Author's Note: I've had this idea for a while now and I really wanted to write it even know I knew it was going to be really hard in more ways than just one. I can relate to this story quiet easily as it is something similar to what I've had happen. I wanted to raise awareness to the subject of donating life.
This story isn't going to be very long, but I do want people to let me know what they think of it. I thought this also showed how differently I can write as it was a bit more of a challenge for me to get the right emotions for the situation to usual and took longer to write because of it.
Also, I've made The Cullens human, but kept the Wolf Pack for a very important reason which you will see towards the end of the story.
Most of this story is from Jacob's Point of View, but towards the end it will be changed, but it will be noted when that happens. This story is for anyone that can read and can relate to heartache and pain, though this does have a happy ending, even if you can't see it coming.
Here is the official banner for Heartbeat, though the banner may not make much sense right now, it will at the end of the story.
http:/runwithjacobblack(dot)deviantart(dot)com/art/Heartbeat-198292405
Hope you all enjoy it!
- Sky
Preface
With each person that you meet in life, they will alter your life significantly. Maybe for the good, maybe for the bad, but whatever aspect it changes your life, it was meant to happen, either to teach you or someone else a lesson, or for you to help someone that needs you. Everyone you meet was brought into your life for a reason. Wither its love, friendship, or something completely different, there is always a reason attached to it.
I know that my life was altered in so many ways possible after I met Renesmee. She changed me without even trying and she was only nine. She taught me so much that was good, things that probably I wouldn't have ever learnt or changed to without meeting someone like her.
I remember what I was like before I met her and how things changed after. She gave me back my life. She had saved my life without even trying, and I knew that I couldn't live without her . . . but then it came to the point that I had to.
If you have a heart, can read or have ever lost someone close to your heart, that you thought that you couldn't live without, you need to read our story, my story. Things, plans and dreams change when one person is taken from you and another placed into your life. I thought I was dealing with things well, in my own weird way, but I wasn't. And someone showed me how my dealing with things weren't right. I was glad to have that person in my life at the time. I had gone back to my old life and was shown that I didn't have to, just at the right time, again. . . I realized then, I was in her life for a reason, and I knew what that reason was.
I wasn't afraid anymore. I was doing what I was meant to do in my life!
My smile gleamed over to Renesmee, seeing her long brown hair flowing softly in the light breeze around us and her deep chocolate eyes in the moonlight as we took a long walk from La Push beach to her home in Forks. It was night, and it was warm, just the way we both loved the weather. I closely watched her smiling and laughing back at everything I said. It seemed to be that anything I did or said made her laugh lately. I loved her so much. I didn't know what I would do without her! She was my life and everything. She was what made my heart beat.
I looked up to the bright moon shining down on us, nearing Forks. It was a peaceful and quiet night. I hadn't ever felt happier in my life than at that moment then. Everything in my life seemed perfect. I had amazing girlfriend that I couldn't live without, I had my great friends Quil and Embry, my pack brothers, my father and sisters and not to mention a successful mechanic shop that I owned and loved. I had everything but one thing . . . a wife and a family and I was ready for both. I had known Renesmee for ten years now and I wanted to make her mine.
I took her hand softly as she leant into the warmth of my body as we kept walking. She felt so cold against me compared to usual. I had been noticing that she felt colder against me a lot lately. I wondered if it was just me changing with the whole Alpha of the pack thing, or if it really was her. Either way, I loved keeping her warm in my arms.
I looked to Renesmee, wondering if she was okay. Her steps were light and something just didn't seem right about her.
"Are you okay Ness?" I asked, rubbing the side of her arm with my hand softly.
"Just tired," she murmured, a smiling lighting her face as she leant into me more. I got the feeling that it was something more, but I didn't know how I was getting that feeling. It was like someone was telling me in words of a fact. I held onto her tighter, not wanting to let her go for a second.
Feeling her weight go light against me, knew for the second time this month she had fainted. I held her tightly against me, picking her up in my arms. "Ness, wake up," I nudged her, but she didn't wake. My eyes squeezed tightly, wishing I knew what was happening to her. There was nothing worse than this, not knowing. It was bad enough the last time when she fainted for a second and then woke up, but this was ten times worse.
I softly set her down against my knee as I called Carlisle for help. I didn't know who else could help this far out of Forks that knew Renesmee. I knew she hated hospitals and didn't trust people easily, so it was lucky that her grandfather was a doctor.
"Jacob what's wrong?" he asked soon as he picked up the phone, probably seeing my number on caller ID.
"It's happened again, she's fainted."
"What happened? How long has she been out?"
"Like two minutes. Can you just come now, please?"
"Where are you?"
"Just outside of Forks… By the road," so much was running through my head, I had forgotten where we were. I had to look around to remember. It was getting harder and harder to think clearly and stay calm. Why did this have to happen?
"I'll be there in a few. Just keep her warm Jacob."
I hung up, throwing my phone back in the pocket of my jeans. I held her close, praying that she would be okay. I didn't know what I would ever do without her. Renesmee was my life! I would do and be anything for her. She meant the world to me . . . it was pure fact.
I felt her pulse in her wrist. It was okay, but I could tell that it was a little too slow and that she was cold. I looked around, knowing that I wasn't able to keep her warm like this and that I couldn't let her get cold.
"Ness, can you hear me?" I nudged her and her eyes opened slightly, murmuring my name almost silently.
I held her tightly against me, a small smile coming to my face, just happy to hear her faint voice. "I'm right here okay. I just want to keep you warm."
She shook her head, holding onto my shirt tightly but weakly. "Don't leave me."
"I'm not. I'm right here." I stroked the side of her face with my hand as she fainted again. I sighed, sick of waiting for Carlisle. She was getting too cold. I had to do something fast and there was only one thing I could think of that would help her.
I lay down beside her so that she was supported but the side of my body, knowing how dangerous this was, but I was left with no other option. I phased slowly, not wanting to hurt her with a sudden animal instinct taking over me. I watched her carefully, not taking my eyes off her. Again her eyes opened and she looked up to me with a smile on her face as she saw me as a wolf instead of a human. She leant into my shoulder, resting her head against my russet coat.
"You silly wolf," she murmured, before going silent. I hoped that she fell asleep and not fainted again. I nudged her softly, resting my head next to her, keeping her warm and sheltered from the breeze around us that was turning colder as the night air set in. Her arms wrapped around my neck, but her eyes didn't open. I sighed, not knowing what more I could do. I hated playing the waiting game, it sucked big time!
I looked up to the sky, wondering why this was happening to us. It wasn't fair! Neither of us had done anything wrong, ever.
I felt my eyes turn glassy and couldn't help but howl loudly. Maybe one of the others could hear me and help, maybe the gods could hear me and help. Either way, I just wanted her to be okay. I didn't care who helped us, I just wanted her to be okay. She meant more than my own life to me.
Finally I could hear the gentle hum of Carlisle's car coming around the corner. I nudged Renesmee softly, waking her up. Her eyes opened slowly and weakly, looking up to me and then over her shoulder to where Carlisle had just pulled up. He got out of the car quickly, picking her up carefully.
"Grandpa?" she questioned.
"I'm here Renesmee. Everything is going to be okay. Thank you Jacob, you've done well," he nodded, placing her in the car.
I stood up watching him, wishing that there was a way for me to stay with her, but I couldn't like this.
'Keep her safe,' I thought, but knew that he wouldn't be able to hear me.
As he drove off, I kept close to the road but hidden in the think scrub near the road, howling. I wanted her to know that I hadn't left her even for a second, that I was nearby and hadn't forgotten her.
I looked up to the moon as I ran, seeing that it was full and it was getting late. I was thankful that it was getting late, it would be harder to get caught phasing back to normal and the last thing I needed was to have a headline in the newspaper and on the news, 'Werewolf found.'
I stopped across the road from the hospital, then cursing to myself when I didn't have clothes to change into now. I would have to go back home and get some. Just as I was about to turn back, I sensed someone near me, I looked over my shoulder and seen Embry there. He seemed tense. I wondered if he already knew what was going on. He was good friends with Renesmee and he was almost as protective of her as I was. I guess that's what I get for having a great best friend like Embry.
"Here Jake," he threw a brown tank top, jeans and shoes in front of me.
"Thanks," I said breathlessly from running. "How did you know that I needed them?"
"I heard you running, but you weren't listening to me. What happened?"
"Oh." I guess I had too much thinking of my own to take any notice of the others around me, which still seemed odd that I hadn't heard him anyway.
"Renesmee fainted. Carlisle's taking her in now." I did the last lace on my shoe and stood up, starting to walk across the street.
"What do you think did it? The heat maybe?" he questioned, following me quickly.
"I don't think so. It's happened twice now."
I ran across the road, not waiting for him to catch up. The sliding doors opened soon as we approached. I went to the front office and waited for a lady to come over that was fixing some papers into files out the back. Then finally she came over to me with a slight smile on her pale face. She looked like she hadn't slept in days.
"Renesmee Cullen, please?"
"Renesmee Cullen is with Doctor Cullen right now in room fourteen."
"Thank you," I shouted quietly as I took off running towards the rooms, again not waiting for Embry. It was dark in the halls with most of the lights out, but I managed to find her room. Carlisle quietly walked out of her room, closing the door behind him. I didn't like the look on his face. It had both worry and fear all over his face, but I had to remain hopeful, this was Renesmee we were talking about, the love of my life that I couldn't and wouldn't live without.
He lifted his head when he heard me coming, before looking away. I thought that was odd and then I knew that he had remembered that he knew I could read people just by the way they looked at me. Something was really wrong.
"What's going on? What happened?"
"Her pulse is low, she's a little cold, but I've ran some tests and we should know by morning."
"Morning?That's too far away!"
"It's the best we can do at this time of the night Jacob. I'm sorry."
Embry met us with us then. He placed his hand on my shoulder, seeing that I was starting to shake with fear. My eyes closed and I focused hard. I hadn't ever started shaking from fear before nor had I ever felt my heart beating so fast.
Carlisle went to walk away towards the front desk when I grabbed his wrist stopping him. "What do you think it is?" I murmured, looking him in the eye, wanting to know if he was going to be honest with me or not.
"I'm not going to say until we get the results back," he looked away from me as he spoke and I understood that he already knew. He went to step away from us, but I stood in his way.
"You already know, I can see it. Carlisle tell me, please. This is Renesmee. You know how much I love her."
"I already told you Jacob. You can go in and stay with her if you wish."
"Jake, calm down," Embry said softly.
Embry could see that I wasn't happy with what Carlisle was saying. I knew that he knew what was going on. I wished he would have told me, no matter how bad the news was. I wanted to know what was happening with my girl. There was nothing worse than playing the waiting game, it sucked, big time.
I shook my head in frustration, trying to calm down. I pushed past Embry and went into her room, sitting beside her and taking her hand. She was cold, ice cold. I wished that I could have warmed her up; it was basically tearing me apart just by sitting here. I was a werewolf with a temperature of one-hundred-and-eight-degrees and there wasn't a thing that I could do to warm her up. I looked to her, seeing an IV in her other hand and looking so frail and weak so suddenly. It wasn't easy for me to handle.
I looked out the window of her room to the hallway. Embry was sitting in one of the chairs just outside the room with his back to me. I could sense the tenseness coming from him. He was just as worried about her as I was. I sighed, closing my eyes and rested my head on the side of her bed, keeping her hand in mine. I wasn't going to let her hand go, even for a second. I wanted her to know that I was there for her. I knew even know she was deep in sleep, she knew I was there for her. And I always would be forever. I would do anything for her.
At some point, I must have fallen asleep. I awoke to the sound people talking outside of her room. I looked up to see Carlisle and another doctor talking quietly. I got the feeling that it was about her, even know I couldn't really hear them talking, I could tell. I guessed Embry could, as he was still outside with them. I was surprised that he had stayed the whole night. I thought he would have gone home through the night for sure. I was grateful that he had stayed but, I needed him around to talk to while Renesmee was in this state.
I sighed in frustration again, resting my head back on the bed beside her, but keeping my eyes open. I was wide awake now . . . even know it was still very early in the morning.
The hospital was a buzz of sounds now. Calls coming in and going out, doctors talking to each other, the nurses and to their patience's, moderators beeping, babies and kids crying and more people in the waiting room, waiting to be seen to. I didn't know how anyone was sleeping now, even this early in the morning, but maybe it was just me been and feeling uptight, that and been able to hear things better than humans. I didn't know how Embry was taking it out there, where it would be ten times louder. It was loud enough in here with the door half closed. I tried to block it all out, but it wasn't working. I was just too tense and worried.
I brushed my thumb over Renesmee's hand, wondering and hoping that she would wake up better today. I wanted to take her home and out of this sick hell that I knew she hated so much. She didn't deserve to be in a place like this, nor did she deserve to be this sick. I wish that I could have somehow made everything okay again. That was all I wanted.
Carlisle came quietly in then, with Embry as his side. I didn't like the look on either of their faces. "Can I talk to you alone Jacob?" Carlisle asked, almost lifelessly.
I looked back to Renesmee still sleeping, not wanting to leave her, even for a second. Embry came over, obviously knowing that I didn't want to leave her and that he would be the only one that I would allow to stay while I was gone. I got up and kissed her cheek and letting Embry take my place beside her.
I followed Carlisle out into the hall, where it was quieter and we could talk in piece. I didn't know what to expect. I just hoped that everything was going to be okay . . . or if it was just all a really bad dream.
"So what's going on?"
"It's diabetes Jacob. Her kidneys are failing and have been for some time."
"What? What does that mean?" I didn't understand a thing that he had just said, but I didn't like the sound of it.
"She needs a kidney transplant soon as possible, or she will have to have dialysis."
"So what are we waiting for?" I almost shouted. I didn't understand why we were just standing here talking. Why wasn't he doing everything to get her ready for whatever needed to be done?
"We need a donor first Jacob and we don't have the equipment to do it here."
I growled quietly in frustration. Everything felt like it was playing against us. "I'll do it."
"You don't know what is involved here Jacob."
"If it involves saving my girlfriend's life, I'll do it Carlisle!"
"You need to be tested by a blood test first Jacob, to make sure that your compatible and then if you are, we have to get her to Seattle. It's risky for the both of you."
"I don't care what happens to me, as long as she's okay."
He nodded once, looking at me sternly. "I'll get everything organized for you."
He walked off quickly, leaving me in piece. I didn't know what to think anymore. Before it was just worrying about her, now it was worrying about her, how long she have left, if I was compatible to be her donor and if I wasn't, who would be? There was so many questions running around in my head and there were no answers for any of them in sight.
I walked back to her room slowly, thinking deeply as I went. Embry looked up at me when I stopped in the doorway, keeping my eyes on the ground while I stood there. I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to be awake. I just wanted to be away from this, for all of this to be a really bad dream.
"I'm sorry Jake," he murmured, getting up and holding my shoulder tightly in his hand. I shook my head, almost motionlessly. It wasn't his fault.
"I'm sighing up to be the donor." I looked up to him and he nodded grimly before walking outside. He knew that I just wanted to be alone with Renesmee.
I sighed, sitting down next to her and took her hand once again softly in mind as I sat down. I felt like time was ticking by faster now. Like every millisecond was a second and I couldn't help but keep my eyes on the clock in front of me, sitting over top of the doorway. It felt like hours had passed in only five minutes. I wondered what was taking Carlisle so long to get things organized.
Feeling movement brush over my hand, I looked to Renesmee to see her eyes slightly open looking to me and a slight smile on her face. I felt a thrill run through me when I saw that she was finally awake. I hadn't ever felt so happy to see her eyes open in my life. I was so glad that she was awake! I felt dead while she had been asleep, dead with fear and worry. But now my sun was up and awake, making me feel alive again. She had no idea how she made me feel just by been around. I could feel my eyes go glassy for the second time this week, just so happy to see her awake.
"What are you so emotional about?" she murmured almost silently with weakness.
I leant over her, kissing her forehead and sitting back in my chair beside her. "I'm just so glad to see you awake."
Her smile got wider. "You can't get rid of me that easily Black," she half giggled and looked to the doorway as Carlisle walked in quietly. He looked so tired and worn out.
I looked up to him, wondering what was happening now. I hoped everything was going right and that everything was going to be over and done with soon with a good end once it was over with. I could see that he was exhausted and doing his best for his granddaughter, but I couldn't help but wonder if it was enough or not? I hoped it was.
"Everything is setup Jacob and waiting for you." I nodded once, looking to him and then could feel Renesmee's eyes on me also, questioning me to what he had meant.
She squeezed my hand weakly, making me look at her and I couldn't help but respond. I took a deep breath as I turned to look at her and then looking away, not wanting her to see my eyes. They were glassy again.
Everything was starting to hit me harder now. Everything was feeling like it was reality and I wasn't coping with it one bit.
I turned my head away, trying not to look to either of them.
"Where do I have to go?" I mumbled, looking to the wall away from the two of them.
"Down the corridor and to your right, you'll see a sign on the left wall on the blue wall telling you where to go next."
I nodded again, keeping my eyes narrow as I walked away, letting go of Renesmee's hand as I went and then stopped dead when I heard her speaking to me, questioning me to what was happening. I couldn't do anything but look back to her. I didn't know what to tell her. It was all too confusing to me even what I was doing now was over my head.
Carlisle rested his hand on my shoulder, making me looking up at him. "I'll explain Jacob."
I mouthed a thankful and went off running. I knew that if I stayed there to listen to him tell her what was really happening, that I wouldn't be able to leave the room. There was no way for me to be there and listen again, not even for her. It was all too hard for me now and I was only just realizing that this wasn't a dream.
It was real, and it was killing me.
I shook my head, refusing to let myself think that anything wrong was going to happen to her. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, slowing my run into a fast walk through the corridor, looking out the huge window as I passed, seeing the small garden outside. I went right and looked for the sign on the pale blue walls. I was thankful that that I saw the sign with the blood place was only around the corner.
I didn't want to be far from Renemsee for long. It was bad enough that I was already away from her while she was awake.
I went into the blood place and I couldn't help but try and not breathe. All I could smell was blood and so much of it, it was making me sick. I wasn't one to be squeamish around blood or even gore, but this place had a new level beyond gore from any horror movie I had seen. It wasn't that it was creepy or terrifying, it was just the strong scent of blood and right then I really hated that I had sensitive senses like my sense of smell.
I shook my head, trying to forget it as I sat down in a chair in the waiting room, catching a lady's eye that was sitting across from me. I went slightly red in the face as I kept feeling her eyes on me and then when I looked up she looked away, acting like she wasn't at all looking at me. I smiled and shook my head, not believing how some women acted around me. I didn't understand it one bit. How was I so different from all the other guys around?
I wondered what she was in the hospital for, but for whatever it was, she looked a little pale. Her dark flowing hair hung nicely around her face with hazel eyes shone dimly against her pale skin.
She was pretty and she didn't seem to belong in a place like this.
"Jacob Black?" I heard a lady call my name and I looked up to see an olive skinned lady with short black hair scanning the room for me. I raised my hand slightly and got up walking over to her. I guessed Carlisle had booked me in for the blood test. It was a wonder that he could get me in on such short notice, but I had saw Carlisle work wonders with people on a number of times.
I went over to the desk and she got me to sign some papers. I didn't know what they were for, but I didn't care. I just wanted to help Renesmee the best way I could and it looked as if this was the only way how.
She took me in to the other room and the scent of blood was even stronger. I shook my head, hating in here even more. She gave me a funny look with raised eye brows, wondering what was wrong with me. I just sat in the chair, acting like nothing was wrong, waiting for her to start.
About fifteen minutes later, I walked back out rubbing my arm.
'Stupid wolf powers,' I thought, glancing how to the red dot that was quickly healing. I never knew that just a blood test could be painful, - unless you're a werewolf that heals fast, making the blood stop flowing.
Yeah just my luck!
I was about to walk out of the room when the woman that was sitting across from me spoke my name.
"Jacob?" she asked softly. I turned around, looking to her and seeing a shy look on her face as she gazed up at me.
"Yes?" It felt weird that she knew my name but I didn't know hers. It felt so awkward.
"I was just wondering why you were here? You look pretty . . . healthy." She looked to the white tiled floor while she spoke. She was really shy. I didn't understand why she was asking me but, and without telling me her name.
"Um, my girlfriend sick, so I'm here trying to help her. Why did you want to know?"
"Just curious," she mumbled and then looked back up at me. "I am Angel, by the way," she smiled up at me. As she smiled, I could see the dullness in her eyes, but at the same time, I could see there was something very special about her. I couldn't put my finger on it. There was just a light coming from her. I wondered if it had anything to do with her name. I was about to ask her why she was here, but then my phone rang and it was Embry saying that Renesmee was wanting me. I hung up and looked out the door to the dark grey carpet, my muscles tense as I bit my lower lip.
Everything that had gone on in the past twenty-four-hours was starting to get to me. It hurt me so much to see her going through everything that she didn't deserve.
Maybe it was me that had done wrong. I was been punished for what I was. Maybe it was hurting me more than it was hurting her . . . but still, it wasn't fair to be punishing me and using her at the same time. Renesmee hadn't ever hurt anyone, in any way possible. I hadn't either, that I knew of. I just wished that I had a magic wand to make her feel better, to make her well again.
She didn't deserve it!
I felt my jaw clench with anger. I was shocked that I wasn't shaking. I ran my wrist over my eyes and felt a cold touch upon the tips of my fingers. I looked back to Angel. She was smiling sweetly up at me, holding my fingers softly
She'll be okay Jacob," she whispered. I smiled slightly. Those words were what I needed to hear and from a stranger of all the people out there that I could have heard it from, a stranger was comforting me. I hadn't ever been comforted before, then again, I hadn't ever needed to be comforted before either.
"I'll let you go," she murmured next.
"I'll see you around maybe? Not that I wish to see you here again, if you know what I mean," I chuckled.
She giggled at my words and for the first time since I had met her, I saw her face light up. I hadn't noticed how pale she was until she lit up with laughter. Her skin was almost as dark as my own. I wondered if she was Quileute. Her russet skin was almost dark enough to be.
"You will. See you Jacob."
I ran off towards Renesmee's room as fast as I could. I stood outside of her room for a second, watching her. Her eyes were closed and I could see in her face that she understood everything that was happening. I hated seeing her like this . . .
For the first time since I had met her so many years ago, I wished that she was like me, Embry, and the others; immune to human sickness and a fast healer to injury. I hadn't ever wished my curse onto anyone else in my life, and I hated that part of me.
Never able to die and watching everyone around you grow old and get sick, feeling the pain of losing them and knowing that the pain would never stop, but only increase with the years that came. That was the one thing that really annoyed me about our reservation.
The Quileute legends and histories they used to tell us when we were younger, most of them were true. I hadn't ever been much of a believer in the legends, myths or even religion, but I became a believer in my tribe's legends when I first realized what was happening to me when I was sixteen. The first time I became a wolf.
The worst part was the fact my father knew that it was going to happen to me, and yet he didn't tell me that it was going to happen. I most probably wouldn't have believed him anyway. . . But even know I wasn't a believer of anything that was common to the people around me, I never doubted that any of it was true, but at the point of this, Renesmee so . . . lifeless in front of me, I was starting to doubt them all, even my own tribal beliefs.
In our legends, they say the spirits were always guiding you to how you're life was truly meant to be lived. I didn't see how what was happening right in front of my eyes was guiding me at all. It was only pain and hurt, for everyone around me and her. I was starting to question everything out loud. "Why?"
Why did I meet her if this was the end? Why did we both fall so deeply in love for this to happen? Why was she going through this, when she had done nothing wrong in her short life? I wondered what Carlisle and her parents thought about it all. Her family were all believers, but Renesmee was the only one that didn't. She was like me, she didn't doubt it either.
My hand clenched into a soft fist as I hit the frame of the door lightly. I reached into my front pocket and pulled out an old ring that I had always kept close. I didn't know how it had gotten there, nor did I know it was there.
Embry had given me these jeans this morning. I wondered how he knew where my ring was. I always kept it in a safe place. My eyes slowly opened as my thumb ran softly over the detailed howling wolves, staring at the emerald green stone in the middle of it and white diamond stars around the sides.
I suddenly felt comforting warmth on my back and on the sides of my shoulders, like someone was holding me from behind. I couldn't help but think of her. It had been years since I had thought of her.
"Mum," I murmured, turning around as I held on to her ring tightly. I could have sworn that I had felt her presences as I held her ring. Of course I didn't see anything, but I still felt like someone was standing in the hall with me. Something made me look down to my left hand, - just like something had made me put my hand in my pocket to find her ring - and I couldn't believe it.
Her ring was on my wedding finger. I hadn't ever put it on. I thought my fingers were too big to fit it. I didn't want to bend it out of place or break it, so I never tried it on. I couldn't believe how it had slipped on. I felt like someone was telling me something.
Emerald green was the colour of my mother's eyes and was Renesmee's favourite stone and colour. It had been my mother's engagement ring, before she died in a car accident when I was just eight. I was supposed to be my sister's when she got old enough to wear it, but Rachel told me to keep it, so I did.
I missed my mother so much. I wished so many times throughout the years, that she had been there so I could have asked her what she thought of Renesmee, and to ask her advice. Of course I still had my father and both Rachel and Rebecca to ask, but it didn't feel the same. I could remember that I got really suicidal after her death. I didn't handle lose well at all. . .
I looked up to Renesmee and her eyes were still closed. I didn't want to go back in the past, but if anything was to happen to her, I just knew that I would. I was still like I was when I was younger. I always ran away from anything that got too hard instead of staying and dealing with it, and I was still like that, but now I was worse. Because I had grown up to believe anything was possible, nothing was impossible, even the creatures from fairy tales. I hadn't ever been told 'that's not real. It only exists in movies and TV.' Because of that, and been a werewolf, I still believed that, and when pain and loss hit me, I would act as though it wasn't real, because life didn't feel real to me, nothing did, until I met Renesmee. And now seeing her like this, I wanted to run, to hide from realty. It was taking everything in me not to walk out of those hospital doors, phase and run. But I wasn't going to do it, because I knew she needed me.
If I was ever going to stand my ground in the world of reality, it was going to me now! I wasn't going to bend into pain, because I knew I was strong enough to stay around and rough it out, because I knew that she would get through this, somehow . . . because she had to, for me. I couldn't live without her. There was no way I could live without her. I would only go back to how I had been before her. Alone, hot-headed, a total jerk.
I didn't know why she picked me. Out of all the people out there, I questioned myself daily, why me? Why was I so lucky to have her as mine?
I watched as her eyes fluttered open and her gaze set on me. She smiled slightly and weakly, murmuring my name, knowing that I would have heard her. Embry looked up from staring at the wall across the room from him, noticing me for the first time since I had been standing there. I smiled slightly at her and stepped into the room, carefully giving her a tight hug. I could feel her cold tears on her cheek against the skin of my neck.
"I'll be back later," Embry said in a low tone, leaving.
"Don't go getting into any kind of trouble with Kim, Embry," Ness giggled. I looked at her a little surprised and then looked to Embry. She had stopped him dead where he stood. A crooked and cocky smile came across his lips.
I couldn't believe her, in this state, she remembers someone else's love life. We both couldn't help but laugh. That was my girl! That was what I wanted to see.
She looked to the two of us, clueless. "What?"
"I'll see you later," Embry laughed, walking out still laughing.
For those two minutes, I had forgotten everything that was happening. I wished that I could have stayed in those two minutes. I hadn't ever felt such a weight on my shoulders before. I pulled the chair up and sat beside her, staying silent now.
I wondered if she had also forgotten everything in those two minutes. I didn't want to take that peace from her if she had and still was in that moment. I took her hand softly and heard her sigh. I knew then, everything was coming back to her. All I could do was be there for her, and it didn't feel like it was enough to me. I was used to protecting her from everything, and now I couldn't and it was making me feel worthless.
I didn't know what to do for her.
"Jake," she murmured. I looked to her as she said my name. There was a sad look in her eyes now. "Do you know how dangerous this is for you?"
I shook my head, not knowing nor caring. I didn't care about myself. "I don't care how dangerous it is Ness. I'm going to help you if I can."
"Do you know how unlikely it is for you to be the right blood type? Jacob, I'm type O. It's one of the rarest out there."
For some reason, my hope fell then. Somehow, I got the feeling that I had already known that. Everything was working against us and it wasn't fair. I didn't understand why Carlisle hadn't told me, but maybe it was because he didn't want me to give up so soon. I wasn't going to give up anytime but. I believed that she would be okay. I did, because she had to be. She just had to be!
But I wanted to give her something else to fight for. Something that I knew she had been wanting for a few years now. I had wanted to wait for the right time, but now seemed to be when she most needed it. I could see that she needed something more than what she already had to fight for and I was pretty sure this would do it. I was more than ready to make her mine.
I slipped my mother's ring off my finger, turning it in my fingers quickly as I thought about things. I took her hand softly and slipped it on her finger. It fit and looked perfect on her hand. I was surprised that it fit her finger as well as mine. Her hand was so delicate to mine. I smirked and thought that just maybe there was a reason behind that and then felt the presences like I had earlier.
I glanced up at her, seeing shock in her once bright eyes. I smiled and held her hand. "I was planning on something a lot different to this, but, I want you to have it when I can't be around. . . Renesmee Carlie Cullen, will you marry me?"
I couldn't help but smile as I saw the shock and happiness in her eyes. I just wished that I had done it in a better place.
"Yes!" she cried and hugged me tightly. I couldn't believe she had said yes to me!
"I love you so much Jacob!" she cried, holding onto me tight.
"I love you too Ness," I murmured. I still couldn't believe it. With everything she knew about me, she still accepted who I was. I tried not to chuckle as I remembered back when I told her I was a werewolf. Any typical human would run and scream or faint, but all she screamed was 'that's so cool‼'
She was far from any typical human in my eyes. I was in shock at how well she had taken it. I was waiting for days for it to finally hit her and cause her to go all crazy on me.
But it never happened.
And then I was caught off guard when she told her family the very next month while I was there, they took it not as well, but still it surprised me to just how accepting of me they were. She was truly meant to be mine. I could just see it in everyday life with her.
She held me tighter as I went to pull away and sit back. I looked to her in wonder. She could read my eyes like an open book. "I've missed you're warmth Jake. Do you have any idea how addicting the heat of your body warmth is when your used to it?" she giggled.
I rolled my eyes and chuckled.
She had always wondered why I was at a feverish temperature before she knew the truth about me, when I told her when I was eighteen. Two years after the change.
She always loved my warmth in the winter when it was snowing and raining, while lying on the couch together. As I thought of our old memories, I felt like it had been years since we had been on the couch together, curled up in front of the fire together or when she was cold, I held her, getting her warm or keeping her warm from the harsh cold weather of Forks.
But it had only been months.
Just suddenly those silly little memories meant so much more to me.
"Please," she murmured, looking me in the eyes. I rolled my eyes for the second time in a matter or moments, shaking my head. I couldn't resist her requests, no matter how crazy they were. "You're going to get me kicked out of here," I mumbled, carefully lying beside her and wrapping my arms around her as she leant into my chest closing her eyes.
"Impossible. Grandpa wouldn't let that happen. He knows how much you mean to me and how much I need you," she giggled, keeping her eyes closed as her head rested over my heart. She felt so cold against me.
I hadn't ever felt her so cold before.
I saw her smile slightly as she went limp against me with sleep. Her breathing became deeper and calmer. I laid there thinking deeply for a long while, wondering what was going to become of us. I hadn't ever thought so much about just one situation before; probably because I hadn't ever had so much time to think.
It felt nice to have her back in my arms again. I felt like I was protecting her whenever I held her close to me. I felt warm against her, loved.
My eyes shifted to her when I felt her move in my embrace. She smiled in her sleep as her hand grip my shirt softly for a second as she mumbled in her sleep. I smiled while watching her. At least in sleep she had no pain or worries to remember.
I heard her murmured my name again as my eyes drifted closed. I wondered what she was dreaming about. I hoped it was something that she liked, something she had wanted for years to come true. She deserved some really special . . . Something special for my special girl.
At some point I must have fallen asleep. My eyes flashed towards the doorway as I detected a new presences in the room and saw Carlisle in the doorway.
"Should I leave?" I murmured, trying not to wake Renesmee.
"You're family Jacob. It doesn't matter. I know how much she needs you right now. I just wanted to let you know that you're a match for her." My eyes lit up with the new news. I couldn't restrain myself from doing a fist pump and shouting yes under my breath. Finally, something was going right for us!
I looked back to Carlisle after making sure that I hadn't awoken Ness with my excitement, he was smiling, holding off laughing. I looked to the floor for a second, turning a little red after my childish behaviour.
"So when is it going to be?" I asked, looking back to him as I spoke.
"October first. It was as early as I could make it so far Jacob. "
I couldn't believe this!
One thing goes right, and another goes wrong!
"But that's too far away! Carlisle, she needs it now. I can see it with the seconds that go by." I paused and I looked to her angel like face still deep in sleep. "She's got to get out of here before then. You know she hates places like this. She will lose any will she has left if she stays here for that long. Carlisle, please . . . if money will make it come sooner, I'll pay. Just please, make it sooner or work out something. Please." I couldn't believe that I was actually begging to him. I guess they were right . . . love makes people do odd things. I hadn't ever been one to beg for anything, but for Renesmee, I would do anything for her to make sure that she was okay. I didn't care what happened to me in the meantime, it was her that I worried about, all the time.
"It's nothing to do with money Jacob. But I will try. I know she needs it now. There are treatments we can do to slow things down, but she refuses it all."
I looked down to her again, wondering why she would refuse it all. Didn't she want to get better? Everything was starting to confuse me even more than before . It didn't matter how much I tried, I couldn't understand anything medical Carlisle said to me. I just went on with anything that he said, knowing that if Carlisle agreed that it would help his granddaughter; he would do it and only the best by her. I trusted him.
But I didn't understand why she was refusing treatment, and then one of her fears came to me. Needles, she hated them with a passion. She had a fear of them just as strong as mine of losing her.
I looked up to him, in wonder again, wondering if I was right. "Needles?" I questioned.
He nodded. "She's just like her mother in more than just one way."
I smirked for a moment. I defiantly had to agree with that.
Bella was stubborn just like Renesmee and both of them hated needles as well. Even their appearance was much alike.
Bella and Renesmee could have been twins if Bella wasn't older. They both had the same warm chocolate brown eyes, the same warm smile, the same lightness of skin tone, and the same glossy brown hair that I loved so much. The only difference I had found between them was Renesmee was a lot more outgoing and confident. She was so cheery, warm and sweet. She remembered everything about someone and always made you feel special. The things that would come out of her mouth always either made someone feel special, smile, laugh or go into shock with the surprising things she would joke about. She had the innocents of a child in her always, but the mind of an older teenager that she was.
She even shocked me sometimes, but I liked it. I liked living life in the unknown like her, but this unknown was literally killing us both. I couldn't stand it.
It was breaking me apart.
I heard Carlisle leave us. He could probably see how much I needed to just be alone. I leant back down next to her, pulling the sheet over her more, keeping her warm from the air conditioning. She moved back into my chest, wrapping her arms around me and not opening her eyes. I was glad she didn't look up to me. I didn't want her to see me like this. I was her rock, she had told me so. I wanted her to tell me everything that was going on and I knew she wouldn't if she knew I was upset. But she didn't need to see my face to know.
"What's wrong Jake?" she murmured, leaning into my chest. I didn't answer at first, I couldn't. I knew if I spoke my voice would come out cracked. I took a silent deep breath to answer her.
"Nothing," I murmured, holding her a little tighter as I kissed the top of her head, closing my eyes before I lost it. I was no good at lying, especially not to her.
"You silly wolfy," she giggled and sighed as she held me tighter for a moment. "You're so warm Jake. You're like the sun, my sun. You keep me warm. You make my day a thousand times better by just been around. You don't even have to speak to make me feel better. I bet you could light up a whole room."
I stayed slightly as she spoke. I didn't know that she felt that way about me. It was just how I felt about her.
"You're lying Ness," I murmured, feeling her now looking up to me. I looked down to her with a faint smile. "You're my sun. I wouldn't be the person I am without you. I would be some stupid street punk doing meth or something. That was where I was heading, and you changed me for the better. You showed me that life is worth living, even if it's hard. There's always a light in the dark, somewhere . . . and you were and are my light Renesmee."
She smiled and kissed me softly and leaning back down against me.
Every word I had said to her, I meant. I was getting into huge trouble before we met. Skipping school, making and getting into fights, rebellious, but the worst thing was I hated life. I was suicidal back then. I thought about it often, but never did I try to take my own life. I lost all my friends but one, Embry, and without him staying at my side the whole time, I probably would have done something stupid. He was the only one that stayed there with me the whole time and was disagreeing with everything I did, trying to get me out of trouble that I wanted to be in. I had to say that I actually hated him for a while as I couldn't see the reason he was staying around, spoiling my fun. But now, I can see it, and like back then, he was here for me and this time for Renesmee too. I don't know what would have happened if he hadn't introduced Renesmee to me, to babysit for Bella, the year before I turned into a wolf.
I had always known Bella since she had moved Forks when I was fourteen, I even had a crush on her, but never did I know that she had a teenage daughter that was six years younger than me. I didn't know what I had seen in Bella, but soon as I saw Renesmee everything changed. I just knew that she was going to be everything to me, and that's how it felt. I couldn't breathe, live or be without her.
I smiled at the memories that flooded my mind now.
When we first met, I thought she was thirteen or fourteen, not nine, when I first saw her. She looked and acted like a teenager, she was even half my height. I could remember how we used to play soccer in the backyard, go shopping with Rachel and how I used to pick her up after school when she was older. I could even remember how I would help her with her homework. For a few years, I felt like her big brother more than anything more, but I didn't care. As long as I was with her, doing anything, I was happy. I couldn't help but smile widely at the thought of her giving me a makeover when she was thirteen. She had just received a new makeup kit from her aunt Alice and wanted to try them out, but Renesmee was never one for wearing or liking girly stuff, and of course, I was silly enough to agree for her to give me a makeover.
Gees I was one ugly girl! I can remember Paul giving me crap about it for months. But I had to say, it was worth it to just see her laughing so hard.
I wondered if she remembered anything of it.
I sighed, thinking how quickly the ten years I had known her for had passed. Ten years . . . and it only felt like yesterday everything happened. Even my memories were so detailed and clear that it felt like yesterday. One thing I was sure of though, no matter what happens, I would never forget those memories. They meant so much to me, and always would.
Jacob's mother's ring that he gives Renesmee. http:/twitpic(dot)com/4292ba
