PROLOGUE

She closed her eyes the second the sun came up. Shining into her small brown eyes. Reflecting every movement the dawn sky moved. White clouds came into view and the the scene looked lovely as ever. She sighed as she climbed off her queen sized bed. Jumping off as her feet hovered more then a few inches off the ground. She was small for her age, so the sweaters were child sized. But everyone at school loved to point it out and make fun of her. There were clothes her mother had left with her. But she couldn't bring herself to wear them, because her mother had disappeared just a few weeks before. Leaving her alone, to cook, to clean, to dress herself. And if she ever looked at the clothes, she would be reminded.

Her mother wanted broadway. Just as much as she did. And so she left with just a note on her bedside. Saying she couldn't deal with everything. Everything as in a daughter who kept trying to tell her that her mother's boyfriend was abusing her. That she didn't believe her. And Rachel told her to pick him or her the night before and when she woke in the morning to the note. She knew who her mother had chosen.

Pushing the reminder to the back of her mind. She slipped on a sweater that felt so much bigger now she had lost some of her weight. She put on a plaid skirt and knee socks. Yes she looked ridiculous, but that meant no one would want to talk to her and make friends with her. Which means they wouldn't get close to her, and hurt her. She stared in the mirror and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. She looked too much like her mother, it hurt.

If you looked even closer, you could make out a hand shaped bruise on her cheek and if you rolled up the sweater, you could see the bruises on her back and arms. The hand coming from her mother the night before she left her when she demanded her mother choose between her and her abusive boyfriend. The other bruises coming from the boyfriend, when he had beat her when her mother was knocked out by alcohol. She had been an addict for the last few months ever since she got depressed. Then she got a boyfriend she met in a club, and all he wanted was Rachel. To beat Rachel.

Rachel wondered who he was going to beat now that Rachel wasn't with them. She guessed maybe her mother, and she had warned her. But her mother didn't believe her, or she just didn't listen.

Coming into the kitchen, she made herself some cereal. It was silent when she sat down and ate. All alone in the kitchen with haunting memories of what happened in there. She subconsciously let a tear roll down her cheek. It wasn't sympathy for herself, okay maybe it was. But she replaced it with anger and slammed her bowl loudly into the sink and cut her finger in the process. She grabbed a tissue and wiped the blood away. It was that time she realised what relief it gave her. And lots of thoughts and ideas came into her mind.

"No Rachel" she told herself and pulled herself away from the counter. She was better then that. She never took out her anger on herself. She couldn't do that to herself, no point beating yourself up for something you couldn't control. She couldn't control what her mom did, she couldn't control what her mom's boyfriend did, the only thing she could control with how she dealt with it. And the only way she knew, was to sing about it.

A chair is still a chair
Even when there's no one sittin' there
But a chair is not a house
And a house is not a home
When there's no one there to hold you tight
And no one there you can kiss goodnight
Woah girl

She walked over to her living room and just stared at the empty sofas that no one had sat on for weeks, including herself. As she spent most of her time upstairs in her room. Where all she would usually do is sleep. And cry herself to sleep. She missed her mother's kisses, not that she had kissed her for months even when she was here, and when she did it usually smelt like alcohol or something like that.

A room is a still a room
Even when there's nothin' there but gloom
But a room is not a house
And a house is not a home
When the two of us are far apart
And one of us has a broken heart

She was sure her mother was living it up somewhere in New York. She probably dumped her boyfriend and met a new one. She probably didn't think twice leaving her here. And Rachel was probably just a piece of dust in her mother's eyes, the alcohol probably caused that. But even through all of that, she still had a little bit of love for her mother and she was sure her mother must still care about her, maybe when she realises what she's done she'll come back for her. Hopeful thinking.

Now and then I call your name
And suddenly your face appears
But it's just a crazy game
When it ends, it ends in tears

Pretty little darling, have a heart
Don't let one mistake keep us apart
I'm not meant to live alone
Turn this house into a home
When I climb the stairs and turn the key
Oh, please be there
Sayin' that you're still in love with me, yeah

I'm not meant to live alone
Turn this house into a home
I climb the stairs and turn the key
Oh, please be there, still in love
I said, still in love, still in love with me, yeah

She walked out of the house with her purse swung over her shoulder. She opened the door and locked it back again before turning around and letting the cold air breath on her skin. She fought the urge to shiver because it wasn't cold, not as cold as it was in that house.

Are you gonna be in love with me?
I want you and need you to be, yeah
Still in love with me
Say you're gonna be in love with me
It's drivin' me crazy to think
That my baby couldn't be still in love with me

She walked her way to school. Each footstep taking her a little further. Her heart broke just a little more when she saw Finn and Quinn come out their car together. She couldn't help but grimace at the way Quinn held his hand and looked up at him with a loving happy smile as he gripped her hand just a little tighter. She couldn't trust someone to be her boyfriend, which is why she let Finn slip right through her fingers. She might have pushed him away, but she was hoping he would come back. Maybe he didn't see the spark between them after all.

Are you gonna be? Say you're gonna be
Are you gonna be? Say you're gonna be
Are you gonna be? Say you're gonna be
Well well, well well

Still in love, so in love, still in love with me
Are you gonna be?
Say that you're gonna be
Still in love with me, yeah

She didn't hesitate to open the door of doom. She knew what was going to happen when she did, so she lingered back a bit, just to finish the song.

With me, oh
Still in love with me, yeah

Swinging the door open and taking the first step in. She was immediately met with thousand pieces of ice splashing onto her face and cutting her skin, with a blue ice cold liquid filling her mouth and running down her sweater. Luckily it was a dark red sweater, so it didn't show too much. She let everyone laugh at her before she picked herself up and ran towards the nearest bathroom. Nearly slipping twice, but she wasn't going to give them something else to laugh at.

As soon as she opened the door she didn't open her eyes so the light shined through her eyelids. Her eyes were stinging and needed to be washed out. She had to see who else was in there though, so she peeled one eye open and she was shocked to see only one Cheerio standing by the sink looking cautiously at her. Her mascara in one hand like she had been putting it on but stopped to look at her. Her other hand was keeping her upright on the sink.

"I'll just...go to the other one" Rachel mumbled retreating backwards. She turned to go but Santana stopped her "You can stay if you want" she said turning back to her reflection and continued putting on the makeup "You obviously need it" she stated amusingly. Like she was amused at the sight.

"Laugh all you want Santana, just remember whose car you will be washing when you're older" Rachel snapped turning to brace herself on the sink. Her cut was bleeding again but she couldn't find it in herself to care. She was just so sick of these Cheerios.

"Yeah" Santana said doubtfully "Like that will happen" she raised her eyebrow as she slipped away her mascara in her bag "Have fun hobbit" she chimed as she walked past, shoving Rachel in the shoulder with her own. Rachel jumped and then turned to the mirror where she watched Santana go. What she noticed was how Santana lingered back, only fully walking out when she realised Rachel was watching.

As soon as she was gone Rachel slammed her hands down on the sink "I wonder why they can't just leave me alone" she whispered. She heard the bell ring for first period, but she couldn't go out like this. She washed the slushy out of her hair and switched outfits. Before she walked out again, she got out makeup to cover up the bruise that had reappeared because of the slushy. She just hoped Santana didn't see that.

She saw that. Santana paced down the hallway. Trying to convince herself she didn't see it but she did. It was a hand print on the diva's cheek. And she was surprised, she didn't even know the other girl wore makeup, she thought that was just her natural skin colour or something.

She tried to tell herself she didn't care. So what, maybe someone tried to slap some sense into the midget or something, which obviously didn't work. Because Santana would not end up cleaning cars like Rachel said she was.

Shaking her head she walked into first period and took the desk right at the back. Some football player smiled at her and looked like he was checking her out, so Santana just stuck the finger out at him and then looked back at the front.

She was still tired after last night. Her and Brittany had been talking about what they are. Santana finally came out to her best friend and admitted she was gay. But she knew she wasn't ready to come out to the world, to her parents or to her grandmother. They would be disgraced with her and probably wouldn't accept her. She would be an embarrassment to the family and she dreaded to think what they would do to her.

So she knew she had to avoid Brittany today. In case the blond made her come out to her parents so she could be in a relationship that her parents 'accepted' but she wasn't ready. And she wasn't sure how long the blond would wait for her.

After five boring long minutes filled with watching the clock. The door reopened and Rachel came in. Dressed in a new outfit and wet hair. Miss Holiday looked at her and immediately understood, since this always happened to her smallest student "That's okay Rachel, just sit down"

Had she missed what Rachel said? Then Santana realised what she was so busy staring at. The new sweater had pulled up just a little, making it so obvious she had just changed, and Santana could see a small bit of exposed skin, and unless Rachel put dark makeup on her back too. It was a different colour, but it wasn't a colour, it was a big fat bruise.