Hi! This is my new fic - hope you enjoy! Give me some feedback as I'm still working on the later chappies.
Cheers!
WARNING: No sex yet. Ohhhhh! Shocking, I know. But if you've read my stuff before, you know what a terrible tease I am :-) And I promise, when it happens, it will be sooo worth the (short) wait.
On with the story...
Chapter One
'Remus? Remus, can you hear me?'
He heard the faint, familiar voice calling him but he didn't want to wake up. His sleep had been dreamless and pain free and, even in his semi-conscious state, he knew waking up was going to hurt.
A lot.
Harry Potter stood next to the hospital bed, watching nervously as the healer waved a wand over Remus Lupin.
'Shouldn't he be awake?' he asked her and she nodded.
'Yes,' she confirmed, her own nerves on edge. The treatment should have worked by now but…
'Sometimes even if the body is healed, the mind isn't ready to wake up,' she said, looking around at the people in the room. 'He's had an enormous shock - both physically and mentally. Remus had extensive internal injuries. He watched his wife die. Give him some more time to recover if he needs it.'
'Tonks' funeral is tomorrow,' a red haired woman said, stepping forward. 'He'd want to be there…'
'We all want him to be there, Molly,' she said tersely, her own grief rising for a second before she managed to regain some composure. 'I'm doing what I can. The rest is up to him. Maybe if he had a bit of space…'
As soon as the sniping remark was out of her mouth, she regretted it. 'I'm sorry, Molly,' she said softly, rubbing her forehead as she shoved her wand back into her pocket. 'I don't mean to be a bitch, I'm just…'
She shook her head then flinched when she felt a hand on her arm. 'You're right,' a male voice said gently. 'There are too many people here. Let's go, mum, Harry. We can come back later. Maddy, you'll contact us if there's any change?'
The blonde woman smiled gratefully at Bill Weasley and nodded. He gave her arm a squeeze then guided his mother and Harry out of the room, leaving her to sink down into the chair next to the bed. She closed her eyes for a moment then looked over at the still man on the bed.
'Alright, Lupin,' she said firmly, taking his hand in hers. 'You listen to me. There is no damn reason for you to still be asleep. You're going to ruin my reputation, you know. I've got a one hundred percent heal rate and I'm not going to let you stuff that up.'
She watched the man for a minute then sighed and lay her head on the bed next to him, still holding his hand in hers.
'I know you're hurting, Remus,' she said softly. 'But you're needed here. Teddy is saying goodbye to his mother tomorrow and he needs his daddy there. You're all he has left.'
She sighed and squeezed his hand. 'You're all I've got left as well.'
His hand twitched in hers and she lifted her head, staring carefully at his face. 'Remus?'
He groaned and relief flooded through her.
'Thank God,' she muttered, standing up and reaching for her wand. 'I couldn't stand losing you too.'
She and Nymphadora Tonks had been close for several years. They'd met after the clumsy young woman had come into St Mungo's Hospital injured during her first six months of Auror training. Maddyson Horton had been the Healer on duty and, despite the six year difference in their ages, the two women had formed an immediate friendship which had grown over the years.
When Tonks had told her a year ago that she was marrying Remus Lupin, Maddy had been concerned. Tonks was so young - in her early twenties, and Remus was older by at least fifteen years, closer to Maddy's age than Tonks'. Everything was so tumultuous as the final battle approached and evil was growing in their world; and Remus himself was a concern- he was broke and a werewolf to boot.
But Tonks had been head over heels and, after Maddy had met and gotten to know Remus, she could understand why. He was a wonderful person and a steadying influence on the sometimes flaky young woman. She, in turn, brightened up what had been a fairly miserable life for the man and, when Teddy had arrived very quickly, Maddy had hoped for the best for the couple.
But it wasn't to be. Both Tonks and Remus had fought in the final battle against the Dark Lord that had cost so many people their lives. Maddy had arrived at Hogwarts castle, her old school, to help with the wounded as the battle wound down and had been devastated when she saw both Tonks and Remus amongst the dead. She'd checked their vital signs carefully - not wanting to believe they were both gone - and had been stunned to find a very weak, almost indiscernible pulse in Remus neck. She'd concentrated all her efforts on healing her friend and, by the time he reached St Mungo's, he was stable. Three days later, though, those who loved him were growing concerned that he wasn't waking up. Until now.
His blue eyes flicked open now and met her own. 'Maddy,' he mumbled, his parched throat hurting.
She quickly grabbed a cup of water then held him upright as he sipped, the cool liquid soothing his sore throat.
'Not too much,' she warned when he made a noise of complaint as she took it away.
'Tonks?' he ground out, not holding out much hope and the little he had was dashed when he saw Maddy's face.
'I'm so sorry, Remus,' she whispered, eyes filling with tears that she quickly blinked away. 'It was fast. She didn't feel a thing.'
He nodded, swallowing hard against his sorrow. He had seen her body being taken to the castle - the shock had been part of the reason he'd been hit by Dolohov's curse himself. His wife wasn't even supposed to be there. He'd left her with their son, hoping that if the worst should happen, little Teddy wouldn't lose both his parents.
Shifting slightly, he couldn't muffle his groan of pain and Maddy slipped back into her Healer mode. Her hands touched his bare chest, then palpated their way down to his abdomen.
'Where's the pain?' she asked briskly as her hands touched his lower stomach.
Remus hissed as another spasm ripped through him at her touch and Maddy grimaced in sympathy.
'Sorry,' she muttered, then waved her wand over him, mumbling incantations.
After a few minutes, the pain disappeared and he breathed a loud sigh. Whatever she'd done had taken away the bulk of his aches and pains as well as making him feel more alert. Now he wasn't aching so badly, he recalled the events of the last couple of weeks and he looked up at Maddy.
'Thanks,' he said and she smiled grimly.
'You were pretty messed up, Remus,' she told him, sitting on the edge of the bed. 'I've done all I can but it may take several weeks to fully recover and then months to get full mobility back…'
'Are you ok?' he asked, taking her hand.
She looked awful - like she hadn't slept in weeks, which she probably hadn't. Her hand felt small, fragile in his and, for the first time since he'd known her, this tough, intelligent woman looked breakable.
She appeared startled by his question but nodded. 'I'm fine,' she said, standing up and putting her wand away, his hand slipping from hers.
'Maddy…' he began but she shook her head.
'Andromeda's been bringing Teddy in,' she interrupted, knowing what he was going to say but not having the strength to get into it with him. Not yet. 'And Molly, Bill and Harry have been here almost constantly. They've been dead annoying - about time you woke up to deal with them.'
His lips curved up for a moment then he said softly, 'When's the funeral?'
Maddy bit her lip then said, 'Tomorrow. I can get you strong enough to be out of here by then as long as you get complete rest at home until I say so afterwards.'
Remus frowned but nodded. 'Thanks,' he said.
Maddy smiled at him then turned to leave. 'I'll send an owl to let the others know you're awake,' she said over her shoulder. 'You should get a little more rest. I'll call by your house later and get you some clothes. I'll discharge you tomorrow morning in plenty of time.'
Before he could say another word, she left the room, leaving him to his thoughts.
Maddy walked quickly into the break room and sat down, head in her hands. She'd been so busy over the past few weeks that she'd had no time to think about everything that had happened, but now the war was over and Remus was out of the woods…
She let out a shuddering breath and rubbed at her sore ribs. After nearly three weeks, her body still ached from the recent attack on her, even though her mind remained resolutely numb. She didn't want to remember - it was bad enough she kept seeing it over and over in her dreams.
'Patients,' she told herself, thankful for the distraction they provided.
Pushing aside the memories; the images from that night that were always there on the periphery of her mind, she stood up and walked back out into the corridor to check on her other patients. She'd taken on several of the injured from the final battle and most were improving rapidly, some able to be discharged that afternoon.
'You're pushing yourself too hard,' Jillian, a fellow Healer, said much later as Maddy was writing a note into a file. 'You should go home. It's already two hours after your finishing time.'
Maddy looked up at her and pushed a lock of dark blonde hair out of her eyes. 'I'm finishing up now,' she said and Jillian crossed her arms.
'And then what?' she asked knowingly. 'You go and get a God awful sandwich from the canteen then sit next to Remus' bed until you fall asleep? Like you have every other night for a past three days.'
Maddy's jaw clenched and she stood up. 'Get off my back, Jill,' she muttered, preparing to go. 'What have I got to go home to?'
'Maddy,' her friend said gently, putting her hand on her arm. 'You're going to have to talk about what happened to you soon. You aren't going to be able to avoid it much longer. Remus is awake and your other patients are doing fine. There will be no distractions anymore.'
Maddy knew she was right, and the thought of talking to anyone about what had happened that night terrified her almost as much as the actual attack had.
'Goodnight, Jill,' she murmured, forgoing the sandwich she usually threw out anyway and going straight to Remus' room.
He was asleep and she curled up on the chair that had become her bed over the past few days, staring at Remus, watching his chest rise and fall reassuringly. He'd become a good friend over the past year and she was relieved that he'd pulled through.
'I can't take any more loss right now,' she thought, closing her eyes as she leant her head against the back of the chair.
Remus had given her something to concentrate on; to focus her thoughts on, but now he was awake and his prognosis was good, she didn't know how she was going to keep her mind off everything she wasn't ready to face.
It was several minutes before she fell asleep, not seeing Remus open his eyes and watch her as she drifted off. He frowned when he realised this probably wasn't the first time she'd done this.
'She should be dealing with her own problems, not worrying about mine,' he thought.
When he first met Maddy, he could see her disapproval of his relationship with Tonks but she'd made an effort for her friends' sake. Despite her obvious reservations, she'd been very sweet - inviting he and Tonks to her place for dinner. He liked her immediately and, after that first evening, she'd warmed up to him as well.
They seemed to click and they spent some time discussing his lycanthropy, a topic Tonks still felt uncomfortable talking about, and it was nice to be able to speak freely about his condition with someone who saw it as purely a clinical issue rather than a curse. They'd also discussed the Order who were fighting against the Dark Lord and Maddy had offered to provide any healing services they needed, a job they had unfortunately found invaluable as the battle progressed.
'She's probably my closest friend now,' he realised. 'Everyone else is gone.'
Sighing, he shifted, trying not to wake her by groaning aloud. He wasn't in pain: she'd given him a potion before he fell asleep, but he was stiff and a little achy. He was grateful that Maddy had been the one looking after him. She was a wonderful Healer, one of the best, and he shuddered to think of what might have happened to him if it hadn't have been her that came out to the castle to help. Molly and Bill had come to see him this afternoon and told him that they'd all thought he was gone. It was only Maddy's refusal to just accept it that had saved him. Another few minutes without help and he really would have been dead. Just like his wife.
His chest hurt as he remembered that he would be attending her funeral in a few hours. Despite the fact he'd felt rushed into marriage, and that his initial reaction to his wife's pregnancy had been horror, he'd grown to love Tonks and he didn't want to think about how he was going to raise their son without her. He looked over at Maddy again.
'She must be hurting,' he thought, his forehead creasing again. 'With everything that happened to her and losing Tonks' on top of it, how is she still functioning? I know I'm not going to be as together as she is.'
He sighed again, pulling the sheet up higher as his eyes began to close.
'I'll deal with this tomorrow,' he mumbled to himself.
'It was a lovely service,' Molly said to Remus, who was sitting holding his infant son on Andromeda's couch.
'Yes, it was,' he smiled, tilting his head to avoid Teddy's flailing fists. 'Andromeda did a wonderful job organising it.'
His mother in law had never approved of him marrying her daughter, but he had to admit, she'd been very supportive now, agreeing to look after Teddy for as long as he needed to recover.
Molly moved on and Harry and his friends came to say hello, leaving again quickly.
'It's like I'm contagious or something,' he thought, holding his son closer.
'Hi,' Maddy's voice came from behind him.
He looked up as she walked around the couch and sat next to him.
'This is boring,' she said in a low voice as she reached out to touch Teddy's hand. 'Tonks would have hated it.'
Remus let out a soft laugh and agreed. 'How soon can we go?' he asked, looking at her. 'Everyone's tiptoeing around me and I can't stand it much longer.'
She'd apparated him here - he was too weak to do it himself - and was taking him home.
'A bit longer to be polite, I suppose,' she sighed, eyes still on Teddy. 'It's hard for them to know what to say, Remus. It's easier to just mumble some platitude than risk being the one to upset you.'
'Being treated like I'm going to break is upsetting me,' he mumbled and she looked up at him.
'I know,' she said softly. 'But just be patient with them. You'll need them one day soon when you let yourself start to grieve.'
He frowned at her. 'I'm grieving,' he said but she shook her head.
'No, you're not,' she told him. 'But you will soon.' She smiled at Teddy, her unofficial godson. 'Can I have a cuddle now? You've been hogging him for ages.'
He nodded, handing the baby over. She grinned at his son as she held him, making Remus' heart hurt. He'd loved watching Tonks with Teddy. She'd been so nervous with the baby at first, they both had, but once she'd gained confidence, she hardly put him down - Andromeda saying that she was spoiling him.
Watching Maddy with his son, it suddenly hit him - hard and fast. Teddy would never be held by his mother again; he'd never have the chance to get to know her. He finally realised that after today, everyone would leave him and get on with their own lives - he was now alone again and would have to raise his son by himself. The woman he had grown to love; that was so full of life and light, was really not coming back.
He clenched his eyes shut tight as a wail of grief rose rapidly in his chest. Trying desperately to fight it down, his hands started to shake and suddenly he was finding it difficult to breathe.
This was the grief. And this hurt. A lot.
'M..Maddy,' he managed to get out and she looked up, her smile disappearing as soon as she saw his face.
'I think you've had enough for today,' she said, understanding immediately and standing up. 'Come on.'
She helped him up and guided him towards the back door, grabbing Bill and handing him Teddy.
'Just tell Andromeda we had to go,' she told the startled man. 'Remus isn't feeling well.'
By the time they got outside to apparate, Remus was shaking so hard he could barely stand.
'Just hang on, Remus. Please,' she begged him, knowing she couldn't apparate them if he was a dead weight.
She held him tight around the waist and turned on the spot, taking them to his place and getting them inside before he broke down completely.
She held onto him as his legs gave way and he fell to the floor, sobs racking his thin body. Blinking rapidly to try and stay her own tears, she wrapped her arms around him, letting him cry out his pain and fear as he clutched her to him tight, almost crushing her in his need to hold onto something; someone. It was almost twenty minutes later that he lifted his head off her shoulder and wiped his eyes, looking a little bashful as he shifted, realising he was almost in her lap.
'God, Maddy,' he said, his voice cracking. 'I'm sorry.'
'Don't be,' she told him, rubbing his back. 'It's good that you let go of some of your grief.'
He looked at her with a frown, seeing the bloodshot eyes, but no damp cheeks or tear tracks. 'You gonna take your own advice any time soon?' he asked and she looked away from him, standing up abruptly.
'I'll make you a cup of tea,' she offered, holding out her hand to help him up. 'But I want you in bed straight after.'
'Jeez, you're a bit forward,' he teased as he took her hand and she looked at him in surprise, trying to hold back her smile.
'You must be feeling better if you're making god awful jokes. Do you want milk in your tea?' she asked, shaking her head as he got to his feet and she moved him to a chair.
He nodded and she smiled, turning to go into the kitchen but he held onto her hand.
'I do feel a bit better now. You were right. I needed that. Thank you, Maddy,' he whispered and she smiled.
'That's what friends are for, right?' she said then squeezed his hand lightly before pulling it gently out of his grasp.
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