Crossover Quakes: Part One by Sheer Stupidity

OK, I wrote this one day when I was high from Pop Tarts. It's my first story and it's in three parts. The first story is about Artemis Fowl. In these stories, different friends of mine meet characters from books and shows. They are listed by names that sound like their names but aren't really their names. So here are the characters.

My friends: Lori (Me), Callie, Natalie, Kathryn, Charlene, Jessika, and Savannah.

Artemis Fowl (first story): Artemis, Holly, Juliet, Foaly, Root, and Butler meet Lori, Callie, Kathryn, Charlene, and Jessika.

Harry Potter (second story): (Hah! The trio is GONE!) Lily, Ginny, Draco, Sirius (sniff), Angelina, Alicia, and Minerva meet Lori, Kathryn, Natalie, Kathryn, Charlene, Jessika, and Savannah.

Yu-Gi-Oh (third story): Mai, Serenity, Tea, and Seto meet Lori, Callie, Kathryn, and Jessika.

OK, on to the story! As of yet, it has no plot, and will probably not have one by the end. Oh well! Oh, yeah... let's pretend Artemis and co. never lost their memories.


One day, Lori, Charlene, Kathryn, Callie, and Jessika were sitting in the library of their school, talking.

"Ugh," Lori said. "I am, like, so bored to death."

"NO!" Callie said in mock pain. "The 'like!' It burns!"

The others laughed.

"Meep!" said Jessika suddenly. She was the oddest of the group, which was definitely saying something. She raced to her backpack and pulled out a book. "I can read Artemis Fowl."

"That's nice," pointed out, "but we can't read it."

Jessika shrugged. "Your problem."

They were shocked. "Well-" Charlene started to say, but she was cut off by a loud boom. Pieces of the ceiling began falling to the ground, and they dashed under the table, screaming.

"What's going on?" Callie shrieked.

"I don't know! It's some sort of earthquake!"

Oddly enough, there were no other screams; not those of other students, not those of teachers. Except for the rumble of the earthquake, nothing could be heard.

Then, as suddenly as it had begun... it stopped.

Jessika poked her head out from under the table. "Is it... is it over?" she whispered.

"I think so," Lori answered, cautiously crawling out and standing up. She surveyed the damage sadly. "In this case, I think the phrase 'Whazzafu-?' would apply..."

"No kidding," Callie said. Kathryn nodded.

"We should probably go around the school and see if everyone's OK," she suggested. The others agreed. Jessika grabbed her bag, and they walked out the door.

They checked the teachers' lounge first. The damage was just as horrible, but no one was there, so they split up. Callie and Kathryn checked upstairs, and Jessika and Lori checked downstairs with Charlene.

About five minutes later, they came back to the library to share their news.

"Nothing," Charlene reported, shaking her head. "Lots of broken stuff, but no people. Not even-" she gulped. "Not even any bodies."

"Same here," Kathryn said. She sighed. "What are we going to do?"

"I can go to the office and see if the phone is working," Lori raced off, but she was back in less than a minute.

"The line's dead," she said, breathing hard.

"Thought so," Callie said. She whipped out her cell phone. First she dialed the police station.

"Not even a dial tone," she announced. Next she tried her house. "Nothing at home."

The girls began to look frightened. "Wh-what's going on?" Kathryn whispered nervously.

"I don't know..." Jessika breathed, shivering. "I don't know."

They decided to walk outside and see if any people were there. No one was. They walked all along Braddock Road, but not a single car was driving by. It was deserted.

Charlene began crying softly, and Lori put her arm around her, sniffing. Suddenly, there was a loud bang from across the street, in Fort Ward Park.

"Not again," muttered Kathryn, but the other paid no attention. The five ran across the debris-littered parking lot to the park. With a crash, a bolt of lightning tore through the sky and rain began falling. Putting their arms over their heads, the group peered through the sheets of water to see six figures, five people and a horse of some sort, standing underneath a tree. They were overjoyed to see that there was still life, and raced towards them.

Then they stopped dead.

Ten feet between then, the newcomers stared at the girls. The girls stared right back.

Before their eyes were a huge man, a pale boy, a very short man, a very short woman, a tall, athletic-looking girl, and a man with a horse's body- better known as a centaur.

"Holy fishbowl..." Lori muttered. "Where did you come from?"

"And who the hell are you?" Callie added.

The boy looked surprised. "Who are you?" he asked, somewhat disdainfully.

"We live here," Charlene told him. "We go to that school." She pointed behind her.

"Where is here, exactly?" the centaur asked dubiously.

"Alexandria, Virginia," they chorused.

The centaur and the people exchanged looks with one another.

"But- but we were just in Ireland," the girl said.

"And we were underground," the short man said loudly, his face turning red.

"Oh – my – god," Kathryn said. The centaur. The short people. The man. The girl. The boy. "You're- you're-"

"I am Artemis Fowl," the boy said in a dignified yet emotionless voice.

The five were in shock. Lori found her voice first.

"BLOODY FREAKIN' HELL!!!" she shrieked. "You're Artemis Fowl! And you're Butler! And you're Juliet! And you're Root, and Holly! And- holy crap, you're Foaly! I am, like your biggest fan!!!"

"Lori!" Jessika yelled. "Calm down. He's lying." She glared at the boy. "He has to be."

He put up his hands. "I swear to you I'm not. We were in Ireland, and there was a huge earthquake. When it stopped, we were... alone. Then, without warning, we found ourselves here, with Ho- with Captain Short and Commander Root."

Lori grinned at Callie, who gave her a look.

"Look," Kathryn said reasonably, "it's just that... well, how do we know you're not just fans of the books?"

"Books?" the girl said. "What books?"

The short man rounded on the boy. "YOU! I knew you'd betray us to the Mud Men!"

"He didn't do a thing," the giant said dangerously.

"Don't turn this into a fight," the short woman said warningly, pointing a finger at him. Then they saw it.

The scar on her finger. Where the finger had been reattached.

"Wh-where did you get that scar?" Charlene asked shakily.

"Nowhere," the woman said defiantly. "I just-"

The pale boy rolled his eyes. "I accidentally chopped it off, and that's where we reattached it."

"You don't think-" Jessika whispered. "I mean, it couldn't be-"

The boy pulled out a gold coin with a hole in the center. There was a sharp intake of breath.

"She gave this to me, to prove that her finger was... was fine," he told them in a low voice.

"Oh my gosh..." Lori murmured. "The coin... from Arctic Incident."

It was the others' turn to gasp.

"How did you know-?" the gigantic man asked.

"Oh, it's been published," Jessika said, all doubts gone.

"Hang on," Callie said, still not convinced. "You could have made a fake scar. You could have made a fake coin."

"Leave it to Callie," Charlene muttered.

"Then how do you explain the earthquakes?" the boy countered. "How do you explain the disappearances of thousands, perhaps millions?"

Callie was taken aback. "Fine," she said nervously. "I can't explain it. So for the time being," she sighed, "you're stuck here."

"Great," Kathryn said, shivering. "Can we go inside now? It's starting to rain harder."

Everyone agreed and dashed back across the parking lot. They ran inside and went to the library.

"All right," Charlene said. "You... you really are Artemis Fowl?"

"Duh," the tall girl said.

Callie started jumping up and down, grabbing Kathryn by the arms and dancing around. "COLLOQUIALISM!!!"

Lori and the centaur shared a look.

"All right then..." Jessika said uncertainly. "Moving right along... who are you guys?"

"Duh," Lori said, imitating the girl.

"OK, well," the girl said, looking at her strangely, "I'm Juliet Butler... and that's my brother Do-"

"Butler," the giant man said, covering his sister's mouth with an enormous hand. "Just Butler."

"Artemis Fowl," the boy said unnecessarily, leaning back in his chair with a bored look on his face.

"Foaly," the centaur said, "and do you have a more 'horsy' chair?"

They shook their heads, and looked to the next chair. But the man and woman, who had been there a moment ago, were gone. A slight haze, possibly from the bright lights from above, was shining around them.

"Oh, for heaven's sake," Artemis said impatiently, "get rid of the shields."

No answer.

Jessika decided to play with their minds, to scare them into unshielding. "Wow," she said loudly, "it's too bad we don't have some LEP helmets so we could see through your shields."

Sure enough, the two short people reappeared in their seats, looking embarrassed and confused.

"How did you know?" the woman asked suspiciously.

"We told you," Kathryn said, "we know all about you from the series by Eoin Colfer."

"Because he betrayed us," the man pointed out angrily, now purple with rage.

"He did NOT," Callie retorted hotly, defending the pale boy. "I don't know, but somehow you broke through the fourth wall that separates us from your... book world."

"In a nutshell," Lori explained, "y'all are fictional, and we aren't."

This surprised them. "No, we're not," Artemis said decidedly.

"I assure you," Charlene argued, "you are. But that's beside the point. We need to get things back to normal. Repair the wall, so to speak."

"Well, as you undoubtedly know," the woman said- and she was quite right- "I'm Holly Short. And I have no idea how you know about the LEP, but-"

"Didn't you hear them?" the man said mockingly. "Fourth wall breakage!"

"Oh, shut up Julius," Lori said, grinning at Foaly. He silently applauded her form behind the man's back.

Looking at him, they really thought he would explode this time. Instead, he just gulped like a fish out of water.

"R-Right," he finally managed to say. "I'm Julius R-Root."

"About time, too," muttered Kathryn. Aloud she said, "Well, I'm Kathryn."

"Callie."

"Charlene."

"Lori."

"Jessika."

"Great," Lori said with a sigh. "Now that we all know each other- No, Callie, not 'get out of our Pride lands'- now that we all know each other, what are we going to do?"
Well, that's done? My friend Jessika, whom you just read about, is writing the Yu-Gi-Oh part, and I may ask someone else to write the Harry Potter one. Hope you like it; there are more chapters to come!

-Sheer Stupidity