My take on the ridiculous love story. Love Shakespeare, but hate Romeo and Juliet. I appreciate his writing, with the iambic pentameter, sonnets, etc. But the plot?

Bleh.


Chorus

: Yonder scene is laid to waste

Yonder lad to laid is haste

Yonder lass is but thirteen

Yonder man is quite a creep

Yonder, hath, thee, thy, wherefore

Psychotic man with old sores

In fair Vegas do lay love

In Vegas also do doff

All sense, sensibility

It is out of style you see

Although it take but three days

Please observe lest ran away

Act 1 Scene 1

(Enter Tapulets, Schnapps and Grimps)

Schnapps: Ay boy, I am a hardass

And my sword do I carry

Now, say you match mister Schnapps

And to doth death do thy take!

Grimps: Small words and bigger mouth, nay

Smaller quite in some else place?

Schnapps: Dare you suggest that I lack?

Grimps: Lack, sir, I know not your mean.

Schnapps: Taste my sword then unworthy upstart!

Grimps: Taste? I see. Then I am right.

Schnapps: Right? In what sense, please, pray tell.

Grimps: In the sense that thou art man

That thou like men like thyself

That woman too soft for thee

And other men hard you seek!

Schnapps: Why, the devil hath your tongue

Or be it but a young fool?

Taste my sword! And death, I mean

I'd like your blood to stain it.

Grimps: And, therefore, I obtain it?

Schnapps: If surviving and I dead.

Grimps: Very well. I shall accept.

Schnapps: To the death, insults be damned!

(They pull swords and begin to duel. Montafues, Romebo and Ben, enter.)

Ben: See, coz, how they fight their own?

Fool against fool, for a sword!

Tapulet and ignorance

They go hand in hand I say.

Romebo: I care not about this feud

I care only about love

Or, more lovely, the beauty

Of my fair departed dove!

O Rosalind! Rosalind!

Ben: Methinks the truth is this, ay

That you, fair coz, not yet laid.

Romebo: In heart, or in soul, or in-

Ben: Bed? Yes, you wish to lie down

With your dear "love". Rosalind

You love not, coz, you lust, yes

And you think she would be best?

Romebo: You know naught, you aren't in love

I had wings that were taken

And flying, I fell, faster

My heart was broken in two

Then more again and again

I'm left with a shattered shell

And no love of which to tell

Ben: You lie with the skill of snakes

Or Tapulets, should I say

O Romebo, please shut up

Any more broken hearts and

I shall follow Tapulets

(Ben points to dueling Tapulets)

Schnapps: Not so light on your feet now!

Grimps: And not so heavy either.

Schnapps: Eat metal annoying pup!

Grimps: No thank you. I'm just dandy.

(Grimps disarms Schnapps and holds him at sword point)

Grimps: What do you say now, old dog?

Schnapps: That I've lived not long enough.

Grimps: Pathetic. Just pathetic.

Schnapps: Ay, but I'm still alive. No?

Grimps: No.

(Grimps stabs him in the heart, a death blow. Ben shakes head and sighs as Grimps walks away, leaving the body behind and the sword in his belt.)

Ben: Romebo?

(Turns to find Romebo on ground, sobbing.)

Romebo: Rosalind! O Rosalind!

Wherefore art thou livid chaste?

Just one taste, I ask, just one

Of your rosebud lips and mouth.

Ben: More like rosebud lips low…

Romebo: Leave me! I want loneliness!

(Romebo runs off when Ben doesn't move. Ben smacks forehead and mutters.)

Ben: Fifteen and horny, alas

Romebo, the hapless boy

Smack sense into him, they said

Well I tried, can't be denied.

(Prinz rides up. Livid.)

Prinz: Another body? Really?

When, O when shall all this end?

I am sick of bodies, yes

I am sick of fights also!

O Tapulet! Montafue!

End fighting or I'll end you!

(Turns to Ben)

And clean this up, it reeks death!

(Rides off.)

Ben: It is death, stupid fool Prinz

Pick it up yourself, you prick.

(Walks off stage.)

End Act 1 Scene 1

If you laughed or understood

A review would be quite good.