Haruno Sakura, the ever pretty, pink-haired medic walked down the street toward the market when suddenly—

"Sakura-chan!" Uzumaki Naruto yelled as he flew out from a manhole, covered in unidentified goo, and threw an equally dubious looking present.

"Open it! Open it! Open it!" he cried, suddenly walking like a crab.

Although scared and confused, Sakura complied, and opened the present with the enthusiasm as a person looking into a foul-smelling toilet.

She gasped. It was ramen made out of chocolate! Of course, it had quickly melted into a disgusting mixture of chocolate and miso soup, so it wasn't as if Sakura could tell, but still.

"It's the thought that counts! Thank you, Naruto."

Naruto smiled brightly, and leapt toward her for a hug, but was suddenly struck by a chidori to the side and flew into a nearby store, killing dozens of chickens.

"Sakura," Uchiha Sasuke said in monotone (because he once hurt his throat horribly once by trying to regurgitate himself like Orochimaru, or whatever, anyways, he could only speak in a certain way ever since), and handed the girl another present. At least it looked clean.

"Aw, thank you, Sasuke-kun!" Sakura cooed and open the box to find……chocolate covered tomatoes.

"They're yummy," Sasuke insisted, his breath becoming heavier at the sight of the yummy tomatoes, even if they were covered in the sweetness that is known as chocolate.

Sakura didn't know what to say to that, but she thanked him again, nonetheless. For we all know, it's the thought that counts.

Sasuke smiled……well, his lips tried to form into a smile, but only managed to resemble a constipated chicken, then closed in to begin reviving his clan, when he was suddenly struck with a rasengan, and flew in spirals as he hit the nearby street, killing dozens of vendors.

"Sakura-chan likes my gift better, Sasuke-teme!" Naruto yelled, as he was wont to do.

Sasuke teleported back suddenly, his eyes flickering between his normal eyes and the Sharingan.

"Dammit, dobe. You broke my Sharingan. You will pay with your intestines," he declared, his voice monotone, despite intending to yell.

The two proceeded to fight, endangering innocent bystanders with their violence born from hormonal interest in the opposite sex.

Instead of stopping the fight, Sakura just smiled. "It's just so beautiful. Two hot boys fighting over me, killing hundreds in their conflict." She wiped a tear from her eye.

Suddenly, Kakashi walked leisurely from the other side of the street, and waved at Sakura. This also inexplicably caused the two hormonal males of the team to stop fighting.

"YOU'RE LATE!!!" Naruto and Sakura yelled at Kakashi, while Sasuke just threw a dead chicken at him.

Kakashi just smiled in his usual way. "Sorry about that. But I was just getting Sakura her present," he explained as he unzipped his pants to reveal—

A CHOCOLATE COVERED PENIS!

No, no, it was just a chocolate covered dildo.

Still too dirty? Fine, it was just a chocolate covered issue of Icha Icha Paradise. Cliched enough for you?

Before anyone can respond, huge chocolate streams shot up from all the man holes in Konoha, covering every inch of the village in chocolate. No one survived.

The End

AN: Hope you all had a, ugh, Happy Valentines day. Bleh.