It was a clear day on Spooner Street. The town of Quahog was gathered around the Tom Pocket Patriot brewery. Peter recently got demoted from the brewery for public drunkenness. Peter was a repairman. Whenever a machine was broken, Peter had to fix it for his boss Tom Pocket Pat, the owner of the brewery. Tom Pocket Pat faced the audience and spoke into the microphone. Loud screeching noises shattered the audience.

Peter rushed to the microphone and repaired it. Peter farted into the microphone and said "Ladies and gentleman that was a fart! Speaking of farts here's Tom Pocket Pat."

The audience stood on their feet and cheered.

"Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, as much as I hate to break it to you, we are expanding this brewery!" Tom said.

Quagmire, Joe, and Cleveland cheered in the back row.

"That means we're taking down the high school across the road." Tom explained.

Peter raised his hand and asked, "Are you out of your freaking mind?"

The audience gasped.

Tom walked up to Peter and yelled into the microphone, "Mr. Griffin you might be mentally retarded but hear me clear! We need to expand in this city so we can eventually go country wide!"

Peter didn't tremble. He picked his ear and said, "I didn't get any of that at all. I think I might be deaf now. Thanks."

Tom pointed at a man in a black suit and asked Peter, "Why can't you be more like Johnson over there?"

The man named Johnson waved and said, "Guilty is charged sir."

The audience laughed.

"I'm sorry. I'll work harder." Peter said confident.

Tom grinned and said, "Very good."

When Peter got home, he lazed around and turned on the TV. Suddenly the doorbell rung. Peter answered. Lois was holding Stewie in her arms and Chris and Meg were beside her. Peter sighed.

"What do you want?" Peter asked.

Lois handed Stewie over to Peter and said, "It's your turn with the kids. You know Peter, ever since we got divorced you have turned into a selfish jerk!"

Meg nodded and said, "Moms right."

Peter faced Meg and said, "Shut up Meg."

Meg sobbed and ran to her room. Brian entered from the dining room and said, "Peter you didn't tell me Lois was here."

Lois leaned down and gave Brian a hug.

"It's nice to see you Brian." Lois said.

"Same here." Brian replied as he wagged his tail.

When Lois left Brian asked Peter, "So what's the plan here? Are you going to drink until you can't feel feelings anymore?"

Peter sighed and said, "I don't know Brian. I'm no good for Lois anymore. Ever since the divorce life has been hard on me."

"Don't worry. It's only for a week. How bad could it be?" Brian asked.

Later that evening Peter tried cooking the family meal.

"What the hell is this?" Stewie asked as he looked at his plate. "You know what I think it is? I think its crap!"

Brian looked at the meal and said, "This doesn't look like something you got from the Rachel Ray show."

Peter broke down into tears. "I can't do anything right! Just like that time I tried AXE body spray."

A flashback appeared.

Peter was at the department store and sprayed some AXE body spray on him. Cats slowly walked up to him and Peter ran out of the store as the cats chased him.

Flashback ends.

It was almost bedtime and Peter turned off the lights. Chris rolled his eyes, "Oh God I hope its not another Star Wars story! Sure the first few times worked but dear God its torture!"

"I want to hear a story about Lethal Weapon or Die Hard!" Stewie said.

"No way!" Peter said. "Although those were good movies, it's not good enough."

"What about a romantic story? Like Legally Blonde or The Notebook." Meg asked.

Peter rolled his eyes and said, "That's the dumbest thing I have ever heard in my life. And besides, I didn't even cry during The Notebook!"

"You bastard!" Meg yelled as tears rushed down her face.

Chris was looking through his history book and said, "How about a story from the 1400s?" Peter looked at the book Chris held and saw a few pictures of knights and dragons.

"Chris you're a genius!" Peter said excited (Authors note: the italics is Peters narration)

Once upon a time when knights were around, there was a hard working knight by the name of Sir Petercis. He was a hard working knight and if he could impress King Fartface, he would be the ruler of the land.

"Oh my God!" Stewie yelled. "What crappy names are those?"

Back to the main point, Sir Petercis had to slay the evil dragon to protect the Princess.

"Oh Petercis! Please help me!" the princess shouted.

Petercis stepped onto his horse and rode as fast as he could to the tower.

All of a sudden Petercis was faced with his arch nemesis Lord Asswipe.

"You don't stand a chance against me Petercis!" Lord Asswipe laughed.

Brian barged in and asked, "Uh Peter, are you wasted or something?"

"Jesus Brian I'm telling a story here!" Peter said sternly.

When Petercis first arrived at the tower he discovered something unusual.

Petercis pulled out his iPhone and said to himself, "Damn. No Map Quest anywhere. Stupid technology."

"That kind of technology wasn't around in the 1400s." Chris said. "Petercis would instead hold the keys to the tower so he could get to the top faster."

Peter nodded and said, "Okay I can roll with that."

Petercis pulled out the key to the tower and rushed up the stairs. The dragon roared as fire blew out of his mouth. Lord Asswipe took his sword and placed it on the dragon's neck.

"Well Petercis it looks like I have beat you!" he said.

"Not for long!" Petercis shouted as he stabbed the dragon in the stomach.

The dragon fell down the long tower and landed on Lord Asswipe. King Fartface clapped his hands and the crowd roared.

"You have saved the Princess!" King Fartface announced. The princess stared at Peter and said, "Petercis. You saved me! Is there anything I can do in return?"

Petercis thought long and hard about his answer.

"I'm just doing my job." Petercis said.

"The End!" Peter concluded.

Meg pondered and said, "That wasn't much of a story. It needs a happier ending. What if Petercis got a promotion or something?"

Peter had an idea. "Meg for once in your life you said something smart."

Meg decided to change the story.

"On second thought I would like a promotion." Petercis said.

King Fartface snapped his fingers and said, "It shall be done!"

Peter continued the story.

Everyone stood up and cheered loudly for Petercis. The princess smiled and was very happy for Petercis and they lived happily ever after.

The End

Stewie applauded and said, "That was wonderful! Encore!"

Peter sighed and said, "If only that happened in real life."

A bell noise was heard.

"What the hell was that?" Peter asked.

"It's time for bed." Brian said as he rung the bell in his hand again.

The children went to sleep and Peter closed the door and went to bed also. Early the next morning Peter was attempting to make breakfast. "These pancakes look like crap." Stewie said.

Brian looked at the pancakes and said, "They're not so bad."

Later at the brewery there was a commotion. Tom Pocket Pat was holding a tour of the factory. Peter was in the beer room repairing the main assembly line. Johnson walked up behind Peter and said, "My what do we have here? Another broken assembly line? Pity. You're never going to get a promotion at that rate. Work faster!"

Peter put down the screwdriver and said, "Johnson I'm getting tired of your crap! Every day Tom Pocket Pat says how great of a person you are. Let's face it! You're not perfect! One day I will get that promotion to sales! You'll see."

"Sales Mr. Griffin?" Johnson asked. "Highly unlikely."

Peter turned red for a bit. Johnson snickered and left Peter alone. Meanwhile in the main room, Lois was with Brian looking around the brewery. Tom Pocket Pat walked up to Lois and said, "Lois. Is that you?"

Lois turned around. "Tom Pocket Pat! It's very nice to see you."

Tom nodded and asked, "Didn't you used to be married to Peter?"

Lois sighed. "Sadly yes but after a few years things kind of went tipsy, just like Lindsey Lohan's career."

Flashback.

The TV announcer said, "We now return to VH1s 'My Life on the F List'"

Lindsey Lohan was in the corner of her bedroom smoking pot. Lindsey looked at the camera and yelled, "GET THAT CAMERA OUT OF MY FUCKING FACE!"

Flashback ends.

Tom led Lois to the Freezer Room and said, "Well Lois here's the Freezer Room. This is where we store the beer after it has been filled." The second Lois walked into the room Tom closed the door. Lois was trapped inside the Freezer Room.

Peter heard thumping from above him and shouted, "Keep it down! If you want to get laid, go to the Playboy Mansion!"

"Help me!" Lois yelled.

Peter stopped what he was doing and ran as fast as he could to the Freezer Room. When he got there he noticed a key in his pocket. "The hell?" Peter asked confused as he saw the key. Johnson walked up to Peter and asked, "What do you think you're doing?"

Peter faced Johnson and said, "I'm saving someone who I really care about! Unlike Kate Winslet from Titanic."

Flashback.

Title reads "Titanic 3 months later." The character Rose is in bed with a younger gentleman. "It seems like I'm missing something but I don't know what." She faced Jack's picture and said, "I'm so screwed."

Flashback ends.

Peter unlocked the door to the Freezer Room and Lois gasped for air. "Peter! You saved me!"

Tom wiped the sweat off his head and said, "Mr. Griffin I apologize for my actions I made today. Is there anything in return I can do for you?"

Peter thought for a moment.

"You know Tom. I would like a promotion to sales." Peter said.

Everyone cheered. Tom looked at Johnson and said, "Johnson, you are now officially replacing Mr. Griffins job! I thought that I taught you the main rule of the factory. Respect your workers!"

Johnson didn't say anything and threw his fist down in anger.