Try as I may, I haven't been able to calm the anxious feeling that now resided in my bones. Hunting with Alice didn't take my mind off of tomorrow as much as I was hoping it would. We barely talked as we stalked the park for easy prey; something I was grateful for. As nervous as I was feeling, Alice was one of the last people I wanted to talk it over with given her visions of Bella; none of which were reassuring. It was a little before midnight when Alice called it quits. We both knew I couldn't feed or prepare anymore for what I was about to do. I bid goodbye to her and started running; we both knew where I was going and I felt no need to explain myself. It was the one place that had any chance of calming my nerves and easing my guilt. Bella wasn't moving like she usually did when she was this deeply under, so I assumed she took something to help her sleep. Did she need help because she was scared of me or she was scared what I thought of her? Rationally I hoped it was the first one, but my body ached for the later. Although her steady breathing did calm my nerves, it only increased my guilt over the danger I was putting her in. I knew that this would either be my last night with her, or my last night without her knowledge of my presence. Tomorrow would change everything. I paced around her room and tried to take comfort in her smell until I saw the sun start to rise. My entire body faught me as I left her room to wait outside for Charlie to leave and her to wake up. Within the hour I heard her wake up and start moving around the house; Charlie had left before she had awaken. I wished more than anything that I could see her; I wanted to know what she looked like when she woke up and her morning routine more than I have wanted anything. After I heard her start washing her dishes, I decided it was time. Whatever happened today; I couldn't stall anymore. If this was my last day with her-my entire being recoiled at that thought- I would enjoy it forever. If this was just the beginning, I couldn't wait to start. I found myself at the door and I knocked quietly. I heard her struggle with the deadbolt and I couldn't help but worry about how much she wanted to see me, and how much I desperately needed to see her in return. I looked her over and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Good morning," I said with a chuckle.

"What's wrong?" she replied nervously as she too looked down.

"We match." I laughed again at our matching tan sweaters. I wanted nothing more than to look at her forever and I found myself desperately hoping she knew how beautiful she looked. I started walking with a quiet sigh to her truck, I couldn't believe I agreed to let her drive. I stood by the old machine as she locked up and walked triumphantly over.

"We made a deal," she said, a little too smugly. As if I could forget any conversation we've had. I climbed dutifully into the passenger seat while the truck roared to life.

"Where to?" she asked.

"Put your seat belt on-I'm nervous already," I said, only half joking. She complied after giving me the dirtiest look she could muster, which still wasn't enough to dim her beauty.

"Take the one-oh-one north," I ordered. She started driving carefully, and by carefully I mean ridiculously slow. I couldn't stop looking at her face and trying to decipher the secrets it held. I was still hung up from our conversation yesterday; how could she possibly think she cares more for me than I for her? I wished fervently that she wasn't the one exception to my power. I suddenly felt a desperate need to see her smile; to see that face light up.

"Were you planning to make it out of Forks before nightfall?" I asked, anticipating her reaction.

"This truck is old enough to be your car's grandfather - have some respect," she retorted with a laugh more beautiful than I could have imagined. Suddenly I didn't mind that she was driving almost mockingly slow; I was glad for the extra time with her. Glad and nervous for what was about to happen.

"Turn right on the one-ten," I said as I contemplated the next steps, most of which caused a smile to spread across my face. "Now we drive until the pavement ends."

"And what's there, at the end of the pavement?"

"A trail."

"We're hiking?" she said with obvious trepidation.

I had expected as much after seeing her gym performance Thursday. "Is that a problem?"

"No," she said with obvious fake confidence.

"Don't worry, it's only five miles or so, and we're not in a hurry," I said, but as soon as I said the distance I could see her swallow heavily and take a deep breath. We drove for a little bit longer and I tried to understand the now panicky look in her eyes. I quickly grew frustrated trying to guess.

"What are you thinking?" I asked desperately.

"Just wondering where we're going."

I didn't quite believe her, but I decided it was the best answer I was likely to get. "It's a place I like to go when the weather is nice," I said, glancing out the window to the thinning clouds.

"Charlie said it would be warm today."

At the mention of Charlie, I felt my nervousness return. "And did you tell Charlie what you were up to?"

"Nope."

"But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together?" I asked hopefully.

"No, I told her you canceled on me - which is true."

I couldn't believe this. "No one knows you're with me?" I tried to keep the anger out of my voice as I asked.

"That depends… I assume you told Alice?"

I couldn't keep my anger and horror from showing. "That's very helpful Bella," I snapped. She just kept looking at the road. I wasn't going to let her off that easy. "Are you so depressed by Forks that it's made you suicidal?"

"You said it might cause trouble for you … us being together publicly," she said matter-of-factly.

"So you're worried about the trouble it might cause me - if you don't come home?" My words dripped sarcasm and anger.

She nodded while stubbornly staring straight ahead.

I couldn't believe this. "Self-preservation who?" I mumbled quickly under my breath so she couldn't hear. Was she trying to make this harder on me? I was betting on the face that someone would hold me accountable for my actions if.. If something happened today. Now everything rested squarely on my shoulders. I was so mad at myself. Of course she would try to protect me, how dare I put someone like her in this much senseless danger? My anger consumed me until I realised the car was parked and we were at the edge of the forest. I got out quickly and started walking, removing my sweater as I went.

"This way," I said, glancing over my shoulder at her, unable to hide my fury.

"The trail?" she asked in a panicked voice.

The evident panic caused sparks of guilt to start in my chest, but I ignored it. "I won't let you get lost," I said as I turned around. I noted the look on her face as she saw me, but I put it in the back of my mind as I looked at her. She had taken off her sweater as well and she looked better than anyone deserved to in a plain white tee-shirt. I managed to pull my eyes away from her body as I noticed a look of tortured despair on her face that caught me off guard.

"Do you want to go home?" I asked quietly, my chest aching as I thought of her wanting to leave, and guilt came as I addressed my need for her to stay.

"No," she said as she stepped closer to me. Despair flooded me as her expression didn't change.

"What's wrong?" I asked as gently as I could, my anger all but forgotten in the face of her unhappiness.

"I'm not a very good hiker, you'll have to be very patient," she said dully.

"I can be patient - if I make a great effort," I said with a smile, trying my best to get that look out of her eyes and make her smile again. She did offer me a smile, but it was dim compared to the one she had greeted me with this morning.

"I'll take you home," I promised in a resigned tone, not having enough time to deal with all the emotions that promise contained. I knew I should have kept my anger in check earlier and now I had scared her off.

"If you want me to hack five miles through the jungle before sundown, you'd better start leading the way," she said, breaking my tortured reverie.

I couldn't tell what she wanted from me and I again grew frustrated at my inability to know what she really wished for. Sensing that, whatever had brought on this mood, she wasn't going to let me take her home now, so I sighed and started walking. I tried to make the walk as easy as possible for her hoping that would help improve her mood. It was mostly silent except for the random questions I remembered to ask her and our quiet breathing. When I had to help her over logs or boulders, I would set her down on the other side as quickly as I could. I hadn't yet decided what I was going to do or what I was strong enough to do and I didn't want to tempt myself anymore than I had to. I would sneak glances at her as often as I could as I tried to decipher what she might be thinking about. Knowing her, she probably wasn't scared like she should be. So why was she so quiet? Despite the uncertainty I felt regarding her desires, I couldn't help but feel more comfortable the deeper we got in the woods. I could feel myself relaxing into the scenery as I started laughing more freely as we got into a rhythm. Despite her worries, I never felt impatient like I might if it was anyone but her. I was content with taking our time and just breathing her in from a distance.

"Are we there yet?" she said jokingly, breaking the comfortable silence we had grown into.

I couldn't help but smile at her new, lighter mood. "Nearly. Do you see the brightness ahead?"

"Um, should I?"

"Maybe it's a bit too soon for your eyes," I said with a smirk; I had forgotten for a second that she couldn't see like I did.

"Time to visit the optometrist," she muttered and my smile grew wider.

Finally she could see what I was talking about and she started walking faster. I let her lead the final couple yards; I was increasingly nervous about what was about to happen. As she broke into the meadow, I hesitated and moved over to a shadier edge. I watched her with a rush of emotion as she circled around the clearing with a huge smile on her face. When she turned to find me, the expression on her face when I wasn't there nearly broke me. It made me both extremely happy and extremely guilty. She finally caught sight of me and the smile that broke out on her face calmed me for a moment. She stepped closer, beckoning, and then stepped closer. I held my hand up to stop her; what I was about to do was hard enough without the complete distraction of her closeness. I took a deep breath and stepped out into the sun, bracing myself for her reaction.