A/N: Yeah, so just started getting into Bleach recently (watched the canon-episodes through the course of one week) and this came out of that. I don't own any of the characters but the plot is mine.
Lady fought the drowsiness still lingering in her mind as she heard the soft hum of her cell phone vibrating, signifying an incoming call. Rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, she quickly grabbed the device from the desk and glanced at the screen.
Caller: Dante
Heaving a sigh of relief, she quickly pressed the button to receive the call and placed the device beside her cheek.
"Dante, the hell are you?", she snapped at the phone, hopefully cutting him off at the verge of any 'aww, you do care about me's' he had at the tip of his tongue.
She heard a snort at the other line. "Hey Lady, nice to hear from you too. I'm fine by the way."
The huntress rolled her eyes but felt the action lost since he wasn't there to see it. "Yeah, I figured you were. You've been gone for three weeks!"
There was a silence then a low whistle from Dante's end. "Damn, lost track of time."
Lady rubbed the bridge of her nose as she got up from her seat behind Dante's desk. After the idiot had gone AWOL for three weeks, she had become, more or less, the 'hunter-on-call' for Devil May Cry while he was gone. And now that she definitely knew the moron was in fact not dead, she wanted to kill him more than ever. He had received a rather urgent distress call from an old friend in Japan and had gone to take care of business overseas. He had called back about two days later and reported the job done. After that, no phone calls, no letters, nothing for three weeks.
"Where the fuck are you?! Get your ass back here now! Every single one of your debt collectors have been going after me!"
Dante laughed at the other end of the line. "Heh, how's it feel ya little blood sucker?"
"Fuck you," seethed Lady. "Hope you rot wherever the hell you are."
"No, wait don't hang up!" came the urgent reply. "I'm...well, I guess I'm in jail."
The white-clad woman, raised an eyebrow and put a hand on her hip. "Jail? Why don't you just break out like last time?"
"Yeah, about that – it's not exactly jail-jail. You know the job I just took right?"
"The demon infestation in Japan? Yeah, what about it? You called back here and said you took care of it three weeks ago, before you went missing!"
"Wasn't a demon infestation."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, they were kinda like demons but you know...not. Anyways, I ran into the guys who're supposed to actually take care of the 'not-demons' and we got into a little misunderstanding.
Lady wrinkled her nose in slight confusion. "You ran into other hunters? I thought they were already clear about whose side you're on."
She heard a deep sigh from Dante's end. "Not hunters, Lady. Reapers. Soul Reapers."
It took but a moment for Lady to digest this information.
"Soul Reapers? You mean Shinigami?"
"Well, look at you all multi-lingual!" came the impressed chuckle from Dante. "Yeah, I ran into a couple of them and they took me here to their home realm."
Things began to click in Lady's brain. "I take it you didn't come quietly."
"Okay, one, you know I've got a problem with suits – that includes the foreign versions of suits," replied Dante. "Two, you know I've got a problem with anything non-human, which now includes Soul Reapers apparently, in that very short list."
Lady snorted in derision. "You're forgetting number three – the one where you shoot first, shoot later, shoot some more and when everything's dead, try to ask questions. I'm betting that's what's got your ass in a bind with these guys right now."
"They were carrying swords and I thought it necessary to exercise my right to defend myself and kick some ass."
"Great. So, whaddya need me for?" snapped Lady irritably.
"I need you to get the hell over here and vouch for me and bail me out."
"Okay, just point me to the nearest portal available and I'll be there in a second. Let's get this over with."
There was a guilty pause. "Yeah....it's in Japan."
"Excuse me?" asked Lady, feeling her temper spiking. "You want me to fly a hundred goddamn miles to Japan to bail your sorry ass out?"
"Come on!" replied Dante. "You can have all the pay from the hunts you took while I was gone."
"Fuck you, I could've gotten all those jobs by myself."
"Think about it this way; the longer I stay here, the longer I can't pay my debt to you."
"You've already paid most of you debt to me," said Lady, unsure why she was saying this. Any other day, she would've been content to let him stew in the knowledge that he still owed her.
So what the hell was she waiting to hear from him?
"Look, they don't trust me here," said Dante, sounding serious. "They said that I don't 'feel' right. I'm giving them bad vibes or something and I need someone to come here and tell them I'm a good guy."
Nodding slightly, Lady let out a defeated sigh. "Fine. You want me to take Trish?"
"I wouldn't advise it," Dante replied, sounding wistful. "Last time we were on a plane, she threw up like five times and squeezed the living hell outta my hand."
"Okay. So I just go to Japan? Then what?"
"Here's what you do – when you get there, you ask around, go to a place named Karakura. When you get there, ask to go to a candy shop owned by a guy named Urahara. He's the guy who called me for the job."
"Got it. Anything else?"
"Yeah, bring me a couple of Devil Arms."
Lady's eyes widened. "You sure?"
"Yeah, it's what you're going to use for my bail."
"Alright. By the way, how're you calling me?"
She heard a deep chuckle. "I asked for a phone call. I get one per week for as long as I'm stuck here."
"Okay then, hang in there. See you in a day?" said Lady, preparing to hang up.
"Wait, I think the old man wants to speak with you," said Dante, before sounds of rustling cloth was heard. Lady, meanwhile, was now thoroughly confused. As far as she knew, Dante was comparable to a natural disaster in terms of pure destructive power, and they were having an old man guard him?
"Hello?" came a wizened voice, replacing Dante's own familiar baritone. "To whom am I speaking to please?"
"Er...yes, hello?" replied Lady, feeling a tad nervous. Despite the apparent age of the owner of the new voice, there was a certain weight and power around it – impressive, considering he had uttered only a few words, from another realm, miles away from where she was.
"May I know your name please?" came the voice again.
"Um...Lady."
"Yes, Miss Lady, the one your friend here speaks of?" replied the 'old man', never questioning the alias she had given herself.
"The same."
"My name is Genryūsai Shigekuni Yamamoto and I am the captain-general of the Shinigami corps. I wanted to talk to you personally to make sure that you understand the situation your friend is in."
Lady felt like a mother being chastised by the principal for the behaviour of her son.
"We found him in the epicentre of a massive infestation of Hollows – similar to your 'demons' I'd imagine – and found that, interestingly, he seemed to be acting as bait for the creatures."
The female hunter swallowed nervously. Dante's demonic ancestry was always the hardest to explain, especially since most people started drawing their own unpleasant conclusions based on the word 'demon'.
"That would not have been so bad because we encourage the destruction of Hollows, but when two of our captains decided to question him about it, he assaulted them for no apparent reason," came the rather stern explanation from the old Shinigami. "He's gravely injured two of our best captains, their respective lieutenants, as well as one substitute Soul Reaper and his friends."
Lady wanted to groan and apologize for her friend's bone-headed actions but the old man apparently wasn't done yet.
"We managed to take him to the Soul Society to at least make light of his purpose for doing this but, once again, he escaped custody and started a ruckus, causing massive amounts of property damage, most of which will take us quite some time to rebuild."
Lady's shoulders slumped in defeat. "On behalf of the whole human race, I am so sorry about him."
She could've sworn she heard a sigh from the Yamamoto at the other end. "It's quite alright, at least for the time being. We are keeping him in custody as of now, but rest assured that no harm will come to him. In some ways, he's done us a favour – he's managed to kill all of the Hollows populating that area, including several Menos Grande."
"Menos Grande?" asked Lady.
"Maybe some other time, my dear," said Yamamoto amicably. "This...cellphone you say? It's about to run out of power and needs....recharging I believe. We will explain things further when you get here."
"Alright then. Er...nice talking to you."
"Quite. I shall have Dante here say his goodbyes to you."
More rustling of cloth was heard.
"Lady, you there?"
"Yeah."
"See you in a bit?"
"Yeah. Oh and Dante?"
"What?"
"I'm gonna beat your ass when I get there. You know, just FYI."
"Heh, see you soon Lady."
Click.
END
A/N: Yeah, I know I should be working on "Hermetica" but I've got severe writer's block for that story. Hopefully this clears things up! Also, the title of the story is derived from the song of the same name by Led Zeppelin from their debut album released in Janurary 1969.
