Summary: Peter just got out of detention when he hears suspicious voices…

Pairing: uh… not actually… but still… Remus Lupin x Sirius Black

Warning: It's R… just to be sure…

Disclaimer: I don't own these people… period.

Dirty Minds

I hate Professor Mardock! She always puts me in detention! Peter Pettigrew walked out of the Charms classroom after being punished to clean all the desks. I wasn't the only one passing notes! James too… and Sirius… a-and Remus! I hate her! Damn! I hate her! I hate her! I—

"You sure you want to do it now?" A soft whisper came from the adjacent classroom. "Yes, Gods, I'm sure…" came the impatient reply. Peter stopped and leaned at the door, intrigued by the voices.

"Ok, if that's what you want…" The first voice spoke. "Mmmmph… it's so hot in here…" The other said. Peter blushed. What are they doing? He leaned closer.

"Then we better hurry… and we don't have enough time…" That voice again. Peter's eyes grew wide. Man! That sounds just like Sirius! "… I know… and we can't do it at the dormitory… much more in the common room…" Hah! And this one sounds exactly like Remus!

"Let's get started… Moony… I need to… right now…" Sirius' voice said. "Then… bring it out, Padfoot… see what we can do…" Remus and Sirius?… oh no…

There was a zipping sound coming from the room. Peter wiped the sweat off of his forehead. Just then, "Peter, what are you doing there?" Peter looked up. It was Lily Evans. "Ssshhh…" "Wha—oh." Lily leaned at the door, sitting next to Peter.

"Oooh… Sirius… it's hard…" Remus' voice came in a hush. "I told you…" Sirius' voice was followed by a series of pants.

Lily's eyes grew wide. "Is that?…" Peter nodded. "My gosh." Lily covered her mouth with her hand.

"Wait, Siri…" Remus' voice came. "Damn! What?" Sirius half said, half growled. "Uh… d-did you bring it?" Remus' voice was barely audible. Lily and Peter leaned closer to the door. "Of course, I did…" came Sirius' exasperated reply. "Good…" "Now, Moony, can we keep going?" Sirius' voice was pleading. "Anything you want…"

Footsteps were heard down the hall. "So…" said a drawling voice. "What are these Gryffindorks doing here?…" Peter and Lily looked up. "Severus!" They both exclaimed at the same time, "Sssshhh!"

Silence from the room. Severus leaned at the door. "There's nothing in here, you creeps." Severus smirked. "Shall I go tell Professor McGonagall?… hm?" He was about to walk away when, "Sirius, I think there's someone outside." Remus sounded tense. "Hmmm… I don't think so… damn, Moony, go on!"

"This sounds interesting…" Severus whispered and leaned in too.

"It's really so pant hot in here…" "What would you expect?! Damn! Put that thing off!" There was a sound of robes falling to the floor. "Mmmm… much better…"

Peter covered his face. "They're gonna do it… they're gonna do it…" he mumbled. "Ssshh…" He looked up and both Severus and Lily are glaring at him.

"Are you really, really sure?… I mean… we might get caught… you know…" came Sirius' strained voice. "Now you're talking… Sirius, I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to…" "Ok…"

Just then, Johanna McMillan, a 5th year Gryffindor, passed by. "Hey, what are the three of you doing there… it's past…" "SSSSHHH!" Johanna looked at them suspiciously and leaned on the door as well.

"Ouch! Sirius, it hurts!" Remus hissed. "Sorry… sorry… Moony… Gods… pants I forgot to put enough lubricant." Johanna's eyes grew wide.

"D-do you want to stop?" Sirius said. "N-no… of course not…"

Peter was red all over. Lily was petrified. Severus smirked. Johanna squealed. "SSSHHH!"

"I-I think that's enough, Sirius…" Remus' voice said. "Then… shall we proceed?" Sirius' voice pleaded.

"Mmmm… oh Gods… Sirius…" Remus moaned. "Ssshh… relax…" Sirius' whispered. "… almost there…"

After a moment of silence, another footstep was heard. "Johanna, I was looking all over for you!"

All four heads looked up. It was Judy Locke, a Ravenclaw 5th year. "I thought you were going to return my no--…" "SSSSHHH!"

Judy narrowed her eyes and leaned in with the others.

There was a growl from within the room. "Harder… pants Siri… uh… Harder…" "Hmmm? Like this?… hmm?" "Yeah…" Another growl.

"Oh my Go…" Judy breathed. "SSSSHHH!!!"

"It's coming off!" Sirius panted. "Faster… faster… pants" Remus chanted. "Oh… Yesss…" Remus hissed.

Peter was sweating profusely. Lily shuddered. Severus snorted. Johanna was breathing shallowly. Judy was mumbling incoherently.

"So… now that we took care of that… do you… can you…" Remus stuttered. "Oh! That!" Sirius exclaimed, "Of course, Remus… I will." "Are you sure?" Remus asked. "Sure… sure…"

"So now the freaks are changing places," Severus said dully. "SSSHHH!!!"

"But, Moony, is it… I ok if I…" Sirius mumbled. "Ride?" Remus supplied, "Of course, Sirius, you may do as you please. I think it's… well… stable…"

"Stable?" Johanna looked puzzled. "Stable… meaning he's fine and he can do it, stupid!" Judy whispered.

"Alright… UP!" Sirius shouted. Giggling was heard throughout the room. "Again. UP!" Sirius bellowed. Again, giggling. "Try harder… go on… it's halfway up." Remus chuckled. "UP!" Sirius again, shouted. "Moony, it won't…" Sirius whined. "Then touch it instead." "Oh." "See? You're trying too hard… I thought you… of all people, Sirius…" Remus sounded amused.

"Now go on, get on." Remus voice directed. "Careful…"

Peter played with his fingers. Lily tapped her foot. Severus got no expression. Johanna bit her lip. Judy had her hand tangled on her hair.

"Ahh… better…" Sirius breathed. "Now try moving… go on… try…"

"Whew…" Sirius exhaled, "… easy does it…" "Mmhhh… so hot…" Remus moaned.

"Hot?!" Johanna exclaimed. "SSSHHH!!!" Two pairs of hands covered her mouth.

There was a faint sound of footsteps down the hall. All five heads turned to the direction of the footsteps.

"Lily, Peter, I've been looking all over for you! Where's…" James exclaimed. "SSSHHH!!!" "Huh?" James walked over the five. Even Severus' here. He eyed Severus warily as he approacked. "What's happening in here?" He asked. "SSSHHH!!!" Raising an eyebrow, James bent down to listen.

"Faster, Sirius… Gods…" Remus hissed. "MOONY!"

James eyes grew wide. Remus and Sirius?! What the—

"AAAHHH!!!" A scream came followed by a crash.

"The two geeks are getting kinky I suppose." Severus drawled. "SSSHHH!!!"

That's it! James started banging at the door. It opened. Peter, Lily, Johanna and Judy fell right in.

"What a surprise!" Remus exclaimed. He opened the door wider revealing a messed up Sirius under a pile of disorganized tables and chairs. "Sirius and I have been… well…" Remus looked at James, "… uh… taking care of James' broom…"

Lily narrowed her eyes. "Broom?"

"Yeah!" came a voice from across the room. "I rode this stupid broom and I fell right into a hoop! Well, the broom got a huge splinter that I tried removing with a charm. But all I ever got to do was to make the damn splinter harder! So I got Remus to help me out."

"And… well… you see… calm down, James, your broom's fine." Remus continued, "Sirius here tried using the broom. It turned out that this broom is kinda… uh… stubborn… you know, hard to get up. He tried to ride it and… well… he failed."

"W-what about the robes?" Judy pointed at Remus' discarded robe. "Well, it's hot in here, don't you think?" Remus replied.

James glared at Judy, Judy at Johanna, Johanna at Severus, Severus at Lily, Lily at Peter, and… All at Peter.

"So…" Lily said. "PETER!" "I… uh… need to go to the library…"

A puzzled Sirius and a confused Remus stared at the crowd running after Peter.

"What's wrong with them?"

"I don't know… I have no idea."

~END~