Disclaimer: I don't own YYH

A/N: This is AU taking place after the DT and before Chapter Black. Because everything after CB is a pot of depression and agony. This is basically a crackfic. It might be kinda OOC and hyper with the style but try to stay with it. Enjoy!


Blue

X -x-x-x-x- X

"I am so sick of this!" Kuwabara fumed. The last debacle between him and the short, black haired male had proven to be the worst as of yet. It was so simple, too. He had done nothing but simply walk into the kitchen and Hiei tripped him, however, it had been perfectly planned because he had fallen face first into a pie - yes, a pie - that Botan had bought and placed on the counter. It was the stuff classic comedy movies were made of.

And wouldn't ya know, it was banana creme?

His hair still smelled of vanilla, and he ran a hand through it as he paced the room. He had to get that little shrimp back no matter what! But what could he do to get one over on Hiei? He wasn't exactly easy to trick.

Yusuke walked in to see his friend pacing the room like a madman and snorted. "Hey, banana brain."

That name started a few days ago, thanks to the Spirit Detective, and it was sticking. He was about to punch him, but he had bigger fish to fry.

Or should he say smaller?

"Not now, Urameshi. I'm thinking."

"Ah, so that's what stinks."

"Shut up!" He plopped down on his guest bed at the temple and sighed. "I gotta get him back for this one. This time he's gone too far!"

Yusuke scoffed. "Dude, he just tripped you. It's not like he killed your cat."

"You don't understand - I smell like a bakery! I won't stand for this! There's gotta be somethin' I can get him with!"

Yusuke sighed and rubbed his chin. "How about you prank him back?"

He blinked. "That's what I meant."

It went silent and Yusuke grinned. "I know one! A total classic - works every time." He looked up, hopeful. Yusuke turned and stared at the doorway. "Yeah, that's perfect."

"Huh?" He looked where Urameshi was looking but wasn't seeing anything.

"Remember when I got suspended last year?"

"The week one? Yeah."

Yusuke snickered. "Well, the prank I did is the one we can do here."Yusuke turned to face him. "Ever heard of the 'bucket on the door' routine?"

He gasped and jumped up. "Oh, yeah! You open the door and the bucket pours on ya! You did that at school?"

"Yeah, I hooked up Iwamoto's office but some girl came in instead to talk to him. It was just water but, yeah, he wasn't happy." Yusuke shrugged. "Anyway, it worked like a charm. I bet I could set it up here."

He thought about it. "But I don't just wanna dump water on him. I want something memorable."

Yusuke giggled. "How 'bout whipped cream?"

"Dammit, Urameshi!"

"Calm yourself. I think I know what we could use. And it'll be memorable as hell..."


"You sure about this?" Kuwabara whined for the umpteen-millionth time.

He sighed. "Yes, Kuwabara. It works. Trust me." He finished it and grabbed the bucket. Carefully placing it, he finished his masterpiece and stepped off the chair he was using. He took a good look and sighed. "A thing of beauty."

"Uh, Urameshi? How are we gonna get out of the room?"

He shook his head. "Well, I'll climb out the window. You stay in here. Unless you just don't wanna see it."

"No way! I'm gonna see this."

He nodded and opened the window. "Okay, I'll go get our victim and lure him in here. Remember what I told you to do."

"But what are you gonna tell him to make it believable?"

"I dunno. Your cat died or something."

Kuwabara scoffed. "This better be a work of art, Urameshi, 'cause he could kill us."

He shrugged. "Or maybe just you." He jumped out the window before Kuwabara could respond and ran around the front.

Now to find Hiei.

Hiei was starting to visit at the temple more, probably because of Yukina and he did have to stay near-by for probation. Yusuke managed to find him training in a clearing. His shirt was off and he was practicing sword thrusts back and forth, back and forth...

Yeah, every girls' wet dream.

He rolled his eyes and began to laugh as he approached the fire apparition. "OH, man!" He howled, making Hiei stop mid-thrust. "Man, oh, man, oh, man! I never thought I would see something so awesome!" Hiei raised an eyebrow. "You'll be happy to hear this one."

Hiei grunted and went back to training as if he wasn't there. "Kuwabara asked Yukina on a date."

And then Hiei stopped.

With the blade at his neck.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!"

"What did you say?" Hiei ground out with venom.

"Relax. She totally rejected him." Hiei raised an eyebrow at this. "Right in his face. Blam-o! Ultimate pwnage." Hiei wasn't about to ask what "pwnage" meant so he lowered his sword. "And the best part," he sighed as he rubbed the sore spot on his neck, "was how he started to blubber like an idiot."

Hiei blinked.

"He started welling up - nose runnin' and stuff. Then he wailed like a little baby and ran to his room. It was epic." Hiei looked skeptical and he chuckled. "He's still cryin' right now, if you don't believe me."

He had placed the bait. He walked away and waited for the line to yank. Just a little...

Sure enough, Hiei put his coat back on and began to follow him.

He sniggered like a cartoon baddie.

Soon they were inside and he let Hiei make his way to Kuwabara's room. He tried to hold himself back when he heard Kuwabara's fake crying - he so sucked at it - but perhaps laughing made it look more real. "See?" he choked in between giggles. "Told ya." He followed Hiei seeing Keiko and Shizuru come up the steps. 'Oh, no...' he thought. 'Better happen quick.'


Kuwabara could sense Hiei's energy enter the house and began to wail at the top of his lungs. He hoped Hiei wouldn't be able to stand not taking a peek.

"I'd take a picture, but Keiko broke my camera." Yusuke urged the smaller boy, giving him more bait to chew on.

Hiei stared at the door as a cruel smirk appeared on his face. "How utterly disgusting. Even I didn't think he was capable of such pathetic actions." He walked towards the door and Yusuke grinned wickedly.

This was it; Kuwabara could feel Hiei right outside the door. He gave a bigger wail and saw the doorknob turn. His heart was pounding as he heard the door creak, the sound piercing even through his own voice.

"Hey, Yusuke, what's up?" Keiko asked as she came inside.

"Shh!" Yusuke shushed her, receiving a hard stare.

"Is that my brother wailing in there?" Shizuru asked as she stepped in. "What's Hiei doing?"

It all happened so quickly, and yet it seemed so slow. Yusuke couldn't see what it looked like from the front, but it was still worth it.

Kuwabara gasped as the door was pulled open, the snap of the cord, seeing Hiei's cocky smirk and knowing the little prick had something right on the tip of his tongue to bark at him with.

But the cocky smile disappeared in a flurry of blue as the can fell down perfectly, dumping the paint all over Hiei's head.

But that wasn't the best part; In his surprise, Hiei jumped back and fell on the floor.

He actually fell on his ass.

Keiko and Shizuru gasped at what they saw and Yusuke's mouth fell agape.

Kuwabara stood dumbfounded and blinked a few times just to make sure he was seeing it right.

It worked. It really worked.

Hiei at first didn't know what to make of this. He heard something snap and fall, but sensed no danger or energy so he did not react like he should have. The result was something pouring down on his head.

It was heavy and thick, and smelled of chemicals that burned his nose. It matted his hair and was soon dripping all over his face. The worst part was the surprise took him off-guard and he fell backwards from it, hitting the floor. He shook his head and felt this substance further drip down his face and he stood up, feeling it coat down his hair and seeing it had gotten all over his cloak and hands.

Whatever this was, it was the same color as that God awful outfit Kuwabara wore. He looked up and licked his lips out of instinct of something running over them, and immediately spit it out.

And that's when he noticed Kuwabara was laughing.

He was doubled over in his humorous pain, screeching at the top of his lungs, gasping for dear life. He turned to see Yusuke doing the same thing and blinked at the small audience that was forming in the hall.

"Yusuke!" Keiko yelled. "What have you done?!"

"Oh, my God! It actually worked! Oh, my God!" Yusuke howled in hilarity.

Botan heard the ruckus and ran in to see Yusuke rolling on the floor and Keiko and Shizuru looking like the world was gonna blow up. She turned to see that, in fact, it could.

Hiei was covered in blue paint. And the bucket on the floor and a rolling Kuwabara made her piece it together. "We're all gonna die," she whispered.

Yusuke got up and walked over to his well performed prank. The closer he got to Hiei, the better it became. He was drenched in the stuff and looked like a misfit reject for Blue Man Group.

Kurama came walking in and gasped at the whole scene in front of him. He managed to figure it out quickly and gasped. "Oh, my Lord..."

Let's see; the stadium went in what, six minutes? Seven tops. How fast would it take for the temple to go?

He looked over to see Shizuru starting to chuckle. "This isn't funny!" Botan yelled at her.

"Yeah, it is. Are you forgetting who that is?" Shizuru laughed harder.

"Are you?!" And then Keiko joined in. "Oh, not you too!"

"S-Sorry, Botan." Keiko giggled.

"Look guys!" Yusuke pointed. "An actual Smurf!"

And they all laughed harder. Botan screamed and got behind Kurama. Yes, Kurama was the sensible one and would protect her from Hiei's fury. He sure wouldn't laugh and put them all in danger like the rest of these heathens.

And then she felt his shoulders shake.

"GIVE ME A BREAK! This isn't funny!" She stomped her foot like a child and watched them all laugh and took another glance at Hiei.

He looked like he was trying to copy her hair.

She blinked.

"Okay, who am I kidding? It's hysterical!" She finally joined in, all of them with watering eyes at the sight before them and Hiei just stared.

There was this...feeling building up inside of him as he watched them laugh at him. It was this burning in his stomach that rose up through his chest, stabbing in short jabs of pain.

Just like when the bandit children would laugh at him.

Genkai came around the corner and knew what just happened; She forgot to change the locks again.

She sighed - and now her wood floor was paying for it. She watched as Hiei lowered his head and became eerily quiet. "Oh, children!" She shouted making them all look at her. "It would be a good idea to stop laughing now."

All turned and stared at the dragon master, suddenly realizing just who this was covered in blue paint. They stopped laughing as the wind blew outside, indicating the dead silence that was enveloping them all.

Any minute it was gonna happen. Any minute he was gonna blow.

He lifted his head and didn't look at any of them as he slowly walked away from the door and around them down the hall. As soon as he reached outside, he vanished.

They all just kinda stood around and looked at each other.

Yusuke breathed out. "What the hell was that?"

Shizuru shook her head. "Now I feel like an ass."

Keiko looked down. "Me too..."

Botan whimpered. "I didn't want to laugh - you all made me!"

"We didn't make you, Botan," Kurama sighed.

"Laughter is contagious!" she defended.

"Did you see the look on his face?" Shizuru asked as she glanced at the footprints on the floor. Keiko nodded.

"Aw, man..." Kuwabara rubbed the back of his neck. "You don't think I actually...hurt his feelings, do you?" He paused. "I didn't think he had any..."

"Of course he has feelings, you big jerk!" Botan cried and summoned her oar, soon running out and flying away.

"Poor Botan. Now Hiei's never gonna talk to her." Shizuru mused as she lit a cigarette.

"Huh?" Keiko turned. "What's that mean?"

She inhaled a drag. "Nothing."

Yusuke sighed as he looked at all the blue paint on the floor. It was funny but only when you didn't think of the person being pranked. He expected Hiei to explode and threaten hell on all of them. Yusuke would simply fight him and kick his ass, simple enough.

But he didn't expect this.

Kuwabara sighed. "Aw...man..."

Yukina came in and paused at the paint on the floor. She had been out back in the garden and had no idea what had happened. "What...what's going on? What happened? "

All looked really guilty now and no one said anything. Finally Genkai sighed and spat out, "They played a prank on Hiei." Well, she wasn't going to pussyfoot around.

Yukina blinked a few times in obvious confusion. "What's a prank?" She had grown socially stumped of things like this, so she literally had no idea what a prank was. But as she looked at the floor, she got an idea that it wasn't good...

"A prank is a joke at someone's expense. They usually have no idea that they are being pranked and it is for the sheer entertainment of the others watching," Kurama explained.

Yukina's eyes darted around in thought and fell on the footprints on the floor. "What did you do?" She looked at all of them and Shizuru put her hands up.

"Hey, it was these two idiots, not us," she pointed at Yusuke and Kuwabara.

"I had nothing to do with this!" Yusuke defended like a child that had been caught stealing.

"That's a load of crap, Urameshi! It was your idea!" Kuwabara screamed.

"Nu-uh! You wanted to prank him! I just came up with it! It was all your idea to do it!"

"IT WAS YOUR PRANK!"

"ENOUGH!" Genkai yelled above them. It went quiet and Yukina took in a breath.

"What...did...you do?" She asked again, biting through the silence.

"They rigged a bucket of paint to fall on his head," Genkai answered.

Yukina looked at all the blue on the floor, her eyes watering. "Ohhh, Yukina, don't cry..." Kuwabara tried to ease her, but it was too late. Glittering gems dropped between her feet as her bottom lip quivered.

"Oh, Kazuma..." She sniffled. "How could you do such a terrible thing?!" Her hands covered her eyes, as if to shield herself from the horror as she ran out sobbing. Kuwabara didn't think of anyone as he blazed past all of them, running outside to catch her.

Yusuke sighed and shrugged. "I'm gettin' out of here." He took one step and was flung across the room. "WHAT THE HELL?!" He looked up at Genkai.

"Not until you scrub every single drop of paint off my floor!" She screeched.

"What!" He rubbed his sore head. "What do you expect me to scrub it with?!"

Genkai growled. "It'll be with your tongue if you don't get to it."

He looked up at her and the two young girls glaring at him and then to Kurama, who just had a "You're on your own, pal," look on his face.

"Dammit."


"Yukina!" She stopped when he caught up to her and kept her back to him. "Please, forgive me Yukina! I didn't mean to make you cry! I'm so sorry!"

Her form was frozen like stone as she turned herself around. Slowly, her face became visible and he cringed at the angry, cold look she was giving him. "Don't apologize to me." Her voice was pure ice, venom lacing it, and in that moment he thought she looked like someone else, though he couldn't figure out who. Someone very familiar... "Apologize to Hiei." She continued, breaking his thoughts. "He's the one you hurt. How could you do that to him? Hasn't he suffered enough?"

He blinked. "What?"

She looked away. "Never mind. I just don't understand. He's the one who saved me from Tarukane. That man was going to take off with me if Hiei hadn't come in time! And you go and hurt him like this?" His eyes widened in shock as she sighed. "Just...find a way to make it up to him...or...I may never forgive you...Kuwabara."

He gulped. She...she called him Kuwabara and not Kazuma! This was bad. "O-Okay, sweetheart! I'll make it up to him, I promise! I'll do whatever it takes! Please don't hate me!" He begged and she gave him a sad smile.

"I don't...I don't. Just...please...make it up to him." She walked away and he was left fumbling around like an idiot.

Yukina cared about all people and didn't judge so that's why she was so upset, he told himself. He had no idea how he was going to make it up to Hiei, what with Hiei being...Hiei. He sure didn't see the little squirt as the type to let bygones be bygones...

"Hey, jerkweed!" He heard Shizuru scream, seeing her standing outside the temple doors. "Get your ass in here and help clean this floor!" Her face was red, with a cigarette between tightly clenched teeth, smoke billowing out of her mouth.

He didn't know what form the dark prince liked to take, but he was sure this would be one of them.


The next few days went by painfully slow. What was so painful about them was Hiei's behavior. When he returned again, most likely to eat something since food was hard to come by in the woods - well, food other than raw squirrel - he had said nothing. Hiei was usually quiet and didn't voice his opinions until needed, but this was different. He didn't say anything. At all. Nothing to anybody. He was completely silent.

He also didn't look at anybody. He moved like he was on auto-pilot, only tending to his needs and then leaving.

It wasn't until Koenma had given them a mission to seek out what was known as a shadow spirit, that the boys were forced to be around one another. Apparently, the thing had gotten lose and was causing havoc in people's homes.

Yusuke asked Hiei to check with his Jagan and Hiei wordlessly went to it. Yusuke growled and pulled at his overly greased hair. "This sucks!" he finally snapped. "I can't take it anymore!" Hiei reappeared and before he even got the chance to think about saying anything, Yusuke got right in his face. "Okay, Hiei - I admit it. I did it. I rigged the stupid bucket, okay? Now let's just do this."

Hiei raised an eyebrow as Yusuke stood before him. "Come on. Hit me." Both eyebrows went up and Yusuke sighed. "Come on! Right between the eyes, Hiei." He pointed to his forehead. "I won't even block. A free shot - unguarded - right here!"

Hiei still said nothing and Yusuke turned red. "Okay, seriously - you're acting like a big baby!"

"Yusuke!" Kurama scolded.

"What - he is! I apologize and offer for him to hit me and he just stands there still pulling this silent crap! It was just a prank! GET OVER IT!" he finished screaming in Hiei's face and the Jaganshi smirked.

"I was wondering how long it would take for you to snap."

Yusuke sighed and smiled at Hiei finally speaking. "So, we're cool?"

"As we ever were, I suppose." Yusuke rolled his eyes and Kurama came over.

"I had nothing to do with it," the fox stated.

"I saw your shoulders shaking, Kurama. Don't even," Hiei forced back, though it was half-hearted.

"Yes, well, you have to admit, it was a little bit funny," Kurama defended.

Hiei shook his head. "Let's do it to your hair, then," he retorted. Yusuke laughed at Kurama's face and Hiei chuckled a little.

Kuwabara was relieved to hear Hiei talking and came walking up. "Man, am I glad that's over! Did you find that shadow thing?"

Hiei looked directly at Yusuke, not Kuwabara, and answered. "I didn't find the spirit. I suggest we keep looking," and he walked off.

Kuwabara looked confused but then figured out the problem. "Wha...but we apologized!"

Kurama held up a finger. "Correction; Yusuke and I apologized. Not you."

"Yeah, I didn't hear you say 'sorry,'" Yusuke added.

"Neither did you two! You never once said 'I'm sorry'!" Kuwabara accused with a finger of his own.

"Actually, Yusuke told him to hit him and I admitted I laughed. In Hiei's book, that's an apology." Kurama shrugged at Kuwabara's confused face.

"Yeah, you gotta study up on your Hiei dictionary, man." Yusuke chuckled.

Kuwabara stomped his foot. "Well, fine! I'll apologize to the stupid runt! And it'll be so good it'll knock his dwarf shoes off his tiny feet!" He stomped off, leaving the two shaking their heads.

"Yeah, 'I'm sorry, you stupid runt - you have tiny, dwarf feet' is a great apology." Yusuke said rolling his eyes.


He tried to apologize to Hiei, but every time he did he was interrupted by another person coming in. He didn't wanna grovel in front of the others.

But it was getting ridiculous. It had been days since Hiei had started talking to everyone except him. The fire demon acted as if he didn't exist, and the young psychic had to admit it was nice not having to listen to Hiei's nasal voice put him down anymore, but it was grating on his nerves for some reason. He had become so used to Hiei saying something that him not saying anything was nerve racking.

It was finally at a party that the final straw broke the camel's back. Yusuke told a joke and Hiei actually laughed at it. Well, more of a chuckle, but still as close to a laugh as he was capable of. Kuwabara didn't know why, but it just snapped something inside him.

"That does it!" he screamed and marched over to Hiei who was seated on the window sill.

Yusuke took another drink of soda. "Here it comes..."

He got right in Hiei's face. "I'm sorry, okay?! It was all my idea and I did it and I'm really, really sorry!" Hiei still said nothing and looked away out the window. "Oh, c'mon, shorty...I'm sorry..." No response. "I'll...I'll buy you something." A snort from one of the others made him turn. "What? I will! I'll buy you anything!"

Everyone watched as Hiei still kept silent and he rubbed his temples. "I'll make you a big dinner! Your favorite food - anything you want - I'll make it!" He saw Hiei slowly sigh through his nose, seeming sad again and he growled out in frustration. "I'll...I'll...I'LL BE YOUR SERVANT FOR A WEEK!"

It went dead silent and everyone's mouth went agape until one voice cut through the death.

"What?"

He was unaware he had been holding his breath until Hiei spoke and he let it out. Finally, the little guy responded! FINALLY!

Hiei's gaze fell on him and he smiled, happy to get his attention. "Yeah, I'll be your servant for a whole week! Anything you want I'll do!"

"Uh, excuse me?" Shizuru interrupted. "You have school work. How are you supposed to do that and be Hiei's slave?"

He pouted. "Servant, and I can do both! I'm strong and I got what it takes! Whad'ya say, Hiei?" He beamed at the shorter boy, waiting with bated breath for a response.

"A whole week, huh?" He nodded. "Anything I want?"

"Uh huh."

Hiei paused in thought then slowly flashed one of those, "I'm about to eat your face" grins. And everyone went flat-faced at that. "I see. Fine, then. Go clean my boots. And by clean, I mean I want them to look as if I purchased them from one of your special human shops."

He nodded furiously and ran to get Hiei's shoes outside.

"Hey, kid." Shizuru pointed a lit cigarette at the boy in black. "Don't ask him anything that will, like, make him risk his life." She took a drag. "I'm very protective of my sibling." She narrowed her eyes at that last word, emphasizing it and Hiei snorted.

Yukina smiled. "I think it's a wonderful idea. Kazuma is so nice." She sighed happily and walked out to the kitchen.

Hiei sighed. "I won't ask him to jump off any bridges. I doubt even he is that dumb."

Shizuru blew out the smoke. "I wouldn't be so sure. He feels so guilty he might do it if you asked."

Kuwabara barely heard the convo but didn't care. He came running in with one of Hiei's shoes. "I did one - what do you think?"

"I see dirt," Hiei stated.

He looked at it again and ran back out. "Genkai, do you have a hose?"

Everyone sweat-dropped.


"What?" He was fuming red and he was sure steam was coming out of his ears. Hiei was perched in the tree, looking like a pharaoh of Egypt, hands behind his head, lounging in the shade.

"You heard me. I want you to find a purple glass hippo figurine and purchase it. Then bring it to me."

He scoffed. He had only two days left and it had been the nightmare he knew it would be. At first, Hiei asked for real things, like washing his clothes, polishing his sword and stuff like that. But soon his requests became idiotic, asking for the impossible things. The last one was he wanted a rhubarb pie with boysenberry frosting. Who even made such a thing? But he managed to find one, or rather have one custom made at a small bakery.

And as soon as he brought it to Hiei, the little punk threw it on the ground and made him clean it.

"I can't believe this..." he muttered.

"Are you breaking our deal?" Hiei teased, knowing the human's honor code. He grumbled and walked away, beginning his trek to find a purple glass hippo.


"He'll just break it as soon as I bring it..." Kuwabara mumbled under his breath causing him to chuckle.

It was silent as the wind blew in the leaves, but he soon sensed another presence. "What do you want?"

She was floating on her oar, staring at him. "I just wanted to know why you're being so mean to him. He only offered because he felt bad."

"Heh. Guilt is such a worthless emotion. A worthless human emotion."

"So is being sad," Botan retorted.

He looked at her. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"I saw your face after it was done. You were so sad..." Her eyes shown with pity and he wanted to retch.

"You are even more of an idiot than him. Do you really think it affected me that much?"

Botan blinked. "Huh? I saw your reaction."

He snorted. "I suppose I could've leveled the temple but then Yukina would be homeless and have to return to the ice-world." His eyes went cold. "And we wouldn't want that. So I contained my reaction."

"But - "

"I knew if I played it right someone would do something stupid to make it up to me. Though, I didn't expect this much fortune," he continued.

"You faked it?!" Botan screeched.

He picked at a nail. "The fool was the best. All I had to do was bide my time and bite my tongue until he snapped. It was perfect."

"I can't believe you, Hiei! You faked being hurt to gain sympathy?! You're despicable!" She turned and flew away, kicking up the wind blowing his hair fiercely.

"Oh, no," he began flatly, "now she'll never talk to me again." He sat back seeing Kuwabara run up.

"What luck!" The boy smiled. "I found it at that weird store on the corner!" The doof held up a small purple glass hippo exactly as he asked.

He was shocked but recovered with a smirk, putting his hands back behind his head. "Good. Now eat it."

~End