This is one of my personal favorites. In case you can't tell, it's Pony to Darry right after their parents die, then Darry to Pony after Soda dies in Vietnam.


I thought you were him.

This morning, standing in the bathroom, brushing my teeth. I heard footsteps in the hall and looked in the mirror, catching a glimpse of the side of your face as you passed the doorway. I gagged, whirling around, eyes huge.

Dad?

The word was on my lips, ready to burst from my mouth as I ran, tripping over my own feet, out the doorway and into the hall, choking on the toothpaste that was going down my throat.

Dad-

And then I saw you.

Saw you walking away, down the hall, a tired, drained gait he never had. The way you held your shoulder because of a pulled muscle. How you slouched the slightest bit, exhaustion evident. Muscles taunt under a black tee-shirt, a hulking frame he never had.

I stopped. Stared. Felt like crying.

Don't get me wrong; I love you. I love you, but…

You turned into your room, shutting the door, leaving me standing in the hall, an aching emptiness in my chest.

…You're not him.

I thought you were him.

XXX

I thought you were him.

Last night, going past your room. I glanced in, then did a double-take, jaw lowering slightly, heart pounding faster.

You were sprawled out on the bed, blanket half-falling off, head cocked to the side, mouth slightly open. Eyes shut, moonlight splashing across your face… You looked just like him.

"Soda?" It slipped out before I could stop myself - before I realized my mistake.

Your frame - shorter. You hair - long and dark instead of blond. Your face - younger, more childlike. How you shifted around, mumbling when he would've been out like a rock.

I felt like someone punched me in the gut.

Don't get me wrong; I love you. I love you so much it hurts sometimes, but…

You rolled over, turned away from me, leaving me standing there silently, hurting, a void in my chest nobody could fill.

…You're not him.

I thought you were him.