Okay, so like, I've read so many nugget stories where the OC is a Mary-Sue. I got kind of sick of it, you know? So, I'm taking a stab at sarcasm, humor and parody and writing a MARY-SUE FIC! Pointing out all aspects of a Mary-Sue. I really hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own Leslie Anne Levine (It's a beautiful song by the Decemberists) or Death Note.

Enjoy, my loves.

My name is Leslie Anne Levine.

My father just killed my mom and then went to jail, so henceforth, I have to go to Wammy's because I'm a genius. Seriously, I'm like, so smart that my teachers didn't know what to do with me. Usually they just let me teach the class because I'm that smart. They even learned from me, because I read so much.

Of course, I'm really pretty, too, I'm average height and so thin you can feel my ribs poke through my skin. My boobs are huge and bounce around like a bowl of jello. My eyes aren't allowed to be a normal color because I'm a Mary-Sue so they're orange, and my hair is blonde and goes down to the middle of my back. I tend to brush it for hours every morning to make it shine like the sunlight. Oh! And I can see lifespans, because, now that I'm involved, and my author admires Beyond Birthday's powers, he can't be original anymore.

I have a really natural charm, so, even thought Watari is a highly pleasant, yet untalkative character, I've had him talking with me. And even though such a horrible incident has taken place I can still laugh and talk normally. Because no one mourns their parents after they die, it's not like we had a bond or anything. I'm all about the new friends. Actually, in a few chapters, after I've fallen in love with four different people who shower me with affection and presents, you'll find out I cut myself relentlessly. Because apparently, self-mutilation is widely acceptable in the Mary-Sue world.

Watari and I are definitely friends now. He's like, the grandpa who is still very alive and could be taking care of me. Buuuutttt, since I'm a Mary-Sue, I couldn't just go live with him, I mean, my mom was a teen mom and everything so he's only like, fifty-seven, but he could still die at any second! Wammy's decided it would be safer for them to go live with there, instead of risking my grandfather's death and all.

Now we're driving up the long, narrow driveway to Wammy's house, and I'm beginning to have second thoughts, which will definitely disappear the second I see the first hot boy. I look around at my surroundings, but since the whole story revolves around me, I won't tell you what they look like. It's a secret. Shhh!

The car stops, and since I'm all about influencing the children that are so obviously reading this story I UNBUCKLE MY SEATBELT! Because I definitely wore one. Because that's widely acceptable. Don't forget your seatbelt, everyone, or you'll end up cannibalized like Princess Di. Who's my sister, because I'm a Mary-Sue and we're just totally forgetting that my parents were horrible people. I'm royalty for the next few paragraphs, that is, until people ask my life story.

Since I'm soooooo thin and light, I can't open the huge red oak doors to the orphanage and have to have Watari (who is also carrying all my bags) do it for me. When we open the door to the main room, Roger is waiting to greet me, I smile hugely at him in the night, because, I forgot to tell you, but it's night time. Oops.

I hug him because he's so nice for taking me in and all. And he asks my name.

"Oh, I'm Leslie Anne Levine." I say, my voice is really annoying and high-pitched and bright because that's widely acceptable. I also have an accent from ALkdlskfjsfosdjflkjf dlkfmdshstjh, it's an undiscovered country, in a place no one knows about. I'm just that original. Pffft, no, my author did not just randomly hit keys along and below the homerow in a very neat but randomized order.

"Well, I have to give you an alias. It's going to be something totally unlike everyone else's and beautiful and mysterious. Just like you. So, how about...Ghost. Because it also has to be scary and dark, too. I mean, that's widely acceptable and everything."

"Oh, yes!" I mean, since everyone hits on me, I don't care that a man who easily surpasses fifty-five was just hitting on me. It's normal for girls between the ages of thirteen and nineteen to be hit on by men between the ages of fifty-five and sixty-three. Duh.

Also, since I easily bend the rules of ethics, morality, acceptability, and chastity, I don't have to share a room with a girl. I end up as Near's roommate, and like I said, as soon as I see the first hot boy, all doubts are lost.

He's soooooooo cute.

Even though he doesn't usually sleep at all he's sleeping right now, just so I can creepily stare at him like some sort of horny stalker. I may even daydream about him kissing me at some point. He's just that cute.

I touch his face, and even though he's supposedly a really light sleeper, he barely even stirs.

I decide to go to bed too, because it's night and I'm suddenly really exhausted. But first, I have to cut my wrist. Five orgasmic slashes on each wrist, and I'm done.

Sweet dreams.

A/N: I can't wait for the hate comments on this XD lawlz I laughed all through it, though. So, whatever. Leave me suggestions and stuff for the next chapter XDDDD!