AN-

Okay, I fear there might be just a little confusion ;-)

This was intended as a one-shot. I scratched it out at lunch today, while I was thinking of the ending to the finale. This is just what I thought was going to happen as the show progressed. Thank the GODS that Cuddy showed up, and made at least this Huddy very, very Happy :-)

So, Forgive me for not explaining earlier :-)

I own nothing but a battered iPod that I use to watch a certain kiss over and over and over and over and over...;-)

He slumped against the tub, sore and spent. Where he had gotten the energy to pull the mirror off the wall, he'd never know. He'd nearly forgotten about those pills. He had created that secret hiding place shortly after Tritter nearly cost him his job and his life.

He guessed he really hadn't learned.

He sat on the cool tile floor, covered in dust and debris. Blood trickled from the gash on his shoulder and the cut on his nose. He had pushed his leg to the limit, but he felt no physical pain. The ache was in his soul and psyche, and it permeated from his chest, which was tight with grief.

Another young do-gooder in love passed far to early, and yet again, here he was, dealing with the aftermath of yet another second chance at life.

A second chance he didn't deserve.

His hands were shaking as he popped the top on the orange bottle, and he shook out two tiny white pills. Two pearls of relief. Relief from the grief that had its hand gripped on his heart. The pain of watching yet another person wracked his body, and those pills held the freedom from his guilt.

His mind flashed to Hannah, staring at him, silently pleading with him to help her. After all, he'd promised that she'd be okay. He'd told her that she'd be running in circles around him in no time. She'd believed him.

So had he believed in himself. Believed that the choice that he made all those years ago was the wrong one. That he'd have a relatively normal life, even though he would have been minus one leg. That he would have been pain free, or at least not in the constant physical pain that he was usually in. The emotional pain, well, that was something he would have to deal with some other way.

That was the pain he was in now, the emotional. He could still hear the pain in his voice as he told Amber that he didn't want to go back, because he wasn't in pain on that damn bus. It wasn't the pain in his leg that he was talking about, even though he had implied that.

He stared at the little white pills. It would be so easy, so, so easy, to take them. To numb the pain. To numb himself entirely.

But, what was the cost? His sanity? His career? Was it really worth all this? To be in pain, and to watch young people who had their lives ahead of them die because of his decisions?

Life really wasn't fair, and it really wasn't worth it.

He choked back a sob, and he downed the white pills, leaning his head back against the tub, in tears. He made his choice, and the struggle was over.

He had lied. To Cuddy. To Wilson. To Nolan. To Hannah. To his team. To Amber.

To himself.

Because everybody lies.