Disclaimer: Not mine. No profit. Just fun.
A/N: I have only read the books not seen the TV series, but this is weird mix of the two. Based on the books but I wanted it after Katherine died and Elena alive, which as far as I can tell for fanfiction I've read that is how it happens in the series :D So yeah. A bit AU then. Will probably rewrite a bit after seeing the series and know exactly what happens how. Also this is unbeta-ed.
I've tried to make Damon as in character as possible, while having an OOC moment. If that makes sense. :)
This will be a two-shot.
Damon's POV
She was dead. Gone. Forever. I was never going to get her back, show her how much I loved her, make her love me. That thought was too much to bear.
The others were leaving, rejoicing perhaps, that Katherine was finally gone. But not me. I turned my back and headed into the trees, away from the rest of them. I wanted to be alone. Numbly, I stumbled my way deeper, not paying any attention to where I was going. I couldn't think, there was a strange pain inside me and it got worse the more I thought about what could have been, if she had just loved me! Me! Not Saint Stefan. It was always Stefan. Everyone. Always.
I staggered at that point and literally tumbled into a tree. I leaned against it, jaw clenched, then I slowly slid down the trunk, rough pieces of bark dragging and scraping my arm, leaving splinters buried in my skin. I didn't care. Sure, wood hurt. But something inside me was hurting more right now.
I lay on the ground at the base of the trunk, my eyes prickling with something I hadn't felt in centuries. Tears? Salvatore men don't cry. Black-eyed vampires don't cry! But I couldn't help it anymore. I curled myself up into a ball, covering my head with my arms.
And I wept.
I let it all out, the pain, the hurt, the feelings of betrayal for what my brother and his friends had done. My body was shaking and the tears were flowing, soaking my sleeve and the dirt below me as I wailed aloud, screaming even, for my unrequited love.
My dark thoughts were pulled tight around me. Everyone, everything, that had hurt me was spinning in front of my eyes. Katherine. My father. Elena. Stefan. Even my mother, who had hurt me without meaning to by leaving me when I still needed her. But it didn't stop there. The faces of my victims, my food, started pouring through my mind. The things I had said and done to my frien…to Stefan's friends. They weren't mine. They would never be mine. I was a monster, a creature of darkness, and I had revelled in it. I didn't deserve friends. I didn't deserve love; the world had made that quite clear. There was no one, no one who cared, who would miss me if I took off my ring and lay here 'til the sun came up…
What was that? I was too preoccupied with my depression and self-hate to comprehend it at first. It felt like a touch but there was no one around, of that I was sure. It came again and I realised… It wasn't a physical touch but a touch to my mind.
"Damon?"
St. Stefan. Of course. He could never leave me alone, could he? Any other time I would have been irritated but right now I didn't even have the energy to tell him to piss off.
"Damon, are you alright?"
What a stupid question. He knew damn well I wasn't alright. I ignored him and continued with my possible mental breakdown. I was still crying bitterly, as if my tears could wash away my curse, and dark images from my long past still flashed before me. I could still feel him there though, nudging at my mind, trying to invoke a response. Then the nudges turned to something else…turned to…caresses? It was like he was stroking my mind. What the heck? I tried to push him away but couldn't even budge him with my apparently weak shove. So again I decided to ignore him. The best I could anyway.
Back to…what was I thinking about before I was ever so rudely interrupted? Oh, yeah, about taking off my ring. I should really. Katherine gave them to us but it's not a symbol of her love, is it? So why keep it? It's not worth anything. It doesn't mean anything. Suits me well, then, really, doesn't it? I'm not worth anything. I don't mean anything to her...didn't mean anything to her. Past tense. She's gone now, remember? And she never gave a flying fuck about me. Just like my father. And just like Elena. No one ever did. And no one ever will.
I was distracted again by my annoying little brother. He was still there at the edge of my mind, still petting me like I was some sort of puppy. It felt weird, sort of like he was stroking my hair. Wait. There was someone stroking my hair. And I didn't need to take three sniffs of the air to guess who.
"Damon?"
I groaned to myself. Didn't he get the hint? I wasn't bothering him, so why bother me? Probably revenge of all those times I turned up out the blue just as he was getting settled into some nice little town and ruined it all. Payback's a bitch.
"Damon? Damon, please talk to me."
I don't want to talk! Can't he see that? Oh, crap. What can he see? Me, curled up in a ball, sobbing my poor little heart out. Great. Fantastic. Wait a minute. Let's back up a few moments here. He's doing what to my hair?
I heard him sigh as he must have finally realised that I wasn't going to become his next Good Samaritan's project. Now maybe he'll leave me alone. I'm a busy person, I have long list of 'people who hate me' to read through. I hear him moving, good, he's leaving. No, wait, he's not. He's moving closer, I can smell it. He's…he's…
He's trying to unfurl me. He is. He wants me to come out of this nice little spot where all the crap that's ever happened to me can't hurt me. What am I saying? I'm hurting more right now than I can possibly remember. But still, this is my curled-up position, and I'm gonna stay here.
Or maybe not. He's already pulled my arms down away from my head. That means he can see my face now. I'm determined to keep my eyes shut though. I don't want to see him laughing over the fact that big brother Damon's crying like a little human girl. Now what's he doing? He's trying to make me sit up. I don't want to sit up. I like it down here, lying amongst the pine needles. Actually I don't, it's hard and the needles are digging in my cheek but if Stefan wants me to sit up then I don't want to.
Oh, fine. If you insist. He's dragging me up and I don't think I can even struggle. I feel drained and I don't know why. It's not like it's been ages since I've fed. To be honest, I don't think I could move anyway. I don't know how long I was curled up for but all my joints are stiff and my back's aching something awful. He's manhandling me now, pulling me towards him…
He's hugging me.
Stefan Salvatore, sweet little brother, is hugging Damon Salvatore, bastard big brother. And not gently either. He's gripping me so tight that if I were a human he'd have suffocated me by now. As it is, he's still kinda hurting me. Not that I'd give him the satisfaction by ever saying 'ow'. I can feel warm arms around me, rubbing my back soothingly. His cheek is pressed against mine, chin on my shoulder, and he's murmuring words in my ear. But I can't really hear them because the pain in my chest is back and I'm finding it difficult to breathe. I don't actually need to, but still. It's an art I've perfected and I want to keep it that way. I hear him move, his hand's near his throat, then the sweet tang of something I want. Yet don't.
"Drink."
I shake my head at the word in my mind, whether to get rid of its echo or as a negative response I'm not sure. It's the same thing. Stefan's hand is now pressing on the back of my head. He's drawing me down, placing my mouth over the cut he's made.
"Drink."
Slowly, I obey, suckling gently at the wound, the hot richness sliding down my throat. My tears are still dripping, soaking his shirt plus he's covered in something else. Oh. Snot. How attractive. I suck a little harder at his throat, our minds entangling. I can feel his concern, he my pain. I can feel his blood pooling in my stomach, a puddle of warmth heating me from the inside out. His arms are closed around me, warming and comforting my body, and his mind is still floating with my mind, warming my soul. I stop drinking, sated and oddly comforted. The darkness that had me cowering on the ground did not seem so dire anymore, here, trapped in my brother's golden warmth. And I like it. I don't know why, but I do. It's nice here in this little, warm, rocking bubble of…wait, rocking? He is. Truly, he is. I'm in his arms and he's rocking me. On his lap. How the hell did I get on his lap? I, Damon Salvatore, am sitting on my baby brother's lap, being hugged and rocked like a child. Go figure.
He's still whispering words in my ear. I actually have to concentrate to understand them.
"Shh, Damon, it's okay. It's alright, brother, everything's fine."
"No, it's not!" I finally snap, breaking my vow of silence, my voice raspy from crying. "Nothing's alright, nothing's ever alright!"
"What's the matter, brother?" he asked quietly.
"What's the matter? She's gone, you idiot! She's gone, and she's never coming back! I loved her but she loved you and you took her away from me, so I will never ever be able to get her to love me back!"
"Katherine would never have loved you back, Damon. She might have started pretending she did to use you, to play with you. But she would never have loved you."
"Why?" I find myself asking brokenly, hating the sound of my own voice.
"Why what, brother?" he asked gently.
"Why does no one ever love me?" I half-scream.
Dammit. Why the hell did I say that? He's gonna have a right laugh over that sentence, now, isn't he? I shuffle slightly in his arms, wanting out, but he doesn't release me.
"Damon."
I don't answer. Maybe if I nip his arm a little he'll let go… But that might piss him off and I don't think I could win a fight right about now.
"Damon!"
I'm not getting free, am I? So might as well face the music, as they say. I look up reluctantly to meet his eyes and his green depths are gazing at me seriously.
"I love you," he says firmly.
I blink at him stupidly.
"What? Stefan, you hate me!"
He sends me a wry smile at the incredulous tone of my voice.
"Sometimes. Most the time, really. But, Damon, you are my brother. No matter what, I will always love you."
Really? Huh. I'm not stupid, I know Stefan loved me back when we were kids. But with all the stuff I've done since becoming a vampire, I honestly didn't believe he still did. To hear what I just heard…well, it's pretty damn cool. Slushy, mushy girly talk. But cool. I send him one of my flashing smiles then, to his surprise, I lean back against him. I hiccup then finally, finally, my tears stop falling.
"I guess…just so you know…Ilurveyootoo."
The last few words come out all quiet and slurred but I know he's smiling.
"I know, brother, I know."
My eyelids start drooping and my body feels real heavy. Hell, how did I get so exhausted? Just as well I don't cry often, I'd never get anything done. At this rate, I'm gonna…at this rate I'm gonna fall…fall asleep on…on Stefan. Ah, to hell with it. I smile to myself and let my eyes close.
He'd love me anyway, right?
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