Being King Isn't All it's Cracked Up To Be.
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prompts: crispy ; button ; mole ; sparrow ; drug ; tragedy ; paranoia
summary:In all honesty, he hadn't even knowngods could get migraines; his wife and son's bickering had proven that gods could. In which Persephone rants, Nico mocks, and Hades...Hades gets stuck in the middle with a giant migraine.
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Part One: Hades Has a Headache
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Hades gritted his teeth, his long, slender fingers massaging his head vigorously, almost violently, hoping to deter the almost certain migraine that was about to spring up on him. In all honesty, he hadn't even knowngods could get migraines; his wife and son's bickering had proven that gods could.
He briefly wondered whether he could drug bothof them and shove them into the dungeons for a few fifty years or so—it wasn't that long, and he would finallybe able to terrorize and terrify with peace and tranquility.
"Are you trying to disrespect your stepmother, brat? How dare you! The audacity of young demigods these days! Humph! You all think that you're sopowerful and you know everythingin this world," Persephone ranted, sneering. "Ha! Don't make me laugh!" She was sitting on the large, expensive dining table that Hades had especiallyordered for her when she had complained about not having a "homely" feel, sitting on his right.
Usually, Persephone was a sweet, gentle spirit. Certain times, though, she became justlike her mother—loud, annoying, rude, and downright obnoxious. Facing the children of the otherwoman your husband loved was one of those times.
Hades, Persephone, and Nico were sitting on the large, expensive dining table that Hades had had custom-made for Persephone when she had complained about not having a "homely" feel. She was sitting on his right, Nico sitting in front of her, and Hades was wondering whether or not it was worth it to dematerialize out of this place, perhaps go to Italy. He'd always liked Italy.
"I don'tthink I know everything; in fact, I knowI don't know everything. You're just pissed off about the fact that my father loved another woman…enough to have kidswith her, and enough to try and staywith her. A tragedy, really, isn't it? Tell me, how does it feel to be second best?" Nico intoned with a smirk on his face, sitting across from Persephone. Usually, Nico was detached and aloof—but when faced with his stepmother, he alsobecame a raving lunatic, hell-bent on making everything more difficult for Hades. This was probably what they called the 'teenage-rebellion' phase.
Dear gods, he didn't know how his siblings handled having boatloads of kids—he could barely handle one.
Persephone spluttered, face reddening. "I am notsecond best!" she shrieked.
Nico cocked an eyebrow. "Of courseyou're not," he soothed in a patronizing tone.
"MY, what CRISPY ambrosia we have today!" Hades almost-yelled, banging his fist on the table and gritting his teeth to remind himself that no, he couldn't duct-tape their mouths shut. Though he wasn't the best husband or father, he at least knew that course of action was sure to come back and bite him in the ass. He already had enough to worry about—thinking about his wife out for his blood and his son badmouthing him wherever he went was nota good idea to reduce his paranoia, as Hestia had so kindly suggested him to do.
"You can't always go around thinking that you've got a mole in your ranks, Hades. You need to calm down! Relax! And if youever need any help, you know that I'm here for you," was what she had said with a sunny smile, and, as an aftershock of the euphoria of finally having him and his children respected, he had acquiesced without really thinking about it. Which is why Hestia had arranged this whole affair.
Hestia was sweet, but Hades was quickly learning that she was completely misguided.
"Oh, yes, dear," Persephone sneered at him. "You're right! The ambrosia isextremely crispy and tasty today! Why don't we bring some to your otherhidden lovers, hmm?"
Nico scoffed as he drank his Coke. "Please. He has no hidden lovers; they're all out in the open, for everyone to see." He tapped his chin in fake thought. "Hmm…that makes you thirdbest, then, doesn't it? First is mother; second is every otherlover he's had; and then, third comes you."
"Shut it, brat!" Persephone yelled in a high-pitched voice, pointing an accusing finger at him. "Don't make me turn you into a sparrowthe size of a button and stepon you!"
Nico glared at her, but didn't say anything, for which Hades was thankful.
"Listen, Persephone, we've already gone over this with that marriage counselor—" Nico snickered, and Hades shot him a glare that sobered him "—and I've told you I'm sorry. I can't helpfalling in love with other woman; it's almost always my brothers' fault, anyway. That doesn't mean that I love you less—you'll alwaysbe my first wife! I kidnapped you because I thought you were amazingly beautiful, remember?"
"I don'twantto be your first wife! I want to be your first love!" Persephone shouted, tears forming in her eyes, ignoring the last part of Hades comment. He alwayssaid that to placate her, and she wasn't falling for it this time. "I know you don't love me, Hades! I know you only keep me here because it's a matter of your pride, and you need someone to help you run this godsforsaken kingdom of yours! I'm like…I'm like a housekeeperto you! Don't you lie to me!"
Breathe, Hades, breathe. Count to tenslowly, and just be patient, he reminded himself. "Now, Persephone, you know that's not true," he started off, reaching out to touch her arm, already used to this conversation.
"Actually, he's right," Nico piped up, giving Persephone a meaningful look, his dark eyes staring into her large, brown, teary ones."You're not a housekeeper—you're more of a slave; you don't get paid, remember?" he reminded with a small smile, the intense look gone and a mocking one glinting in its place.
"NICO!" Hades roared at the same time Persephone fled the table, screaming, "You little…UGH!" as she shot up out of her chair, dematerializing.
Nico took a small bite of his food and looked up at Hades innocently. "What?"
Hades wondered whether everysixteen year old boy-stepmother relationship was this hard to deal with, or the Fates were just especially cruel toward him. Probably the latter. "What in Tartarus' name is wrongwith you? Do you know how much timeI'll have to give her just so she can talk to me properly? You don't even try to get along with her!" he accused.
"Ican try, but she doesn't want to get along with me; she hates me, plain and simple," Nico told him in the same tone one would use when saying something like, "What nice weather we have today," taking a sip of his Coke.
Hades narrowed his eyes at him. "You're still sore about her turning you into a dandelion, aren't you?" he asked.
Nico scowled, a sign that you had hit a nerve. He stayed silent as well, which was another sign that you had hit the nail on the head.
"Nico," Hades sighed.
"She didn't just turn me into a dandelion! She's turned me into enough plants to create an expensive bouquet," Nico burst. "I mean, gods, why don't you act like the extremely old woman you are and stop being so immature?"
"Nico," Hades warned. "You're also being immature.
"Yeah, well, I'm sixteen. I'm supposedto be difficult and moody and immature. She's like a million years old; at least I have an excuse."
"Persephone's…sensitive. You knowthat," Hades said, frowning.
Nico scowled. "That's not fair. She's the adult here."
"I know," Hades sighed, "but we can't change her. Could you at least tryand not annoy her? It leaves me to clean up your mess. You can come and go as you please; Ihave to stay with her. Plus, she'll probably call her—."
"HADES!" an unearthly, feminine voice bellowed. "HOW DARE YOU MAKE MY DAUGHTER CRY?"
"…her mother," Hades finished off, tilting his head back and shutting his eyes, reminding himself to breathe. Which was funny, because he didn't even need to breathe.
"Oh Styx," Nico said, his voice laced with panic and fear. "I have gotto go. She'll kill me!"
Hades snapped his head up and glared at Nico, pinning him in place with his powers. "Oh, Tartarusno. You are staying here and going through this with me, since it's all your fault in the first place!"
"Dad!" Nico yelped, his jaw gaping. He made a strangled sound of impatience and anger and frustration, all rolled into one. He soon reined in his expressions and settled for a glower, refusing to say a word.
A pang of guilt ran through Hades, but he easily dismissed it when he caught sight of Demeter, huffing and puffing like a bull as she stomped toward him. Her large, brown eyes were narrowed in anger and her mouth was twisted into an ugly sneer, her left fist clenched at her side and her right hand lifted, pointing at him.
"HADES!" she bellowed again. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Nico try to become as small as possible in his chair. "You have made my daughter cry! What is wrong with you, you grain-rejecting freak?"
"Now, Demeter—," he said, forcing his tone to remain calm and placating.
"Don't 'Now, Demeter' me!" she interrupted, now standing in front of him with her hands propped up on her hips.
"Demeter, I can explain—," he tried again.
"Don't 'I can explain' me, either! Just answer me, plain and simple—whydid you make my daughter cry?" she yelled, spit flecking out and hitting Hades in the face.
Hades gritted his teeth and wiped away the spit. "I didn't."
"Then who—?"
Persephone interrupted her. "Hades wasn't at fault this time, mother. It was—" she zeroed in on Nico "—him."
"I…uh…um…" Nico floundered, his eyes wide.
Demeter stared between the god and his son, swiveling her head from one to the other. She settled her death-glower on Nico's face, who dry-swallowed, licking his lips.
Hades felt pity for the boy. He'd been on the receiving end of that same death-glare countless times—it made the forces of Tartarus look tame.
"So…" Demeter said, a poisonous hiss in her voice. "You'rethe one that hurt my daughter's feelings."
Nico took a deep breath, and went with what was the safest option in his mind—denial. "I don't know what you're talking about," he lied, face blank, giving away nothing.
Hades shut his eyes and sighed. Oh, gods. Nico shouldn't have done that.
Demeter's eyes flashed. "Are you trying to say that my daughter is a liar? Is that what you're implying? Bah! I knew that you'd be just like your father—selfish, coldhearted, and insensitive! Not to mention the fact that you probably hate cereal as well! I'm going to kill you, son of Hades!"
"Now, I don't think we need to be hasty—," Nico said quickly, eyes wide, leaning back in his chair, hands coming up in front of him in a placating gesture.
Hades wondered whether he should step in and save Nico's unworthy rear-end. If he saved him, he'd get affection from the boy, but the boy might repeat what he had done earlier. If he didn'tsave Nico, though, he'd probably be killed.
Decisions, decisions…
"Demeter," Hades cut off. "I believe I have a solution to both our predicaments."
Demeter snapped her head toward him. "What?" she demanded.
Hades look over her calmly, almost coldly. "You said that Nico hated grains, yes?"
She nodded.
"Well, then, I believe that you should have him eat nothing butcereal for a week. And, perhaps, force him to garden…? You could take him with you, you know."
"What?" Nico spluttered, but refrained from saying anything else when he saw his father's warning look.
Demeter paused, pondering the deal. A shark-like grin crept onto her face, and Hades suddenly regretted giving his son over on a silver platter. "All right!" Demeter.
"Father. No," Nico said flatly, glaring at his father.
"Nico," Hades warned coolly, an eyebrow raised. He couldn't go back on his word now. "Yes. You willdo this. Let this be a lesson for you. Do not aggravate Persephone."
"But, father…" Nico protested. When he saw his father's unwavering gaze and stubborn determination, though, he changed his tactics. "Very well, my lord," he said intoned.
Hades winced internally, realizing that his son was absolutely furious at him, but he refused to back down. This was hiskingdom; it was run by hisrules. Nico'd have to learn that.
"Come, boy!" barked Demeter. "I'll show you to my garden," she hissed, a mocking, soft laugh escaping her lips. Her eyes were glinting with malice and sadistic glee.
Hades was awaiting the greedy hand-rubbing gesture, which was sureto follow. Gods, his siblings were so melodramatic.
Nico got up, movements slow and controlled, all the while glaring at his father, and stalked off toward Demeter, shoulders straightened and chin jutted out, refusing to let his distaste and fear show.
"Goodbye, father," Nico intoned, though his eyes showed the resentment and anger he felt. In a flash, both were gone, leaving Hades and his gut-wrenching guilt, and Persphone with a self-satisfied smile.
Hades sighed.
"What's wrong, my lord?" Persephone asked with concern. It was truly awe-inspiring how quickly her mood changed when Nico was around.
"Nothing," Hades said gruffly, clearing his throat and looking away. He didn't likeemotions; they were annoying and burdensome.
But he couldn't help feeling guilty for what he'd done to Nico. He…well, though he'd never admit it, he was just a bit fond of the boy, but sometimes, Nico was just too much for Hades to handle.
A thought crossed his mind—perhaps he should ask Poseidon for help? He seemed to be able to handle his son quite well; though the brat was an annoying pain in the backside, he seemed to enjoy his father's company—but it was gone in a flash, his pride not allowing him to ask anyonefor help. He could do this on his own, godsdammit!
Persephone plopped down next to him, humming a cheery tune.
Hades felt the guilt gnawing at his stomach, refusing to let him be.
