title; in a perfect world

summary; what is, what could have been, what should have been. - angst!hakyona

word count; 621


he hates sleeping next to her, he thinks.

it's not because of her tendency to kick people in their sleep, or her habitual drooling - no, he hates it because of the nightmares. the nightmares he knows will come no matter how much he holds her, no matter how many times he rocks her back to sleep. he can't stop them. nightmares are a tenacious enemy.

he hates sleeping next to her because her fear, her - her anger, her melancholy - is more tangible than humanly possible. and it kills him, because he can't do anything to take it away; to make it better.

"mind if i sit here?" a quiet voice penetrates his thoughts as jae ha settles onto the grass next to him.

"you ask like you'll go away if i say no," he responds; the usual acerbic tone missing from the otherwise sharp words.

"true," is all he says. "how's yona?" he asks then, voice lowering a touch to ensure that said girl doesn't hear.

hak sighs, scrubbing a large palm across his angular face. "i wish i could say she's fine."

"we both know that'd be a lie." jae ha studies hak's stony gaze. "she's not eating or sleeping. she tries to hide it from us, but we can tell." he plucks a fistful of grass and throws it back down, feeling restless. "we can sense it, you know." he places his hand over his chest. "in here. it's a dull, throbbing pain that makes you feel like something inside isn't working properly. like something's broken."

hak feels his shoulders drop.

jae ha twists closer; his proximity all at once obnoxious and supportive. "i bet you feel it, too. after all, you are her eternal counterpart. now and forever." hak blinks. what's that supposed to mean? "i mean, i'm a little jealous. you get to live out your entire life at the side of the girl you love." bitterness tinges his lighthearted words, but if hak notices he says nothing.

hak scowls. "shut up, you idiot." the intellectuality of their conversation quickly dissipates. brushing dirt off his lap, he stands and makes his way to the tent he shares with the princess.

jae ha watches him go; a small part of him wishing he was hak. because then he might have all of yona's affections lavished upon him, and only him.

the faint scent of petrichor reaches him, and he finally gets up.


she looks up as hak enters the tent, his sizable frame hunched so as not to catch on anything. he settles down next to her quietly, inadvertently sighing with the movement. "it's raining," she offers. his response is but a mere nod. yoon has been educating her in the more domestic of chores, and as such, she is currently stitching together a worn blue overcoat. his worn blue overcoat, in fact.

he feels something lodged in his throat.

"i think i'm going to sleep," he rumbles lowly in her direction. she pauses in her ministrations before peering up at him. "hak." he doesn't look at her, shifting over onto their shared bedroll.

"hak," she urges.

he closes his eyes -

- and sleep captures him.

that night, Hak dreams of a place where yona sleeps without tears. a place where yona - despite her burdens - can finally smile freely and fully.

in a perfect world.

oh, in a perfect world, my girl.


additional notes; edited dec. 30, 2017. ah yes i lov crying how about u