I had no idea it was love at first sight. How could I? She was a woman and I have been straight and in a prison. You don´t expect that. But now I know, that the twist and stab in my stomach, what I have felt when she stepped into our unit was love. Pure, deep and unconditional.

- I´m Allie Novak. – she said and I found myself staring. I thought that it was just curiosity and alert, but now I know, it was something much more meaningful and important. I stared at her because I had to remember that moment. I will have to remember it until the day I die. That moment became one of the most important in my life. Important and crucial, it changed everything. She brought a message from Kaz Proctor, she wanted to meet. I told her when and where with almost trembling voice. I remember that very vividly because it was strange and I thought I´m coming down with a cold or something.

Maxine knew it from the very beginning, she must have some sixth sense for that or what not. One day as we were walking down the hallway she told me.

- Allie has hots for you. – I laughed it off. I did it without thinking and blinking. It was ridiculous. Of course in Wentworth attention of women is not uncommon. I´m used to that. They mostly just stare or sometimes someone hints you an offer and of course there is Juice. She would just have flat out lewd comment. Allie Novak sure doesn't have hots for me, she is in Proctor´s crew and most definitely just fishing for information. Although if she had the hots for me, I should use it. That was what I thought and boy did it turned out differently.

My attempt to flirt with her and seduce her for the greater good backfired. Staged and calculated glances and smiles became real without me ever noticing. I had no power over it at all. I have found myself in the so infamous position of the frog being boiled slowly in a pot with a big smirk plastered on my face. I have never seen it coming. My flirting with her was completely unnecessary, though. Later she told me, that she had a crush on me even before being arrested. Guess, I have had underestimated how big celebrity I am outside, at least for members of the Red Right Hand and those alike. What is completely insane by the way.

Allie is a force to be reckoned with. She got under my skin so easily without any effort that it makes my head spin. One moment she threw at me some juicy innuendo, sinking in front of me on her knees in the showers or such, but in the next moment, she was kind and supportive. Her piercing blue eyes slipping right into my soul. She saw the real me and never backed down. It was very freeing, succumbing to this complete trust. Where you don´t have to play or pretend, where you are just you and it is more than enough. Allie Novak looked at me with curiosity and admiration first, maybe lust. But later it had changed into pure and unconditional love. From all the place on the Earth and in the universe, finding this feeling here was shocking. It really was!

I went to the kitchen to pick up milk and yes, she was right, we were not out of it. I just liked hanging out with her. I might have been dumb and blind as a bat, but destiny or faith, call it as you wish, has its ways. I have been drawn to her like a moth to a flame. She grabbed my hand and said that she will leave Proctor´s crew – for me. After all those weeks I have first time realized that this is not a game anymore. I told her that nothing is going to happen between us and I meant it. I really did! It was not an excuse, it wasn´t a denial. I believed it with every ounce of my body. Nothing is going to happen between us. That is not an option. Not because she was a woman, but because love is just in fairy tales. For the reason that this place doesn´t allow happiness, this place destroys everything of that little good left in you. Just our friendship is already putting her in danger. Nothing is going to happen between us.

Then she kissed me. As much as saying, that it was "earth shattering" and "mindblowing" would be a cliché, it is true. My eyes went wide and I felt like everything around me collapsed. I froze instantly, afraid to even sway in some way, worried that I would fell into that bottomless hole around me. Couldn´t breathe or think, the air was trapped in my lungs as all I could think about was the tingling in my lips and that fire in my heart. It was spreading through my body, consuming my whole being. When I finally exhaled and took a new lungful of oxygen, my world has rebuild itself. I could see again the world around me and it was bigger, brighter, more colorful, more lively and it was centered around Allie Novak.

Sex has never been my thing. As a young naïve girl I lived in the belief that girls who want and likes sex are sluts. Later I had no chance to find out that it is not true or what sex, good sex is about. My husband made sure that I have lost my interest altogether. So, no – it has never been my thing and I never even thought about it. Loving Allie has been as a revelation. With every kiss and every touch I wanted more. Her lips are so soft, so warm and loving. Her skin is smooth like velvet trembling under my hands. Kissing her, feeling her became life important to me. Tasting her mouth was like tasting life itself. Overwhelming, magical, it was a need and sheer necessity. Making love to her has been an out of body experience. She was right, like always. Good sex, real sex – it is in your head too and we connected like I never thought it was possible. She is mine and I´m hers. I don´t know if I believe in faith or destiny, but I do believe that everything happens for a reason. Allie Novak´s blue eyes and happy smile is my reason for everything. She changed me, she changed my life, she is the spark what I needed to live and fight for.

Our story is maybe not a fairy tale, but it is just ours and it is not over yet. I refuse to give up! We are in this huge mess, but nothing is over. Everything is upside down, we are so screwed. Faith is fucking us over with a smile. Honestly, I don´t give a shit. There is just one goal in my mind. Keeping my love safe and happy. Make her smile every day and grab every little moment of happiness with her for as long as I can. We are in a mess, but I will get us out, I will fix this – even if it's the last thing I do.