CHAPTER ONE

Disclaimer: I don't own any part Twilight. Only the plot in this story, and possibly a couple of new characters. Everything else belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

A/N: This is a new story about Bella and Victoria. Thought I'd give it a go, considering Victoria never has a role in the stories. She usually dies. This will be different. AU. Rated M for violence, language and possible smut in later chapters.

WARNING: Some content may have depression or anger deep set in it. So, don't say I didn't warn you. Some will contain much detail.


CHAPTER ONE

NUMB

BPOV

He's gone. He's gone. He's gone.

That repeated in my mind because that's the one thing I couldn't get my mind to comprehend. Everything was hurting, everything felt broken. I felt like falling off of a cliff and let myself be dragged away by the strong currents. The sharp edges of the rock scraping me, cutting me, showing no mercy as the strength of the current drag me off who know where and drowns me.

But instead I find myself in the woods. In the spot he left me, the same spot he broke me with just four simple words. I don't want you. His voice still in my head repeating those words that left me in despondency over and over again.

Everything he is, everything he was, was surrounding me in a smoke that's slowly suffocating me, choking me, wanting me to forget all I remembered of him and his family.

I had to get away. I choked back the tears that were threatening to spill once more and dragged myself up from the ground to stand up. I started running and kept running, running, running. A sad attempt to escape it all. I didn't look back and I had no idea where I was heading. My vision blurred from the tears building up, my head dizzying from the stilled smell of him.

I kept going till I got to an unknown cabin deep in the woods. I fell straight to the ground on my hands and knees and took in deep breathes to stop myself from hyperventilating. My lungs on fire from the running but it started to go away when I calmed myself down.

I calmed my senses as well as I could, given the previous occurrence. I got up slowly as my muscles began to ache from the running. I tried to rid myself of the dirt on my palms and on my jeans. I looked around, noticing the trees surrounding me. I have no idea where I was. Great. I slowly walked into the abandoned cabin pushing the unlocked door wide open.

It creaked as it was pushed. I took one step in, one after another, slowly. "Hello?" I said in a hoarse voice. My throat was feeling a bit scratchy. "Anyone here?" I asked as my voice cracked even further. No response. Well, I wasn't expecting one. I stepped in even further inside when I looked around.

It was had a very beautiful interior, such simplicity for even a cabin. I searched the cabin for someone to come out and tell me that I was trespassing, that I wasn't welcomed. I noticed that the place looked deserted, like no one had been here for weeks, maybe months considering there was no food in the fridge nor in the cupboards.

A faint smell lingered here. I knew that I must be losing my mind. It's smelled like…like Edward. My heart shattering into a million pieces and scattering at the sound of his name. My body aching in pain as the smell started to get to me.

No.

I ran into what I could assume was the bedroom and crashed on the floor. I crawled into a corner. I couldn't take it anymore. Everything was reminding me of him. He kept haunting me. I wanted to forget him, but I couldn't. His scent or what I could assume was his scent possibly brought up as an illusion constructed by my mind felt like it was surrounding me. I closed my eyes tight because I just couldn't take it anymore.

"Bella?" A soft, velvet voice said. I started panicking. No, no, no. I can't be him. He left. He left me. It's not him. It's not him. He's not here. He didn't want me anymore, I kept telling myself.

I opened my eyes and I saw him there. Him and all his glory. My Adonis. My perfect Adonis. My heart felt like it would burst out of my chest. But my mind was starting to work again. My mind was making sense of what was happening. It's wasn't him. That's just an illusion. He'd never come back for me. Why would he? I'm nothing important, nothing special.

I willed my eyes shut once more, not wanting to take another look at him and lose myself to the illusion perfectly orchestrated by my mind.

"Bella?" He, no wait, it said again. I couldn't. I can't. I can't give in. As much as I want to, it's not him. I wanted to throw my arms around him, beg him to take me back, that I'd do anything to be with him. Whatever the cost.

But I knew he didn't want me anymore. I wasn't enough. How could I have ever expected him to stay with a flimsy human like me when he could have a strong female vampire at his side?

"NO! GO AWAY! STAY AWAY!" I yelled. My eyes still closed.

"YOU'RE NOT REAL! IT'S NOT YOU! THIS ISN'T REAL! LEAVE ME ALONE!" I screamed and picked up the first thing I could get my hands on. I blindly threw it at the location where I thought the fake Edward was.

Tears were threatening to trickle down my eyes. I opened my eyes and saw that the illusion was gone. He was gone. No, it wasn't him. He wasn't Edward. But still, he was gone. He left me. That's when realization hit me hard. Like being punched in the stomach. That's when I couldn't hold back the tears. I cried and cried.

I went to pick up the object I threw and saw it was a radio. I put the batteries back since they had fallen out. Whoever owned this cabin wasn't going to be happy if they thought that someone trespassed into their place. I turned on the radio searching for something to distract me. To make me forget about the pain in my heart, telling me that I was never going to be happy again, that I was never going to LIVE again. And that worst of all, I was never going to see him again.

I changed to a song that seemed to have just started. I quickly related to the song and let out a bitter laugh. Numb by Linkin Park.

"Numb"

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

Tears spilled over as the song kept going.

Chorus
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

Memories playing over in my head bringing feelings along with it. Any and all that involved him. Biology. Lunch. Port Angeles. Going to his house, meeting the family. The meadow. The dance….but one stuck by me no matter what. JAMES.

Chorus
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

Chorus
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

The day my life took a turn for the worst. Although nothing could compare to when they left and that was only a few hours. Pain coursed through out my body as his words stuck to me, embedded into my mind, reminding me I wasn't worth his love.

Chorus
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be

As the words played out, I realized that I'm never going to be fine, everything I am and was died I few hours ago, when he left me. He took my heart and soul but left me the body. All that's left is for this body to die as well. I'm truly numb now.

I can't feel anything. Mostly because there's nothing to feel, inside I'm entirely void. Empty. Nothing to feel, nothing to live for. I was alone. What was I waiting for?

Did I want him to come back? Yes…. Was he going to? No… so what was the point! Why go on living when there's nothing to look forward to?

I took it all in and I knew that I was never going to get an ounce of happiness without them. Even with everything that happened with James and Victoria, I knew my life belonged with them. But now, I have nothing left inside. Nothing to give.

I got up and I knew what I had to do. Life was worthless; everything must come to an end.

I got up and rummaged through the desk near by. I found a pocket knife and opened it. I looked at it closely. It was sharp. Not too dull but not too sharp. And it was a bit rusty, although since I'll be dying anyway, who cares about tetanus?

I held it tightly and aimed it at my chest. I knew nothing was going to be just fine so this was what had to be done. It was over. Just do it. Just do it. It'll be over soon, I kept telling myself. I dragged the pocketknife as far away as I could so I could get more momentum to plunge it into my heart. It's now or never. I started to drive the pocketknife when I stopped about half an inch from driving it through my chest.

I rested the tip of the knife on my chest but then I dropped it from my hands onto the floor. I realized it'd be, in a way, too selfish for me to kill myself. Too messy. Too thoughtless. I only wished I had someone to end everything for me, though my body may be numb, the memories still burn.

There was no one who would willingly kill a teenage girl. And killing myself wouldn't do. James would've gladly done it. I let out a laugh. But it wasn't a happy laugh, or a joyous laugh. It was different, it was an empty laugh. Nothing, completely vacant. Just when I need James the most, he had to go and get himself killed.

It felt like a light bulb went off in my head. Victoria. Victoria is most likely still around. She wants to kill me anyway. What better way than to kill two birds with one stone? She could end my misery, my emptiness, and at the same time get her revenge and fill her thirst for the night.

I grabbed the knife from the floor, closed it and put it in my pocket. In case I can't find Victoria and I need something to lure her.

So, things were set.

I have to find Victoria. She could give me the peace that I so badly seek for. I just had to get out of here.


A/N: Just the first chapter. Not sure if I should continue. It was just an idea. Any thoughts?? if you have any confusion in later chapters, just ask.

-- Elizabeth --