Chapter 1
I opened my eyes slowly, hoping upon hope that I'd be home. Molly would be sitting downstairs watching some brightly coloured animated creature on CBBC, her Rice Crispies snap, crackle and popping away.
Hope is a fickle thing. Hope can ultimately make or destroy a person. Hope is all I have, no matter what the consequences are.
There is was, the painfully familiar surroundings. The old TV, (a blizzard of white noise as ever) the old HI-FI, the old vulgar sofa, even the room smelt old, I was beginning to feel the same way.
I pull myself up out of the almost comforting grasp of the sofa and turn off the TV.
Silence.
I was always told as a child that silence was golden, no doubt a lot of you were told the same thing at some point in your life, be it from your own parents, a teacher, a self righteous neighbour or a particularly swotty flat mate at university, whatever, silence is not golden. Silence is the most lonely thing in existence. Somehow it drains you of life itself, you become a mute, in mind and voice, it takes a huge amount of energy to break it, and unfortunately, I'm exhausted.
I flick on the kettle and make an instant. Oh how I longed for some sort of latte or cappuccino. Nescafe would have to do. Time to fire up the toaster...
"Time to fire up the toaster?"
Yes. Yes I really did just say that. Why I have no idea.
He really is quite infuriating with his own little foibles. I can't have known him more than what? A month? And already I can't live with him.
"You can't live without him though can you?"
What can I do? He's the only thing that seems real about this place. He seems more real than me. I can hate him one minute for his sexist, pig headed, ignorant right wing views, then the next love him for the very same reason. No not love, that's definitely the wrong word. Appreciate? Empathise? I don't know, it's too early. He gets the job done, and I admire him for that. I just wish he wasn't so brutal. Last week a lad, not older than 17 got caught in possession of a joint, sitting in a park. I mean, I know he was in the wrong, but the poor kid didn't need his shoes soaked in the sick bucket, and nor should he have had to get two stitches in his head from him and Ray playing pong with him in the locker room. It was a spliff for God's sake!
See what I mean? One minute I'll be singing his praises, the other damning him to hell.
I draw open the curtains, the gray clouds and the blue sky mixing together like the contents of a gypsy's glass ball.
"Go on then, tell me, what have I got in store for me today?"
*A while later*
"Chris?"
"Yes Guv?"
" Is my name Maple Syrup?"
"No Guv."
"Stop treating me like a sap then."
"Yes Guv."
"Ahhh, Bolly knickers, nice of you to drop by."
"Morning Guv."
"There's this wonderful invention called alarm clocks, don't they have them where you're from?"
"Yes... And a lot more besides." I mutter quietly.
"Late night last night was it? Found another victim from the red brace brigade?"
Cue laughter.
"Unfortunately not."
"Bloody hell, I've seen more life in a down and out's vest."
"Just a bit tired." I sigh.
He just nods and makes his way to his office, I follow not knowing what to expect.
"If you're finding the going a bit tough, I can always send you back."
"Send me back?"
"If I wanted a parrot for a DI I would've gone down to the pet shop Drake."
"I don't understand, is it that easy?"
He sits down heavily, a little worse for wear from Luigi's the night before.
"Guv?"
"Yeah."
"I just wanna to go home, see my little girl Gene, It's all I want."
He shakes his head softly.
"I'm not stopping you, clear off if that's what you want."
This time I shake my head.
"Alex, you aren't getting along with my men. Here we work as a team, no one person is more dispensable than the other. Each of us is an integral piece of the machine. One faulty part and the whole thing ends up on the scrap heap. Do you follow?"
I nod.
"If you aren't gonna give us 100% then you're going to have to go. It's not one for all and all for one. If you have your own private mission then that's your own business. You are not going to let it interfere with the rest of us."
"I understand that, it's you who doesn't, and you never will, I'm sure you could help me, someone has to in this place! I just can't work it out all on my own!"
"Me and you are worlds apart. I don't think I can work with you, and I had Tyler to put up with."
"Sam was like me! Why can't you see?"
"A pain in the arse, I can see that."
