Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight.
Chapter 1: My fail
"Edward, we've been friends for a while right?"
He muted the television in front of us and turned towards me. His green eyes focused on me. "You know it. What's up?"
I wiped my sweaty palms against my jeans. Here I was, 25 years old, acting like a school girl. I'd been in love with Edward since I met him my freshman year of college. I roomed with his younger sister, Alice, and hung out with them and their older brother Emmett. At first, my infatuation with Edward was based solely on his looks. I'm not even going to lie, the man was a god. He had messy, bronze hair, green eyes and a jaw that made me want to walk up to him and lick it.
But after I became friends with him, I realized there was more behind the face. He was actually a kind person. He double majored in Music Performance and Education. He wanted to make sure that elementary schools remembered the importance of music. He quickly became a close friend that I kept in touch with even after he graduated. And now after finishing my Master's, I was still head over heels. Emmett and Edward shared an apartment and Rosalie, Emmett's girlfriend and my best friend, stayed in the apartment above with me.
After a lot of deliberation, which included me whining to Rose every chance I got, I decided to tell Edward how I felt about him. Today was the day.
"I was hoping I could talk to you about something."
He gave me his infamous crooked smile. "You can talk to me about anything, Bella, you know that."
"Ok. Here goes." I cleared my throat. "Edward, I'm in love with you."
There I said it. Now all I needed is for him to give me that smile then lean over and kiss me. Then he would tell me that he feels the same way and we would live happily ever after. Right?
Instead of sweeping me away, Edward was frozen. His eyes were almost perfect circles. If the moment weren't so crucial to the rest of my life, I would have made fun of him. After a few minutes, I was beginning to understand that this wasn't necessarily a good silence.
"Bella," he began. His eyes were full of emotion. Remorse and guilt and pity. Oh no! And there went my heart, along with my stomach, plummeting to the murky depths of depression.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know you felt that way." He furrowed his thick brows. "I really like how things are between us. I don't want to mess that up."
I looked around the room, blinking rapidly. I still seemed to be alive, which meant that my wish for death hadn't come true. And the ground hadn't swallowed me whole as I requested. Sigh.
I stood up because I absolutely had to get out of his apartment. "Don't worry about it, Edward."
He stood with me. "No, don't do that, Bella. Talk to me. I want to make sure we're ok."
I couldn't even look at him. "Honestly, I'm embarrassed."
"Don't be," he murmured. He tipped my chin so I would have to look at him. "I think you're beautiful. You are one of my closest friends and I need you in my life. I couldn't even think of jeopardizing our friendship that way. Please tell me you understand."
"Sure," I said with false cheerfulness. If I could just make it to the damn door without crying. "I've embarrassed myself enough today, Edward. I think I'm going to head out."
"Are we ok?" he said worriedly.
"Sure."
"Bella," he groaned in frustration. "Please, tell me how to fix this. I can't lose you. You're so important to me. Tell me I didn't screw this up."
"No. If anything, I screwed things up," I laughed nervously. "You didn't mess up anything, I promise." Right. I walked across the room. Actually, it was probably more like a sprint.
"I'll see you later!" Ah, there was my 'chipper Bella' voice. Edward was practically running to the door behind me.
"I'll talk to you later?"
"Sure!" I'm pretty sure I heard him sigh behind me. He never liked when I said that.
As soon as I walked into my apartment the tears of rejection came to the surface. I walked into Rose's room and found her asleep. She was infamous for her afternoon naps. She was a model, which was obvious as soon as you looked at her. She was about 5'10'' with long blonde hair and a strange shade of blue eyes. They were almost violet.
My relationship with Rosalie was a little odd. We'd become friends after she started dating Emmett. I actually found myself attracted to her. I mean really attracted. I knew I wasn't a lesbian and I didn't want a romantic relationship with her but I was physically attracted to her. And the crazy thing was that the attraction was mutual. It became a running joke that she would leave Emmett for me whenever they were having one of their fights.
She was on her side. I snuggled in behind her. She always smelled like lavender.
"Hmm, Bella," she mumbled and moved closer to me. "What have you been up to today?"
"I went and talked to Edward." My voice must have sounded pretty pathetic because she turned around to face me.
"Oh, baby, come here."
I cried pathetically as she held me. We stayed this way for a few minutes before I was afraid I would start leaking snot all over her.
"So I take it you told him?"
I groaned. "Why didn't I just keep my big, fat, stupid mouth shut?"
"Hey, stop it. I like your big, fat, stupid mouth, it's sexy. Now tell me what happened. Do I need to go kick his ass?"
"Of course not. The thing that makes this so bad is that he was the perfect gentleman about it." I explained the entire conversation to her while she stroked my hair.
"I'm so embarrassed, Rosie."
"You should never be embarrassed about how you feel. He's just being a coward. He's so afraid that a relationship would mess things up between the two of you."
"I think my rational mind can understand that but my heart just feels the rejection. My heart? Crap, I sound like one of those cheesy novels."
I breathed in her sweet scent and placed a kiss on her neck. She shivered slightly and moved away from me so I could look in her darkened eyes. "Now stop trying to get me all hot and bothered, Bella. You're distracting me from the task at hand."
"And what's the task at hand?"
"Making you fall out of love with Edward Cullen."
Thank you for reading. Let me know if I should continue. This is an Edward x Bella pairing story.
As always, I'd love to know what you think.
