*SPARKLE*

I was not a huge fan of the "sparkle effect" in the Twilight movie.

Edward has been led to believe that Bella is dead. Motivated by his incredible angst, he goes to Italy to ultimately commit suicide…

Edward: My dearest Bella: You are dead! Oh woe is me! I shall now shock the mortals of Italy by stepping into the light and sparkling like the vampire that I am which will lead to the Volturi coming and killing me!

Edward steps into the street, eyes closed, hands raised to the sky, waiting expectantly. People continue to walk by.

Edward: Any second now…

Eyes still closed, Edward rolls up sleeves to increase sparkliness and continues to stand in the sunlight. After another minute, he opens one eye to peer about the street. The results are less than satisfactory to him. Nobody has taken any notice of him.

A man runs into Edward. After glancing up briefly, he gives Edward a strange look.

Man: You have something on your face.

Edward: What?

Man: Yeah, it looks like cheap children's glitter or something.

Edward: IT IS NOT CHEAP CHILDRENS GLITTER! IT IS THE BEAUTIFUL AND TERRIFYING SPARKLE THAT VAMPIRES GIVE OFF! ACTUALLY, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I AM: A VAMPIRE! AREN'T YOU TERRIFIED? SHOULDN'T SOMEBODY NOTIFY THE VOLTURI THAT A VAMPIRE IS PUTTING THEIR SECRECY AT RISK?

Man (sympathetically): Oh.

Edward: Why aren't you terrified? WHY AM I NOT DEAD? I have revealed what I am to mortals; the Volturi should have already killed me! Why are you just giving me a sympathetic 'oh'?

Man: You're one of those.

Edward: YES! You finally get it! I am a vampire! I could eat you if I so which. The Volturi should be coming to put me out of my misery.

Man: No. You are one of the reasons books shouldn't be made into movies. Something is always not satisfactory. I mean, come on, according to the books, you are supposed to shine sunlight out of every inch of your skin every time it is exposed to its rays. You look a bit too subtle for that…

Edward let out an exasperated sigh.