Joe had had a horrible day, by anyone's definition. It had all started when he had woken up that morning on the floor, where some nightmare had driven him. He had, to use the phrase, definitely

woken up on the wrong side of the bed. Or, he thought to himself as he rode Cochise home, his

situation must be even worse as he had woken up off the bed entirely...

This small annoyance had been just the start of his endless day of disasters. Hoss had

come in to wake him up and had just about collapsed on the floor laughing at Joe's attempts to

free himself from his blankets and the floor. Finally Joe had stormed passed Hoss only half

dressed just in time to slip while climbing down the stairs. which only increased the volume of

Hoss's cackling and caused Pa to smile and Adam do that odd smirk of his. All this furthered his

embarrassment and succeeded in putting him in a horridly grouchy mood. He had just about

reached the breakfast table when Pa had told him that he would not be eating breakfast in his

current untidy state. "Yes, Sir." Joe mumbled. After throwing his best put out look at the occupants

of the table. As Joe passed Hoss on his way to the table he whispered at him rather loudly, "Ya

better watch them there stairs now young un, they're full of surprises for some folks." "Well aren't

you helpful this morning." Joe whispered back, just as loud, but with a touch of annoyance.

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...And that was the way my whole day was destined to be. By the time i had finished my morning chores i was already late for school so I never did get breakfast. I had to race Cochise to school to get there on time and just barely made it. I arrived just as everyone else was sitting down but Ms Jones still glared at me, go figure. Sometimes a wonder if she enjoys keeping me after school just so Adam may be the one who comes to see what has happened to me. Then I never got my lunch because I ended up fighting Dirk the school bully before I even sat down to eat. I really had no choice as he was hurting one of the smaller kids. Adam would probably have reminded me that i am one of the smaller kids, but the way i see it i didn't really have a choice. Unfortunately a couple of Dirk's friends wandered over during the fight. I still say i could beat him if i ever got to take him on alone. Long story short the fight got blamed on me and I got a note from the teacher to take home. And by the time school let out, to use Hoss's expression, i felt like i had done 3 rounds with a bear and lost. Then with impeccable timing as i stepped out into the yard it started to rain. So my ride home was wet and cold. Then to top it all off due to the rain i had to go the long way home, which meant i would be late for supper. You know the last thing Pa said to me this morning was "Young man! You had better not come home from school with a note today!" You see I've come home with quite a few notes recently. From stuff like today, but for some reason Pa and Ms Jones never ask why i had a fight. I can't help but wonder why they don't even believe in me enough to ask? I guess it must have been something I've done but it hurts all the same.

So as i see the house through the rain in the distance i wonder how in the world i am going to explain to my pa how everything went wrong. As it turns out my deep contemplations were completely unnecessary as Pa never gave me a chance to explain anything...

"JOSEPH FRANCIS CARTWRIGHT!" Pa said almost before i had closed the front door. "Do you know WHAT TIME it is?"

"Well Pa I----" I started "I don't want to hear any excuses from you, young man!" he interrupted. "It is extremely rude to be late to a meal someone has taken the time to prepare for you and to make me worry!"

To me it looked like he had spent more time getting angry. But before I could do more than open my mouth to explain he exclaimed

"WHAT is THIS? referring to the scrap of paper he had spotted in my hand and was now reading. I'd forgotten i had taken Ms Jones note out on the porch to give to pa."Oh no, BAD timing." i groaned to myself.

"Pa that's a note Ms Jones asked me to give you about-----"

"I can read what it is" he interrupted impatiently. "What i want to know is why you feel the need to constantly disappoint me?"

constantly disappoint...is that what he said...I'm a failure...that's what he's really saying...wait what is Pa saying now...I tried to regain my focus...

"Are you incapable of staying out of fights?" "No Cartwright engages in senseless brawls!"

No Cartwright...does what have done...what does that mean...

"When are you going to grow up?" my Pa continues, "Adam and Hoss never acted like this! Why does everything with you Joseph always have to be so difficult?"

While Pa continued to scold Joe just stood there. Had Ben looked at his son he would have seen Joe was wet and cold, and obviously in pain from various injuries. But if Ben had really looked at Joe he would have seen the pain in his eyes, the shock at hearing his father speak so harshly without even listening to him, and the deep sorrow that came from being told by his Pa he was a disappointment.

Joe became aware that his father was demanding an answer to some question from him. In contrast to all his other questions to which Ben hadn't really wanted or allowed an answer.

"Well, son?" Ben was demanding. Ben took a step forward. "Well?" he repeated.

"I'm sorry what Pa..." Joe asked quietly.

"I asked you if you'd bothered to take care of that horse of yours...never mind what i asked you...If you can't listen to me why don't you walk back out to the barn and see that your horse is properly cared for!"

Joe considered telling him Cochise was fine and that he always took care of his horse but he figured that wasn't something Pa really wanted to hear right now...and to be honest at the moment he didn't really care what Pa thought about how he cared for horses. At the moment, Joe was to concerned with all the other things his Pa had yelled at him. So Joe silently turned and left, walked through the rain which pattered down softly as he walked to the dark barn. He lit a lantern, fumbling a little as he handled the match due to the stiffness in his cold fingers. However as Joe walked over to Cochise and mechanically began to brush him again, cold was the last thing on his mind. Ben's words pushed out all other thoughts and concerns.

Did Pa really mean what he had said? Joe's thoughts raced. Joe knew he'd been getting in trouble with Pa but he hadn't realized he had failed his Pa. Disappointing Pa hurt Joe more than anything else, simply because Joe loved his Pa more than his own life. Thats how all the Cartwright were. Adam, Hoss, and Joe had always been taught to give anything and everything for family. It was a responsibility they all took seriously and had always lived by. Now it seemed that these recent problems like the fights at school had caused Pa to lose his faith in Joe. Joe just wished Ben knew why he was fighting but Joe had never been able to tell his Pa, Ben just hadn't wanted to hear his "excuses". Joe had also had difficulties on the ranch with Adam. Joe liked to do things his way and had new methods to do some things. Adam was set in his ways. Adam wanted Joe to do it his way and he wanted Joe to do it to his expectation. And Adam had no problem letting Ben know whenever there was a problem. But the way Joe saw it he should be allowed to try to do things his way as long as they worked. And even though Adam never noticed, sometimes Joe's way of doing things had worked better. But instead of receiving the praise and respect Joe craved, all he got was lectures and extra chores. It seemed that fate was conspiring against him, in addition to these ongoing issues there were little things that kept coming up to make Joe look bad. They were little and they weren't Joe's fault but as time went on it seemed Pa was believing Joe less and less. Just the other day Joe went into town for the mail and the stage was late. When Joe got home Pa assumed he'd taken the opportunity while in town to have fun. So Joe received a lecture and additional work before he even had a chance to explain to Ben. As time went on Joe found himself trying less and less to reach Ben as he came to expect the mistaken conclusions of his father. The shadow cast by his brothers was a long one as well. It seemed they were bigger, smarter, and just plain better at everything than he was. Sometimes Joe wondered if that would ever change. Recently is seemed Pa was always comparing Joe to his brothers. Joe supposed it was meant to inspire him but in reality these references simply drove his depression deeper. They continued to dig a hole that Joe knew he would never be able to escape. Tired, hurt, and depressed Joe threw himself on a pile of hay and began to cry, deep heart wrenching sobs...

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Hoss and Adam had left that morning for a business trip to Placerville so Ben ate alone. Ben was hungry and now that he had talked to Joe, he was eating. Ben was still very angry at Joe make no mistake but he was also not going to let him ruin his supper. "Why is that boy unable to stay out of trouble." Ben muttered. In fact thinking about the way Joseph hadn't even made an attempt to apologize for what he had done made Ben's blood boil. Ben was trying very hard to resist the urge to join Joe out in the barn and give him a "necessary talking to". No, Ben had always made it a rule to never punish his sons when he was angry with them. So instead Ben hurriedly finished his meal so he could go to bed.

"Hop Sing!" Ben called.

"Yes, Mr Cartlight?" Hop Sing entered the dining room with the plate of food he had been keeping warm for Joe, incorrectly assuming that was what Mr. Cartwright was calling for.

"I'm going to bed, tell Joe i will deal with him in the morning." "Tell him I said for him to go straight to bed and tell him he will not be eating the dinner he was unwilling to show up on time for." Ben said as he began to cross the room for the stairs. "Thank you, Hop Sing."

"Yes, Mr. Cartlight." Hop Sing replied with a disapproving frown that Ben failed to notice. Hop Sing had left the kitchen when he had heard Joe enter the house and had seen Joe's condition. Both Joe and Mr. Cartwright had been to busy to notice his entry but Hop Sing had been concerned. He saw Joe was hurt from the fight and looked to be in need of his dinner that Ben had just said he wasn't to have. Muttering to himself in Chinese, Hop Sing returned to the kitchen.

Joe walked back across the yard towards the house. He considered going in the side door to see if Hop Sing had something to help with his various aches and pains but decided that he would probably just make Pa madder if he didn't come to him right away. Joe was surprised when he walked in the front door to see his father was no where in sight.

"Father go to bed. Tell Hop Sing to take care of son. Come in kitchen." Hop Sing said as he appeared around the corner.

"Oh i thought he'd want to talk to me." Joe mused quietly as he followed Hop Sing.

Apparently Hop Sing still heard him because he continued to explain. "Father say talk to number 3 son in morning. Say son should go right to bed and no have supper Hop Sing keep warm."

"That's ok Hop Sing I'm not really hungry" and it was true his hunger had evaporated the moment Ben had called Joe by his full name when he had come home that evening. "If Pa wanted me to go to sleep i guess I'd better head up to bed." Joe continued as he processed his father's instructions.

"Number 3 son cold and wet. Need bath. Number 3 son hurt need Hop Sing care for. No go to bed like that." Hop Sing stated matter of factly.

So Joe followed Hop Sing quietly to the kitchen knowing any further protestations would be ignored. Joe took a bath, changed into a nightshirt and let Hop Sing doctor him without complaint. Hop Sing muttered in Chinese as he tended to him about fathers who didn't feed boys supper, boys who beat up other boys, and sons who got themselves beaten up. Most of which Joe understood, as he had learned quite a bit of Chinese from Hop Sing. Finally Hop Sing finished, both his doctoring and his tirade. Joe thanked Hop Sing for taking care of him and slowly treaded up the stairs. Joe fell on his bed exhausted and immediately fell asleep. A troubled sleep that had him tossing and turning all night.

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