Hello everyone. This is going to be very different to anything I've ever written. I was thinking back to when Edward left, and how Bella took it. I like to believe that if she had been a normal human being, she may have acted something like this.

This is rated M because I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea that it is OK to not eat and smoke. Coz it's not.

OK, any recovering Ana Mia's may find this triggering and may not wish to read this, which i completely understand.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, never have, never will.

But, I do know what it's like to be this depressed.

Hang on in there

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Bella bent over the toilet bowl. Another night, another failure, another punishment. It's what she deserved for being worthless and ugly. She was trying to make herself perfect. It was just taking a long time.

Fingers down her throat, she saw the first traces of blood. She managed to grope her way to her feet. She would not faint, she refused. Turning on tap she started to wash her hands. The smell was the worst part. She knew the food she had stuffed into her fat mouth had caused that smell.

She glanced up to see her reflection in the mirror. Brown haired Bella.. She grimaced as she saw vomit on her chin, blood on her teeth. She grabbed the toothbrush, put on some toothpaste, and scrubbed away at her teeth, as if she was trying to wash away the pain. She put down the toothbrush and washed her face...

She staggered over to the weighing scales, stripped off her clothes and stepped on. One pound lost in the last week. It was no where near good enough! She was too fat and ugly!

That's why he left you.. A voice in her head whispered...

Edward...

Even the thought of his name made her want to scream.

She loved him.

She'd always loved him.

A tear dribbled down her face.

Don't worry, I'll take care of you.. I'm here for you, I will make you irresistable. Just you wait.. You will be that cover girl, the one so thin and beautiful. I will make that you. But you have to work.

Bella smiled. She was a stubborn girl, she could work at this. She went into her room and felt her way through her handbag, finally pulling out a blue box. She picked out her vice and, grabbing her lighter, crawled onto her windowcill.

She lit the cigarette, enjoying the feel of the luxurious smoke waft down her throat. She had nothing left in her, so the smoke went straight to her head, causing her to to feel dizzy. She smiled again, but with a tell tale tear sliding down her cheek.

He left her. All alone. To cope with everything. It had turned out to be too much.. She stopped eating, not out of self consciousness, but because she had no desire to fuel a body she did not want to live. She withdrew from everyone, and started to go out on long walks in the woods, in hope that he'd turn up one day. He never did. She then saw what these long walks were doing to her legs. Her thighs weren't as fleshy as they used to be! She was still fairly fatty, but not as bad as she was.

She became obsessed with her weight shortly afterwards. It was so easy to get away with. Charlie didn't notice her eating patterns, as long as he got food. And she wore hoodies and loose trousers so she didn't look like she was losing weight. Her thinspo was Keira Knightley. She's so perfect... her consciousness would whisper.

One night, when she was looking up images of Keira on Google images. Underneath was a link to a website about something called "Pro Ana Mia". She clicked on it, interested. It was a site full of tips on how to not eat, how to stay healthy, lots of useful information. She became hooked on these sites. She started taking diet pills and drinking lots of high cafffeine drinks because caffeine surpresses the urge to eat. She also found out that smoking surpressed hunger urges, so she thought she try it. It was bliss. It relaxed her when she was falling to pieces, helped numb the pain...

If only Edward could see me now... He's innocent Bella...

She was jolted out of this dardream by the sudden brightness eminating from the windows downstairs.

Damn, Charlie's awake...

She inhaled the last drag and snubbed out her cigarette. Leaving her window open, she sprayed the room with deo.

She then proceeded to begin the nightly exercise. 50 push ups, 50 sit ups and 50 squats. She did this every night before she went to bed and after she'd weighed herself.

Finally, with her body thoroughly aching, she stood in front of her full length mirror. Her arms and legs were shaking. She looked no different than the night before, and the night before that. You could see the outline of her bottom rib, but that was it. It was enough to make her scream in anger and frustration. The numbers on the scale were going down, slowly but surely, but how long could she hold this up?

She curled up in bed and filled in her food diary.

Apple, cracker, piece of lettuce and a square of chocolate...

It was too much...

It was always too much..

OK, chapter one complete. The chapters will get longer, if people like it, that is.

Review, tell me if it's good or if I should scrap it. I really wanna know.

Thank you

Paula