My name is Grell Sutcliff, I am 12 years old in this story.:

It started years ago, I lived at home and back then it was just my father and my mother and me. We lived in England back then, in a small part of it, I walked to secondary school every day. My mother would stay home and take care of the household chores and such. My father would work and wouldn't get home until about eight o'clock. I was a sickly pale child with chopped off red hair, it was fashionable for women but for me, as I was male I would get made fun of. I didn't tell my mom about this, she would only blame herself. I didn't want to worry her, I loved my mother very much. I was also hiding a secret from her, I didn't feel like a man at all, I felt more woman than anything and I liked guys. I didn't think of myself as gay though, how could I? Being into guys was very taboo and I wasn't aloud to be that at all. I also secretly made nailpolishes like I was making them for mum, but I wasn't they were for me. I buried them behind my house underneath a tree in the backyard. One day, there was a transfer student named Edmund, ahhh Edmund my first love. He was a tall guy with black hair and stunning brown eyes, and he liked me too. I didn't say anything to him though, but he noticed my looks to him he smiled. One day at my desk, I found a note in his handwriting it said:

"Grell, meet me behind the school at three.

-Edmund"

My heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest, I thought at first that it was a trick but I went there anyways to meet up with Edmund. There he was he smiled and pulled me aside in the shadows.

"People are still coming out of the school. Stay here act cool." said Edmund

"Alright" I said

He smiles and held me close secretly then we sat there and waited for everyone to leave acting and pretending like we were guy friends getting to know each other. When the close was clear he turned to me with a sweet smile.

"I noticed you looking at me like a stunning photo." said Edmund

"S-sorry. I-I won't do it anymore." I said

I go to leave but he grabs my hand and stops me.

"No wait, I find it flattering. I actually… have feelings for you, Grell." said Edmund shyly

"You do?" I asked in shock

"Yes" said Edmund

"I-I have feelings for you too Edmund." I said

That I did, I fell hard for Edmund since the first time I laid eyes on him. Call it 'puppy love' if you must, but that is how I felt. I didn't tell him that I loved him though, it'd be odd for us both.

"Would you like to go out on a date, Grell?" asked Edmund

"Yes!" I said, excited

He smiled and gave me a hug happily, I hugged back. We were so happy together it was a happy relationship. We had some really fun times, yes our relationship was in secret but it was ours. One day, I decided to show him my secret, we were dating for four months.

"Grell? Are you alright?" asked Edmund, worried

"I want to show you something." I said

"What is it?" asks Edmund

I took his hand and lead him to my backyard where my hole was.

"Edmund...I don't feel right." I said

"Are you sick? We need to tell your mum if you are." said Edmund

"No! No. I am alright. I mean that I don't feel like I am one hundred percent male. I feel like I am female." I said

"What do you mean?" asked Edmund

"I mean my body says male but my soul says I'm female. There's more, Edmund." I said

I knelt down in the ground and dug out my nail polishes.

"Nail polishes?" asked Edmund confused

"These are mine" I said

He looked at them for a minute and I quickly put them back.

"I know that it's creepy, if you hate me and don't want to see me again. I understand." I said

He shocked me that day and looked around before bringing me in and kisses me sweetly. In shock, I kissed him back laying my arms around his shoulders. Anyone could see us at that minute but I wouldn't have cared. I loved him. Even if he didn't love me. He broke the kiss and looked at me with love in his eyes.

"It's not creepy." lied Edmund

I didn't know he lied to me though not for the longest time.

"It's not?" I asked

"No. If you feel like a girl and like wearing nail polish. Then that's fine with me." said Edmund

"Why?" I asked confused

"Because I love you Grell" lied Edmund

"I love you too, Edmund" I said back

I meant it too, he kissed me again and I kissed back it was like the world melted away. We were happy and in love with each other. At least, I thought he loved me, one day we were near the river. I tried some tricks in the water and I slipped doing a handstand and I broke my arm. He got me to the nearest hospital and my parents were fetched from home by a nurse. It was a Saturday and a holiday so father was home. They didn't know about Edmund and I, so I told him to run, I made up an excuse on how I broke up my arm. He hid he didn't run like I told him to do. Playing the act of my loyal boyfriend, I loved him so much. My parents took me home and Edmund went home himself. He visited me one day and when my mum went to the store he went to the backyard.

"Edmund?! What are you doing?" I called

"Wait there and close your eyes." he called back

I sighed and did as I was asked the next thing I was told to give him my broken arm. I did so and felt something wet on my fingers. I go to peak at what was going on, very confused.

"No! Don't look yet." said Edmund

"What are you doing?" I asked

"Just wait." he said

I sighed and let him do what he was doing, I trusted him with my life.

"Okay, now look." said Edmund

I opened my eyes and gasped he painted my nails for me. He painted them my favorite color, red. I was so happy I hugged him watching my healing arm.

"Do you like them?" he asked

"Yes! Thank you for helping me." I said

"I never painted nails before, that was really fun." he admitted, " And your welcome, I liked helping you put it on."

We hurried and got the paint off seeing my mother coming up the street and buried the paint back. I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek as my mother called for help from him. I feel deeper and deeper in love with him that day. We spent day in and day out together with his friends. When we were with people we pretended to be just friends but alone we were dating each other. We were so happy together, but the happiness ended. We were in the park, we thought we were alone so we started kissing each other. Then out of nowhere we heard his father's booming voice yelling at us both.

"What the hell are you doing?!" asked his father

He wasn't stupid, he had eyes he knew what we were doing. Edmund pushed me away wiping his mouth.

"Father! It's not what it looks like!" he said all of the sudden.

"Then explain!" demanded his father

"He seduced me father! Tried to give me the gay illness." said Edmund

Gay illness? What a laugh right? I was so in shock that he said that, I sat there stunned. I didn't say anything I didn't do anything.

"You worthless piece of shit!" said his father

He kicked me hard and Edmund joined in. They both kicked me until sundown, I was devastated and heartbroken all I did was cry while I was being kicked. Even after they left me there in the cold, I stayed there. I got up in the middle of the night and started my way home. I wanted to go to my mother about my broken heart but knew I couldn't. When I got there, my mother rushed me in and had my things packed up. My father was out looking for me, my secret was betrayed. Edmund's father went around and told the whole town I had the gay illness and was spreaded it to his son. She hugged me close letting me cry it out, but didn't do anything else.

"Grell. You have to leave, before your father gets home. I love you so much and will visit when I can. I got you a place not to far from the school. Listen to me and listen to me good. You must never tell anyone you live there, do you understand me?" asked Mother

"Yes, mother. I understand. I love you, mother." I said

"I love you too. So much." said Mother

I grabbed all my stuff and I ran for it, following the directions, mother gave me. I ran away from everything, but it changed my life forever. All the people who would pity me and would show me kindness, shunned me. I would go to the store and they wouldn't touch anything I touched with my bare hands. I was forced to wear gloves when I went, and the employers would do the same. I was so lost and confused, I didn't do anything wrong, I just fell in love with the same sex. I was miserable and that misery turned into depression where I cut my wrist daily. Even at school, I got hatred from my fellow classmates. Even Edmund would ignore me and showed me nothing. I didn't talk to him but I did smile his way sadly. He acted like I wasn't there at all, everyone treated him like he had cancer and me as the reason he had it.

"Cassandra, thanks for letting me borrow your pen here." I said

"Keep it! I don't want to get gay illness! Just pay for my pen!" said Cassandra

I sighed and put on my gloves and gave her the shillings for her pen. Yes, I couldn't even borrow anything and give it back. I had to pay for a new one using my shopping gloves. It wasn't always bad however for a while my mother would visit me with premade food that would last me a week. It happened for a month, until my father found out and came to visit me with our neighbors. He dragged my mother away and the neighbors held mother back away from me. My father pulled me by my hair and dragged me as he insulted me. My mother wept as she tried to get to me but she was stopped every time she tried to come to my aid. Our neighbors held her back and slung words my way. They left dragging my mother behind them, I laid on the floor and stayed there. Despite that night, I never did feel hatred for my mother or father. My father was just following the way he was raised. I can't hate him for how he was raised, he can't help how he was raised. After that my mother refused to talk to my father even left him refusing to come back until he allowed me to come back. My mother returned with me, but my father was ashamed of me. He ignored me and showed no kindness toward me.

"If it weren't for your mother you wouldn't be here, you'd be at that rat hole of a house where you belong" My father reminded me daily.

I ended up crying myself to sleep with those words in my head the whole time, I was at that house. I couldn't take it anymore and I left my mother a note before I packed up and left for that house.

"I'm sorry Mother,

I never meant to hurt you. But father is right, I don't belong here. I'm leaving now and I won't come back. I will love you both forever.

-Grell"

As for Edmund, I wrote him letters without ever knowing if he ever got them. I was shocked one day when I found him out on my front porch.

"Edmund?" I said in disbelief

"Yes, it's me. Grell take this and don't read it until I am long gone." said Edmund

"What are you talking about, come in. I want to talk to you." I said

"I can't, Grell. Goodbye." he said, he gave me a kiss on the lips goodbye.

That was the last I saw him, I was to scared to chase after him. I opened the envelope and went into my bedroom where I looked the letter my eyes wide in shock and sadness.

"Grell,

I'm sorry what happened back there, months ago. I understand why you won't talk to me. Look I just didn't want to get into trouble. I did like you Grell, so much. But I've been lying to you. I don't love you. I never loved you. I lied. I do think it's creepy that you do have girl things. I didn't lie when I said I liked helping you put your nail polish. I think it's best however that we didn't see each other anymore and if you stopped talking to me. If you see me, ignore me. If I see you understand why I yell mean things to you.

-Edmund"

My heart shattered right there, that was my breaking point. I grabbed my knife and started cutting, crying holding the letter. I don't remember what happened next, it all went black. I only found out what happened next when I read my own record. It said this:

My mother came to visit me when she heard in town that my ex boyfriend was seen talking to me, and gave me a letter. She was worried so she ran off in that direction with my father on her toe. She burst into the door and screamed hearing my mother scream, father came in and saw me dead on the floor clinging onto the letter. She beat his chest crying as he went to me, her baby.

"This is your fault! If he was home we could have stopped him and saved him! Oh my baby." said My mother.

She clung me into her chest wailing, it was pointless to take me to the hospital. My blood covered the floor and some of the letter. I was clinging to it as I died, my mother closed my eyes and clung me to her body. It took hours for anyone to separate my mother from my body, police came and it was confirmed that I committed suicide. When I woke up I didn't know where I was, and I was very lost but any place is better than back there.

That's my story as sad as it was. Hey,who wants to color with me?

The End