Hey everyone. Really don't have the time to write, but what else is new? The idea struck me while I was on the bus, and wouldn't leave me alone. Takes place after the manga, so there's probably spoilers.
Also, for anyone interested, this is kind of like a companion piece to my other +anima oneshot, Snail Shell (which is in turn loosely linked to two other stories, Grin and Bare It All and Talk About It). They can both stand on their own though, as can Snail Shell stand by itself from the other two pieces. I do like these two together though, so if you haven't read they other one, that's fine, but you could, if you wanted.
Oh, and in case anyone can't tell in the beginning, this is from Husky's POV. Please enjoy and review.
Reasons To Hate
I hate him. Seriously. He makes me anxious and worried and I can't stand it. And he'll just smile and say everything's okay, but it's not okay, and he knows that. Not after what happened, even if it's better now, it's still not okay.
It's just, urg, despite how much of a pushover he seems to be, Cooro can be even more stubborn than me sometimes. I've never seen someone so determined to be so… sacrificial. It wasn't until he'd lost absolutely everything was he finally able to say that he wanted something. Of course, by everything, that meant us, his wings (which really, would be like a normal person losing their legs. They're that much a part of who he is), his drive to live and the belief that he was even human! I can't even imagine how he must have felt standing on the top of that disgusting funeral rock…
And of course he says everything's fine now. Yes, he got his wings back, and us (I would have nagged Nana as long as it took to get her to realize what she was doing. This is Cooro, after all. She was just upset though, understandably, and none of us realized how low Cooro really was. I still can't believe we didn't realize.) and now we know for a fact that he's really human, and a real anima too, but that doesn't change the fact that he was going to kill himself. How can I trust someone to be alone after something like that happens?
I mean, he has been getting better ever since we found him at the last second and managed to convince him to stop. He told us everything, and we were able to set all the records straight. He can't hide behind his false smiles anymore either, although that doesn't stop him from trying every now and then.
There are just some things though, he does them, and it makes me hate him even more. When we found out what happened to Fly, he wanted to go visit the bastard's grave! I don't get it! That man made his life a living hell, stripped him of everything that makes him who he is, never let him have any real freedom, and he wants to go pay his respects? I flat out told him that he didn't deserve it. Cooro has every right to hate that man, but he says that it's just not in him to hate someone. I guess I can get that, the kid grew up in a church. Forgiveness of others and all that junk, but that doesn't mean he needs to go out of his way for a monster like that!
Like I said though, he's stubborn, in a weird, paradoxal sort of way, and he actually went. It was the first time we let him go somewhere for an extended period of time alone since the incident on the hill, and I couldn't stop thinking about what if he didn't come back. I could tell Nana and Senri were apprehensive too, but none of us wanted to go see that man's grave. Cooro even said that he'd prefer it if he went alone.
I swear, if there's one person I hate more than Cooro, it's Fly Greena Aight. Forcing someone to hold to a promise they made when they were six years old, and mentally abusing that same child for years. Cooro doesn't call it abuse, but that's what it was. He told us about all the mental tricks and guilt trips Fly would pull on him on a regular basis. I was taught about that kind of stuff back at the palace, and it can have just as bad of an effect, sometimes even worse, as physical abuse. I mean, if you were to tell me that Cooro was better off than Nana had been because Fly never hit him, I would not agree. I'm not saying he had it worse either, but it's about equal, at least. I mean, at the very least, Nana never got so low as to want to die…
Anyway, when he went to the grave, I kept thinking about if he didn't come back. He was only gone for like, fifteen minutes too, but it was still… this is why I can't stand him. I'm not good with worrying, and he makes me worry. All the damn time.
My mind keeps going back to that day. If we had been just a few minutes, not even that, later, then he would of… The worst part is, I can't get the stupid image out of my head! All bloody and broken, surrounded by black feathers that don't belong to him… Normally I have a terrible imagination, I don't see why its decided to be so detailed on this. It's not exactly something I want to see. I don't think Nana or Senri imagine anything like that. Nana wouldn't be able to hold it in herself like I can if she did, and I don't really think Senri has much room to imagine. I can say without any hesitation at all that I'm glad it was Fly and not Cooro who ended up that way though.
So yeah, we've all been keeping an eye on him. It's not that I don't trust him, it's just… worrying. He really is getting better, but every time he says that everything's fine and that false smile gets plastered on his face, I feel like yelling at him. I can't though, because that would just make everything worse, and Nana would probably get mad at me for yelling and it'd just be a huge mess. Still, it doesn't stop the urge to want to just shake him and tell him that he's not some doll or angel! He's a human being and he's allowed to have feeling and desires just like everybody else!
Like I said though, he is getting better. I still hate him though. If something happened to the little wannabe angel I have no idea what the rest of us would do. I definitely don't know what I'd do. He's Cooro, none of us would have ever met if it wasn't for him. I would probably still be wasting away in humiliation at the circus. Nana would just be some petty thief, and I doubt Senri would have any real purpose in his life.
He says he'll be fine though, and there isn't really much I can do. I mean, I try to watch him of course. I'm trying to teach him that's there's a difference between being selfish and doing what you want. Truthfully, I don't know if we'll ever be able to completely reverse the damage that bastard did to him. I guess he wouldn't really be Cooro though if he wasn't just a little bit of a doormat.
Just because he's my best friend, I own him my freedom, I worry about him constantly and have absolutely no idea what I'd do with myself if anything ever happened to him, doesn't mean I don't hate him all the same. I do. That's why I hate him. Cooro says he doesn't have it in himself to hate someone, but I sure as hell do.
Seriously. He's Cooro. What's not to hate?
