Author's Note: I began writing this quite a while ago. I would like to eventually continue it and I welcome any constructive criticism. Constructive being the keyword. I hope you enjoy what you read ^^

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Song filled the air, truly a mixture of voices really, but they streamed together to form a constant tune soothing and bringing comfort to those in the afterlife. The sound of the Planet and the lifestream was something to be cherished, to gain strength from… to most.

To forms like him it was more like an annoying insect constantly buzzing around no matter how often you swatted at it. Try as he might he couldn't block it out and the sound began to grate his nerves yet again until he found himself overwhelmed by the desire to be free of it.

How much longer would he have to suffer through this? All the 'peace' and 'tranquility'. It was nothing of the sort. Always feeling as though he were being torn apart, fixated on every little feeling that passed through him; the sensations caused by the other spirits of those who had moved on to find 'everlasting joy' in the lifestream… It was….sickening.

All he wanted was to be anywhere…Anywhere …but here. How much time had passed in a realm that no longer had minutes or hours or days? It felt as though eternities had passed and still he found no release. No true place to finally rest and consider how to- the pain interrupted all thoughts.

Excruciating indescribable pain filled him and he twisted, his lips parted in a silent scream of agony. He felt a burst of cold as though his entire soul had frozen over and suddenly the pain receded as quickly as it began and he found himself lying curled up into himself shivering and whimpering like a child. Thoughts were difficult to come by and he couldn't grasp even the slightest notion of what had occurred.

Eventually he found the strength to move and his limbs uncurled stiff and resisting. The ache in his joints came from deep within and made him tremble as he put his palms down pushing himself to his knees with great effort. Trembling, his jade hues stared at the ground beneath him… the dirt dark and grainy until his mind grasped that it was sand and his fingers curled digging deeply into it.

His naked form was slick with water, the icy droplets running down his well toned muscles, caressing his flesh before dribbling on the sand beneath him. The chill of the night sank into his bones and he shivered violently gasping for air his desperate lungs filling painfully after being unused for so long. Somehow… could it be?

Blinking away tears from freshly opened eyes Kadaj finally tilted his head up from his crouched position and gazed around, his view hazy and blinding from the little light reflecting above. His vision came in mere glimpses of shadows and brilliant sparks… Were those trees?

Ever so slowly his eyes gained their healthy, if a bit dimmed, glow and he dug his fingers further into the sand to gain some sort of balance as he pushed up bringing one knee to his chest and planting his foot firmly on the ground.

Stretching his aching muscles his joints felt as though they were creaking as Kadaj stood to his full height. Overcome with nausea he unexpectedly bent in half, nearly folded over, his left arm wrapping about his waist and his body shook with the strongest heaves as he vomited profusely upon the sands, a repulsive mesh of goop expelling itself as the last of the lifestream flowed from his body. With a final gag he wiped his lips and pressed the other hand to his forehead the silver bangs shimmering in the moonlight.

The intense migraine somewhat lessened he blinked again to rid the last bit of spots clouding his sight. Leaning his head back he breathed deeply with now clear lungs and waited for his mind to catch up with all that had happened. Slowly bits and pieces flowed and met, connecting like a puzzle until he had a vague recollection of his past…

A city… decrepit and revolting… many children… His lungs burned with the fresh air filling them and he took a moment to gasp in sudden pain trying to rid himself of the sensation. With the final bit of fire in his chest receding, his jade hues darted their gaze over the trees until he turned his head more to look out over the lake he stood near. Everything was so familiar…

Of course it would happen here. The moment that should have been something to celebrate for; the joining of their family. The time when he had been the one with power and brought all the dark ones together to heal their wounds and prepare them for the fight against this despicable planet. It was here that he had thought the beginning of his legacy would begin…

A coldness settled over his heart- not that it had ever been warm to begin with- and the memories flooded through him. An ocean of recollections and preserved images that gave him strength to remember who he was and even more importantly…His purpose.

Though…with her- he choked a bit on the emotion that welled up and he closed his eyes as he regained control refusing to be like his brothers- with her gone he was left with nothing. …Nowhere to go… No one to hold dear…

Painstakingly slow his eyes opened and his brow knit with concern and confusion. What purpose did he have now that she was gone? Without her… he was nothing… This world had left him alone and defeated, a lackluster puppet whose greatest legacy was also his biggest failure. The cruel truth was more than he could bear and he realized with horror in that instant that he had even been rejected from the one thing every soul had to gain regardless of their life…

Not even the afterlife wanted him having spat him out as though some wretched flavor it could not wait to rid itself of. It was too much for him. Depression crept in and took up root within his mind and he gripped his right elbow with his left hand, his right arm hanging loosely at his side.

His steps slow Kadaj headed off without concern for his direction, wandering aimlessly with only the knowledge that he was lost and forsaken to comfort him.


The drone of conversation filled the room as people gathered to gossip and eat. Late afternoon shed beams of light through the windows lining the front of the building though inside it was much darker than one might expect; typical of a bar and lounge in Edge. The overall atmosphere helped to ease people into a state of somewhat comfort and the conversation continued to flow as more friends appeared all after a hard day working to keep the city better than it had been.

The riffraff still lingered but the shock of nearly losing so many children all at once and the battles that ensued had awoken the slumbering spirit of the city making people realize they wanted a better life for the young. The idea of the children smiling more was a good thought, one to keep him company while he-

"Cloud?….Cloud?…Cloud."

"Hm…Oh. …Sorry, Tifa…" He mumbled in his quiet voice, his hands loosely grasping the glass before him, staring at the glimmer of light around its edge. Resting his elbows on the bar he glanced up at her quickly before dropping his gaze again. He hadn't meant to ignore her. He'd simply lost himself in thoughts all too easily and the overall mellow atmosphere had helped him do so.

She sighed and he inwardly grimaced knowing she may lecture him again. He remained silent and focused on the liquid sloshing as he pushed and pulled the glass gently in his gloved fingertips. Nearly empty only a single ice cube lay in the bottom seeming as lonely as his soul.

Her soft sigh was heard again and he only half watched as she scooped a bit more ice into his glass and proceeded to pour the fresh mix in, filling his glass to the brim with the same dark liquid as before. Nodding his thanks he pulled it closer but made no move to drink, his gaze lost to something unseen.

"Cloud… Di-" Her words stopped and he heard her breathing softly. After a moment she spoke again, but instead of finishing her sentence she just continued like nothing had happened. He wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not and wasn't really interested in asking. As she continued talking he considered it probably wouldn't do any good after all… "…I thought all that time alone would help… Bring you back to us…."

Her words surprised him and his eyes widened slightly before his features settled back into their indifferent gaze. He never expected her to give such an opinion. For what seemed like forever she had been pestering him to spend more time at home with her and the children. He didn't mind it.

She didn't bother him. It was what he was used to but to actually hear her voice it fully, that he still wasn't what they needed, was so strange to his ears he couldn't believe he'd heard correctly at first.

Perhaps he'd misunderstood. The part that ate away at him, that endless guilt, wouldn't let him consider he was twisting her words in his mind and he withdrew into his shell letting the negative thoughts flow through him. She had pressed him to be 'home' more often… but for her to admit his own concern… that he hadn't truly been there for them…

"…Tifa…I…" He tried to speak but it was as though his voice were caught in his chest. He'd been doing better these past months…even past year. Everything was going well. Several deliveries that kept business at an even rate, moments with Denzel where the young boy was smiling more, trips to the church with Marlene…

His heart dropped slightly at the memory of those. As much as he yearned for the peaceful setting it still ached to be there knowing she was gone.

At least… he thought he'd been doing better. Once again he was failing those around him. Thoughts of this filled him and he resisted the urge to get up and walk out without a word knowing it would only make matters worse. Instead he sat with his head lowered and eyes cast downward not even staring into his glass any longer but instead far lower as she continued lecturing him on his condition.

"I mean, really Cloud, you could at least see how they're doing sometimes. They've called at least three separate times just to ask about you and I have to keep telling them you'll call 'em back. Yet you never do. And you know who hears about it? ….Me. Marlene's been asking when you'll take her again too. …I thought all this time alone would make you realize how much we really do try and be there for each other. …Maybe you'd realize that being alone isn't the answer… You can't just keep shutting us out. I thought you wanted to let us in…" She continued and he simply listened.

Her words hit deep as he knew them to be true. He had been ignoring calls again and he wasn't around quite as much for the kids. He could be there more often he supposed. None of them really understood though… They all missed her too of course… But… He was her bodyguard… It was his duty to protect her. He'd failed-

No. That wasn't completely accurate… He was starting down the path everyone had worked so hard to keep him from. Even she, the one he had tried so hard to protect and couldn't, had tried to lightly sway his opinion and give him the confidence to let go of what he couldn't control. So why was he slipping back again?

Thoughts became jumbled as he tried to avoid the guilt he could feel slowly creeping back into his mind and he shook his head slightly to clear it. "….No? What do you mean 'No'…..? They need-" He paused a moment confusion twisting his features as she halted her speech to question him and he realized at once that she must have thought he was disagreeing with her. Looking up at a glance he met her gaze and shook his head again.

"No… Tifa… I.. I didn't mean…" His words trailed off and he hunched over a bit more as if to avoid his friend's verbal wrath.

He heard her sigh again and Cloud's shining eyes gazed intently at his gloved hands while he twisted the glass around making it sparkle in the overhead light. His friends cared about him. He knew this. …But none of them truly knew how he felt. None of them carried the weight that he did. Noticing that she wasn't speaking anymore he decided it would be best if he left.

There was one place he could go to clear his mind. Two places really…and he needed to be away from everything at least for a little while.

Pushing off the barstool Cloud glanced away and turned slowly his shoulder guard glinting in the light through the windows. "…I should go. ….Let me know if there are more deliveries." With that he walked away, weaving through the crowd by the door focused only on getting to his sanctuary to try and discover why he felt such discomfort with the way things were again.

…And to hopefully rid himself of the feeling that something terrible was coming their way.