Fang: Hey, Max, can I ask you a question?

Max: Sure.

Fang: Do you have a really normal past and a regular life?

Max: What?! I'm surprised at you! I find that Mary-Sue accusing!

Fang: (gasps) Jeez, I'm sorry! It's just that all the fic writers seem to think that you were molested and stuff!

Max: WHAT, do you think they tell the TRUTH? HUH?

Fang: No!

Max: HUH?

Fang: No!

Max: HUH?

Fang: No! Oh, man, I'm sorry, I guess that was a little accusing.

Max: I would say so! You should be much more careful around a sensitive subject like Mary-Sueism!

Fang: Well I get it to! I'm a cutter/emo/gayboy in disguise, apparently!

Max: Of course you are!

Fang: Ahahahaha, you see?
YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT MARY!

Max: WE'LL YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT SUE!

Fang: YOU KNOW THE READERS THINK WE ARE EMO...

Max: AND I DON'T THINK THAT'S SUCH A NICE THING TO DO!

Fang: ME NEITHER, DUDE.

Max: BETWEEN ME AND YOU I THINK—

Both: EVERYONE'S A LITTLE BIT MARY
SOMETIMES
DOESN'T MEAN WE'RE EVIL AND WE AREN'T VERY NIII-III-IIICE...
LOOK AROUND AND YOU WILL SEE
MARY SUE'S ARE JUST OC'S
CANON CHARACTERS ARE NEVER THAA-AAA-AAT BAD
SO IF YOU WOULD BACK OFF
THAT WOULD BE RAD.

Fang: (puts on sunglasses)

Max: (wtfs)

Fang: It's not like like things—like maybe you had a fight with Jeb or something, or maybe you and Ari used to... (shudder) like each other...

Max: No, nothing like that...

Fang: No, just big things, like you were raped or I slit my wrists with a can opener!

Max: Right!

Both: EVERYONE'S A LITTLE BIT MARY
RELAAAAAX
BUT NOBODY IS JUST ABOUT AS MARY
AS MAA-AAA-AAX!
SHE IS ALWAYS TARGETED
TO BE THE ONE WHO DID BAD SHIT
AND THE ONE WHOSE TEARS HAVE MOST BEEN SHE-EE-EE-EEDDDD.
STOP WITH MAX-IS-SAD FICS
OR YOU'RE DEAD.

Fang: Alright, stop me if you've heard this one. There's me, you, Iggy—the whole flock. And there's only one traitor—and the traitor happens to be—

Max: Angel!

Fang: Yeah!

Angel: (walks in at bad time) Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Max?!?!

Max: Uhhhh...

Angel: You were telling an Angel-is-bad story, weren't you?

Fang: Yeah, well, sure, Angel, lots of authors write Angel-is-bad stories.

Angel: I don't.

Fang: Well of course you don't—you're Angel. But I bet you like Ari-makes-out-with-Angel-and-turns-her-into-Jeb's-minion stories, right?

Angel: Of course I do! Those crazy authors! Ahaha! (sighs dreamily)

Fang: Now don't you think that's a little bit Mary?

Angel: ... well damn! I guess you're right!

Max: YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT MARY!

Angel: WELL YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT SUE!

Fang: WE'RE ALL A LITTLE BIT MARY!

Angel: I THINK THAT I WOULD HAVE TO AGREE WITH YOU!

Max & Fang: WE'RE GLAD YOU DO!

Angel: IT'S SAD... BUT TRUE!
EVERYONE'S A LITTLE BIT MARY; ALRIGHT?

Max: Alright!

Fang: Alright!

Angel: ALRIGHT!
FICS ARE ALWAYS SPEAKING OF HOW I AM
NOT NIII-III-IIICE

Max, Fang, Angel: YOU DON'T KNOW THE REAL ANGEL
SWEET AND PRETTY AND, JUST, WELL
GEN-ER-AL-LY QUITE A LITTLE BOOO-OOO-OOO
SO LEAVE PRECIOUS ALONE
OR WE'LL KILL YOU!

Angel: Where's Iggy? —Ahh, Iggy. Now there is an example of a Mary Sue. Being gay...

Max: Uh... Angel? Being gay isn't a characteristic of Mary Sues.

Angel: Is too!

Max: Is not!

Angel: Is too!

Max: Is not!

Angel: Is t—

Fang: Guys, guys! Iggy is straight!

All three: AHAHAHAHAH!

The Gasman: Hey, what're you guys laughing about?

Angel: Mary Sues!

Gazzy: Cool!

Nudge: GAZZY! Come here and finish banging me!

Everybody: (snickers)

Fang: Another GazzyNudge fic where Nudge is all depressed and goes to you for help?

Gazzy: Um... yes.

Everybody: BWAHAHAHAH!

Gazzy: That's not funny! How many times a fic do you have to feel unimportant and pubescent and girly and stuff?

Max: Oh, c'mon, Gazzy.
EVERYONE'S A LITTLE BIT MARY!

Gazzy: I'm not!

Fang: Oh no?

Gazzy: No.

Fang: Ha!

Gazzy: HOW MANY RAGING HORMONES HAVE YOU GOT?

Nudge: What? Gazzy!

Fang: C'MON GAZZY, GO AND ROT
WE'VE ALL BEEN IN THAT EXACT SAME SPOT

Nudge: I KNOW THAT YOU'RE TRYING TO FIGHT MY CAAA-AAA-AAAASE...
BUT CALLING ME QUITE UNSTABLE?
THAT ISN'T THAT GREAT!

Gazzy: I'm sorry... come finish blowing me...

Nudge: I will... but not now.
MAX IS ALWAYS POPULAR
AND FANG IS ALWAYS WORSHIPPED
IGGY GETS ALL OF THE GIRLS
AND ANGEL GETS ABORTIONS—

Max: Me too!

Ella: (makes brief appearance) Me too!

Ari: (makes brief appearance) I can't even get a blow job!

Everyone: EVERYONE'S A LITTLE BIT MARY
OR SUE
BUT EVERYONE IS FIGHTING WITH THE AUTHORS
GOOD NEEEE-EEE-EEEWS!
IF THEY WANT TO CONTROL US
THEY ARE GONNA MAKE WAR A WITH US
AND WE ARE GONNA WIN 'CAUSE WE'RE THE BEST
AUTHORS GIVE MARYSUE-UM
A REEEE-EEEEST!

Iggy: Everyone's a little bit Mary!

A/N: XDDDDDD.

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