Bella and Edward are walking home from prom, garbed in their evening's finest

Bella and Edward are walking home from prom, garbed in their evening's finest.

"Wasn't that a great prom?" Bella said, fluttering her eyelashes at Edward.

"Yes, it was," Edward replied, flashing his smoldering eyes at her.

"Hey, do you want to come back to my place?" Bella ask seductively.

"No, I can't," Edward said, "I'm sorry."

"Why the hell not?" Bella demanded.

"Because I am a vegetarian vampire, and I'm also thinking of converting to Mormonism, you know, so I can wear special underwear too. Besides it's all about withholding temptation, so no sex until marriage, just like the Mormons".

"But vegetarianism and Mormonism are for retar-" Bella began before she was cut off by a sight she would regret for the rest of her life.

There stood a tall dark man, clad in leather, body armor on his chest and a sword on his back, wearing sunglasses and a black trench coat with red trim. Guns were strapped to his waist and in his right hand, he held what appeared to be a modified shotgun. A badass modified chopper is right next to him.

He stood there blocking their path, not saying anything.

"Who are you?" Edward says hesitantly.

He flashes a wolfish grin.

"My name is Blade, and it's open season on all suckheads, and I'm starting with you motherfuckers" he announces.

At this point, heavy metal music starts playing in the background.

"What the-" But it's too late and Blade raises his shotgun and fires it straight into Edward's chest, knocking him back. Edward recovers and leaps at Blade….

SSHHHIINGGGG !

"AARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH" he screams, as he rolls on the ground in agony, his right arm reduced to a stump, now spurting blood all over the ground.

Blade smiles and spins his acid-etched titanium sword, sending droplets of blood flying through the air.

"EDWARRDDDDDDDDDDD" Bella screams before she turns and starts running away like a girl. She gets 20 feet before she hears a whirring noise behind her. She turns her head…

SSHHKKIIISSSHHHH!

Blade's trademark silver glaive lodged itself in Bella's right eye socket, its sharp edge piercing right through to her brain. Bella stood there frozen for a moment, before she fell lifeless to the ground, the glaive still stuck in her bloody skull.

Blade turns toward Edward, still writhing on the ground.

Seeing Bella lying dead on the pavement, Edward summons the last of his strength.

"Fuck you!" he hisses and launches himself at Blade.

and crashes onto the hard pavement.

"Where is he" he wonders, only to discover the horrible truth a split second later as he feels the silver garrote slip around his throat.

"No, Fuck you!" he hears Blade's voice behind him.

"GGARRRGGHHHHHHHHH" he tries to scream, as with a hard yank, Blade decapitates Edward, sending his head flying 10 feet away, his body and head both disintegrating into ashes and dust as they hit the ground.

"Party's over, motherfuckers" Blade intones.

Blade coolly surveys the scenes, holsters his weapons before walking over to Bella's bloody corpse and removing the glaive from her skull with a 'SQUUECCHH' sound.

He calmly walks to his chopper and takes off down the street, toward the home of the Cullens…