Hello! This is my first Fangirl fanfic. I just finished reading the book two days ago, and I fell in love with it. Rainbow Rowell is fantastic (and everything relating to the book belongs to her, of course). Let me know what you think!


"I'm not particularly keen on that plan," Baz says, struggling to suppress his eye roll.

"Unfortunately, what we do and how we do it isn't up to you." Simon shifts the sturdy metal weapon in his hands, shifting it so that he can inspect every angle.

"Yes, unfortunately." Baz watches the blonde-haired boy beside him warily, as if afraid he'll wildly take a swing without warning. "Now, may I ask just what in the seven hells you're doing with that pipe?"

"I'm going to attack the door, of course." Simon stares at him stupidly.

"The door…" The corner of Baz's mouth quirks up. "And what door would that be, Oh Crazy One?"

"The door that leads to the portal, Baz. I thought you were well aware of the plan, despite your obvious distaste for it." He shakes his head, blonde hair flopping over his ears, and hefts the pipe over his shoulder. "And I also don't appreciate the sarcasm."

"Simon, you don't need to use a bloody pipe to activate the portal. You have a wand, you can use magic, you fool," Baz snaps, unsure if this is Simon's poor excuse for a joke or something more ominous.

"I'm a fool? I think not! And what's this nonsense about magic," Simon draws snootily, walking in the direction of…well, Baz isn't entirely sure where Simon is aiming to go.

He also isn't entirely sure what to say to this.

"Magic," Simon continues, heedless of Baz's lack of a reaction, "is not feasible, my poor, disillusioned friend. You know that, I know that, so why the charade?"

Yes, Baz thinks dully. Yes, that confirms it. Something's quite wrong with Simon's head. He's not himself.

The stupid git would never in all of millennia call Baz a friend, no matter the circumstances.


Cath pulls her cramping fingers away from the keyboard. She stares at the fifteen single-spaced pages with some pride and, strangely enough, some trepidation. This trifling development of an already questionable scene came out of nowhere, and Cath isn't entirely sure her audience will approve of Simon's wacky behavior. Nonetheless…

"It's written. The opportunity was there, the idea is set, there's no turning back." Cath nods her head along to the words, forcing herself to believe them. She doesn't usually spring this sort of a plot twist, let alone a cliff-hanger, quite so suddenly – there's usually a substantial amount of build-up in Carry On – but her fingers had been flying so smoothly, almost melodically, across the keyboard for close to four hours and she hadn't wanted to disrupt the flow just so she could painstakingly dissect an iffy idea.

As she carefully rips open a Blueberry Bliss bar (part of a new pack, and one that's cleverly hidden this time) Cath wonders where Reagan is and what she's up to. It's only one in the morning, so she's not expecting her nocturnal roommate to return anytime soon, but still. Writing is a lot of work, and it can be very frustrating and even stressful, but the thing that hits her the hardest is the loneliness. Writing is extremely lonely. Cath knows that all too well, considering she's barely been anywhere beside the library and her room, and she's only visited Love Library to write with Nick.

I just wish Reagan didn't have to be so much of a socialite, Cath thinks, and then, a beat later, Just.

Chewing thoughtfully, she wanders back over to her computer and briefly looks over her latest chapter. Making several minor revisions, Cath decides to send it to her beta reader and get the whole thing over with; if her beta finds the scene questionable, Cath knows that the rest of her audience will as well. Wincing as she sends the document through cyberspace, she's just about to close her laptop when a staccato knocking sounds at the door.

Cath sighs; it's definitely not Reagan – even with stuff in her hands she would just fling the door open with no thought for the defenseless and unaware people on the other side (specifically, her).

She glances through the peephole, her eyebrows knitting together as she spots the blonde mop sticking haphazardly up on Levi's head. Pulling the door open a crack, she smiles slightly and says, "Reagan's not here right now."

"I know," he replies, a hint of a grin appearing on his thin lips.

"I actually thought she was at your –" She shakes her head. "Wait, you know?"

"Of course I do, Cather," he says, brushing smoothly by her and flopping down on her unmade bed. "Reagan's out until almost dawn every night."

"Okay…" Cath is at a loss. "Then why are you here?"

"Isn't it obvious? To see you." His grin is beginning to gradually take over his face, Cath notices with a frown.

"I'm engrossed in a bit of a writing craze, actually." In other words, I'm not up for company, even yours, Levi.

"That's a shame," he says mildly, picking at a splotch of dried ketchup on her comforter, which has probably gone unwashed as long as Levi's hair.

"Wait a second," Cath says, holding out the palm of her hand. "It's almost two. What are you even doing on this side of campus?"

"Oh, dear Cather. Two in the morning is equivalent to ten at night here in the otherworldly land of college life."

"'Otherworldly land'?" Levi never talks like that. "Have you been drinking?"

"Not tonight, no," he says with a stifled yawn.

"I saw that," she replies, eyeing him warily as she takes a seat at her desk.

"Are you still writing for that Simon and Baz story?"

"It's called Carry On, Simon, and of course I am. That's the only story I'm really working on at the moment. I thought you knew that?" Somehow it comes out as a question instead of a statement.

He shrugs. "Maybe you were branching out. How am I supposed to know, Cather? Haven't seen you much."

Imitating Levi, she shrugs too. "I've just been busy, you know, with writing and keeping up with Wren and just, like, homework and stuff." Cath trails off, knowing these all sound like lame excuses. The only thing that's true is the writing part. That's truly all she ever does these days.

"Are you in the mood to read me some more fanfiction?" Levi asks with a teasing grin.

"No, not really," she mutters, then, realizing how that sounds, adds, "I mean, I've just been looking at my story and about a dozen other Simon and Baz fanfics all day, and I just need a break. My eyes are about to drop out of my head." Two "justs" in one sentence, Cath thinks after a moment. Setting a new record.

"Afraid I'll like it too much?"

Cath throws him a weirded-out look. "I don't even know what that means, Levi."

He hums in the back of his throat, staring at her. "Well, do you want to get something to eat?"

"I already ate. Besides, it's almost time for breakfast anyway."

"Did this so-called meal consist of two or more protein bars?" Levi asks, smiling. Always smiling.

"Perhaps," Cath says, suddenly very interested in the layout of the room.

He laughs softly. "Figures. Those bars are a delight, though, I must admit."

Cath narrows her eyes and shifts in her seat. Her butt is going a little numb; the chair isn't all that comfortable, to be quite honest. "Did you really interrupt my writing frenzy to talk about protein bars and the overwhelming amount I ingest on a daily basis?"

"Perhaps," he says after a pause, mimicking Cath.

She rolls her eyes and stands up. "Do you mind?" she asks, gesturing to her bed.

"Not at all, my dear fanatic." Levi scoots over, patting the now empty space beside him.

"I don't think that's exactly what I had in mind." She does everything in her power to hold back the blush threatening to spread over her cheeks, but it doesn't work.

Levi is still staring at her, and she's starting to feel extraordinarily awkward standing there in front of him, so to avoid further unpleasantness Cath decides to just sit down on her bed, exactly two feet away from Levi, and not look at him the entire time he's sitting beside her.

"There," he declares, grinning broadly. "That's better."

"So…" Cath says after a minute, staring awkwardly down at her restless hands.

"So let's talk."

"Talk?" The word feels odd in her mouth. "That's all you want to do? Not something crazy or fun…or both?"

"Well, I did want to read some fanfiction – or rather, have you read fanfiction to me – but that seems to be out of the question." Levi runs a tanned hand through his hair. Cath has seen this exact gesture repeated so many times, she's not sure whether it's just a habit or a sign that he's relaxed, worried, content, nervous, thoughtful, or a combination of them all.

"You know what I was thinking about?"

"What could possibly be on your mind at this time of night, Levi?" Cath asks, just a touch of sarcasm in her voice.

"September eleventh."

Cath feels her entire body swiftly grow stiff with tension, but she keeps her facial muscles relaxed and her expression blank. "Why would you be thinking about September eleventh?"

Levi shrugs. "I'm not really sure, to tell you the truth."

Cath sits immobilized, waiting for him to go on, because there must be some sort of an explanation. There's always a reason for the random discussions she's forced into having with Levi.

"You know, the planes crashing into those buildings and all the people inside running for their lives, not knowing but assuming they're not going to make it, and like, don't you wonder what they were thinking? They must have been terrified and confused, and kinda sad too because some of them probably thought they'd never see their family or boyfriend or whoever again, and then there's the people on the planes, gosh, the passengers, they had to have been scared to death. Of course, some of them were also probably resigned to the fact that they were going to die in a matter of minutes, but I don't like thinking about that because it's like, morbid-"

"Jesus, Levi," Cath says, totally taken aback by this verbal flood. "This entire topic is morbid! Why are you talking about this now?"

Levi looks startled. "Like I said, I'm not sure. I was thinking about it today during work and I guess the whole thing has stuck with me. I needed someone to talk to."

"And that person had to be me?" Cath glances at the clock on the opposite wall. "At two fifteen in the morning?"

"Apparently that's how the world works, Cather. Strange conversations during the early hours of the morning. If you don't have an important, earth-shattering discussion before dawn, the day's already wasted, that's my motto."

"That's the first I'm hearing of this so-called motto of yours," Cath mutters. "I'm not sure my brain is up for this."

""Your brain is usually up for anything," Levi says softly, running the opposite hand through his hair this time. He shifts on Cath's bed, watching her fingers twitch in her lap.

There's a quiet moment, a pause, really, in all this craziness, and if it weren't for that slight gap in conversation, Cath would have never said what she says now. "I don't know if you know this, but my mother left on September eleventh."

He cocks his head, and a chunk of his blonde hair flops onto his forehead. "Left? Where did she go?"

Cath gives him a heated look. "Left, Levi, like for good. She basically separated from and divorced our family all in one day."

"I wasn't aware that your mother had left you," Levi says thoughtfully.

"Well, yeah, she did. I haven't seen her since I was eight." And I don't plan to, she adds silently.

"No wonder Wren is so –" Levi abruptly cuts himself off, staring at her wide-eyed.

Cath smiles gently, shifting so that she faces him head-on. "Like a loose cannon? Tell me about it. We both have issues because of that, I think." She then shakes her head emphatically to rid herself of these thoughts. "But that's old news."

Levi laughs under his breath and pulls on her hand. The skin-to-skin contact makes Cath blush ferociously, and it's all she can do to breathe steadily. He's so gosh-darn warm and soft but not soft at the same time. It's hard to explain.

"I probably have a few embarrassing issues of my own," he says good-naturedly, "but then again, I bet you have me beat there."

She rolls her eyes again, shoving him lightly. "Oh, thanks so much, Levi. Really, what a compliment."

He smiles and says nothing (for once), and they simultaneously glance down at their joined hands in the ensuing silence.

"Oh, Cather," he sighs, still smiling away.

She snorts and immediately regrets it. "You know, you sound so serious and yet you look so…happy. It's kinda disturbing."

"So what you're saying is, my happiness disturbs you?" Levi seems a little offended.

"When you put it like that…yes, it actually does." Even as she says it, Cath moves infinitesimally closer to Levi on the bed. "You're always so nice to everyone like, all the time, so I sometimes wonder if you feel any other emotion. I mean, I know you must, but I've never actually seen any signs of a different emotion. It's a bit concerning, to be quite honest with you."

Cath knows she's babbling, but she seems unable to stop. Their joined hands and close proximity is frying her brain or something. She's never been good with people (excluding Simon and Baz, of course, but then again they aren't real people) and every encounter she has with someone new is always more awkward than the last. Especially in this whole college atmosphere, where she clearly doesn't belong.

"Well then, if that's the case," Levi says brusquely (she can see the glint in his eyes and the ever-present smile though), "I'll do my very best to be miserable and depressing and just all-around pessimistic. I'll give it the old college try! How's that sound?"

A smile stretches across Cath's own face, reflecting Levi's. "Even when you're talking about becoming a sad and bitter person you're smiling and acting like it's the best job in the world. I don't understand you."

"I think that all the time when I'm around you, Cather."

The tone shifts so suddenly to seriousness that she's left reeling, unable to produce the words necessary to respond to a compliment of this magnitude. She can feel herself blushing even more, and her whole body flares with heat, as if she's just entered a sauna unexpectedly.

"Um, I don't-" Cath starts, floundering.

"No, no, it's okay," Levi interrupts gently, running a hand up and down her one arm. "Sorry, that was unnecessary. I didn't meant to spring anything on you."

He seems so frazzled, she thinks with growing astonishment. Maybe he really is capable of displaying other emotions!

"We should save this for another time," he adds with a crooked smile.

This? What's this? "Sure, if that's what you want. I mean, I'm actually not –"

"Like I said, Cather – it's okay. Clearly there needs to be more time."

"More time to…what?" Now she's totally confused. What exactly is Levi getting at here? She knows it's something serious, but…all this boy-girl stuff is foreign to her, and if there are signs, she's definitely missing them.

He shakes his head and moves toward her. Removing a stray strand of hair off her forehead, Levi leans close. "Mmm. Your hair smells nice, Cather. I like it."

And then, without warning, he slides off the bed and leaves, tossing a causal wink over his shoulder just before the door snaps closed.


Leave some comments and reviews please? I always appreciate feedback :) And if you liked this one, I just finished a slightly longer fic about LevixCather and the whole "Levi-cheating-on-Cath-in-his-kitchen" drama!