AUTHOR'S NOTES:

This was my intended 2014 BROKEBACK FANDOM FEST entry (a fest featuring slash or femmeslash best friends falling in love). Sadly, I never finished it in time for the fest, and it seems that fest's site has been purged. The story is completed, however, and is multi-chaptered.

Self-prompt: Draco x Theo (Harry Potter fandom); drama-angst; romance & sex; exploring transgenderism, gender norms, parent-pleasing

I'll admit I didn't have a beta look this over, but I did review it several times before posting it here. If it contains errors, please let me know! I'd appreciate it.


DISCLAIMER:"Harry Potter" is the property of J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros. This fanfiction was written entirely for fun, not for profit, and no copyright infringement is intended.

TIMELINE: Pre-Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Post-Hogwarts (EWE)

MAIN CHARACTERS FEATURED: Draco Malfoy x Hermaphrodite!Theodore Nott (a.k.a. Theia Variel)

SECONDARY CHARACTERS FEATURED (alphabetical order, last name): Hermione Granger, Astoria Greengrass, Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa Malfoy, Scorpius Malfoy, Nott Sr., Mrs. Nott, Pansy Parkinson, Harry Potter

SUMMARY: Theodore Nott was born different, but his secret is one he's never told anyone – not even his best friend, Draco Malfoy, whom Theo has loved from the time they were very young. As an adult, when he uses his ability as a Hermaphroditic Metamorphmagus and takes on the persona of 'Theia Variel' he tries to win his homophobic friend's love, but will it be enough to undo Draco's staunch traditionalist background? Or will Theia's attempted seduction backfire, destroying the friendship of a lifetime? A story about growing up and discovering what's truly important in life, and how love can undo you...and make you whole.

RATING: Hard R (MA)

WARNINGS: Explicit het sex (virginity loss for both Draco & Theia), transgender/intersex identity issues, discussions of first time masturbation & wet dreams (under age), sexual tension, unrequited love, implied child abuse, blood prejudice & slurs, discussions of suicide and death, explicit profanity, HEA.

NOTES: I have written once before about MetamorphmagusHermaphrodite!Theo ("Something Promising" in 2013 - you can find it on my profile page). I admit I borrowed that same idea and identity of "Theia" from that for this story. Also, I listened to the beautiful song, "Pieces" by RED & Abby Gregori (www . youtube watch?v=JoOBla0hk44) while writing this story. Give it a listen, as her cover/mesh of it is quite beautiful!


MAKE ME WHOLE (alternatively, "Undone and Letting Go")

By: RZZMG


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PART ONE

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Wiltshire – July, 1987

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"You're sweaty."

The hug Theo shared with Draco inside the safety of the gazebo warmed him to his toes, it sparkled in his chest. It filled him with a sense of comfort, and told him where he belonged.

"You are, too," he whispered with a happy sigh as Draco's arms came around him, completing the circle. "I don't mind."

"Me, either," his best friend admitted.

Theo cuddled closer. He never wanted to let go.

"THEODORE ADDICUS NOTT! What in Merlin's name do you think you're doing, boy?"

Theo's father's sharp bark was filled with disappointment and the promise of punishment later. It was enough to terrify his son. Theo jerked back from Draco and dropped his arms, stepping out of the hug he'd been giving his best friend.

"Saying goodbye," he mumbled, knowing the excuse wouldn't save him from the whipping he was sure to receive as soon as he got home. His father had been very clear about showing signs of affection that he'd deemed 'too girly', especially towards boys.

"Draco, come here," Lucius Malfoy evenly instructed his son.

Draco seemed reluctant to part from him, despite his father's command. A petulant frown compressed his lips together, and his brows shot downward with annoyance. As always, though, the Malfoy heir did as was expected of him, and turned to obey. He gave Theo a final wave over his shoulder as he jogged off.

"Bye, Theo! See you soon!"

"Bye," Theo called back, feeling the loss of his friend like a hole in his chest. Every time their play dates ended, it was always the same: Draco dutifully returned to his father's side, and Theo let him go, wishing for just five more minutes.

Draco's father was nicer than Theo's, too. He never smacked Draco around, and he gave Draco everything he wanted. More importantly, he looked at Draco with pride, and when he touched his son, it was always with warmth and love.

Theo's father didn't act like that. His father didn't love him, and was ashamed of him. It was the same with his mother. Theo had known that for as long as he'd been alive. He'd never been given genuine affection and gentleness from anyone but Draco, who would hold his hand when no one else was looking, and who liked to give him hugs back. Theo lived for those moments, storing each one away in his heart as something precious to help get him through his days.

Grabbing hold of his hand in a rough, gnarled grasp, Thaddeus Nott dragged Theo away from the Malfoy's garden after a terse 'good-bye' to Draco's family. He said nothing to Theo all the way back through the house, nor as they stepped into the Floo together.

As soon as they touched down at their own home, however, his father flung Theo's hand from his, and reached for his wand.

"How many times must I tell you, whelp? Hugging boys is for poofs, and no son of mine will ever be into the brown, only the pink!"

Theo didn't understand the strange terms his father used, but he knew what that wild, mad look in the man's eyes meant. Cowering, he hunched in on himself and waited for the first hex to fall, closing his eyes and disappearing into the world inside his mind to escape his reality.

Within his head, he walked along a white gravel path past red garden roses, and recalled how pretty Draco's mum's summer dress was, and relived the sweet, warm hugs he'd shared with Draco that day.

He held onto those beautiful memories and didn't let go, even as he was flayed open and undone by his father's cruel magic.

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Wiltshire - July, 1991

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"Okay, fine."

Theo scooted away.

Draco sighed. He hadn't wanted to sound so harsh, but Theo had to learn now before they started school in September that hanging all over a bloke was... well, it was queer, and Draco didn't want people thinking he was like that.

Even if it did secretly feel good.

His father had told him all about sex when he was ten. He'd learned what his dick would be used for as soon as he grew into it someday, and he'd learned about what girls were designed to do with his grown-up prick. He'd already witnessed the act, too: Blaise's twenty-year-old shameless sister, Carmine, had been riding the wild broom of some older fellow in an upstairs study at the Zabini's New Years' party a few months back. Through the crack in the door, Draco had watched the chick's tits bounce up and down as she'd shagged this fat, bald guy sitting in a chair. It had looked wicked, and he couldn't wait for his turn to try it out.

Of course, he'd have to wait for marriage. His father was very specific about not bringing an illegitimate Malfoy into the world, and besides, there were diseases one could catch that could make your "thing" fall off if you slept with a dirty person who got around. No way was Draco taking that chance!

In that same discussion with his father, Draco had also learned about 'aberrant behaviour' – specifically, lusting after someone of the same sex. His father said the practise was considered in very poor taste, on par with taking a Mudblood for a wife. It just wasn't done.

Clearly, Theo was still a child about such things, though, because the guy didn't seem to get it that the hugging thing was not something boys their age should do anymore. It was aberrant behaviour, and it also looked babyish. Boys their age shook hands like men did, and sometimes they clapped each other on the back. They never hugged, unless they were related. At least, that's what Draco's father had said.

He tried explaining all of this to Theo, who listened in wide-eyed wonder.

"Didn't your father explain any of this to you?" Draco asked his clueless friend.

Theo shook his head, and dropped his gaze to his feet, frowning. "The only thing my dad's ever said about it is that I'm too much a poof for my own good. I didn't know what he meant until just now." He looked up at Draco with those too-big, indigo-violet eyes of his. They were filled with tears. "Do you think I'm aberrant for wanting to be near you?"

Before Draco could answer, Theo was gripping his arm in a tight hold, a look of panic on his face. "You won't stop being my friend, will you?" His hand tightened, and Draco knew he'd be bruised by it. "I swear I won't hug you anymore. Just..." He broke into sobs. "Don't let me go! Don't quit being my friend!"

Draco flicked Theo in the forehead. "Idiot, of course not!" He extricated his arm from Theo's grip. "No hugging, though, okay?"

Even if he did secretly like it.

Theo fervently nodded, agreeing to anything Draco offered. "Okay."

Draco understood in that moment that he could use Theo's weakness against him, and bring his friend to his knees, if he wanted. He could twist Theo into becoming his servant, if he so wished, holding out the promise of friendship as the carrot to entice Theo into doing his bidding. There was power here Draco had never noticed or expected.

Lucius was always on him about what being a good Slytherin was all about, as it was a given that Draco would end up in the same House as every Malfoy before him had done. Yet, as he stared into Theo's innocent gaze, Draco realised he didn't want to hurt his friend like that.

Instead, he compromised.

"Ask the Sorting Hat to put you into Slytherin with me when it's your turn to be sorted this September. That way, we won't have to be separated, because I know you'll end up in Hufflepuff, otherwise."

Eagerly, Theo nodded. "We'll be together always." He held out his hand so they could shake on the deal – as male friends ought to do. "Best friends forever."

Draco took the proffered hand and they shook. "Always and forever," he vowed.

Even if he did secretly wish Theo had been born a girl.

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Wiltshire - July, 1992

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"I saw."

"Saw what?"

Theo turned onto his side and stretched his senses across the dark gap between his and Draco's beds. They were sleeping in Draco's 'magic treehouse' – a miniature medieval castle made of wood and entwined into the upper boughs of the old oaks that bordered the Malfoy property. Lucius had had it commissioned for Draco's twelfth birthday, just the month before.

He whispered so as to not wake Crabbe or Goyle, who were sleeping in their beds nearby. "I saw you staring at her again, the Granger girl."

Draco's disembodied voice reached him out of the darkness, sounding irritated at being woken up. He'd probably just been nodding off to sleep. "The Mudblood? Hard not to stare when she's waving her hand around like a loon in class."

Theo snorted in disbelief. "You stare at her even when she isn't being a swot. Is she your type, then?" His heart rate accelerated, as he waited to hear Draco's response, eager to know what his best friend looked for in a girl.

Draco hissed like a snake at him. "Get bent. I'd never stoop so low as to touch one of their kind."

"What about Parkinson? Or Greengrass?" Theo knew he was pushing, but he'd been cataloguing the different kinds of girls there were in their class –so many!– and the attributes they had that made them different from boys.

"What about them?" Draco asked, feigning nonchalance.

Theo rolled onto his side. "What do you think of blondes versus, say, redheads and brunettes?"

He could hear as Draco shifted, probably adopting the same pose as Theo. "Well, blondes are pretty, naturally, but they're a Knut a dozen in our circle, so nothing special there. Gingers are unique, but they're all of the lower classes. I guess… I prefer brunettes, mostly. Long, dark hair that curls to a girl's waist." He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. "Yeah, that's pretty. Exotic, even."

"You into that Chang witch who's a year above us? She's got long, black hair. Straight, though."

"I'd date her," Draco bragged, "but wouldn't marry her. She's only half-blood. What about you?"

Theo's chest tightened and his mouth went dry. Here was a topic that Draco had made clear last summer was off-limits. Treading carefully, he said, "I… I like them all. They're all unique in their own way, aren't they?"

Draco snickered. "Chicken."

"Am not!" Theo protested, careful to keep his voice low.

"Are, too."

"Wankstain, I am not!"

"Then say what you're into," Draco challenged.

Theo tried to find a very Slytherin way to say what he wanted without the truth being revealed. "I… like blonds."

Draco was silent in the face of that pronouncement, and Theo knew he'd taken it too far. He quickly compensated.

"Lavender Brown is pretty - for a Gryffindor."

His best friend turned over in his bed and huffed with agreement. "Yeah," he said, a bit distractedly, "she's okay." A second later, "Go to sleep, Theo."

"Yeah, okay. Good night," Theo whispered.

He didn't get much sleep that night, thinking about how his hair was naturally dark and a bit curly, and wondering if Draco meant the same thing as he had about having a preference for such things.


TO BE CONTINUED...


AUTHOR'S NOTES: Review of next chapter -

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"I'm not like you."

He glanced sideways at Theo. "Well, of course you're not. You've got dark, wavy hair and purplish-blue eyes."

Theo took a deep breath, seeming to struggle with himself. "No, I mean, I'm really not like you."

Even as he spoke, the most extraordinary thing happened: Theo's hair changed colour to white blond, then to red, then to green, before settling back to its normal shade of chestnut brown.

Draco scrambled back, shocked. "FUCK! What the hell?"

Theo looked hurt by Draco's stunned rejection. "I'm a Metamorphmagus," he whispered, his voice trembling.

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Please review! What do you think so far?

XOXO,

- RZZMG