Uncanny Suicide Squad

Chapter 1: We're All Gonna Die!

By

The Uncanny R-Man

Disclaimer- All familiar characters belong to DC.

Author's Notes- Yes, that's right people, yet another spin-off from 'Uncanny JusticeLeague.' This time it's starring everybody's favourite villains (well, mine anyway). If you like this, don't forget to check out the original 'Uncanny Justice League', 'The Uncanny Superbuddies' (which I co-write with L1701E) and 'Uncanny Wonder Woman.'

The Tower-

The Tower was London's very own metahuman containment facility. Ever since Justice League International had set up shop in England's capital city (1), it was decided that London should follow in the footsteps of Metropolis and Central City and set up its own metahuman prison.

The decision to outfit one of London's most famous landmarks (London Tower) was a controversial one. The Tower used to house criminals awaiting execution in it's heyday, so why not now?

One such inmate was Floyd Lawton, also known as the world famous assassin Deadshot. He was waiting in one of the special rooms that were set aside for conjugal visits, where inmates' other halves could come to get intimate.

Lawton didn't even know why he was there. His wife had left him many years previous, and they hadn't kept in touch. Lawton even had a daughter that he never saw. But now wasn't the time to get maudlin, there was a pretty lady (he hoped) to see him.

And the pretty lady that wanted to see him wasn't just any pretty lady…

'Oh great.' Lawton groaned. 'It's you…'

'Is that any way to greet your fellow Fatal Fiver?' The French-Vietnamese assassin known as Cheshire asked with a smirk as a guard escorted her into the room.

'Please tell me that this is some kind of joke…' Lawton continued. 'Cuz the idea of me and you even considering…'

'I have seen you looking at my breasts.' Cheshire said simply, crossing her arms.

'That just means that I'm a guy.' Lawton shrugged nonchalantly. 'Guys like the watching of the sports, the eating of the red meat and the ogling of the boobies.'

'You cannot tell me that you have not thought about having intercourse with me.' Cheshire smirked as she sat on the bed beside Lawton.

'Well, it's not that…' Lawton admitted. 'It's just… Why me? I tried to get some sugar before, remember? You smashed me upside the head with a chair. (2) Surely there are more eligible guys.'

'If you mean our fellow Fatal Fivers, you are mistaken.' Cheshire snorted. 'Slade is too old, and I also heard that he likes younger women. Much younger!'

'Yeah, I heard the stories.' Lawton shivered in disgust. 'Uch. That guy is such a sicko. Always messing around with the Teen Titans like that. Makes you feel ashamed to be called a bad guy.'

'And then there is Bane…' Cheshire continued. 'Have you heard what using steroids does to a man's genitals?'

'No.' Lawton shrugged. 'But I bet you're gonna tell me.'

Cheshire just waggled her little finger.

'Oh…' Lawton nodded in understanding. 'Is that true?'

'Surely you know better than I do.' Cheshire snickered. 'You have seen him in the showers, after all.'

'It's not like I looked at his… thing.' Lawton shrugged. 'That's just… gay.'

'Do you know what homophobia really say about you?' Cheshire teased.

Lawton just shot her a glare.

'You still haven't answered my question.'

Cheshire rolled her eyes at Lawton's insistence.

'Despite your apparent stupidity… and the fact that you annoy the Hell out of me, you are quite an attractive male.' Cheshire admitted. 'I would like very much to have sexual intercourse with you.'

'I see…' Lawton blinked. 'This isn't a sudden bout of insanity, is it?'

'No.' Cheshire shook her head. 'Perhaps this will convince you that I am being truthful…'

Cheshire stood up and quickly removed her prison uniform. Lawton's jaw went slack at the sight of the hot, naked Vietnamese woman standing in front of him.

'Oh my…'

'D'you like?' Cheshire asked as she gave Lawton a twirl. Lawton mentally thanked every deity that he could think of.

'Oh yeah.' Lawton grinned like the little boy who just received the bestest Christmas present ever. 'I really like.'

'Good.' Cheshire smiled as she knelt on the bed and looked Lawton straight in the eye. 'You will enjoy this, I can promise you that.' Cheshire purred.

'Methinks I shall…'

Later-

'Wow. That was just… Wow.' Lawton blinked. 'You really are the best at what you do.'

'Well, I try my best.' Cheshire shrugged modestly as she snuggled closer to Lawton's chest. 'You did quite well too.'

'But I get the impression that getting laid isn't all that you wanted…' Lawton deduced.

'A woman does have her needs.' Cheshire admitted. 'But that aside, I have been assigned to ask you to lead a new Suicide Squad.'

'Jeez, talk about getting straight to the point.' Lawton sighed. 'What does Waller, aka She Who Is Ridiculously Fat want now?'

'Amanda Waller is not behind the Suicide Squad now.' Cheshire explained. 'All shall be revealed…'

'It looks like everything already has been revealed.' Lawton snickered.

'Do you mind?' Cheshire sighed. 'I am trying to be serious…'

'Sorry. Carry on.'

'All of your questions will be answered once you meet the rest of the squad.' Cheshire explained. 'That is… if you wish to lead us.'

'Hey, how can I say no?' Lawton grinned. 'You're the best saleswoman I've ever known.'

'Yes, I am.' Cheshire smiled self-assuredly. 'Aren't I?'

The next day-

Lawton was now dressed in his Deadshot gear and was walking arm-in-arm with Cheshire down one of the corridors that housed the Suicide Squad's new headquarters.

'Man, this place sure is spiffy,' Deadshot grinned as he looked about him. 'This place must've cost the government a bundle.'

'Who says that the US Government is in charge?' Cheshire asked.

'You mean that we're not working for the US Government?' Deadshot blinked. 'Just who the Hell are we working for?'

'All I know that the gentleman is a concerned citizen.' Cheshire shrugged. 'Other than that, I know as much as you.'

The pair walked into the briefing room and took a seat. Also sitting around the table was a collection of supervillains that had been recruited into joining the team. At the front of the room, right in front of a giant computer screen, was a guy with neatly cut short red-blonde hair. He was also wearing an expensive-looking grey business suit.

'Ah, Mr Lawton, Ms Nguyen.' The guy smiled. 'So pleased you could join us.'

'We got a little… held up.' Deadshot snickered.

Cheshire just shook her head and snuggled closer to her new boy toy.

'Yeah, I betcha did.' An Australian-accented voice snickered. A voice that Deadshot instantly recognised.

'Bite me, Digger.' Deadshot sneered.

'Let's not start off this new group on the wrong foot.' The blonde guy said calmly. 'My name is Godfrey. I will be your liaison. Now, if you will allow me to introduce you to the other members of the team, then I will begin…'

Godfrey began to walk around the table, introducing everybody as he went.

'I am sure that you all know Floyd Lawton and Jade Nguyen, the assassins Deadshot and Cheshire. Deadshot will be the leader of the Squad while Cheshire will be his second in command.'

'Talk about sleeping your way to the top.' A devilish-looking woman with black slicked-back hair whispered to an eerily pale woman dressed all in blue. The pale woman just snickered in reply.

'If I may continue, Scorch?' Godfrey asked in a deadpan voice. Scorch waved him on. 'Very well…'

Godfrey then moved on to a guy with reasonably short reddish-brown hair dressed in a blue suit that had a white boomerang motif.

'George 'Digger' Harkness.' Godfrey introduced. 'Antipodean master of the boomerang and amongst one of the most famous of the Flash's Rogues.'

Godfrey moved on to a guy clad in some kind of grey winged armour suit. The helmet that was resting on the table looked insectoid complete with multi-faceted red eyes.

'Garfield Lynns.' Godfrey explained. 'The infamous Gothamite arsonist Firefly.'

Next was a deathly pale woman with unusually blue hair. She had an aura that screamed psychotic Goth.

'Louise Lincoln. Frigid mistress of ice, Killer Frost.'

'I don't like the way you said, 'frigid' there, Godfrey.' Killer Frost sneered, icing up her mug of coffee without so much as a thought.

'I meant no offence, I assure you.' Godfrey replied.

'You'd damn well better not.' Killer Frost groused. 'Cuz I'd hate to ice my boss before we even get started.'

'Quite.' Godfrey blinked as he moved on to a red-skinned woman with black hair that was slicked back onto her head. She also looked eerily like some kind of demon.

'This is Aubrey, she prefers to call herself Scorch due to her fire manipulation powers.' Godfrey explained.

Next was another deathly pale person, this time a guy. He had yellow eyes, messed up black hair and was wearing a uniform similar to Superman's except that the S on his chest shield was backwards and his costume was mostly purple instead of blue.

'The imperfect Superman clone only known as Bizarro.'

The clone jumped to his feet and punched the air.

'Bizarro am Number One!' He cheered.

'Yes, very nice, Bizarro.' Godfrey nodded. 'If you'd like to sit down so I can continue with the introductions?'

Bizarro obediently complied and sat back down as Godfrey moved on to the last person at the table: a statuesque blonde woman dressed only in a leopard skin bikini-type garment.

'This is Giganta.' Godfrey explained. 'Former associate of Gorilla Grodd.'

'I got fed up of people only seeing me as Grodd's lackey.' Giganta explained. 'So I decided to try going out on my own.'

'This chatting is nice and all…' Firefly piped up. 'But… When do we get to burn stuff?'

'Wasn't burning down that bloody fashion show enough?' (3) Digger groaned.

'Oh yeah, I heard about that.' Deadshot snickered. 'You were trying to win the heart of one of the Leaguers. Boy, did you get that wrong!'

Firefly just pouted.

'I know she loves me…' The pyromaniac groused.

'I'm glad that you asked that actually, Mr Lynns.' Godfrey smiled. 'As you know, the HIVE is more usually affiliated with the Teen Titans located in Jump City. The HIVE has been a thorn in my employer's hide for some time now. and it is your job to… liquidise them.'

'Sweet!' Killer Frost grinned. 'We finally get to ice somebody!'

'Enough with the ice puns already.' Scorch groaned tiredly.

'Getting a little… chilly, Sparky?' Killer Frost teased.

Deadshot held up his hand for attention.

'The HIVE is a school for metahuman kids, right?' He remembered. 'We're not actually going to kill these kids, are we? Unlike Frosty the Ice Psycho over there, I do have some morals. I don't kill kids.'

'The HIVE students are away on a field trip.' Godfrey explained. 'So you will not have to deal with them. You will however have to deal with numerous cybernetic sentries and the school's headmaster, Brother Blood.'

'Bizarro am bored.' The clone sighed. 'Bizarro smash now?'

'Of course you can, my friend.' Godfrey smiled. 'You may all leave now and… Godspeed.'

TBC…

Next: Taking on the HIVE

Exactly what it says on the tin, the Suicide Squad Vs the HIVE!

Notes-

(1)- Justice League International set up shop in London in 'The Uncanny Superbuddies.'

(2)- Cheshire smashed Deadshot upside the head, once again, in 'The UncannySuperbuddies.'

(3)- Firefly attacked a fashion show where Beatriz Da Costa, aka the Justice Leaguer Fire, was modelling in 'The Uncanny Superbuddies.'