A/N: *Backs away cautiously* Before you all murder me let me tell you that this fic will most likely not be taking away time from "Breaking Point." But I needed to do this fic. It's a stress reliever and it makes me laugh. So, before you all yell, just remember it helps me to write better. But, don't get your hopes up for a new chapter in anything soon. *Jumps out of the way as pitchforks are thrown* Hey! Watch it! I do have exams coming up, a speaking one in Spanish that is driving me to the point of insanity. I can do this, right? Just one more speaking test and then I never have to talk in Spanish ever again! Whaooooo!!!! *Jumps around happily* Oh, and Peter has been taken out of this fic accept for a couple of times, because I just re-read Goblet of Fire for the 50th time and I got extremely mad at him. Now, on with the story. I hope it's as much fun to read as it was to write.

Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be.

Symbols:

~ = excerpts from the original story.

"Sirius! Stop!" Sirius Black grinned at his best friend. He had been singing for the other four people in the room. Remus, a light brown- haired boy, had a grin on his lips, saying nothing. Peter, a blonde hair boy was trying desperately to stop laughing. lily, James's girlfriend and redhead, had her head in her hands.



Sirius stopped singing, and mocked a pout as he sat down. James sighed in relief and they sat for just about 15 minutes before anyone else spoke.



"Are you sure I can't sing-" James cut him off immediately.



"NO!" Sirius tried to look hurt as Remus laughed a little. Lily sighed in the corner.



"We NEED something to do!" she cried. Sirius nodded in agreement.



"Which is why I propose kareokee-"



"NO SIRIUS!"



Just then, Remus pulled out a book from next to him. He looked at it quizzically before handing it to James.



"This yours? I didn't know you knew how to read!" James scowled at his friend before taking the book.



"Not mine," he said, waving the book off. Remus shrugged and took the book back.



"Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone," Remus looked up at his friend in confusion.



"Friend of yours?" Remus asked. James shrugged and sat down.



"Nope, but I suppose we could read and find out," Remus nodded and began....



"Oh! Yay!" Sirius jumped onto James's bed and wiggled his eyebrows at him expectantly.



"I've never read a book before!" he said happily. James rolled his eyes and pushed his best friend off the bed. Remus coughed.



"Oh, sorry Moony, begin!" Sirius said from the floor.



"Chapter One: The Boy who lived."

Sirius: Well.......if he was dead this would be a rather short story, wouldn't it?

~ Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, ~

Sirius *still on the floor*: I still say that being normal is extremely over rated.

~thank you very much. ~

Lily: Your welcome

~They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense.~

James: What do they want? A cookie?

Sirius: I do!!

~Mr. Dursely was the director of a firm~

Peter: what's a firm?

Remus: Nothing you need to worry about.

::James/Sirius stares::

Sirius: Well, why not?

Remus: I don't think your brain can handle it.

Sirius: Hey!

~called Grunnings, which made drills. ~

Sirius: You'd think they'd think up a better name..... What the heck is a grunning?

~He was a big, beefy man with hardly any neck, although he did have a very large mustache~

James: Now, that's an accomplishment, lemme tell you.

~Mrs. Dursely was thin and blonde and had nearly twice the amount of neck,~

Lily: Sounds exactly like my sister!

James: Isn't your sister dating someone named Dursely?

All:......

Lily: This is getting too creepy

~which came in very useful as she spent so much of her time craning over garden fences, spying on neighbors.~

Remus: .....which is why all the neighbors moved out of the neighborhood and had to have therapy.

~The Dursely's had a small son called Dudley and in their opinion there was no finer boy anywhere.

The Dursley's had everything they wanted, ~

Sirius: And who wouldn't want a huge mustache covering their whole face?

~ but they also had a secret, and their greatest fear was that somebody would discover it. ~

James: Mr. Dursely was a caught making drills for another company!

Sirius: No, he was a underwear model in his first life.

Lily: Oh, bad image. Bad image.

~ They didn't think they could bear it if anyone found out about the ~

Sirius: pictures he had hidden in his desk

~ Potters. ~

Remus: ::Shivers::: I don't think I could bear it either

James: Hey!

~ Mrs. Potter was Mrs. Dursely's sister ~

All:....

Remus: Does that mean that Lily-

Sirius: JAMES AND LILY GET MARRIED!!

Lily and James: Shut up Sirius!

~ but they hadn't met for several years; ~

Sirius: Good thing. Can you imagine how many earaches we would all have?

James: You mean because Lily and Petunia screech instead of talk to each other?

*Lily smacks James.*

James: Hey! Don't kill the messenger!

*She smacks him again*

~ in fact, Mrs. Dursely pretended she didn't have a sister, because her sister and her good-for-nothing husband were as unDurselyish as it was possible to be. ~

James: I'm not good-for-nothing! I can do some pretty good pranks!

~ The Dursely's shuddered to think what the neighbors would say if the Potters arrived in the street. ~

Remus: They'd probably wouldn't say anything, given to the face they're all in therapy at the moment because of a certain someone always spying on them.

~ The Dursely's knew that the Potters had a small son, too, but they had never even seen him. ~

Lily: Good thing too. Petunia's like Medusa, you look at her and she turns you to stone.

Sirius: Then why aren't you stone?

Lily: I'm immune.

Sirius *whispering to James*: Or she's a medusa too!

*Lily, who had heard, walks over and smacks Sirius*

Sirius: Geesh!! Didn't anyone tell you that violence is not the answer?

~ This boy was another reason for keeping the Potters away; they didn't want Dudley mixing with a child like that. ~

James: And I'm sure they were so insistent on wanting Harry to mix with a child like Dudley.

~ When Mr. and Mrs. Dursely woke up on the dull, gray Tuesday our story starts ~

Sirius: You mean it hasn't started yet?

James: I guess not

~ there was nothing about the cloudy sky outside to suggest that strange and mysterious things would soon be happening all over the country. Mr. Dursely hummed as he picked out the most boring tie for work, and Mrs. Dursley gossiped away happily as she wrestled a screaming Dudley into his high chair. ~

Sirius: And they say I have problems.

Lily: You do.

~ None of them noticed, a large, tawny owl flutter past the window. ~

Sirius: *gasp* you mean to tell me, that Mrs. Dursely wasn't spying for once?

~ At half past eight, ~

Sirius: I show up and throw Mr. Dursely out a window

~ Mr. Dursely picked up his briefcase, pecked Mrs. Dursely ~

James: That guess was almost close, Padfoot.

Sirius: Yes I know.

James: You should talk with Trelawney. She'd be impressed with your improved "sight."

Sirius: Like she isn't impressed already with our beautiful impressions of her.

~ on the cheek, and tried to kiss Dudley good-bye but missed, because Dudley was now having a tantrum and throwing his cereal at the walls. ~

Sirius: I did that before.

Lily: How old were you?

Sirius: It was last week.

~ Little tyke," chortled Mr. Dursely as he left the house. ~

Sirius: My dad didn't say that! He called me an immature prat and made me clean the walls!

Remus: Would that be because your not spoiled like Dudley and your 16 years old?

Sirius:....maybe

~ He got into his car and back out of number four's drive. It was on the corner of the street that he noticed the first sign of something peculiar. ~

Sirius/James: His underwear pictures!

~-a cat reading a map. For a second, Mr. Dursely didn't realize what he had seen- then he jerked his head around to look again. ~

James: And then he began running around screaming "The cat's coming to get me again!"

All e/James *stare*

James: what? It could happen.

~ There was a tabby cat standing on the corner of Privet Drive, but there wasn't a map in sight. ~

Sirius: Perhaps the cat was done reading and put the map in his pocket.

Lily: Or it's McGonagall for some reason...

~ What could he be thinking of? ~

Peter: Doughnuts?

Sirius: his underwear pictures?

Lily: SIRIUS! Stop with the underwear pictures already!

~ It must have been a trick of the light. ~

James: Yeah, OK Buddy. You keep telling yourself that, maybe one day it'll come true.

Remus: Better yet, he should tell MCGonagall that.

~ Mr. Dursely blinked and stared at the cat. it stared back. ~

James: I'm sensing a staring contest is beginning.

Sirius: I don't recommend one with McGonagall. She tends to get very angry when she looses.

Lily: Sirius! You weren't answering her and when you finally did speak it was... Hm, how did it go?

*Sirius gets up to impersonate himself and starts dancing around the room* Sirius: "Haha! You loose! LOOOSSSEERRR!!"

James: What's wrong with that?

Remus: Everything.

~ As Mr. Dursely drove around the corner and up the road, he watched the cat in his mirror. ~

James: Think he's a little paranoid?

~ It was now reading the sign that said Privet Drive-~

Sirius: I'm impressed, I never knew McGonagall could read.

James: Maybe she thought it was you and was pretending to yell at it.

Sirius: I wouldn't put it past her.

~ no looking at the sign; cats couldn't read maps or signs. ~

James: How could McGonagall read without her glasses anyway?

Sirius: Can Animagus read anyway? I never have been able to

Remus: How often have you tried?

Sirius: I don't know, have I?

*Remus shakes his head* Remus: Sirius, I'm afraid we've lost you.

Sirius: I'm right here!

Lily: His point exactly.

~ Mr. Dursley gave himself a little shake and put the cat out of his mind. ~

Remus: He's got a good idea. thinking about McGonagall can be quite frightening.

*James and Sirius shudder*

~ As he drove toward town he thought of nothing except a large order of drills he was hoping to get that day. ~

Sirius: Drills intrigue me as well.

Remus: Good for you.

~ But on the edge of town, drills were driven out of his mind by something else. ~

*Sirius and James fake scream* : The Underwear model pictures are posted in the newspaper!

~ As he sat in the usual morning traffic jam, he couldn't help noticing that there seemed to be a lot of strangely dressed people about. ~

Remus: It doesn't take a lot for him to get distracted, does it?

Lily: Well, all he has to think about is drills.

Remus: True, true.

~ People in cloaks. ~

All: OH NO!

Sirius: It's the end of the world!

James: Not the people in cloaks!

~ Mr. Dursely couldn't bear people who dressed in funny clothes- the getups you saw on young people! ~

James: This guy has a lot of problems.

Sirius: You're just noticing this?

~ He supposed this was some new fashion. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and his eyes fell on a huddle of these weirdos standing quite close by, They were whispering excitedly. ~

Sirius: Probably planning on murdering him.

James: Maybe that's us.

Lily: I only wish.

~ Mr. Dursely was enraged to see that a couple of them weren't young at all; why , that man had to be older than he was, and was wearing an emerald- green cloak! ~

Remus: Oh no! The horror!

~ The nerve of him! But then it struck Mr. Dursely that this was probably some silly stunt- these people were obviously collecting for some thing... yes, that would be it. ~

Sirius: He talks to himself an awful lot.

Lily: He isn't talking you prat. He's thinking.

Sirius: That's not possible...

Lily: You're probably right.

~ The traffic moved on and a few minutes later, Mr. Dursely arrived in the Grunnings parking lot, his mind back on drills. ~

James: He must have a pretty boring life.

Sirius: You think?

Remus: Of course he doesn't think. He's James.

James: Thanks for the support, Remie.

~ Mr. Dursely always sat with his back to the window in his office on the ninth floor. ~

Sirius: I'm tempted to go and play some pranks on him. They're making this far too easy with telling us where he lives and works.

~ If he hadn't, he might have found it harder to concentrate on drills that morning. ~

James: And where would we be without him not thinking about drills? The world would be in total chaos!

~ He didn't see the owls swooping past in broad daylight, though people in the street did; they pointed and gazed open-mouthed as owl after owl sped overhead. Most of them had never seen an owl even at nighttime. Mr. Dursely, however, had a perfectly normal, owl-free morning. ~

James: We really needed to know that.

~ He yelled at five different people. He made several important telephone calls and shouted a bit more. ~

Sirius: You know, I'm sensing this guy should be in anger management courses.

~ He was in a very good mood until lunch time, when he thought he'd stretch his legs and walk across the road to buy himself a bun from the bakery. ~

Remus: Who eats buns for lunch?

All:........

~ He'd forgotten all about the people in cloaks until he passed a-~

Sirius: picture of him-

James: in his underwear!

Lily/Remus/Peter: SHUT UP!

~ group of them next to the baker's. He eyed them-~

Sirius: Oo La La.

~ angrily as he passed. He didn't know why, but they made him feel uneasy. ~

James: Probably because we could blow you apart in two seconds.

Lily: Correction, James. Qualified wizards could. I doubt you could even cast the jelly-legs curse on him.

James: HEY! I can to cast that spell! I should know! I put it on Snape all the time!

~ The bunch were whispering excitedly, too, ~

Remus: I catch a pattern going on here.

Sirius *claps Remus on the back* : Well spotted my dear Watson!

*Remus/Lily stare at him*: How do YOU know about those books?!

~ and he couldn't see a single collecting tin. ~

James: Wow, that's a big surprise. And here I thought this book was going to be about a bunch of people collecting money.

~ It was on his way back past them, clutching a large doughnut in a bag, ~

James: Wait a minute, I thought he went to the Baker's to get a bun!!

*Lily smacks her head with her hand*

~ that he caught a few words of what they were saying. ~

Sirius: Eavesdropper!

James: Tie him up!

Sirius: Tie rocks to his feet!

James: Throw him in the ocean!

James/Sirius: Show him no mercy!

All e/James and Sirius:.....

Remus: Are you done yet?

*James and Sirius cough*: Continue.

~ The Potters, that's right, that's what I heard-"

"-yes their son, Harry-"~

Sirius: That's Harry Potter!

James: No you dimwit, their only talking about him.

Sirius *looks put-out*: Oh.

~ Mr. Dursely stopped dead. ~

*Sirius/James get up and start dancing* : He's dead, he's dead! The wicked Witch is dead!

Lily: It's a saying, sit down.

~ Fear flooded him. ~

James: He's gonna drowned!

~ He looked back at the whisperers as if he wanted to say something to them, but thought better of it.

He dashed back across the road, ~

James: And on his way, because he didn't look before he crossed the road, got run into by a drunk driver and that's the end of Dursely.

Sirius: Dursley pancake!

Remus: No, can't happen James. This guy just doesn't die.

~ hurried up to his office, snapped at his secretary not to disturb him, seized his telephone, and had almost finished dialing his home number when he changed his mind. ~

Sirius: A little over-dramatic, are we?

~ He put the receiver back down and stroked his mustache, thinking...~

Lily: Oh my gosh! I didn't think it was possible!

~ no, he was being stupid. ~

Sirius: Wow, I'm impressed. He can finally get through his head what I've been saying this whole chapter.

~ Potter wasn't such an unusual name. He was sure there were lots of people called Potter who had a son called Harry. ~

Lily: Umm... I wouldn't be so sure of that..

~Come to think of it, he wasn't even sure his nephew was called Harry.~

Remus: Wow, maybe it's time for a family reunion.

~He'd never seen the boy. It might have been Harvey. Or Harold.~

James: Isn't Harry short for Harold?

Remus: Could be.

~ There was no point in worrying Mrs. Dursely; she always got upset at any mention of her sister.~

Sirius: Gee, I wonder why that is.

Lily: Hey! It isn't my fault she hates me!

James: Really, and putting those dungbombs in her room was entirely our idea.

Lily: Well...... OK, so I had something to do with it.

Sirius: And what about the first summer we were allowed to use magic during the holidays and you turned the cups her and her friends were drinking out of into toads?

Lily: That wasn't me! I swear!

Sirius: You mean, you actually did that?! I was kidding!

*Lily blushes*: Oops.

~He didn't blame her-if he'd had a sister like that...~

Lily: Hey! They're making me out to be some kind of criminal or freak or something!

Sirius: So? He's right-

*Lily throws pillow at Sirius's head*

~ but all the same, those people in cloaks...~

James: Yes, one of them had an extremely large nose and was looking like he hadn't had a bath in years!

Sirius: And he looked uncanningly like a vampire!

James/Sirius: They set Snape loose!

Sirius: I told Dumbledore not to let Snape run around unattended attended.

James: I told him it would harm the country.

Sirius: Heck, it would endanger our world when Snape gets let out on his own!

James: Of course, having him eat Dursley would help us.

Sirius: We'll just have to catch him later and put him back in his cage.

~He found it a lot harder to concentrate on drills that afternoon and when he left the building at five-o'clock, he was still so worried that he walked straight into someone just outside the door.~

Sirius: Graceful one, he is.

James: Probably knocked the person unconscious.

Sirius: Might've killed him.

James/Sirius: The Horror!

~"Sorry," he grunted, as the tiny old man stumbled and almost fell. It was a few seconds before Mr. Dursely realized he was wearing a violet cloak. He didn't seem at all upset at being knocked to the ground. On the contrary, his face split into a wide smile and he said in a squeaky voice that made passerby stare,

"Don't be sorry, my dear sir, for nothing could upset me today! Rejoice, for You-Know-Who has gone at last! Even Muggles like yourself should be celebrating this happy, happy day! ~

Remus: Wait, did he just say what I thought he said?

Sirius: What? Oh, you mean the mistake of calling Dursely a sir? Yeah, I noticed he should have called Dursely a she too-

Lily: No, no you idiot. Remus means how he said You-Know-Who was defeated!

James: Wonder what could've stopped him....

~ And the old man hugged Mr. Dursely around the middle and walked off.~

Sirius: Eww!!!!! Now he'll be contagious! Who knows what kind of diseases Dursely has? He hasn't been checked for rabies yet!

Lily: You know, Sirius, I'm not exactly sure how you know all this stuff about muggles, but it's really starting to annoy me. Are you going to tell us?

*Sirius stares at her and waves his hands around suggestively in front of his face. He puts on a dreamy expression* Sirius: One never exposes his secrets of the inner eye!

*James pats him on the shoulder* James: This whole obsession with Trelawney is going to have to be stopped soon. She's actually going to believe you're in love with her.

*Sirius shudders*

~Mr. Dursely stood rooted to the spot.~



James: A tree! A tree! The man turned him into a tree!

~He had been hugged by a complete stranger.~

Sirius: He says this as if it's never happened to him before.

Lily: And I suppose it happens to you all the time.

Remus: Not exactly. He's the one going around giving the hugs. He thinks that if he hugs enough people in his lifetime, everyone will love him and somehow he thinks this'll change his future.

Sirius: It will! I will be Minister of Magic one day because I'm so popular.

*James starts to cough uncontrollably*: The day you become Minister of Magic is the day Voldemort joins the ballet.

Sirius: I heard a rumor once that he used to be in the ballet!

Remus: That's because you started it!

Sirius: All I did, was get a picture of him, which was rather hard to find since he has a hard time posing for photographs these days, and when he does get a picture, it usually breaks the camera. Then, I put it on a ballerina's body with a pink tutu. I mean, once you blow those pictures up and place them around the school, rumors are very easily started.

Remus: Did it ever occur to you he could blast you to pieces? I'm not to sure Voldemort would be as happy as you about that rumor.

Sirius: So?

Remus: SO? Did you hear a word I just said? He'll kill you!

Sirius: Not if I give him a hug first!

*Remus smacks his head with his hand*

~He also thought he had been called a Muggle, whatever that was. He was rattled. He hurried to his car and set off for home, hoping he was imagining things, which he had never hoped before, because he didn't approve of the imagionation. ~

Lily: Someone obviously lacked love as a child.

Remus: I don't think lacked was a strong enough of a word.

~As he pulled into the driveway of number four, the first thing he saw-and it didn't improve his mood-~

Sirius: Was a tiny speck on his windshield, which he spent for the next 5 hours, trying to get off before he realized that there really was no spot in the first place, just the sun hitting the windshield in a strange way.

James: And then, he tried to figure out what happened to all his brain cells, that in the process of trying to get the speck off the windshield, were fried to nothing.

Sirius: He didn't have many to being with though, so it couldn't of taken too long.

James: True, It probably started to melt away the little parts of his brain that actually worked in the first place.

Sirius: Mrs. Dursley won't know what's wrong with her poor fat husband!

James: Oh, no! Think of the drama!

Sirius: The arguing!

James: The horror that would evolve!

Sirius/James: Fun!!

Lily: Are you two going to stop sometime today so that we can actually finish a chapter in this book before we have to go to sleep?

Sirius: Surly, Lilikins.

~was the tabby cat he'd spotted that morning.~

James: Doesn't McGonagall have anything better to do then sit on a wall?

Sirius: I wonder if we went up and poked her, do you think she'd move? Or just fall off?

Remus: I'm sensing she would transform and yell at you for an hour.

Sirius: Only an hour? My record for getting yelled at is 2.

James: I'm sure if you pointed that out to her, she'd be more than happy to yell at you for three.

~It was sitting on his garden wall. He was sure it was the same one; it had the same markings around it's eyes.~

James: Hey! We were right! it is McGonagall!

~"Shoo!" said Mr. Dursely loudly.~

*Sirius/James start laughing*



*In between breaths* James: Can-You-imagine-the-look-on her-f-f-face!

*Remus starts laughing as well along with Lily*

*calming down slightly* Sirius: We really should try that when we get back to school and she's changed into her cat form.

*James wipes tears from his eyes*

Remus: on with the story?

*everyone nods*

~The cat didn't move. It just gave him a stern look. Was this normal cat behavior? Mr. Dursley wondered. Trying to pull himself together~

Sirius: Because in the process of yelling at McGonagall, the glue that was holding him together, didn't stick anymore and he fell apart.

Lily: Sirius, I don't want to know how you get your ideas.

Sirius: Good because I'm not sharing.

~He let himself inside the house. He was still determined not to mention anything to his wife.

Mrs. Dursely had had a nice, normal day. She told him over dinner about Mrs. Next Door's problems with her daughter-~

Sirius: Do you really think that was her name?

James: Could be, I guess.

Remus: Do you think this is a new or the same neighbors?

Lily: Probably the same, why?

Remus: I thought we decided they were put in a mental home.

Sirius: Correction, Moony. You said that.

Remus: Oh just shut up Padfoot. At least I'm not obsessed with Vernon Dursely in underwear pictures.

Sirius: I'm not obsessed! I just know the truth!

Lily: Sure Sirius.

~ and how Dudley had learned a new word ("won't!").~

Sirius: As in, I won't eat?

James: Not possible. He's too fat.

Remus: How'd you know?

James: Just a guess.

~Mr. Dursely tried to act normally.~

James: Which was extremely difficult considering he's got mental problems.

~When Dudley was put to bed, he went into the living room in time to catch the last report on the evening news:

"And finally, bird-watchers everywhere have reported that the nation's owls have been behaving very unusually today. Although owls normally hunt at night and are hardly ever seen in the daylight, there have been hundreds of sightings of these birds flying in every direction since sunrise. Experts are unable to explain why the owls have suddenly changed their sleeping pattern." The newscaster allowed himself a grin. "Most mysterious. And now, over to Jim McGruffin with the weather. Going to be anymore showers of owls tonight, Jim?"

"Well Ted," said the weatherman, "I don't know about that, but it's not only the owls that have been acting oddly today. Viewers as far apart as Kent, Yorkshire, and Dundee have been phoning in to tell me that instead of the rain I promised yesterday, they've had a downpour of shooting stars! Perhaps people have been celebrating Bonfire Night early-it's not until next week, folks! But I can promise a wet night tonight."~

James: When in doubt, always predict rain. This guy is as mental as Dursely.

~Mr. Dursley sat frozen in his arm chair. Shooting stars all over Britain? Owls flying by daylight? Mysterious people in cloaks all over the place? And a whisper, a whisper about the Potters...~

Sirius: You know, James, if this guy has a difficult time hearing your name, can you imagine if you showed up at his house one day?

Remus: You'd probably give him a heart attack!

James: *grins evily* who wants to pay Mr. and Mrs. Dursley a nice little visit on Privet Drive?

~Mrs. Dursley came into the living room carrying two cups of tea. It was no good.~

Sirius: Well, he hasn't even tasted it and he's saying the tea isn't good?

~He'd have to say something to her. He cleared his throat nervously. "Er-Petunia, dear-you haven't heard anything from your sister lately, have you?"~

Lily: Like I'd want to talk to her

~As he had expected, Mrs. Dursley looked shocked and angry. After all, they pretended she didn't have a sister.

"No," she said sharply. "Why?"~

Remus: Well, obviously he's in love with Lily and wants to call her.

Lily: *looking appalled* Remus! *smacks him* That's disgusting!

Sirius/James: *laughing*

James: Good one Remie!

*Remus grins and bows* Remus: I rather thought so myself, Prongsie.

~"Funny stuff on the news," Mr. Dursley mumbled. "Owls...shooting stars...and there were a lot of funny-looking people in town today..."

"So?" snapped Mrs. Dursley.

"Well, I just thought...maybe...it was something to do with...you know...her crowd."

Mrs. Dursley sipped her tea through pursed lips.~

James: That's got to be difficult. I wonder how she does that.

~Mr. Dursley wondered whether he dared tell her he'd heard the name "Potter."~

Remus: I'm sensing this guy thinks your name is cursed or something, James.

~He decided he didn't dare. Instead he said, as casually as he could, "Their son-he'd be about Dudley's age now, wouldn't he?"

"I suppose so," said Mrs. Dursley stiffly.

"What's his name again? Howard isn't it?"

"Harry. Nasty, common name, if you ask me."~

James: I don't remember anyone asking her anything besides what his name was.

~"Oh yes," said Mr. Dursley, his heart sinking horribly.~

Sirius: Because truly, he had wanted to change his own name to Harry but now it seemed to be an unpossibility.

James: Is unpossibility a word?

Sirius: Doubt it. But now it is.

~"Yes I quite agree."~

Sirius: See? Even Bushy agrees with me!

Lily: Who?

Sirius: Bushy of course! You know, the guy with the big mustache.....

Lily: Whatever.

~He didn't say another word on the subject as they went upstairs to bed. While Mrs. Dursley was in the bathroom, Mr. Dursley crept to the bedroom window~

James: And got smacked in the face with a flying rock.

~ and peered into the front garden. The cat was still there.~

Sirius: Man, McGonagall really needs to get a life.

~It was staring down Privet Drive as though it were waiting for something.

Was he imagining things? Could all this have anything to do with the Potters? If it did...if it got out that they were related to a pair of-~

Sirius: Clowns?

Remus: Donkeys?

~well, he didn't think he could bear it.

The Dursleys got into bed. Mrs. Dursley fell asleep quickly but Mr. Dursley lay awake , turning it all over in his mind. ~

James: If only he had his teddy bear.



Remus stopped reading and looked up as someone knocked on the door. The door opened to reveal Mrs. Potter.

"Dinner's ready," she said and closed the door again. Sirius and James jumped up and ran out the door, pushing each other the whole way. Peter left soon after, a running Remus on his heals. Lily sighed and followed them all downstairs.

A/N: Ah, the insanity of my brain. Isn't this a lovely fic? PLEASE, PLEASE REVIEW! I NEED THEM TO SURVIVE! Gracias and all that. Tell me what you think. Did it suck? Am I the only one with a brain as demented as that to think of it was remotely funny? Just don't go too hard on me, it is a relief fic.