My take on the ridiculous love story. Love Shakespeare, but hate Romeo and Juliet. I appreciate his writing, with the iambic pentameter, sonnets, etc. But the plot?
Bleh.
Chorus
: Yonder scene is laid to waste
Yonder lad to laid is haste
Yonder lass is but thirteen
Yonder man is quite a creep
Yonder, hath, thee, thy, wherefore
Psychotic man with old sores
In fair Vegas do lay love
In Vegas also do doff
All sense, sensibility
It is out of style you see
Although it take but three days
Please observe lest ran away
Act 1 Scene 1
(Enter Tapulets, Schnapps and Grimps)
Schnapps: Ay boy, I am a hardass
And my sword do I carry
Now, say you match mister Schnapps
And to doth death do thy take!
Grimps: Small words and bigger mouth, nay
Smaller quite in some else place?
Schnapps: Dare you suggest that I lack?
Grimps: Lack, sir, I know not your mean.
Schnapps: Taste my sword then unworthy upstart!
Grimps: Taste? I see. Then I am right.
Schnapps: Right? In what sense, please, pray tell.
Grimps: In the sense that thou art man
That thou like men like thyself
That woman too soft for thee
And other men hard you seek!
Schnapps: Why, the devil hath your tongue
Or be it but a young fool?
Taste my sword! And death, I mean
I'd like your blood to stain it.
Grimps: And, therefore, I obtain it?
Schnapps: If surviving and I dead.
Grimps: Very well. I shall accept.
Schnapps: To the death, insults be damned!
(They pull swords and begin to duel. Montafues, Romebo and Ben, enter.)
Ben: See, coz, how they fight their own?
Fool against fool, for a sword!
Tapulet and ignorance
They go hand in hand I say.
Romebo: I care not about this feud
I care only about love
Or, more lovely, the beauty
Of my fair departed dove!
O Rosalind! Rosalind!
Ben: Methinks the truth is this, ay
That you, fair coz, not yet laid.
Romebo: In heart, or in soul, or in-
Ben: Bed? Yes, you wish to lie down
With your dear "love". Rosalind
You love not, coz, you lust, yes
And you think she would be best?
Romebo: You know naught, you aren't in love
I had wings that were taken
And flying, I fell, faster
My heart was broken in two
Then more again and again
I'm left with a shattered shell
And no love of which to tell
Ben: You lie with the skill of snakes
Or Tapulets, should I say
O Romebo, please shut up
Any more broken hearts and
I shall follow Tapulets
(Ben points to dueling Tapulets)
Schnapps: Not so light on your feet now!
Grimps: And not so heavy either.
Schnapps: Eat metal annoying pup!
Grimps: No thank you. I'm just dandy.
(Grimps disarms Schnapps and holds him at sword point)
Grimps: What do you say now, old dog?
Schnapps: That I've lived not long enough.
Grimps: Pathetic. Just pathetic.
Schnapps: Ay, but I'm still alive. No?
Grimps: No.
(Grimps stabs him in the heart, a death blow. Ben shakes head and sighs as Grimps walks away, leaving the body behind and the sword in his belt.)
Ben: Romebo?
(Turns to find Romebo on ground, sobbing.)
Romebo: Rosalind! O Rosalind!
Wherefore art thou livid chaste?
Just one taste, I ask, just one
Of your rosebud lips and mouth.
Ben: More like rosebud lips low…
Romebo: Leave me! I want loneliness!
(Romebo runs off when Ben doesn't move. Ben smacks forehead and mutters.)
Ben: Fifteen and horny, alas
Romebo, the hapless boy
Smack sense into him, they said
Well I tried, can't be denied.
(Prinz rides up. Livid.)
Prinz: Another body? Really?
When, O when shall all this end?
I am sick of bodies, yes
I am sick of fights also!
O Tapulet! Montafue!
End fighting or I'll end you!
(Turns to Ben)
And clean this up, it reeks death!
(Rides off.)
Ben: It is death, stupid fool Prinz
Pick it up yourself, you prick.
(Walks off stage.)
End Act 1 Scene 1
If you laughed or understood
A review would be quite good.
