I was always curious about Gwen refusing Arthur's proposal and the reasons why. I started this, unsure of where it would go.. This Gwen is uncertain of her future with Arthur as they both rediscover their relationship. A side of Gwen emerges as she challenges Arthur for her heart. I hope you enjoy.

I

Gwen thought of Ealdor, with its deep green hills, wild flowers and peace. She could be happy there one day, build a house and maybe make a life. She felt desperate to have that, at least for herself, a future without strife and a burdened heart; to feel light again and to laugh. Lately, all she did was cry. Her tears shed for what she'd lost. Now the King of Camelot had proposed marriage to her again, and she felt conflicted. They had won the battle for Camelot. Once again, rid the kingdom of Morgana. Now, they stood alone in his shambles of his bedchamber, and she stared into his demanding blue eyes. They seemed forgiving and merciful. He hadn't expected that. He would forgive her, though she hadn't forgiven herself. Would she ever?

Gently, he took her hand and said the words. Will you marry me? They floated in the air like stardust. Her eyes burned from the coming tears. The renewed ache again, that would not go away. How much can a heart take? She could not stop the escaping tears.

"Why do you cry?" He asked her softly and brushed away her tear.

"Because, I cannot marry you." The words fell from Gwen's lips in a rush. His face contorted in confusion and unexpected pain.

"What?" He seemed to hold her tighter, as if she might pull away.

"I cannot," she repeated, gathering strength in her words. Now he truly looked hurt. She knew she was the cause of much of his pain. It was only fair; he had been the cause of hers. She could count the times of hopes had been dashed.

"You no longer love me?" The words sounded like an accusation. She laughed in surprise.

"I will always love you Arthur. I am doomed to do that," She tried to pull away, but he gathered her in his arms and forced her close. Pressed to him now, his strong arm enveloping her, a prisoner to his desires, she felt trapped. She could not look into those eyes and say the words again. So, she turned away from him.

"Then why will you not be my wife?" He demanded. His confusion had been replaced by anger.

"Please, release me Arthur." She begged, but he refused.

"I will have an answer." Now he sounded like her King. These troubling times had given Arthur strength and fortitude. He no longer remained the boy prince she'd falling in love. A man stood before her and demanded from her what she could not longer give – her heart.

"It is for the best," She heard the regret in her voice.

"Not for me," he said and took her by the chin and forced her to face him. "In Ealdor, when you came to me that night…"

"As you said it was a moment of weakness" She stared at him "on both our parts." He had taken back those words a thousand times since then. It didn't matter, not to her.

She was no longer a unsophisticated girl, who doted on her father and cared for the young mistress, Morgana. The charm of the castle no longer remained as the cruel King Uther destroyed her family with his fear and prejudice. To fall in love with a man who was above her station and promised her the world, only to have it taken away from her, time and time again. She thought with Uther's death, there would be some peace. With his death, it brought other demons at her door. Morgana had grown mad with power and turned against her. Then there was Arthur's uncertain heart. It waxed and waned like the moon. She tried to be strong and patient, but a broken heart can stand so much.

That night in Ealdor, she'd given into him, his needs, and his wants. Her only regret was that she knew in her heart, she could never do it again. All those years, she had saved herself for him in the hope they would one day be husband and wife. In Ealdor, she no longer dreamed of that but made love to him anyway. She selfishly wanted him to be her first, if not her last.

"I do not believe you." Without warning, his lips found hers, teasing them part as he devoured her. She fought against his touch, the demands of his arms as they tightened around her. Her heart raced with the quickening as she melted into him. He was not polite about what he wanted.

In her mind, she begged to be away from him. However, her body responded without hesitation, and she knew she'd lost the battle. He'd pushed her against a wall and pressed her hard into it. They both seemed feverish with intent. This was Ealdor again as he lifted the layers of her dress and found his way into her.

"Arthur…" She begged as he silenced her with kisses. Then she begged for more. She cursed her own weakness. She'd known no other man, and she wanted no other. When Arthur finally let go of her, she stumbled away from him, like some drunkard. Her unsteady legs faltered a bit as she attempted to straighten her garments and catch her breath. Her hair had come undone and it made her look wild.

An intense Arthur glared at her.

"I will not stay." Her voice was hoarse from strain but defiant.

For the brief moment Arthur stood motionless, possibly judging the distance she had put between them. His back was to the door as he blocked her exit and escape.

"You will," he said equally so. This was a side of Arthur that he'd reserved for his enemies, hard and dispassionate. Considering what they had just done, this surprised and angered her. Despite the roughness of the act, she knew he loved her. Yet, he would not take her refusal of him. She was sure of it, when he abruptly left the room and overheard him command to the guards just outside the door to keep her locked in his bedchamber until his returned. She did not have to test the door to be certain they would not let her pass.

She crumbled to the ground as the tears fell. She thought of Ealdor and the green fields. Gwen knew there would be no peace. Arthur Pendragon had declared war.