Hi all! I've been out of the fanfiction loop for awhile, but I got some inspiration and hopefully it will all work out this time! Like I said, not up to date, so if this sounds too similar to something else, PM me and let me know and we'll see if it's going in the same direction. Also, huge thanks to Carie Valentine for being a great beta!
Note on canon fudging: I needed Casey's father to not live in the States, but just two hours away. I KNOW, you shouldn't have to bend canon to write your fanfic, but it's AU as it is, and hey, it contributes to Casey's issues that he was so close and still didn't come by often. My apologies to the canon gods.
Disclaimers: Don't own LWD, or the Graham Colton song, which I recommend listening to while you read! Enjoy!
You Don't Know Me
Chapter 1 (Forget About You)
Casey McDonald stormed into her bedroom and fell onto her bed. Holding a pillow over her face, she let out a frustrated scream.
"I need to get OUT OF HERE!" her muffled voice cried.
Derek was getting on her nerves again, but this time it wasn't bickering. Oh no, on the contrary: Derek was happy. And all he wanted to talk about was Sally. Sally likes those cupcakes. Sally has that shirt in red. Sally said the cutest thing on Monday. Sally, Sally, Sally, Sally, SALLY!
"ARGH!!" The pillow was thrown to the ground. She never thought she'd be so upset about Derek having a girlfriend. Actually, Casey thought bitterly, I never thought I'd ever see Derek Venturi again. She cursed her fate once more, the same way she had been since the "first" time she met her new stepbrother. Or at least, that's what everyone else thought. Including Derek.
She took a deep breath to calm herself and reached over to switch on her stereo. As Graham Colton's "Forget About You" (Disc 2, Track 4, the same CD she'd had in that spot since she moved in) flowed through the speakers, she thought back once again to that night. A night she wished she could just forget, the way he did.
Casey was 14 years old and her father had been gone for a few months. She blamed her mother back then, but only slightly more than she blamed herself. She had tried to be a better daughter - studying even more, helping with the chores - but he left anyway. Every time she wanted to see him, he was "busy". So what was the point? she thought. On top of that, her mom was dating again, and she was furious. She hadn't turned into a "bad" kid, per se, but she tried to spend as little time home as possible. She started hanging out with a girl named Nicole, who was slowly building the same reputation as her older sister Kayla, who they often tagged along with. Kayla seemed to find a perverse pleasure in slightly corrupting the younger girls.
Casey would lie about whatever club meetings or practices she could - she did still go to SOME of them - or say that she was sleeping over someone's house and stay out doing what the adults would call "acting out" with a hint of "self-medicating". Yes, Casey would drink and flirt with all sorts of boys, go to parties in strangers' cars: anything not to think about going home to that tense, quiet house. She was surprised she lived through it sometimes when she thought back.
But there was one thing Casey hadn't been, and that was a slut. She never got so drunk that she'd lose her control over what was happening, and wouldn't take her interactions with guys too far. She was lucky no one had given her too difficult of a time. No, there had only been one special boy that her wild child self had slept with, had lost her virginity to...
Casey stumbled out of the late-night diner where she, Kayla, Nicole, and their friend Ellie had been sneaking rum into their sodas. Her hair was down and fell over one eye. Her lipstick had faded away from the drinks, but she was still heavily made-up elsewhere. A dark brushing of rouge enhanced her cheekbones, and blue eye-shadow twinkled over mascara'd eyelashes; it was exactly what you'd expect from a young girl trying too hard to hide how young and afraid she was. Of course, she hadn't realized this at the time. She wore a scoop-neck red top that showed off her not-quite-impressive-yet cleavage, and tight low-rise jeans that revealed the thong underneath. She was cold, yes, but that was the price they paid, the girls had told her.
"Ooh, look!" Kayla said, nodding at something ahead of them.
Casey looked over and slowly stopped giggling. At a dark end of the parking lot, leaning on a car, was a group of older teenage boys. There was one, a little younger than the others, facing her. He had a lean body underneath a leather jacket. Her eyes adjusted to the darkness as they traveled up his body to the angles of his face. Her breath caught and she was instantly mesmerized. He was beautiful… She jerked out of her reverie suddenly and realized her friends had just about left her behind as they sauntered toward the group. She put her head down and blushed, realizing how hard she must have been staring at the boy, and quickly ran up to everyone else, heels clicking on the pavement.
Her friends were introducing themselves to the other guys, twirling their hair. The younger boy stayed off to the side just a little, and as Casey got closer, she could see that he was incredibly drunk. This usually annoyed her; the boys Kayla had introduced her to were always too loud and too forward when they were drinking. This boy, though, was a quiet, brooding drunk - a rare find among the under-aged. The dark, glassy look in his eyes made him oddly more attractive.
"Hi," she started cautiously. "I'm Gabrielle." Gabrielle was the fake name she gave in those days, always slightly paranoid about what might come back to haunt her later.
The younger boy's eyes widened just a little, and he swayed a bit. "Derek." He narrowed his eyes again and took another swig from the bottle he had in his hand.
"So..." Casey looked around and hugged her arms around her chest. Damn, it was cold. "So, where do you go to school?"
"Thompson."
"I don't know where that is."
"You wouldn't, it's two hours away from here." Derek looked uncomfortable. He looked down, shuffling his feet just a little.
"Oh. So what are you doing out here?" Casey asked, trying her best to be cute and flirty. She still wasn't used to this.
Derek shrugged. "Stuff."
Casey was getting a little frustrated with the boy's reticence, but a little intrigued too. She moved closer until she was at Derek's side, pressing coyly against his arm. "You don't say much, huh? The strong silent type?" Aha, she'd gotten a smile! Actually, a smirk. A ridiculously hot smirk.
"I'm not sure what to say," the boy said, swaying and slurring. "You're too pretty to talk to." He sloppily draped his arm around her shoulder and gave her a meaningful look. Casey laughed involuntarily at his attempt to flirt. She felt comfortable with him, knowing that he was just as unsophisticated as she was at this.
They eventually found a few things to talk about: she found out that his parents were divorced too, and that they both had younger siblings. He told her he was learning guitar, and she talked a little about dance - she was too shy to tell him about ballet and tap. He loved horror movies, and she got scared almost immediately thinking about them. He put an arm around her as they sat on the ground, leaning against the car, and told her he'd protect her, his voice full of bravado. But mostly Derek would just try to make her laugh with all sorts of stupid jokes and faces. It worked. Derek was still drinking and being stupid, yes, but for some reason she didn't quite understand she was still incredibly attracted to him. She sort of felt like he didn't fit in with the rest of this crowd, that he was just a regular goofy kid hitting a rough patch just like she was, looking for an escape. It was the eyes, she realized.
The rest of the group had split off earlier into various couples that were alternating between drinking and groping. Casey had been absorbed in her conversation with Derek - and also in getting drunker herself - that she didn't notice that her friends had gone off into the woods that bordered the parking lot until she suddenly became aware of silence. She stopped suddenly, something vague nagging at her that maybe she should go after them, but her mind was still fuzzy and she wanted to stay with Derek. She was 14 and had no real sense of how utterly uninvincible teenagers were, contrary to their own opinion.
"Hey," she broke into the conversation, standing up clumsily. "Everyone left."
Derek managed to stand up as well, and looked around bleary-eyed. "I guess so."
Casey bit her lip. "You know what else?" Derek looked back at her, curious. "You haven't tried to kiss me yet."
Derek smiled that fantastic smile that she now knew so well and leaned into her. Despite how drunk they were, their tentativeness kept the kiss from being sloppy and awkward. Casey felt a shock of pleasure run through her from the sensation of his warm mouth.
"You're incredible," he murmured against her lips.
Casey was melting. She knew she shouldn't, but he sounded so sincere. Not like the other guys who leered at her and tried to feel her up. As she pressed against him, she felt a hardness and moaned into his mouth. This was turning her on more than any other time she'd been with a guy and she had no idea why. Derek pulled away slightly and stared down at her. Oh, right, she thought dreamily, those eyes.
"Do you want to, um, get in the car?" Derek asked.
Casey gulped. "Um, yeah. Sure." Well... she was cold.
They climbed awkwardly into the backseat of Derek's friend's car and continued kissing. Casey eventually ended up underneath Derek, out of comfort, she told herself. Truthfully, she loved the feel of his body on top of her, hard and warm, his hand moving up and down her body. Her naked side, actually ... she didn't really remember how her shirt had gotten removed, but everything felt so good...
"Gabrielle," he whispered against her neck.
"Uh huh..."
"I have a... uh... a condom..." Was he nervous or just out of it? She didn't know. She didn't know why she was letting it get so far at all, but her head was swimming with pleasure and alcohol. Yeah, alcohol was always a good excuse for acting this way.
"Um," Casey started, her body tingling as he trailed his hand up her side again. He was cupping her breast, rubbing a finger across her nipple. She thrust involuntarily upward and felt him against her again. "Um, yeah... yeah, ok."
Derek slowly lifted himself off of her and she shivered. She wanted him back, touching every part of her body, holding her. She wanted his scent all around her again, to run her fingers through his hair. Her eyes closed and she felt her body arching, begging for him. And then suddenly it was all there again. He had removed both their remaining clothes, and he was lying on top of her. She wrapped her arms around his back as he guided himself into her. It took him a little while, and she tried to help, but she was out of it too. When he was almost in, she couldn't take it anymore, and moaned breathlessly,
"I need you. Please."
Then with one hard thrust, she screamed, and lost her virginity.
It was sort of like ripping off a Band-Aid, she had thought at the time. The pain came once, and then quieted. They continued, moaning and gasping, until he came. He buried his face in her hair and she swallowed back her tears. Despite how sore she was, she wanted him to stay inside of her forever. She dreamily realized he still didn't know her real name.
"WHOOOOOOO!" They were ripped from their half-sleep by Derek's friends pounding on the window. Yes, this was exactly how Casey had pictured her first time. She thought this was probably how she got to be so frigid afterward. After Derek's head shot up, she heard him groan. He looked green. Oh shit.
She pushed, and Derek managed to get off of her and lean out the opposite door before he vomited. Casey quickly threw on her clothes and forced her way out of the car.
One of Derek's friends had rushed around to where he was vomiting and caught sight of the condom, covered in blood.
"Hey Jimmy!" he laughed, "You might want to check out your backseat, dude!"
As Casey joined her friends, Jimmy peeked into his car. "Ah shit, a virgin! Nice going, you little fucker!" he laughed. Derek lifted his head up to yell at them to shut up, but it didn't come out so well. Casey was so embarrassed, she grabbed Ellie and ran away crying to Kayla's car.
"Gabrielle," she heard behind her, "I'm sorry! Forget about..." The voice was cut off as she slammed the car door and waited for Kayla and Nicole to come over and drive away. She looked out the window through tear-filled eyes, and watched one of Derek's friends pull him back into the car before they sped away.
And just like that, the most intense spark Casey had ever felt had ended. She knew it was stupid to be hanging on to one drunken night with someone she barely knew, but it was her virginity. And then to find out that he didn't even remember her? And have to spend every day getting to know him even more? It was torture, and she just wanted to let it go already. Every time she thought she had found someone who could make her forget, or that Derek would finally frustrate her so much that she could just move on, there would be a moment that made it all rush back again. For this, Casey had a routine. She would allow herself just an hour or two to wallow in it, and then throw herself into some sort of project or schoolwork. Or she'd pick a fight if she could, so that she would just feel mad at him instead of... whatever. She liked this option better, because it was at least a little cathartic for her. But she could never say what she really wanted to get off her chest.
When Casey came face to face with Derek at their pre-marriage family meeting, her mind became instant chaos. She was happy for a split second, until it hit her who he was now: her stepbrother. After spending several minutes trying to send him some sort of look and getting only a weird eyebrow raise in return, she was slapped in the face with the realization that he really had no idea who she was. She cornered him in the one moment that she was able to, and asked nervously,
"Derek? Do I know you from somewhere?"
Derek had scoffed at her. "Uh, I am Derek Venturi, so probably." He smirked, but this time it just made her furious. Rather than be hurt again, she decided that it wasn't worth it. Why bring extra problems into an already awful situation? And besides, now that she knew what a jerk he was, she could move on.
But deep down, she never did, even though she dismissed these times as simply temporary insanity. There were many times in the early months when these moments got so intense she almost wanted to break and tell Derek who she was, but she always pushed it back. She couldn't be hurt by him again, and she couldn't do that to her family. Sleeping with her stepbrother?! What would everyone think!? Not to mention having to tell her mother what she had been doing back then. No, no, she had to just shut up and forget. And as time went by and the rest of the family became closer, the window of opportunity narrowed and she and Derek became like siblings, in everyone's eyes but Casey's. Yes, she had to just shut up and forget.
--
"Casey, could you come down here a minute?" Nora yelled up the stairs.
Casey made her way down and greeted her mother in the dining room. "What's up, Mom?"
"Sit down. I want to discuss something with you." She looked especially serious, and Casey became nervous. Once she was seated, Nora started again.
"Your father called and mentioned he was going on a business trip for the next week and a half, and is trying to convince me to let you come up and house-sit for him."
Casey could barely contain her excitement. "Oh my god, are you serious!? That's fantastic!"
Nora held up hand. "Now hold on, I didn't say yes. The only reason I'm even considering it is because I noticed you've been very stressed lately. It's about time for you to start applying to university, right?"
"Yeah," she jumped on the excuse. "It's super stressful. And who can get any work done in this house?" Casey gestured, directing her mother's attention to the sounds around them. Slowly, Nora became aware of the crashes and explosions of Edwin's video game, the shrieking laughter of Marti's play-date with Dimi, and the shouts of Derek's street hockey game coming through the window.
Nora gave her an understanding nod. "I suppose I have to get used to you being on your own. You'll be entering your senior year, and then you'll be off to uni-" Nora stopped, and put a hand over her eyes, which were getting misty. "Uni- ohhh!" She fanned her face.
"Uh, Mom? Are you... okay?" Casey asked, staring at her mother strangely.
"Yes, yes, I'm fine." Nora dabbed at her tears with a napkin, and smiled, catching her breath. "If you want to go, I was thinking we could consider this a test-run. You'll have a fully equipped house, and if you need anything, I'm just two hours away, and there's a hospital right down the street, and ohhh!" Nora trailed off again.
"Mom, I'll be fine!" she rushed over to hug her mother. "I would love the break to work on my applications in peace!" she cried. Casey didn't mention, of course, that she would be beyond thrilled to have a break from hearing about Derek and Sally.
"I know, I know, and your father said I need to be strong. You're a smart, responsible young woman." Nora took a deep breath. "Are you sure about this, Casey? And you promise me you won't get into any trouble? And you'll lock yourself in at all times? And don't talk to strangers? And..."
"Mom!" she interjected loudly over her mother's rambling. Then more calmly, she said, "I promise, everything will be okay. Like you said, I just need the break to relax and work. I'll check in every day, and the whole trip will be incredibly boring."
Nora sighed. "Okay. You do deserve it. I'll call your father - he'll be very happy."
Casey squealed happily. "Thanks, Mom!" she exclaimed, giving her a big hug. "I'll go pack!"
