1. THAT NIGHT ON THE NORMANDY

It was evening aboard the Normandy. Or rather, it was evening by the ship's clock because there was neither dusk at nightfall, nor the singing of crickets announcing the end of the day. Even the observatories always offered the same view: a dark curtain covered with light spots.

Commander Shepard was sitting in her cabin staring at her dinner but she wasn't a bit hungry; although recently, thanks to the consignment of high-quality food coming from the Citadel, cooking on the Normandy had improved remarkably. Now, dinner-time was no longer a mere occasion to scoff at poor Rupert, the cook, who until recently had had to deal with dried amino acids and artificial flavours. Now every evening the crew met in the mess room, chatting cheerfully, eating, entertaining themselves with gossip, and getting to know each other. But for a long time now Robin Shepard, Commander of the Normandy, had preferred to have her meals alone in her room. Not that she disliked the company of her crew; the brilliant career and intergalactic fame -she was, after all, the woman who had stopped Saren and saved the Citadel- hadn't changed her modesty. It was just that she had always felt more comfortable when by herself, the silence permitting her to sift through her thoughts with greater clarity. She was a severe leader, but at the same time a kind friend to everybody.

That night she went out defeated by her lack of appetite, and headed for the Starboard Observation Room. She needed meditation and wanted to try to emulate Samara, the old wise asari Matriarch. Robin opened the door and found that the room was empty. She had hoped for this because she needed silence and solitude to look inside her heart. Kaidan, the man she had loved unconditionally for about a year, had watched her with eyes full of scorn and judged her bluntly. He had thought she was dead after the attack on the old Normandy, and now, after two years, he had treated her with coldness. She knew it was because she was now working with Cerberus, once part of the Systems Alliance but now an independent organization, one whose past actions were quite questionable...

Robin Shepard and Kaidan Alenko had fought together against Cerberus many times in the past, and now he couldn't stand seeing her working with a criminal syndicate. But it was Cerberus who had rescued her from death, and which was moving against the Collectors with no expense spared and no shortage of money to spend. It was Cerberus and Shepard, not Alenko...Alenko, who went strutting around in his military uniform encrusted with medals, knowing very little about Collectors and Reapers. If it weren't for me, he would now be paralyzed and held prisoner inside a pod, thought Robin, overwhelmed by a wave of rage. But the rage was short-lived; now she was a powerful biotic, her body full of eezo, so had learned to control her emotions better than when she had been just a soldier. She had mastered breathing slowly until she felt that the energy rising inside her, ready to explode in a shockwave, was under control.

Primarily, she didn't want to damage the Normandy. The frigate was vital to the mission; she was upgrading it with a lot of effort, spending a great deal of money and resources. And it was home. After two years spent on an operating table, she had found herself in a new body and on a new Normandy. At first, everything had seemed so strange. She missed the old crew, as well as her old ship, on which she'd lived the best moments of her life. But soon the new Normandy had become a familiar and comfortable place. She particularly enjoyed the solitude and the calming effect of the room she currently occupied, with its placid view of the stars. Shepard always found it easier to meditate here than anywhere else on the ship.

From the depth of that moment of eternity, where she found peace and serenity, her mind offered her the image of a beloved face. The face was smiling and kind, the face of somebody who, in spite of it all, had always been there for her and with her, fighting with courage and loyalty by her side. A feeling of warmth overwhelmed her, and two tears rolled down her faintly illuminated cheeks.
"Garrus..." she said, in a very low voice.

She'd known it within herself for a long time, and now that she'd found the courage to become consciously aware of it, she wasn't afraid anymore. 'Obstacles are monsters coming to life from our fears' she told herself. This was a good battle philosophy, but feelings were not so simple. Nonetheless, her heart was sure that he, too, felt the same. They were one, and they understood each other without a word; just a subtle nod of the head, a quick look, and each knew what the other was thinking. The two of them, Robin Shepard and Garrus Vakarian, were a show in battle, like two dancers moving in sync with months of rehearsals behind them; many crew members had noticed this synchronicity, and her dear friend Liara had noticed too. But what about him? He was, as always, friendly and helpful. The rational side of her brain told Robin that a love story with him was impossible, she being a human, he a turian; amino acids even conspired against them. And yet...

Her heart had already sent her into the wrong man's arms, and if she'd been able to withstand those cold words from Alenko, she could never manage to hear them from Garrus. The turian was one of the few members of the old crew that she had managed to find, and bring aboard the new Normandy. Whenever she was near him, she felt an intense desire to caress his leonine face, disfigured by wounds of battle, made of hard and spiky skin plaques; it was strange that she found an alien so different from her, so non-humanoid, so compelling... But what I am thinking? I have a crew of extraordinary people every other starship commander would like to have; they're all counting on me, I must prepare for a suicide mission, and I'm here tormenting myself with romantic fantasies.

"Shepard, it's time for you to go to your cabin and prepare the maps for tomorrow's route... that's an order!" she barked aloud to herself. The expression on her face became resolute and impenetrable again as she got up, straightened her back, and walked towards the elevator. There was still much to do, many missions to be carried out before the departure to the Omega-4 portal. There was no time to lose.

There were no unread messages, so she began to plot a travel plan for the following day, giving priority to the most pressing missions, while trying to optimize time and costs. Her eyes gazed at the charming black-haired fellow who was watching her from the edges of the picture frame. "Don't bother me, Alenko!" she said, laying the picture face-down. The face that had always been so dear and full of human warmth seemed to have now changed expression, yet it was only a picture; how could it change? She had spent hours and hours in the past staring at that image, sometimes just to find the courage to face a very dangerous mission. But it was a long time now since she'd forgotten it on a corner of her desk, only a piece of furniture, an ornament full of dust.

She turned off the computer. As always, like every single day of her life prior, she had done her duty, but hadn't the slightest sign of sleepiness. Her favorite casual dress, dungarees and suede, her only souvenir of life in the colonies, was still in the laundry, and the synthetic fabric suit caused in her a great desire to take a shower.

It was already midnight when she came out refreshed and wearing a dressing gown.
But she was not prepared for the surprise that was waiting outside the bathroom: an embarrassed turian with a bottle of cheap wine in his hand...her turian!

"Garrus!"

Robin had often invited him to her cabin for a dinner or a drink together, but he always declined, politely, always pulling out a new excuse. She had hoped it was because of shyness, but at last she had grown tired of the situation, hurt by the continuous rejection, and had stopped inviting him.

"I thought perhaps a drink...well, if you want...I know it's a bit late, but I saw you going down in the cab, I'm not sleepy either, so...have you had dinner?" He was starting to babble; it was rather cute, Robin thought.

She blushed, watching the untouched food that was on the table. "Well, no, how did you know?" she said, trying to look playful. "You realize I had to prepare things for tomorrow, but now I'm very hungry. Come, sit down." Suddenly the squid gumbo became tempting, even if it was cold; she realized she actually had hunger cramps "If I weren't sure to cause you a belly ache, I'd tell you to taste this, it's good... would you like to uncork the wine?"

"Sure, it's...uh...the best I could afford with my vigilante's salary, I hope it is good."

Robin suddenly thought that in some cases having the thick skin of a turian, which prevented them from blushing the color of a boiled lobster, could be a great blessing.

"I thought you didn't enjoy my company" she said with a slight frown as she chewed her meal. She wanted to embarrass him for all the rejections she had gotten in the past and to take revenge. His next words were all she had hoped to hear from him.

"Who, me? No!... I mean yes! ... It's just that you're you, you're Shepard, and I didn't want the whole crew to get strange ideas about us. You know this ship, it's like a small town, you don't have time to think about something that everyone already knows, I didn't want to cause you any trouble..." he rambled, staring stubbornly at the wine in his glass.

In actuality, Garrus had long considered an intimate relationship with Robin, but had always restrained himself for fear of spoiling their wonderful friendship. Then, too, he feared the racist reaction from some crew members, which could endanger the mission. He knew nothing was more important than the mission now.

"You're very kind, Garrus, but I'm not embarrassed at the thought that everyone knows ... I mean, that everyone believes it..." she said, with a reassuring but mischievous smile.

Garrus realized he had fallen into her trap, so decided to give tit for tat. "You are very kind, Shepard, but you are the most admired woman of the universe, and certainly the most desirable, even if you don't realize it. You're modest, among other things, and I ... I knew women had a thing for scarred men, didn't know you were one of them." He smiled, but then his look became serious and gloomy. "Lately everything I've done's gone wrong. I feel like a failed turian; I just want something to go right, just once, just..."

"Garrus" she interrupted abruptly "you're talking about scars? Have you ever looked at my face?" she smiled, getting up and approaching him. "You're the only one I could ever count on in this whole damn galaxy, the only one who's always been by my side without judging me. You're my strength, and I could never do what I'm going to do without you."

Robin thought, again, that if Garrus' skin had not been an inch thick, it would be turning dark purple, but soon after realized that it was she who had fallen into his trap. He'd pulled out of her mouth the words he most wanted to hear from her.

"Of course you could, but not as stylishly!" he said, satisfied.

"Here comes Garrulus" Robin said with a smile. She was aware that, had she not taken the opportunity that evening, God only knew when and if another occasion would present itself. This situation called for bold action. He was already standing up, ready to leave, so she approached him and began caressing his mouth with a finger. "You know, I've always wondered if you turians had soft lips beneath this thick rind."

He held his breath, took her hand and turned it away gently. "Yes, we do! Otherwise, how could we articulate words? Having a thick skin does not mean having no mucosae, and plus, then what would we do, express ourselves with noises?" He smiled, trying to hide his excitement.

What do you want from me Shepard? Just kiss a turian out of curiosity? Or you just want to 'blow off steam' with a friend?

Robin moved her beautiful face closer and tapped his lips with hers, but he suddenly withdrew from her. "Shepard, a kiss is something very important for turians ... if we kiss someone, well, it's only for real love!"

Here! The darkest demons showed themselves to Shepard in all their ugliness; what she most feared was now painfully real. She felt her heart stop beating and her eyes fill with tears.

"Sorry Garrus, I thought that you...I was so sure of it...please don't go away, pretend that nothing happened, I need you..." she said, fighting against the sobs (after all, she was Shepard and she could not start crying like a sissy!).
She turned her head to hide the tears that were treacherously rising in her eyes "Don't say a word, I need no comfort, nor your pity, it would kill me... Damn, I drank too much!"

Garrus stared at her speechless for a few moments, moments that seemed like an eternity to Robin. "Shepard..." but he couldn't go on, the words dying in his throat. He tried to hug her, and to take her face in his hands, but she struggled and stubbornly held face downwards. So he finally found the words to tell her "I didn't dare hope for it, I was even afraid to think about it. I love you".

She melted, the moment she had been dreaming for a long time had finally come.
Robin whispered in his ear, "I love you, Garrus...but please stop calling me Shepard!" then touched his mouth with a finger, stroking his lips, which behind the hardened skin were soft and warm.

He took her face in his hands, slipping his fingers in her black hair, and kissed her gently but passionately.

His lips were soft and flexible, delightful to kiss. Robin felt a slight tickle on her cheeks, caressed by the rough edges of his mouth. His skin was so tough, resembling metal, but hot. Robin completely lost her sense of balance and fell into his arms, but he fell on his knees, dragging her down with him. They lost themselves in that moment, removed from space and time, and at the end found themselves almost laid on the floor, leaning against the wall, breathless and heaving, without knowing how it happened.

They began to undress each other slowly, exploring each other's bodies one piece at a time, continuing to caress and kiss one another's newly uncovered areas as their clothes fell to the ground. Then Garrus took Robin in his arms and laid her down on the bed, where he finished undressing her. Shepard felt totally at ease. She knew how perfect her body was, both athletic and feminine. She felt sure he found her beautiful and attractive, in spite of all their differences, and she could find the evidence reflected in his eyes, which were staring at her, entranced. He took off his trousers, laid himself down beside her, and began to touch her gently, in an ecstatic way, following the lines of her curves with the tips of his talons. She observed, delighted, the perfect form of his body, a triumph of elegance and strength, his mighty chest above a very slender waist. She dared not look further down for now, so she closed her eyes and started to caress his chest; she could feel the accelerated beating of his heart under his slightly and pleasingly rough skin. Then her hands worked their way down his waist, and lingered on his buttocks, which were much fuller and muscled than she had thought, if a bit flat. In the meantime, he had begun to give small bites on the edge of her jaw, then his tongue switched down to her neck...how the hell could he know this was one of the things she enjoyed best? She felt overwhelmed by desire, and her touch hurried between his legs. She could feel no testicles, but her hand got filled with what looked like, in almost every way, a human penis ... there were no spikes, nor other strange things on it, it was smooth and wet, and she was wet too.

It didn't seem real...everything worked perfectly, all fears for their physical differences vanishing in seconds. Not only on the battlefield were they one, but here, too, they understood each other without effort, their bodies moving as in a dance, in perfect harmony.