a sight to behold. She hadn't had the courage to look in a mirror, but she could feel the bruising on her left side of her face. Her eye was nearly swollen shut and she knew from the pull of the stitches that she had a gash on her right cheek most likely from flying glass.
She felt the bed shift at Martha's weight as she sat near the edge taking her unbroken hand in hers, brushing her knuckles with soft strokes of comfort, just as Castle used to do.
"Ooh, Katherine" She heard the older woman's voice catch. Kate opened her eyes and the sight of Martha, head bowed and so completely out of sorts, brought out all the raw emotions that she had been trying to keep bottled up to the surface.
"Martha," Her voice choked. "I'm so sorry." Martha's grief stricken blue eyes, so much like her son's stared back at her. Kate looked away as the tears poured from her eyes.
"Oh, Katherine, darling, don't be sorry. This isn't your fault." Martha laid a reassuring arm across her shoulder; bringing her head to rest against her. But the wracking sobs would not stop, they just continued in waves.
"Kate, listen to me. This is not your fault. Richard would not want to see you like this. Here, let me see." She said turning Beckett's head to help her dry her tears. The love and concern in Martha's voice brought forth a whole new set of emotions. 'Mom,' she thought. 'I want my mom.' Sensing Kate's distress, Martha tightened the grip on the young woman's hand.
"Katherine, I just want you to know that we are waiting for you at home, Alexis and I. We'll work this through together, as a family. When you're ready, we want you to come home." Kate tried to smile, but the words hit her like a ton of bricks. 'Home, back to the loft? Back to all things Castle? '
"Martha, I..." She began in protest.
"Darling, I know this a lot to process. And you don't need to make any decisions right now. But I just wanted to let you know that you have a home and a family waiting for you. I also came by to give you this. It was with Richard's belongings. It's addressed to you. I think he would want you to have it." She said dapping at her eye as she handed Beckett an envelope.
"Now, you rest, dear. I'll be by to see you tomorrow and then we can talk some more."
"Thank you, Martha." She whispered clutching the letter to her chest.
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She sat there in silence staring at the envelope lying across her lap. But she could not find it within herself to open it. It was as if this was the final piece of acknowledgement that this wasn't a bad dream. He was never coming back.
"Kate?" The voice called softly.
"Alexis," She tried to sit up straighter wincing at the pain the movement brought on. Add broken ribs to the mix along with her arm and leg- yeah, she was a fine mess in deed.
"Come in." Alexis stared at her openly. The shock of what she saw before her clearly written across her face.
"It's not as bad as it looks, Alexis... I'll live." She said eyes downcast at the realization of what she had just told the young girl before her. She would live, but her father hadn't.
"But your face..." The girl continued obviously not taking in Kate's reference.
"It's only bruising. It'll go away, in time. Come." She said holding out her hand to the young girl. "How are you holding up?" She asked trying to remain strong, trying to hold in the tears that were constantly at bay.
"Oh, Kate, I miss him so much." She began choking back a sob.
"I know, honey, so do I."
"I go home thinking he's going to be there, waiting to show me whatever new toy he's managed to buy with that stupid grin plastered on his face. But he's not there. It's so empty, so quiet. Gram's trying her best to hold it together, but I can see the pain in her eyes when she looks at me, Kate. It's as if I remind her of him. I don't know what to do."
"Oh, honey, come here." She said trying to envelope the girl in a one handed hug. "We'll figure this out, together."
"We will?" Alexis sounded surprised. "Gram said she told you to come back to the loft. I wasn't sure if you wanted to." She looked down shyly.
"Do you want me to, Alexis? I don't blame you if you hate me. If you say you never want to see me again, I will understand."
"No, Kate. I don't hate you. How can I hate you when Dad loved you so much? This isn't your fault. Dad was so happy when you were around. You changed him for the better, made him have a purpose in life. If you loved him half as much as he loved you..."She started but didn't continue the thought. "Kate, please come home. " She pleaded.
"Okay." She affirmed warily.
It would kill her to go back to the loft. His essence would be everywhere. She'd never be able to escape.
But, she'd promise Alexis the world if only she could make her pain go away.
If having her around would help her heal, then she could try. Perhaps by doing this together- healing as a family they might actually succeed in obtaining some source of normalcy.
"Thank you." Alexis sobbed reaching out to grasp her hand. Those dam tears, she couldn't seem to keep them in and was pretty sure that at this rate she should be running out of them quite soon.
Alone again, Kate looked down at the envelope in her hands. It all felt so surreal. She could have sworn she had heard his voice and felt his touch when she was coming to.
Once, she even imagined she had seen his piercing blue eyes staring down at her. In fact, it had been his voice calling out to her that had dragged up through the dark abyss.
But it must have been a dream. He was gone and all that remained of him was her name scrawled across the envelope in his distinct cursive slant.
She drew her fingers over the letters. KATE. With a deep breath, she turned the letter over and pulled it out.
A/N No character deaths, I promise. Just hold on all will be revealed
