Chapter 1: Pain
Each step he took, each breath be inhaled, an excruciating pain from his abdomen rippled throughout his entire body. Naruse Ryou struggled to keep from wincing and crying out as he strolled closer to Hideo's former middle school. He knew that the end was near and that all the years of anger, hatred, loneliness, and despair were nearing its conclusion and finally, he may find peace again. But as he approached that fateful place, the pain grew substantially. Although he was trying his best to ignore the pain from his stomach, there was a greater, more suffocating pain that radiated to his chest, from his heart. He couldn't stop the images of Shiori that kept playing in his head. Her smile when they first met, her excitement when he stepped into her coffee shop the first time, the sadness reflected in her eyes when she urged him to confide in her with his problems, and lastly, the one that broke his heart and forever etched in his memory, the image of her tear-streaked face as she begged him to stop proceeding down his path of destruction. The pain of seeing her heartbroken and distressed, and knowing that he was the one to have caused it, was far more agonizing than any physical pain.
As he neared the open storage area of the Hideo's school, he paused and began to draw his jacket closer to him as he buttoned it up, not wanting Serizawa to see it. When he looked down and saw the red stain on his shirt and hands, memories of his past victims resurfaced and he wondered what they were thinking minutes before they died. Naruse knew that if everything went accordingly to plan, then he wouldn't live to see the sunrise tomorrow morning, and right now, all he could think about was of all the wrongdoings that he had committed and the suffering of innocent people because of his own actions and hatred. He didn't know when it had started, when he had started to feel guilt about his actions. Maybe it was when Sora-chan's mother said that she would be forever living with guilt for accidently killing the loan shark although accordingly to law, she didn't have to be punished, or maybe it was when Sora-chan was bullied and wholeheartedly begged him to find the true culprit for the murder. He didn't know exactly when it happened, but he knew exactly who had elicited a change in his cold heart.
Sakita Shiori.
She was the reason for the renewal of his humanity and the melting of his heart of ice. She was the first person, since his brother and mother's death, to have left a substantial impact on his life. Her optimism, acceptance, and love made him realize that there was still some good in the world and when her trust in him began to grow, so did his guilt. The guilt about how she was originally only a small part of his plan, how he had hidden the truth from her for so long, and how even after realizing that he was a murderer, she still chose to see the good in him. I am not good enough for her. She cannot find happiness with me.
Taking a deep breath and cringing from the sharp pain from his wound, he slowly began to walk forward again. I caused her too much pain. If I die, then everything will end and she will find happiness in life again, he thought to himself. With that thought in mind, his resolution was set and he once again put up his calm façade and continued his final journey towards the school.
