Okay, this is something DarthWill3 and I both came up with involving our favorite talking cat, Salem Saberhagen. I don't own The Loud House or Sabrina the Teenage Witch.
One morning, Lincoln walked through the kitchen and sighed. "Oh, hey," he said, noticing the readers. "You're probably wondering what's going on, huh? Well, Ronnie Anne and her family moved away, and I had to wear a Royal Woods Squirrel suit because my family thought I was bad luck. Not in that order."
He then opened the fridge and grabbed a pudding cup. "But here's something you didn't know about," he continued while closing the fridge. "When my family sold my furniture, it was at an online auction. And guess who the highest bidder was…"
A black cat sat nearby on the counter, its tail swinging back and forth patiently. "Hey, Linc, can you be a pal and open the fridge?" came the baritone voice from its mouth. "There's a full bottle of milk begging me to put it outta its misery."
"Nice try, Salem," said Lincoln, his arms crossed. "You know that turkey's meant for dinner tonight. And that includes everyone on the table."
"C'mon, do I look like a cat burglar to you?"
Lincoln gave Salem a pointed look.
"Right... Bad choice of words, obviously." With that, Salem leaped off the counter and walked out of the kitchen.
Lincoln pointed a sideways thumb in the direction of the black quadruped. "Meet Salem Saberhagen," he explained to the readers. "He won my stuff off the auction—heck, he was the only one who bothered to show up—and the first thing that comes to your mind is: Why does he talk?"
As the boy spoke, he headed for the living room. There, Salem was lying down on the couch, watching TV. The remote control rested beside his right paw.
"At first glance," continued Lincoln, his back towards Salem, "he looks like a talking cat. But that's only half the story. He's a warlock who masterminded the Witch Water Scandal: an attempted insurrection to take over the world."
Salem clearly overheard Lincoln, for he looked upwards at the ceiling, remembering fondly. "Ah, Witch Water: my Austerlitz… and my Waterloo." He let out a quiet whimper on that last word.
"Yep," Lincoln stated, dryly. "For that little foul-up, he was sentenced by some 'Witches Council' to a hundred years as a Witch Familiar; in this case, a cat."
"A hundred and fifty."
Lincoln raised an eyebrow. "Come again?"
Salem cleared his throat before elaborating, "One time, my essence was transferred into a high school kid's body. Long story short, I tried to have the principal run for senator, but that landed Sabrina in trouble. Had to turn myself in and accept fifty more years."
"Okay, so—"
"Actually, it was a gubernatorial campaign. I didn't have the time to plan my next move. Look, you wanna make a documentary, keep your facts straight."
"I'm not making a documentary, I'm just—" Lincoln shook his head in exasperation. "Oh, never mind. Salem, now that you're living in this house, you've gotta learn a few things so you can survive."
"Survive what?" scoffed Salem. "Given my extremely extensive experience, I'll bet I've been through worse."
Amused, Lincoln raised an eyebrow. "Did I just hear the word bet?"
"You did. Now beat it. I'm watching the best cupcakes in the world get frosted on Operation: Dessert Storm."
Salem licked his chops at the sight of such delectable pastries on a 32" screen. His yellow eyes sparkled with wonder, his tail wagging excitedly. A faint num-num could be heard under his breath.
"Cooking shows. Probably one of Salem's favorite TV genres." Lincoln sighed as he began to walk upstairs. "The second thing you're probably asking is: How can he be still around even if this family's labeled 'non-magic?' There are two answers to that question."
Once Lincoln reached the second floor, he casually strolled to his room, all the while eying the readers. "First of all, the last witch that Salem was living with had enough of his impulse buying, my furniture being on his last shopping list there. He was sent on the day we came back from the beach when I was the family's good luck charm."
Sorry, guys, but I have to cut it short. I'll include the flashback in the next chapter. In the meantime, I would like to thank DarthWill3 for helping me with beginning of the story. Please review.
