When I reached the corner I looked around it without moving more than my head. I didn't want him, or her, to see me. Tears ran down my face and I felt my eyes burning bright red, looking at them I began shaking. When I heard my teardrops falling on the cold, hard stone floor, I turned around and ran away. Of course I had known about this, and he wasn't my boyfriend or anything, it was just...So horrible! Yes, he had asked me out a thousand times and, yes, I rejected him all of these times, but now, watching him kissing -her!- it ran through my head like the Hogwarts Express. I loved him! Of course I did, but I never admitted it to myself, how stupid could one single person be? When I reached the portrait hole, I just murmeled "Gregorio" under my breath and rushed straight trough the half-opened hole. Just cry! Cry out all of your fears! Inside the common room, it was already dark outside, they reached me with their arms open and led me to the next sofa. There were no other people in here and I let them led me and started crying even harder when I sat on the sofa in Chris's arms.
"Let it out, sweetie, just let it out", she told me and I shook with pain. Then there was a noise from the staircase to the boy's dormitories and his friends went down the stairs. When Sirius saw me crying, he said:
"That arse", and rushed out of the room. Remus sat down beside me and patted his hand on my shoulder, while he spoke:
"Ignore it. He isn't god enough for you"
~***~
Sirius ran through the whole castle until he finally found him. James stood there, with his -lovely- girlfriend and had his tongue in her mouth.
"You stupid, mean idiot!", Sirius shouted when he pushed the girl away from his friend. The girl looked at him with cold eyes, Sirius yelled: "Piss off!", and she turned around and left them behind.
"Are you insane?", James asked the other boy, looking at the corner behind which his Mandy had left.
"No, you are insane! How dare you?", Sirius answered and held his best friend's shoulders.
"How dare I what? Why do you stop me kissing"
"Yes, that's the problem! She's crying!!", he screamed the last two words. James's eyes flew open wider as ever, as he turned around and ran the whole way back to Gryffindor tower.
~***~
The door opened and I already saw his hair. That hair I loved from the beginning, like I now knew. He hurried straight to the couch, where I now, alone again, sat and my eyes filled with tears another time this evening. I raised my hands to put them in front of my eyes, to stop the tears and don't have to look at him. He sat down beside me, hugged me, patted my head and murmeled: "Dear Lily, forgive me", and I couldn't do anything against it, helpless because of my tears. We sat there for about an hour, until my tears finally dried and I stood up to face him. He had tears in his eyes too, but I ignored them and said:
"Don't"
He looked at me with his eyes wide open and opened his mouth to say something, but I went on already.
"Don't try to apologize", my voice wasn't angry or shaky, "It's too late- for you. I have to apologize", he opened his mouth again, but I interrupted him, "Just listen. You asked me, everyday, and that about 6 and a-half-years. I always rejected you and never showed a little sympathy. Now", I had to stop for a short moment and cleared my throat, "You got over me. You have another girl. I'm left in the past and that's good for you. I finally, too late I know, found out I love you. I always loved you, don't ask me why I didn't tell you earlier, I haven't known it myself. Now, I don't want to stop you and Mandy. I'm leaving", and I turned around and quickly went up the steps to my dormitory, before he could say another word. Upside, I heard a "Lily!" in his voice, but just went in and closed the door behind me.
~***~
The next morning James woke up by his friend's voice.
"Come on Prongs! Tell me"
Sirius shook his shoulders. James sat up and pushed Sirius away, who fell to the floor.
"What was that about?", Remus asked from the other side of the dormitory, his voice sounded surprised.
"Yeah, I'm interested in that also", Sirius said, when he stood up and sat down on his own bed.
"It's over!", James murmeled, his voice was surprisingly shaky.
"Huh?", was the only thing Sirius could think of.
"Lily! She said so, it's over. She loves me, yes, but it's over"
"Ok, really", Remus said, "That is confusing"
"She said, I got over her"
"So then! Stand up, loverboy! Get her!", Sirius yelled. He already was on his feet and in one of his socks.
"Really James, if she said, you are over her, what you actually not are, there's no problem", Remus told him.
"No, you don't understand. I don't even like Mandy"
"Huh?", Sirius and Remus asked in the same moment.
"Jealousy! I wanted Lily to be jealous! But I didn't expect she would accept it. I supposed her to scream and shout and ask me, whether I'm insane"
"Like I did", Sirius added.
"Right. But, well, it didn't happen. She accepted it quietly after she cried her eyes out in my arms"
"My god, that's the most confusing and complicated lovestory I ever heard", Remus said.
~***~
I sat in the Great Hall. When the doors opened and most girls made "Ooh!", I knew he had entered the room, he or Sirius. Surely both, they always were together. Chris hadn't arrived for breakfast, so there was a free place next to me, but, I really wondered about that, not James sat down there, but Remus. If you ignore the fact I fell in love with James, he surely was the one of the so-called Marauders I liked most. He was kinda like me and I could talk with him the whole day. Now he asked, with his calm voice: "How are you"
"Better", was my only answer.
"Because you don't cry anymore or because it's over?", Sirius asked from the other side of the table. I didn't have to answer, because in this exact moment, Mandy and her best friend Susan entered the hall. Mandy eyes widened when she noticed James and she ran up to him to sit down beside him. He didn't pay any attention to her and when she tried to kiss him, he turned his back to her. He neither paid attention to me. He just sat there, while a lovesick Mandy tried to hug him from behind and his best friends talked to me.
"Because I don't cry anymore", I finally answered to Sirius and right after I spoke my last word, James's head turned around and he looked me straight in the eyes.
"Can I talk to you"
I was surprised to hear his voice shaky. I actually never saw him that weak before. Though I kinda liked him like that. As answer, I stood up and took his hand. We walked out of the Great Hall and stopped outside at the lake. I let go his hand, even though I so enjoyed touching him and looked to the ground.
"I-", his voice broke off, "I'm so sorry. It's all my fault. At the beginning I asked you too often and now, at the end, I stopped asking you. It's all my fault. I can't stand Mandy"
"What?", I interrupted him and looked into his eyes. Then I nearly heard the 'click' in my head.
"Jealousy", I murmeled and he nodded.
"That would be so terrible, if it wouldn't change our situation", I then said and took his hand again.
"Lily...I'm so sorry. It really was terrible. To make you feel that unloved. And seeing you cry yesterday was hell"
I smiled up to him, he was taller than me, and then he took me into an embrace. When he saw me smiling, his face lighted up also.
"By the way, she doesn't taste that good"
"That's not my problem", I said, smirked and wanted to go on, but just then I had his lips on mine and it felt so perfect, I forgot everything around me.
