Disclaimer: I don't own harry potter. Or Mr. Finch. Or Ms. Pince. and if there really is a wedding ring, shaped like a book with a cat on the cover, (shudder) I don't own that either.

Madame Pince looked down at Mr. Filch. He held up a ring. It had a book on it. With a cat on the cover.

"Will you marry me, Irma?" Filch smiled toothless at the librarian.

Irma's mind raced a mile a minute. She needed a piece of paper. She grabbed a pencil and started writing.

Room- too small (-20) Leaving my books, (-750) that cat (-500) no teeth (-50) no hair (-50) no - Filch cleared his throat. Irma glared at him. Interrupting (-230) Loves me (+1599) I lo- I love him. I love him, Irma thought. I love him (+1,000,000)

=999,999.

"Yes Argus" Madame Pince raised her cheekbones "I will marry you"

Filch whooped, and Irma glared icicles. Smiling meekly, he slipped the ring on her finger. "I love you, Mrs. Irma Pince Filch" He gazed adoringly at her. "I love you, Mr. Argus Filch" She looked sickeningly sweet at him.

Loud retching noises were heard from behind the shelves. Madame Pince's high reedy voice harmonized with Filch's deep scratchy one.

"Detention!"