Fins and The Legman 4: The July 4th Mystery
Chapter 1
"Hey, Dad!" Steve greeted his father on the front lawn. His father was tying the American flag back on the flagpole. "What are you doing?"
"I'm putting the American flag back on the flagpole, son." Stan answered.
"I can see that. When I left for Snot's, I realized the flag wasn't on the flagpole. Why was that?"
"Bird pooped on it." Steve looked disgusted.
"Ew."
"'Ew' is right. Your mom noticed it and saw it happen, so we brought it in and put it in the laundry and then the dryer. Now, it's good as new, ready for America's birthday." He looked at his son. "So, what's new with you? You must be excited about your camping trip with your friends."
"Boy, am I ever! We planned it for months, and now we're going! It feels like only yesterday since Barry suggested it. Man, how time flies."
"Glad you're excited, son." He looked back at the flagpole and pulled the flag all the way up. He saluted as it blew in the wind. "Aw, America. May you fly on forever." He then stated singing You're a Grand Old Flag. "You're a grand old flag. You're a high-flying flag. And forever in peace may you wave!" He looked at his son. "Son, sing it with me! You too, readers!"
"Okay." With that, Steve sang with his father while saluting the flag. "You're the emblem of the land I love, the home of the free and the brave!"
"Hello Smiths!" Greg greeted them when he passed by their house. He had Heath Ledger, their French bulldog, on a leash. His partner, Terri was next to him, pushing Libby in a stroller. "Nice day out to be out and about, huh?"
"Yes, it is."
"Say," Terri said, looking at the American flag. "Did you guys hear about people's American flags catching on fire?" Stan then frowned.
"No."
"Well, recently there have been numerous reports on people who had to throw away their American flags because they were burned to ashes.."
"That's awful. I missed the news this morning."
"We didn't."
"We never miss the news!" Terri added.
"Well, good for you. I'll see if I can find something about it later."
"So, you better watch over your flag, Stan." Greg spoke.
"Yeah, you better." Terri chipped in.
"Okay." Stan said. "I will. Thanks for the advice." They then said their goodbyes, and Stan and Steve went into the house.
"Dad?" Steve asked his father when they were in. Klaus was on the table in his fish bowl. "Didn't you hear what Greg said? Aren't you going to take the flag in?"
"Son," Stan started. "I just got it back out."
"But, if you leave it outside, someone might come and set it on fire."
"Set what on fire?" Francine wanted to know, coming in from the kitchen. Stan turned to his wife.
"Oh, Greg said that someone has been burning people's American flags." Francine's eyes widened.
"How awful! Who would do such a thing?"
"I don't know. Someone who doesn't like America I assume." The family then all gazed at Klaus.
"What?" The fish spoke. "You think I did it? Hello, I'm a fish with no hands and legs! And I don't hate America, true I like Germany more, but I wouldn't go so low as going berserk by burning people's American flags. How dare you even think I would do such a thing!"
"Okay Klaus, relax!" Stan told him. "We know you didn't do it." Klaus was then puzzled.
"Then, why did you and Francine look at me like that?" He wanted to know.
"We were just messing with you and making sure you didn't do it. You could find a way."
"How?" Stan shrugged.
"Pay someone to do it for you, maybe?"
"I told you I didn't do it!" Roger then came in.
"I heard you yelling at the fish." Roger said. "What did he do?"
"Nothing!" Klaus told him. "Stan and Francine think that since I'm not an American that I hate this country, and I burned people's American flags."
"Did you?"
"No!"
"You hate America?"
"No!"
"Oh, did you pay someone to do it for you?"
"No; I'm not involved with this flag burning whatsoever! I didn't even know someone was out and about burning people's flags. Did you burn those flags?"
"No!"
"Do you hate America?" Roger shrugged.
"It's okay."
"Did you pay som…"
"No! " Klaus looked at Stan.
"It's not nice to blame people. Stan." He said to the CIA agent. "Or fish."
"Okay, I'm sorry Klaus." Stan said. "Francine and I just looked at you that's all, you know, in case you did do it."
"But I didn't!"
"Okay, okay; I'm sorry I brought it up. You didn't do it, end of discussion, but you could've." Klaus was about to argue some more, when Steve spoke up.
"I hope this doesn't lead to a mystery." He said. "Because I can't be Wheels. I got to go camping with my friends."
"Don't worry," Roger told him. "I'll leave the real detectives to it this time" Steve smiled and left the room. Roger then leaned in to whisper to Klaus.
"If this does lead to a mystery, we're going to take the case."
"Steve will be upset you know."
"Not if he doesn't find out." He winked at him.
"Ohhhhhhh! Got you!" Klaus winked back.
The microwave in the kitchen then beeped.
"Dinnertime!" Francine announced.
"Dad," Steve said to him, coming to the kitchen. "Someone should eat their dinner out here, in case someone comes for the flag." Stan nodded.
"I'm on it, son." He told him. He looked over at Klaus. "Klaus, keep an eye out on the flag. If someone comes, tell us and I'll make sure he or she feel sorry that they ever set foot on our front lawn."
"By shooting them?" Stan looked insulted at this.
"No; what kind of person do you think I am? I'll simply yell at them to leave, if they refuse to leave, I'll threaten them, if they still refuse to leave, I'll give them a warning, and then after all that if they still refuse, then I'll shoot them!"
"Okay, but I need to eat to."
"I'll bring you some food. We'll move the table over to the window too, so you can easily look out.'
Stan, with Hayley's help, moved the end table over to the window. The family then went to the kitchen to eat. Klaus looked at the flagpole out front.
"I'll go check on the flag." Stan told his family after he finished his dinner. He excused himself and left the kitchen. He sighed at when he saw that the flag was still in one piece.
"How's the flag, Dad?" Steve asked his father, coming beside him.
"It's fine, son." Stan told him.
"That's good. But, someone could still come. We should still be on the lookout." Stan nodded in agreement.
"I agree, Steve. I'm on it." He looked at Klaus. Klaus sighed and looked at him.
"I know, I know. You still want me to be the lookout." Stan smiled.
"That's a good fish." He said.
"Well," Stan said when he got off the couch. "I'm going to bed." He looked at Klaus. "You know what to do, Klaus."
"But, but, I've been looking at it for hours!" Klaus protested. He yawned. "I'm tired! Can't you be the lookout?"
"Can't. I'm tired too. Besides you were doing a good job at it. Tell you what, if you watch the flag all night and nothing bad happens, I'll transfer your brain back into a human's." Klaus was shocked.
"Really? Boy, that'll be so… okay, calm down Klaus, he's not going to do it. He just said that so you'd stay up all night and do what he wants." Stan frowned.
"How do you know I'll…yup, not going to happen. Just don't fall asleep and keep your eyes on the flag." He went to the stairs.
"Don't worry, Stan. I'll keep mien eyes on it. You have my word." He looked out the window again at the flagpole. "
"Good. See you in the morning."
"See you in the morning, Stan!" Stan hesitated and went up the stairs.
"Klaus!" Stan shouted at the sleeping fish the next morning. "Klaus, get up!" Klaus awoke with a yawn.
"Guten Morgen!" He greeted his family. He then realized he wasn't doing what he was assigned to. "Oh mien gosh; the flag!" He looked out the window and sighed when he saw that the flag was still there. "Oh good, the flag's still there. I did a good job."
"Good job? Good job? You did a bad job, you fell asleep when I clearly remember telling you not to."
"But nothing happened!"
"Yes, nothing happened. But, something could've happened! You need to be more careful. The house could burn down to the ground, or someone could come and kill us all, or a tornado, or any kind of natural disaster could've happened, and you wouldn't know about it because you'd have slept right through it."
"Well, I can't help it if I was tired! Look, nothing bad happened and that's the main thing, isn't it?"
"Well, yeah. But I said it could…."
"Stan, give it a rest!" Francine scolded her husband. "True, something could've happened, but it didn't! Now, can we just go eat breakfast?" Stan sighed.
"Fine!" He followed his wife, Roger, and his kids into the kitchen. He then went back and pointed a mean finger at the fish.
"Don't look away from that flagpole!"
"You worry too much, Stan. I'll never look away once. You have my word."
"I better!" With that, Stan went into the kitchen. Klaus was about to look out the window, when he noticed the newspaper beside him. "Oh look, the paper's here! I wonder if that article on the burning flags is in here." With that, he grabbed the newspaper and flipped the pages, completely forgetting to look out the window. "Aw, here it is!"
"Okay Klaus," Stan said, coming in with Klaus' breakfast and his coffee "We're done with breakfast and here's yours." The rest of the family gasped as what they saw out of the window. The American flag was on fire!
"Dad!" Hayley shouted, pointing out the window. "The flag!" Stan looked out the window and gasped. He dropped Klaus' breakfast and coffee onto the floor, making a mess. Klaus finished the article and looked at his family.
"Well, I'm done with the article." He noticed his family's expressions. "What? What are you all looking at?" He looked out the window and gasped as well. "Oh my gosh; the window! I was so absorbed in this story about someone burning people's American flags that I forgot to see if ours is safe." He looked back at his family and smiled innocently with a nervous laugh.
"And I said 'you have my word', clumsy me. I'm such a dummkoph." Steve looked at his father.
"Can you save it, Dad?" He asked.
"I don't know, son." Stan answered. "But I sure as heck will try!" He ran to the door, opened it, and ran outside. The rest of the family followed.
Stan grabbed the hose and ran to the flagpole with the burning flag. He was about to turn it on, when it was too late. The flag had burned to a crisp.
