My version of why Gray left. He better get his butt back to Juvia and Fairy Tail soon.
This was the only way. Night after night he had pondered and hesitated, for fear and selfishness more than anything else, but tonight he had courage. That I why it had to be tonight.
He would have laughed at his own naivety, 6 months ago, were the consequences not so dire. The stakes not so incredibly high. He had honestly believed that he could go out, find the demon and defeat it. He had thought it would be dangerous of course, difficult. Possibly fatal. Yet he had considered END a practical goal. He had not though what he would have to sacrifice to meet it.
Thus, he had made an error. An unforgivable mistake, with foresight. He had let another follow his path, ease his burden. He had let her hope and smile and believe in him, of all the things to have faith in, him. He had let her optimism cloud his judgement. No more. No more would the people he loved pay for his mistakes. Never again. She would be safe, find happiness elsewhere, live in blissful ignorance if need be. He would not let her be hurt. Not by him, not for him, not to get to him. He would give her liberty, his fragile butterfly, he would save her the only way he knew how.
Those six months… A reprieve, no more. Her companionship had kept him sane, her smile, the kindness welling up in those endless eyes, her compassion. Her love. At least in that he had shielded her. He had not let himself give in, no matter what he felt. He could not. But still his heart would not stop. And the thing… the mark… It could feel it too and it hated her for it. Whispering in his head like a dripping tap of venom, seemingly insignificant but building up over time. He didn't have the strength to stop the flow.
You're so weak, boy. No wonder you've needed so much saving.
You want to hunt down Zeref? You couldn't even handle a fight with one demon alone. Without me.
Why do you deny your nature? You're a killer and you know it. A coward. A traitor to your own soul. Why deny me?
That girl. Why do you put up with her? The weak simpering bitch… We could snap her neck, and she would stop. It would all stop. But no… Then we wouldn't get to hear her scream…
No! He wouldn't hurt her. He wouldn't let anyone hurt her.
Like you didn't let anyone hurt Ur? Or Ultear? Or your precious parents and sweet little village? Don't you remember she MURDERED your father? Don't you want vengeance boy?
He died long ago. She released him from his torment. She saved him.
Did she now? Is that why you wept so, little boy? Do you remember what she was before? She would have killed your guild mates without a second thought! She is worthless.
That wasn't Juvia. That was beyond her control. Juvia wouldn't hurt anyone.
So weak and boring. I think we should play with her, don't you? Make her sing for us?
I won't let you.
Sweet. You think you have a choice. You have no strength left boy. Not without me.
The pain, the exhaustion… He had left each day to try to confront it. To defeat this shadow that kept tearing at his soul. Yet he was too weak. Again he was the child trying to fight an abomination. As helpless as that angry little boy had been. He could feel the darkness spreading, and even the solace in the oasis they had made themselves was not enough to turn back this tide. Even Juvia of the deep could not stop this tsunami of malevolence. The worry, the fear in her eyes. That was all the motivation he needed to keep her safe. Even if she wouldn't know why.
So he had decided to leave her, in this place of safety. To keep her far away from demons, and END, and Zeref. Far from him. She could find her other friends. He had heard Gajeel was about somewhere, Cana too. Levy, Mira, Lucy, Wendy she would be safe with any of them. The eye of the storm could not find her. He could not find her. She would be safe.
So in the night, whilst his resolve still remained, he took what little he needed from their stores. Their house. Their life. All hers now. He opened her door a slither and gazed at her sleeping form, bathed in moonlight, barely breathing. Those shallow breaths, so precious to him, each more valuable than the last. She slept so peacefully, like waves lapping the shore, embracing it gently with each wave. Her blue hair splayed out messily on the pillow like fronds of kelp. A slight smile on her lips, still so much hope, so much potential left in her. He drank it all in, to freeze in his memories. To hold close when all else failed. Cautiously, hesitantly, he crept to her side, terrified to wake her. Luckily, she was in too deep for that. Patiently, yet so sorrowfully, he pressed his cold lips to her smooth forehead. In her sleep her smile widened a little. Brushing her face, so pale in this light, like marble, with his icy hand one last time, he left. Pausing at the door, he thought some more. His hands clasped together he performed the spell, and out of a crack grew a single rose, completely of ice. The fragile perfection of each petal a fitting metaphor for her hope. Long may it bloom. She might never see it, tucked away as it was, but it brought him comfort to know it was there. He did not leave her completely alone.
Ghost-like he fled the little town, with its familiar comforts, its safety. It was home and he could not come back unless he had saved his home. Saved himself too.
There was one last thing to be done. He knew there was a skilled memory mage in Hargeon. He would need to enlist his services. As long as he knew where Juvia was, so did the shadow. He could hear it still, muttering under his breath. That was not acceptable. He would forget. Not her face, not her love. He could not quite manage that, but he would forget where she was. He would forget how to find her. He could not come back.
She would be safe.
